Chapter 6 Elizabeth
ELIZABETH
@pancakesareelite:
What do you do when you’re getting anxious?
@theanswerisno:
Can’t get anxious if you stay anxious
@theanswerisno:
Follow me for more helpful tips
Working with Mr. Carden was challenging, but learning about bridge design was even harder. After a week of assisting one of the other engineers, I was glad to be back with Roads.
Even though Mr. Carden was too busy to assist me.
Today, he rushed around and was pulled in a million directions. From where I sat, it was clear that any question from me would be the straw that broke the camel’s back—a well-defined back that I sometimes looked at a little too long when he leaned over a drawing and studied it.
Toward the end of the day, he burst into our office. With panicked eyes, he took in my packed bag. “Are you on your way out? What time is it?”
I glanced at my phone. “It’s six forty-five.”
“Already?” His shoulders slumped.
My fingers found the zipper on my bag. “I assumed you wouldn’t have time to review anything today, but I can stay.”
“No. Don’t. Apologies. I know I’ve ignored you all day. I’ve been dealing with crisis after crisis.” He blew out a long breath.
This was the most he’d said to me all week. A winning streak. Could I get it to continue? “Is there anything I could do to help?”
“No. But I’m glad I caught you.” He flipped through his notebook and tore out three sheets of paper.
“I scribbled down some notes during one of my many mind-numbing meetings. You can read through them in the morning.” He placed them on my desk without looking at me and then walked over to his side of the office.
“I need to reply to this email, and I’d like to leave in the next ten minutes, so I really have to… ”
“Focus.” I slid the notes into my bag.
He nodded.
Behind his stern expression were lines of exhaustion. And I wasn’t making his life any easier.
“Got it. See you tomorrow, Mr. Carden,” I said as I walked out the door and closed it behind me. Maybe if the door was shut, everyone would give him a second to breathe.
By the time I got home, all I wanted was to fall into someone’s arms and forget about work. But instead, I heated up a bowl of ramen and pulled out Mr. Carden’s notes.
I dropped my head on my desk and groaned. More problems. More corrections. Mr. Carden detailed why everything was wrong. How were there even more errors than before? Wasn’t I supposed to be getting better at this?
I wondered what Mr. Carden would say about me in his evaluation of my progress. He’s given me a chance with some incredible projects, but I wasn’t very good. He didn’t seem like the type to pull punches.
Admittedly, my first impression of him was way off. Lincoln Carden was always gentle and kind, even though speaking to me seemed to scare the life out of him.
I scanned through the rest of his notes. After the listed errors and explanations, he offered solutions and a handful of tips and tricks for the software. I read them again, committing them to memory. His handwriting was not easy to read, but it was absolutely gorgeous… much like he was.
Do not think about how handsome your boss is.
Tucking the paper into my drawer, I pulled out my laptop and felt an inkling of relief at the mere thought of playing a game with Link.
Being the most reliable person in the world, he was already there waiting for me in the lobby—along with a few other people we sometimes gamed with.
Joining the engineering gaming server was a stroke of genius and a desperate attempt to connect to people without having to tell anyone who I was, who my stepdad was…
There were thousands of members, both current and ex-students across all the various engineering disciplines, plus a few non-engineers who’d slipped through the cracks.
And I loved the anonymity and chaos that came along with it.
I never expected to find someone like Link.
I especially didn’t expect him to stick around with the scraps of information I shared.
Granted, I was being fed scraps in return.
It was highly unlikely that the account with a Legend of Zelda avatar was truly run by someone named Link.
But that didn’t matter. What mattered was that Link was there whenever I needed him and expected nothing in return except a gaming partner.
@theanswerisno:
Good week so far?
@pancakesareelite:
Dreadful. You?
@theanswerisno:
Nightmarish.
@pancakesareelite:
Winner gets to complain.
@theanswerisno:
Prepare to hear the whiniest whines you’ve ever heard.
I slipped into my nightgown and curled up on the chair at my desk. The weight of the week lightened as we teamed up against a swarm of zombies—who ended up eating us.
@theanswerisno:
In a strange turn of events, we both lost. What now?
I grinned and replied: I don’t remember what I wanted to complain about.
This was my favorite part. After the game. Where we’d just talk.
@theanswerisno:
Neither do I. So, in a way, I’d say we won?
My cheeks were fixed in a smile. It always was with him. Strange how this stranger managed to do that.
What’s your weekend looking like? I asked.
@theanswerisno:
I have a tedious meeting tomorrow, Saturday I need to learn how to fix a faucet, and then on Sunday, I think I’ll have to fix said faucet. How about you?
I was hoping we’d spend the entire weekend playing together, I backspaced that almost as quickly as I’d typed it. The last time I flirted a little too intimately with Link, it had scared him off. Instead of the embarrassing truth, I said: I’m going out for dinner.
Which wasn’t true. It wasn’t entirely a lie either. I could end up going out for dinner. I just needed to find a date first.
I stood and stretched my legs. It took three steps to put my bowl in the kitchen sink and three steps to my bed. That was about the extent of my apartment, which was tinier than the bedroom I’d grown up in.
But it was mine, and aside from the outright strange rules set by my landlord, I could do whatever I wanted. My time in what could easily be called a mansion was more claustrophobic than these four walls.
Spark welcomed me back as I opened the dating app and started swiping. I wasn’t particularly picky, and I knew how to flirt. Knowing what to say and how to charm people was something I was taught very early on in my household.
