Chapter Seventeen
Seventeen
Nico
W hy did I have the constant urge to punish everything in my vicinity, including myself, which left me with no choice but to either unleash my rage or numb it? Doc had pronounced just that morning that I wasn’t an addict in the true sense of the word—just deeply wounded and coping the best way I knew how. Honestly, I wasn’t sure there was much of a difference.
JJ stared at me with those big blue eyes of hers like I was crazy. “Tainted?”
I wished then I hadn’t said a word. I hadn’t even told Prissy about the toast incident. It had just slid into my mind and spilled out of my mouth in a moment of weakness after our night at the pub. Things just got too real, too fast, and fantasy was starting to feel too much like reality. I needed to give us both a dose of that to get us back on solid ground before we did something stupid.
“Yeah, princess,” I bit out, a bitter bark to my words now. “You telling me your daddy never whipped you with an electric cord before? Never made you shovel snow in just your underwear until you thought you’d lose your toes?”
Fresh tears crowded her eyes, but I pressed on as a fresh wave of fury filled me, even though I knew I wasn’t angry with her.
“Never shaved your head so the kids at school would laugh at you just to make a point?” I sniffled and wiped at the heat in my own eyes. “Never threw you across the room when you tried to get between him and your mom when he was trying to choke her out?”
“Stop,” she cried, her voice hoarse. “Just... stop.”
“Yeah, okay.” I shook my head and spun away so she could hide from the ugliness that I couldn’t escape from. “Like I said... tainted.”
A moment later, I felt her at my back. Her forehead dropped between my shoulder blades as her hands wrapped around my torso. “Did anyone else know? Did anyone ever try to help?”
I cupped my hands over hers as my head fell at the memory. “The neighbors called the cops once or twice, but my mom refused to tell them the truth, so nothing happened.”
She pressed a kiss to my back and squeezed me tight. “I don’t know what to say, Nico.”
There was nothing to say. My father was a piece of shit; my mother was not strong enough to leave, and I was the bruised apple that hadn’t fallen too far from the tree. By some miracle, my brother seemed to be doing alright, which was at least something.
“Does he... is she safe?” she asked, her voice soft.
I squeezed my eyes closed. I’d wondered the same thing a million times myself. “She swears he hasn’t done anything like that since I moved out. Just drinks and yells a lot now, she claims.”
I felt her frown at my back. “You believe her?”
“I have to,” I said. “Or I’ll go insane.”
“That’s why you check in with her so often.” It wasn’t a question.
“Yeah.”
We stood there in silence for a long time, and it was one of the most healing things I’d ever experienced. She didn’t push me to talk about it or ask me dumb questions. She just held me, our fingers laced, our left hands cupped over our right so those rings glinted in the low light of our room.
Eventually, I turned so we were hugging, and in a move as natural as breathing, our mouths found each other.
“You’re nothing like him,” she whispered against my lips, giving voice to my deepest, darkest fear. “You never could be,” she insisted, her fingers tangled in my hair, holding me captive as I tried to shake my head in denial. “You’re too good.”
I groaned in pain, even as I selfishly took the comfort she offered, unable to help myself. I wasn’t too good. I wasn’t good at all. I hadn’t been able to see anything but darkness since I’d left that place. I thought I’d escaped it, but I’d only traded one prison for another, and as it turned out, the one in my mind had much stronger bars.
“Nico,” she said, getting my attention focused back on her. “Tell me you know that.”
I looked into her eyes and saw that she meant it. Doc had told me something similar and I’d been working my way through it, but the emotional landmines of my past were pretty volatile. “I’m trying.”
She dipped her head in acknowledgment, her fingers moving to toy with the buttons on my shirt. “Can I tell you a secret?”
“Sure.” I swallowed as she slipped one button free, exposing an inch of my chest.
“Earlier?” She glanced up at me, her eyes impossibly wide and beautiful before they dipped back down to the task of her fingers. “When you said you might have more than a crush on me?”
Another button popped free, but I didn’t move a muscle. “What about it?”
