Chapter 36
Brielle
He has to know the danger he has put me in, but as I stare at the darkness under my eyes, I have to wonder if it really even matters any longer.
Nathan will get his vengeance. Why not try and live while I still have the chance? There isn”t much more that I can do to make things worse where my stepfather is concerned.
If he”s able to get his hands on me again, I doubt he”ll waste time punishing me like he did today. It”s something I”ll be blamed for of course.
My reflection looks sallow and exhausted, and I feel as if I”m inches away from death.
The cracked mirror runs a line across my face as if I”m just like the scarred man who was standing over my bed.
I have so many questions.
Why did he kill the other man?
Was he trying to help me?
Was it even about me at all?
The sight of red catches my eye, and I turn my face to see a spot on my neck that Beck missed when he attempted to clean me up.
Instead of wanting to wipe it away, I have to wonder what it would feel like to chip away a part of the mirror and run the glass down that pulsing area of my throat.
I swallow as tears threaten once again.
There isn”t a single thing in my life that I control, but my death is something in my power right now.
I pull in a ragged breath, knowing I don”t want to die. I never really have. I”ve wanted to get things over with quickly when everything else seemed hopeless, but I never wanted to be gone. I wanted things to be different.
My chest heaves as I try to keep myself from sobbing uncontrollably.
I want to be loved.
I want to be worthy of protection.
I want to be valued and cherished.
I pull off my clothes, tossing them into a pile. They were items bought by Nathan and, despite the expense of the fine fabrics, they feel like sandpaper on my skin.
I don”t bother to wait for the water to warm before stepping under the spray.
I can”t get Ruby”s voice out of my head and her insistence that everyone I touch in my life is another person on Nathan”s hit list.
I hate that I was a coward, that I chose myself over every person Nathan has ever hurt.
Tears are running down my face when the bathroom door opens. I”m glad for the water coating my skin because I”m tired of him seeing the weakest parts of me. I believe the man loves me, but he”ll only grow disappointed with me.
”Not a very strong lock,” he says with a sad smile hitching his thumb over his shoulder. ”I just couldn”t stay out there while you were in here.”
I know it”s purposeful that he doesn”t ask if he can join me before he starts pulling off his clothes. He”s not going to risk me telling him no because being the man that he is would mean he”d have to listen. I can see by the look in his eyes that he doesn”t want to be anywhere else other than with me.
He doesn”t pay any attention to his semi-erect cock as he kicks away his boots and then his jeans.
He doesn”t hesitate to pull me to his chest the second he steps into the shower with me. I press my nose into his neck, my tears doubling. It takes only two breaths before I wrap my arms around his waist and cling to him.
I feel the breath of relief that escapes his body as if he had no clue how I”d react to him being in here with me. I hate that I put that doubt into him. I hate how I spoke to him, and the lies I told him.
I needed him away, but I know now that it doesn”t matter how much I love him back, the universe never sides in my favor. Nathan must”ve sold his soul to the devil because he always manages to come out on top. This situation will be no different, but I can stay in his arms until the evil I brought into his life rips us apart. Honestly, it”s the best either of us can hope for.
”I love you,” he whispers, his lips against the top of my head.
”I don”t deserve you,” I say, the truth of it makes my heart ache.
”I”ll keep saying it until you believe it.”
I sob in his arms, but I can”t tell him that I believe him, that I believed him the first time he said it.
Beck helps me with my hair, shampooing and conditioning it the best he can with the low water pressure the motel room provides. He steps out and grabs my loofah from my bag and my body gel before soaping up my body in the most economical way possible. He makes no overtures despite it being clear that even upset with the threat of death hanging over our heads, he”s still attracted to me.
I stand back while he washes himself, his hands a lot rougher on his own skin than they ever have been on mine, and when he”s done, he urges me out of the shower and runs the thin towel provided over my skin.
”You deserve a better hotel,” he mutters.
”This is fine,” I answer, knowing why we”re here rather than a place that would require a credit card on file.
He drove around for nearly an hour before finding this place, and I know there was purpose in that as well. He had to make sure that we weren”t being followed.
He dries himself quickly before pulling clothes from my bag and helping me into them.
I feel precious and cared for as he tends to me, and I follow him into the bedroom part of the room. He tugs sweats and a t-shirt from his own bag, getting dressed quickly.
Pressing a palm to my back when he approaches, he urges me toward the bed.
I freeze when a thump hits the door from the outside.
”Easy,” he says. ”That”s someone from my team.”
”You”re sure?”
”Yes, baby. I never would”ve left us both vulnerable in the shower if I didn”t have someone out there.”
I climb into the bed, reveling in his warmth when he slides between the sheets with me.
When he wraps his arms around me, pulling me to his chest, I cling to him, more tears leaking from my eyes.
I don”t deserve any of this. I haven”t earned the love he”s offering, but I find myself being incredibly selfish at the moment.
I know I could easily get lost in him again the way I did back in New Mexico, but there is no bubble here in the middle of Ohio. Pretending that the evil world I”ve been a part of nearly my entire life doesn”t exist would be foolish.
”Thank you for not giving up on me,” I whisper against his chest.
”I need you to know that I never will,” he vows. ”No matter what happens. You”re mine until my last breath.”
I believe him, God, do I believe this man. Somehow it also feels like punishment because I”ve learned that wanting things and having things only leads to disappointment when they”re gone. But I also know life is short, and finding someone who cares so deeply doesn”t happen every day.
”I haven”t decided if you”re brave or stupid,” I mutter, my fingers curling into his chest. ”The way you just walked up and knocked on that door. You could”ve gotten yourself killed.”
”It all worked out how it was supposed to,” he whispers as his hand traces circles on my back.
”I wanted to go to you. It was so hard not to run into your arms,” I confess.
He squeezes me tighter, and it tells me that he had doubts, that I played my part as Nathan”s daughter and my loyalty to my family very well.
”I”ll take the love you”re offering for as long as you”re willing to offer it,” I say, knowing that there”s a chance there will come a time that he decides I”m not worth the risk, and I”ll have to be okay with it.
Silence swarms around us, and I know both of us need sleep but neither of us will get any tonight.
”This is far from over,” I murmur, my body finally accepting that although I may not be safe in the long run, I”m safe at this moment in his arms. ”Nathan isn”t the type to just give up.”
”I know, baby, but you have some pretty amazing men and women willing to fight to protect you.”
I pull in a deep breath, wanting to argue my worth once again but knowing it will get me nowhere right now.
”Cerberus is my family, and since I love you that makes them your family too. We protect our family.”
”I feel like I betrayed all of them,” I confess. ”With the way I snuck out of the courthouse.”
”You betrayed no one, Brielle. Fear can make people do a lot of insane shit, and no one faults you for trying to escape.”
”I have so many mistakes to account for,” I whisper, my voice growing ragged and clogged with emotion. ”A lot of begging for forgiveness.”
”There”s nothing to be forgiven,” he assures me, pressing his lips to the top of my head.
I want to believe him, and I think there”s a part of me that does, but I”ve never been a part of something that isn”t a hundred percent transactional. I grew up needing to pay my way, be it for food and shelter or simply because Nathan or Xan showed me mercy. Nothing in life is free, and if Beck”s telling me differently, then I”ll have to reevaluate everything I know.