A message popped up in-app: I have a fetish for redheads with great tits.
A sigh was born in the depths of my soul. I give up. I closed the app and did something better. I called my grandmother.
“Hello?” she answered with a croak.
“I’m sorry, Gran. Did I wake you?”
“This old bat doesn’t sleep, you know that.” She cackled. “How are you, my Lily? How’s work been? I’ve been meaning to call, but I’m still sorting through your grandpa’s things since his final checkout.”
“Gran!” I said, my mouth dropping open. That was how she referred to my grandpa’s death. He’d suffered for so long that we’d mourned him while he was alive and his passing was a mercy.
She only laughed louder. “That’s what I get for marrying an older man. I should have gone for his assistant, but nope, I went for the boss.” I could hear her lighting a cigarette. “Speaking of bosses, how’s your new boss? What’s he like?”
“He’s… good.”
“Good… at what?” she asked. “Good in bed?” Another cheeky cackle.
“At his job! Behave!” I couldn’t help but burst out laughing too. “I also meant that he seems like, maybe, a good person, because I kinda suck at this job, and he’s still nice to me.”
“As he should be. If he wasn’t, I’d have to have words with him. You’re my favorite granddaughter after all.”
“I’m your only granddaughter!” My walls crumbled around my grandmother, and I told her everything about work, the managers, and the other interns.
“Why couldn’t you apply for a normal job like a normal graduate? This internship sounds like a battle royale.”
“First, I love a battle royale. Second, Simucon pays more than other firms. If I get this job, I could pay you back.”
“Lily,” she said, calling me by the nickname she’d given me.
There could only be one Elizabeth Gray, and I could never live up to how incredible she was.
“I never asked to be paid back,” she said.
“I know, but I also know you need it, even though you’ll say you don’t.
I’ve just discovered how expensive your insulin is.
You can’t fool me.” I swallowed the lump of guilt climbing in my throat, and before she could protest, I continued.
“Third, there aren’t that many companies hiring junior roads and transport engineers right now. ”
“And…?”
I took a long, deep breath before stating the next reason, the real reason.
“And finally, with Douglas’s surname, it’s hard to tell what was given to me because of him and what was earned.
He’ll claim my every victory until I can prove he had nothing to do with it.
” I blew out a long, slow breath. “And I know I should be grateful. People would kill to be in my position, but it’s not fair to anyone.
I hate it. But this internship’s final test is completely anonymous.
It might be the one and only chance to see if I could do something without him. ”
My grandmother hissed. “I can’t wait to see you prove him wrong.”
“I hope I don’t prove him right,” I said, my chest shuddering at the thought of his smug expression. “I never told you about what happened the night I left… How come you never asked?”
“I was so happy, Lily. So relieved. I knew you’d tell me eventually, once you’d processed it all. I didn’t think it would take two entire years.”
I fell backward onto my pillow and grumbled, “It kind of started and ended because of engineering. I mean, he was always awful, but I didn’t see it, I didn’t realize.
I thought a man with his success and reputation had somehow earned the right to be difficult.
He took every opportunity to remind me that everything I had, I had because of him.
Until I started studying. He didn’t want me to.
He said it was a waste of his money and my time because there was no way I was capable.
My stupid twenty-year-old self believed him and I dropped out. ”
My gran tutted. “I bet he was thrilled.”
“Oh, yes. He was so kind and supportive after that. He took Mom and me around the world on a de-stressing adventure, and when I returned, he shoved me into modeling. But I didn’t enjoy it.
Mom noticed and, without telling him, drove me down to SDSU, where we spent the day wandering around the campus.
I didn’t realize at the time, but she wanted me to get away from Douglas and UCLA was still too close to home. ”
A whoosh of air came through the line. Gran’s voice cracked. “Your mother never told me that.”
“She wouldn’t, because afterward we drove home and pretended it never happened.
When my application was accepted, I broke the news to Douglas and he lost his mind.
He reminded me of how I failed the first time around and promised me I’d fail this time too.
Mom tried soothing him—she even took the fall—but his rage-filled eyes were focused on me.
I was so scared I ran to my room and considered staying there forever.
But in the middle of the night, when Douglas was asleep, Mom came to me, gave me a handful of cash, and told me to leave.
That was the night I showed up on your doorstep. ”
“Oh, Lily,” my grandmother whispered. “It was one of the best and worst nights of my life. I’d never seen you so devastated.
” Sizzling rage underlined her next words.
“But I’d hoped and prayed that you and your mother would get away from him.
He knew and hated me for it.” She took a deep breath and coughed.
“You did the right thing. And look at you now, participating in a battle royale.”
I laughed, but a tear slid down my cheek. “I just don’t understand why she’s there. Why hasn’t she left? Why didn’t she leave with me?”
“Do you honestly think he’ll let his wife walk out?
Lily, he’s barely let go of you. Darling, men like Douglas are powerful for a reason.
” My gran’s voice dropped back down to its usual rasp.
“Your mother was once a strong and independent woman, but as soon as she fell in love with him, she lost herself and was entirely consumed by it. Despite how complex she is, she’s very simple when it comes to love.
All the Gray women are. It’s our only weakness. ”
“Not mine,” I huffed out.
“Mmm…” From the sound of it, my grandmother lit another cigarette. “Not yet.”