“It made me wish...” She bit her bottom lip as she worked two more buttons loose until my shirt hung open, my chest exposed to her roving eyes.
“Wish what, Jemma?”
Those killer baby blues locked on me. “I wish I’d never met Brody. Never said yes to him.” She reached up and traced a fingernail down the design inked on my pec toward my nipple. “It made me wish I wore your ring first and...”
I sucked in a breath when her nail raked my abs and hit my belt buckle. “And, what?” At this point, I’d give her anything if she’d just keep going.
She shook her head, her gaze locked on the hardening length beneath my jeans.
I took a step in her direction, but she didn’t take her hand away.
Emboldened, I slid my own hand over hers and slid her palm over my erection, making us both take a deep breath as we each remembered what I’d told her about my body belonging to her. “Tell me, JJ... and what ?”
Her fingers scraped over denim as she tentatively toyed with her ownership. “And I wished you could love me.”
“JJ—”
“Someday,” she hurried to add. “But it was just a stupid, fleeting fantasy. I was caught up in the moment. Please don’t make a big deal about it.”
“Yeah, okay.” I dipped my head to nip at her throat and I felt her relax like she hadn’t meant to confess that. But then why tell me at all?
She was already melted into me as I suckled and licked my way up her throat to whisper in her ear. “But can I tell you a secret too?” I tugged her earlobe between my teeth and slid my hand up under her shirt to skate along her ribs, feeling the goosebumps rise in my wake. “Would that be fair?”
She hummed her agreement as she pushed my shirt off my shoulders and kissed my chest.
I used the bend of my finger to tip her face up to mine, making sure I had her focus. “I could love you, Jemma.”
Her eyes cleared. “Nico...”
I cut her off with a kiss. There was no need for words. What was there to say? We’d freefallen off a cliff without parachutes straight onto the crazy train with no clue where the hell we were heading. I’d been down for that kind of thing my whole life, but I wasn’t sure she was, so the way I saw it, I was the one set up to lose here.
Still, she sank into my kiss like a woman used to living dangerously, moaning and forking her fingers through my hair to yank me closer as if she couldn’t get enough. We stumbled backward in the direction of the couch but ended up banging into a table, then the wall, where I pinned her with my body, my thigh between her legs.
She groaned and hiked her thigh up to wrap around my waist as she rode me shamelessly. “Nico,” she cried out my name as I sucked her throat hard enough to leave a mark.
I ripped the clothes from her body as weeks of sexual tension burst free like a tidal wave between us. We tore at each other and tore through that room, scratching and clawing, kissing and sucking, toying with each other until I finally bent her over in front of those windows that faced the mountains. I scrambled for a condom from my wallet, then took her from behind in one hard thrust. It was fast, it was furious, it was epic, and she loved every minute of it.
So. Did. I.
As we collapsed to the carpet by the window and I held her to my chest, I couldn’t wait to do it again. I raked a hand through my sweaty hair and rolled to my back, keeping her tucked in tight.
After a moment of silence, she began to shake with a slow giggle, which eventually became a full-on belly laugh.
“What’s so funny?”
Glinting eyes lifted to mine. “The blinds are open.”
I lifted a brow. “And?”
“People are outside, Nico.” She ducked her head into my shoulder and continued to laugh. “And they just got a show.”
I leaned up on my elbow to peer out the window, and sure enough, there were a few folks ambling on the walkways, some of them pointing up toward our room. Huh. I glanced back at my grinning wife, laid out flat on the floor. “Did you know they were there the whole time?”
She shrugged. “I was a bit... preoccupied.”
I took her in with her flushed cheeks, her blond hair messy all around her face, totally unashamed of her nudity as she stared up at me like she actually liked the idea of people seeing her get thoroughly fucked by me. “Why, Jemma Jane Santorini,” I murmured, watching as she sobered at the sound of her new last name. “Are you into voyeurism?”
She bit her lip and shook her head. “No.”
“No?”
She reached out a tentative hand and traced my brow bar. “No. I’m just into my sexy husband.”
