Chapter 21
Sam
The fingers of my right hand were tapping an incessant rhythm on my phone, which I knew was probably irritating Lock down at the dock. He had his feet in the water and looked relaxed, but I could feel the occasional little tick of annoyance. To be fair, I’d told him I would join him in a few minutes and now it had been twenty.
In my other hand, I was working on bringing the orange smoke to the surface. Raf said it was called fumo because apparently everything had to be fucking complicated. I, however, would be calling it what it was. Smoke.
Raf wanted me to learn how to command it easily, like it was an extension of myself. I was supposed to have such a firm grasp on it that I could concentrate it into individual fingers or specific parts of my hand. Once I could do that, we’d move on to the rest of my body. Then, there were about a hundred different ways to use the shit.
Maybe that was dramatic, but there were a lot. He’d been doing this for a hundred years and he somehow expected me to figure this out easily.
On top of that, I had other magic types we didn’t even understand yet. We had no idea how many I had, though he said those that came out when I was out of control were likely the extent of it. That left me with fire, water, and whatever made me summon that storm. Air? I had no fucking clue.
Was the ice part of water or was it separate? Did the lightning go along with the storm thing or was it in some electricity class? We knew jack shit and it made me panic. Apparently, anxiety had followed me into my undead existence. Just my luck.
Deciding to take control of one part of my life, I picked up the phone and hit the call button I’d been staring at for half an hour. With every ring, I worried I would throw up. I didn’t know if my body could do that, but if so, it would be disgusting. Blood and coffee. That was a stain I didn’t want to be responsible for cleaning up.
“Holy shit,” Alex nearly shouted when he answered. “Sam?”
“Uh, yeah. That’s what it says, right?” I asked with a forced laugh.
“Yeah, but I thought I must be going crazy. It’s been weeks since I heard from you. I’ve been worried sick.”
“I know. I’m sorry. There has been a lot going on.”
“Yeah, I get it,” he replied, his tone so soft that I wanted to cry and wrap him in my arms.
That was something I couldn’t do, though. Even when I was confident my own bloodlust was under control, continuing to see him would put him in danger. Why I was calling him now, I didn’t really know. He was easily my best friend and while I knew protecting him was a priority, I’d been dying to hear his voice since I woke up.
“How are you doing?” I asked, hoping he didn’t hear the way my voice was trembling.
“Oh, you know. I’m getting ready for Winter quarter to start and I already know it’s gonna suck because of this break we had.”
“You’re starting your next program, yeah?”
He groaned dramatically, then it sounded like he dropped onto his bed or couch. It was strange that I could pick up so many sounds now and it wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be to filter through them, so long as there weren’t too many things going on.
“I’ve thought about calling it quits at least twenty times and I haven’t even started yet.”
“No quitting,” I said firmly. “You’re going to be a model student, then the dopest psychologist that ever psychologist-ed.”
His laugh brought a smile to my face automatically. “I’ll try, but the thought of spending six years in this program has me wanting to gouge my eyes out with a spoon.”
“That’s terrible. I think a melon baller would be more effective.”
“Been torturing a lot of people these days, Sam?”
“Totally. I’ve been MIA because I’ve been taking lessons from the best in the business.”
He’d never know how accurate that statement was. I even heard Lock chuckle, the eavesdropping bastard.
“We have to get together,” Alex suggested. “Maybe coffee. When is your next day off?”
“Oh, uh, I’m actually on vacation right now.”
“Damn. Living the dream. How long will you be gone?”
“It’s sort of open-ended at the moment.”
It was silent for at least a minute and I wondered if he was just going to make this easy for me and drop me as a friend. If there was an award for shittiest friend, it would have my name on it.
“You’re not avoiding me, right?” he asked.
“I’m the one who called you, buddy. I want to hang out. Things are just hectic right now and we’re taking a much-needed breather.”
“I understand, Red. Honestly, I was a little worried you were choosing Mark and leaving me high and dry.”
“I’d never do that, Alex.”
“Good. If Lock proposes on your trip, you’d better say no. That’s a red flag this early.”
I stared down at the ring on my finger. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Love you, Sam. Don’t be a stranger please. I don’t bite.”
“Right,” I laughed. “I love you too.”
As I held the phone in my lap, a tear dropped onto the screen. I hated that my body was incapable of most mortal functions, but I could still cry. Evolution was clearly a cold-hearted bitch.
The intensity of my emotions awoke something hot in my chest. Focusing on it, I tried to guide it toward my hand. The squirmy fucker was hard to latch onto, but I closed my eyes and imagined creating a current that forced it to move in the direction I wanted.
This magic- or energy or whatever the fuck it was- belonged to me. It was inside of my body and, in theory, I could become its master. If all of the Arks before me could do it, I would as well. I didn’t need a whole, complete Nexus.
I didn’t think of myself as special, but I did sometimes believe that things happened for a reason, especially when it came to nature. Maybe it was a live, conscious thing or maybe everything was a cosmic accident. Either way, I wanted to believe that I was this way for a reason. It may not have anything to do with protecting the world or defeating some evil hobgoblin in the shadows, but obviously some things worked out in mysterious ways.
