Chapter 22
Brielle
Although it was probably best that I woke up alone this morning, it didn”t stop me from feeling discarded.
Sex has always been a form of punishment.
Last night, it was different.
Last night was life changing.
Last night, for the very first time in my life, it was my choice.
To roll over to find cold, empty sheets after such a big event left me deflated.
I”m sitting on the bed, watching television, and questioning everything, when the door opens back up.
It”s only nine forty-five, but I”ve been awake for almost two hours. I have no idea how long he”s been gone. He could”ve left right after I fell asleep, and I sort of hate him for making me comfortable around him. He not only had the ability to get out of bed without waking me, but he was able to get dressed as well before leaving the room.
”Hey,” he says, the chipperness in his voice sounding unfamiliar and misplaced. ”You”re awake.”
I lift the remote and turn up the volume. In my anger, I started watching the next episode of the show he loves because in the moment, it was the only thing I had control over.
”I had a meeting,” he says after he pulls the remote from my hand gently, turning down the volume. ”I didn”t want to wake you up.”
I stare at him, wondering which part is a lie, and considering that maybe all of it is.
I turn my head, swallowing my sadness, when he leans in to press his lips to mine.
I climb off the bed, opposite the side he”s standing on, but all I see is a little disappointment on his face. He doesn”t seem angry at me for rejecting him.
”Would you like to eat breakfast outside the room, or do you want me to bring you something in here?”
”Did you eat?” I ask.
”I had a cup of coffee.”
”At your meeting?” I challenge.
”Before my meeting,” he clarifies. ”Is there something wrong?”
I debate whether I should explain how I”m feeling,but this man doesn”t want to listen to a whiney woman. Hell, he probably wishes I”d just crawl back into the closet or leave altogether.
”I want to go back to the shelter.”
”We can”t let that happen.”
I narrow my eyes at him, but my irritation doesn”t force him to say anything else.
I take an angry step toward him, and I hate the way his lip twitches as if he wants to laugh at me.
”Is it your goal to make me feel like a prisoner again or is that part of Kincaid”s plan?”
”We aren”t holding you captive, Brielle.”
”You may not hurt me like Nathan and Xan did, but I still have no free will here.”
”If you really want to leave, I can have those arrangements made, but going back to the shelter here in Farmington isn”t an option. Nathan Adair, as you well know, has a very wide reach, and Cerberus will not allow you to compromise the safety of those other women and children. The shelter you stayed at is now an empty house, and disclosing their new location won”t happen.”
”I would never give that information to anyone,” I say, the lie bitter on my tongue.
Nathan has a way of always getting what he wants, and I”m no exception to that.
”I believe you,” he says, a sad smile on his face. ”Now that Nathan knows you”re connected to both Cerberus and Farmington, your options are limited. Tell me now, Brielle. Do you want to leave town?”
I open my mouth to demand they just let me leave, but I know better. I have no resources, no money, no plan.
”I really like you,” I say, the truth of it taking the bitterness out of my mouth from my previous words.
He takes a step closer to me. ”And I really like you.”
Despite the comfort and care he”s provided me since I got here, I still can”t help but flinch when he lifts his hand.
”Sorry,” I mutter, leaning into his touch when he presses his palm to my cheek.
”Don”t ever apologize for the damage caused by those who hurt you. It may take forever, but you need to forgive yourself. None of it was your fault.”
Oh, how I wish his words were the truth.
”Can we do brunch instead of breakfast?” I ask with hope in my voice.
”That request sounds like you already have something in mind.”
”I was hoping we could have another one of those turkey sandwiches,” I tell him with an easy smile as I step a little closer to him.
He doesn”t hesitate to lower his lips to mine, and, just like the kisses we”ve shared before this one, I don”t cringe or have to fight the urge to vomit as I”ve done for so many years.
This man is special to me, and I know that will cause me problems down the road. For now, I”ll just let myself enjoy everything he has to offer.
He doesn”t urge me back onto the bed. The man presses his lips gently to mine and lets me take the lead, only opening his mouth to mine when I swipe my tongue over his lips.
We groan at the same time, each of us swallowing down the other”s pleasure.
He presses against me, but he doesn”t force me to take a step back. When I make that decision for both of us, he stays locked in place, our kissing breaking apart.
”What”s wrong?” I ask.
”We”re supposed to be heading to the kitchen for turkey sandwiches.”
”You”d rather have a turkey sandwich than me?” I ask, trying to be playful when I know his answer has the ability to really hurt my feelings.
”Never doubt that I want you, Brielle,” he says. ”But I”m also not going to make love to you a couple of minutes after a fight. I can”t trust that you”re doing it for the right reasons and not because you want my forgiveness.”
”Ouch,” I mutter. ”Thanks for the brutal honesty.”
”I”m not going to lie to you,” he says, stepping forward and taking my hand in his. ”There will be plenty of time for every thought you have running through that pretty head of yours, I promise.”
I bite my lower lip when he presses a sweet kiss on my cheek.
”So, what you”re saying is you don”t really want me right now,” I say, trying to sound like a tease, but still feeling the sting of his rejection.
He pulls me to his chest, and a slight roll of his hips tells me everything I need to hear.
”Never doubt how much I want you.”
”Okay,” I whisper, trying to shove down the need that surges inside of me when he presses his erection to me.
”Come on. I”m hungry.”
”Are you really going out there hard?”
”So long as you either walk beside me or behind me I”ll be fine.”
”And if I walk in front of you?”
”Let”s not even risk it,” he says, a playful smile on his face.
I plant my feet on the floor, letting our hands fall apart when he walks toward the door.
”You were in a mood when you came in here. Tell me why.”
He”s frowning when he turns back around to face me.
”The meeting we had wasn”t the greatest. We got old news, but it was... rough.”
”You don”t have to pretend around me,” I tell him, leaning forward and pressing my lips to his cheek. ”This goes both ways, you know.”
His arm comes around my waist as he pulls me to him once again, only this time, he squeezes me like I”m valuable to him rather than just a toy he wants to play with for a while.
The kitchen is busy when we enter, a mix of people making breakfast foods and some, like us, who have some more savory options in mind.
I try not to look in Beth”s direction even though we”re sharing space. I don”t try and confront her or force her to talk to me, and she seems at least accepting that we might be sharing space.
Beck stays right at my side, carrying on a conversation with me as if we”re the only two people in the room. I know he”s doing it so I feel more comfortable, but I”m also saddened with the way things have turned out where Beth is concerned.
Then again, maybe she has the right idea of rejecting me. The people around me get hurt, and I know that places every person in this room in danger.
I want to cry when I see Gigi”s little girl run from the room with a donut held high over her head. Her dad chases after her. I”d be terrified for the devious little girl if he didn”t have a huge smile on his face. The man clearly loves his daughter, and I can say I didn”t know that was possible until I came here. In my world, daddies want to hurt their little girls, but the men here would lay down their lives for other men”s children, not just their own.
I hate that I might be the catalyst that forces them to make that choice.