We made it to the bed, where I made myself at home with my face between her thighs until she came on my tongue, then I took her again. Then once more before we found our way to the shower, where she returned the favor on her knees, the sight so sexy it almost hurt to look at.
By the time the sun rose, we were an exhausted heap in our tangled sheets that smelled of sex, and I barely had the energy to call for room service.
I studied her sprawled out on her belly, her head resting on the crook of her arm, a warm contentment filling my chest at the sight. “I never knew beauty queens were such nymphos.”
She grinned but kept her eyes closed. “I wouldn’t know a thing about that.”
I brushed a curl away from her cheek. “So it’s just you?”
Sleepy eyes opened to focus on me. “You trying to say something, Santorini? Because you were right there with me.”
A laugh bubbled up in my throat as a knock sounded at the door. “I guess I was,” I said as I hopped up to yank on some pants and grab our food.
She propped herself up on her elbows to unabashedly watch me, her bare calves swinging in the air behind her naked ass like she was having a grand time.
I accepted our food and tipped the server, then brought it all back to the bedroom, where she was sitting up wrapped in the sheet with her sleepy eyes on me.
I’m looking for more, Nico.
Her words ripped through my mind as I watched her reach for a muffin, the sheet dipping low on her breasts. Had anything really changed? I’d told her I could love her but was that true? Was it enough?
My thoughts were cut short by another knock on the door. I gave our tray a cursory glance, wondering if they’d left something off our order. “I’ll get it,” I said, jumping up and walking over to swing open the door. “Hey, did you forget—?” My words froze in my mouth at the sight of Miss Priss standing there, her face pale and drawn. Not at all the snarky woman I was used to who called me on my bullshit regularly.
“Doc?” I said. “You okay?”
Her gaze darted over my shoulder but didn’t seem to register anything, including the fact I was half-dressed and I’m pretty sure JJ had left scratch marks on my ribs. “I’m sorry to bother you. You weren’t answering your phone.”
“It’s no bother. What’s up?”
“I...” Tears filled her eyes behind her glasses, which was truly alarming. “I know we have another week here together, but I have to go home early. There’s been an emergency... an accident... I’m not sure. They found my husband collapsed on the ground at home late last night and rushed him to the hospital.” Those tears began to fall down her cheeks in earnest. “They’re still running tests so they don’t know...” She hunched over on herself like it was too much to carry her own weight. “I need to go.”
“I understand,” I said, my voice choked. “Do you need... can I do anything?”
She shook her head and looked up to offer me a wobbly smile. “No. Thank you. I just need to be with him. I’ll be in touch when I know more.”
“Okay.” I didn’t know what else to say. “I hope he’s alright.”
She clutched my hand in her clammy one. “Me, too, Nico. Take care of yourself, okay?”
I nodded, then watched her turn and rush away while I stood there a bit shell-shocked.
“Nico?” JJ called from the bedroom. “Everything okay?”
I shut the door and rejoined her.
She sat up straight when she saw my face. “What’s wrong?”
I flopped down on the bed and explained what Doc had told me, realizing how much I’d come to maybe not care for my therapist, but definitely respect her. She’d helped me make some breakthroughs in my own struggles in a very short time where nobody else had, and I owed her a lot. Also, as a human being, I couldn’t help but feel for the pain I saw all over her face just then. To love someone like that, then to be faced with losing them? Brutal.
JJ linked her hand in mine quietly and I hated that our earlier good vibe had been ruined. I picked up a fork and offered it to her, but she waved it off.
“I guess this means we’ll have to go back to LA,” she said.
I shrugged. “Probably.” There was no reason to stay in Tennessee for my private treatment if I wasn’t getting any, right? All I’d wanted when we arrived was to get back to my normal life. Now, the idea made me weirdly tangled up inside.
“What happens then?”
“What do you mean?”
She tilted her head like I was being obtuse. “You know what I’m asking.”
“You’re asking about the six-month death sentence we have on this marriage?”
She flinched and pulled her hand away. “I guess I am.”