Raf found me when I needed him most in that storm cellar. Lock walked into some random, run down bar in a shitty area of town and met his mate. That brought me into contact with Raf again, the only other member of my circle. It meant something. It had to.
My hand heated, the sensation not enough to burn me, but noticeable. I stared at the orange smoke swirling gracefully around my fingers, weaving between them. When I thought about focusing it into my index finger, it gathered together and followed my instructions. It heated further when I told it to and dulled to a human body temperature at my whim.
In my excitement, I accidentally made it spike. My skin sizzled, the scent of it hitting my senses before the pain did. I clenched my teeth to keep from crying out, then forced the smoke to dissipate.
“Sam,” Lock chided, taking my hand. He bit into his thumb and pushed it to my lips. Once his blood entered my system, the healing sped up and I was able to breathe easier.
“It’s fine. I didn’t think it could hurt me, but apparently it can, so that makes this whole thing scarier.”
“Fire angel!” Lock bellowed.
“Don’t do that,” I hissed, shoving at his shoulder. He just grinned like a misbehaving toddler.
Raf appeared in a cloud of dark smoke, then materialized in front of us. Now that I’d changed, I could watch it all unfold and it was pretty damn cool to see his body reform itself.
“Do you have to holler at me? I do have a phone, you know.”
“I don’t have your number,” Lock pointed out. “I would very much like to.”
From the twinkle in his eye, I figured he would be sending Raf endless messages to annoy him. He’d probably send pictures of old man balls or something. It was pretty funny to think about, actually.
“I have a question,” I said before they could start their squabbling.
“Fine.” Raf motioned for me to go on.
“The fire burned me. How?”
He raised a brow. “It’s fire, Sam.”
“Well, it doesn’t hurt you.”
“Didn’t you say it was the same when you were human?” Lock asked, settling beside me on the steps.
Raf leaned against the railing, absently swirling smoke around his fingers the way I had. Even from here, I could feel how hot it was. Showoff.
“This is my innate ability,” he said. “I am the fire as much as it is me.”
“I hate this already,” Lock muttered.
“It’s part of me is what I’m saying. My very essence possesses this flame. It runs through my veins, the makeup of my blood contains it. That is what it means to be the Eternal Flame.”
“That sounds made-up,” I said, scrunching my nose.
“Everything is made-up.”
“Okay,” Lock drew out the word. “That still doesn’t explain why it can harm Sam. It’s a part of her.”
“Sure, she possesses it, but it doesn’t belong to her. It will bow to her if she learns how to make it, but everything she possesses is an amalgamation of others. My fire is a part of that and she only possesses the means to wield it.”
“How am I supposed to wield it in any meaningful way if it’ll hurt me?” I wondered.
“That’s part of what your Nexus is there for. With me alongside you, I would contribute to your power, as well as tame our shared energy and protect you.”
“Sounds like I’m pretty useless on my own, then.”
He sighed, running a hand down his face. “There are other ways you can protect yourself. Utilizing your other abilities in order to combat the effects of the fire, for instance. You can use your magic just as effectively as I can and the real strength lies in your ability to harness all of them. Realistically, though, a Nexus was made to be together, so yes, you’re not all that useful, all things considered.”
“Will I ever have a perfect grasp on this?”
“No. On your own, you’ll always be slightly unstable and at risk of losing control.”
My stomach felt acidic from his words. “Why don’t you want to be with me?” I asked, barely above a whisper.
I was going to blame our mysterious connection for the emotion I was feeling right now. In a way, it felt like he was rejecting me, even though I knew there was more to it. I just wished he would spill the beans.
Raf’s teeth were grinding and he’d turned to look at the lake. I thought he wasn’t going to answer, but then he met my gaze.
“I can’t. That’s all that matters.”
“No, it isn’t. Maybe I can help you.”
“There’s nothing to be done, Sam. Drop it.”
“You said we’re stronger together. Just fucking try.”
“I’ll be back tomorrow. I have things to do.”
He shifted to smoke and shot into the sky. Tears stung my eyes and Lock put an arm around me, rubbing my shoulder.
“Fuck him,” he said.
“That doesn’t help.”
“I know, but it’s all I have. How about I eat your pussy until you feel better?”
“It would probably be years.”
“I can do that.”
I laughed a little and he pressed a kiss to my temple.
“You know,” he mused. “I was just thinking about the woman that was so intent on getting her way that she marched into my office not once, but twice, and demanded my attention.”
“Why were you thinking of that?”
“Because I can imagine if that woman was a vampire with extraordinary gifts- and an impeccable ass, I might add- she wouldn’t let some mediocre country singer bring her to tears while she just sat by idly. I wonder what exactly she’d do.”
Meeting his gaze, I couldn’t help but smile. Fuck, I loved him. With all of the bullshit the past couple weeks, we hadn’t felt like us. This right here suddenly felt like what I imagined it would be like when I changed.
“I love you,” I said, kissing him quickly before ungracefully shifting into smoke and following Raf’s trail. He may have disguised his scent, but I could feel the imprint of his magic in the air. He thought I was too dumb to figure any of this out, but I was learning some of it on my own.
Running and hiding was for bitches. I’d hunt him down like an animal. I had a feeling it had been a while since he’d fought someone capable of beating him. Well, buddy, I was capable. Maybe. Fifty-fifty.