I’m looking for more, Nico.
“I have no idea. I’ve been taking things one day at a time since we’ve been here, JJ. Hell, one minute at a time. Neither of us have a clue what real life is going to look like when we get back to LA.” I raked a hand through my hair as I huffed out a humorless laugh. “Whatever real life means when you’re faking everything, anyway.”
“Hey—” She reached out as if to grab my hand again, but her cell phone began to sing with a ringtone I’d never heard before. “Gives You Hell” by the All-American Rejects. I knew the song well because Sebastian had nearly killed us all by playing it on repeat several years ago after a nasty heartbreak.
“Who’s calling?” I asked, suddenly very curious who she would assign to that ringtone.
“Nobody.” She snatched up the phone and silenced it, but not before glancing at the screen and blanching at what she saw.
Very interesting.
Without thinking, I grabbed the phone and answered it. “Hello?”
“Nico!” she yelped my name, reaching for the phone, but it was too late.
“Who’s this?” a snide voice demanded.
I rose and stepped away from a frowning JJ as I scowled, instantly hating the asshole on the phone. “You’re the one calling my wife, so...”
Silence filled the line, and JJ dropped her head into her hands.
“Oh, so you’re the cheating bastard who is splashed all over the internet? That’s rich. Put JJ on the phone. I was calling to make sure she’s alright.”
A gnawing realization set into my gut, and I pulled the phone back to glance at the caller ID.
Brody. The one and only Wall Street douche who’d broken my wife’s heart.
Rather than reply to him, I focused on her. “You still talk to this asshole?”
“No!”
“Yes,” they said at the same time, boggling my mind.
“Well, which is it?”
She crawled toward me on the bed, the sheet dropping from her body, leaving her nude as she stared up at me with emotional blue eyes. “No,” she whispered. “He’s tried to call me several times, but I don’t answer. Not since...”
I spit out several vile words as red filled my vision. I was furious that he would push her like that after violating her trust, and even angrier that part of me doubted her. But all of this was just too good to be true, especially for someone like me.
“You kiss her with that mouth?”
“As a matter of fact, I do,” I ground out. “Until she screams my name.” I pushed on as she stared up at me, red-faced. “Because she’s my fucking wife, motherfucker. Not yours. You lost that right when you walked away from her like the limp-dick idiot you are. So, I’d suggest you steer clear from now on, or I will use every weapon in my arsenal to ruin you. You got that?”
Angry breath puffed over the line for a few seconds before it went dead.
“Pussy.” I threw the phone on the bed and stared at her. “Tell me you’re not playing me, JJ. Tell me you don’t still have something going with him because if I get in any deeper with you and—”
She launched herself up off the bed and into my arms, her naked breasts pressed to my chest, as she latched her mouth to mine like a starving woman. Her fingers raked over my scalp as she nearly climbed me like a tree.
I automatically yanked her close and kissed her back, taking what she offered greedily.
“I should probably be upset or worried that you just went all caveman like that...” she panted her words between desperate kisses as she clawed at my jeans. “But I am just... so turned on right now.” She looked up at me, her gaze glassy and full of lust. “Is that messed up?”
“No.” I stilled her hands on my zipper. “As long as you’re telling me the truth. You and Brody are done?”
Her hands moved to cup my waist, no longer trying to get me naked but keeping me close. “We talked once after our wedding debacle, but it went terribly. He tried to make it sound like what happened was my fault somehow—I put too much pressure on him, I didn’t listen to him, I didn’t do enough for him, on and on. He never apologized for embarrassing me like he did in front of all of our family and friends. He never paid my dad back for all the money the spent on the wedding that didn’t happen.” Her eyes dipped to my belly, then back up. “I swear to you, Nico, I have never talked to him since that day. He’s tried to call but I haven’t picked up. It hurt too much. That’s why the ringtone. So I’ll know it’s him.”
“Why not block him?”
She shrugged. “I could’ve, but we did have mutual friends I still care about. Plus, his family. If something happened, I wanted to know. It sounds dumb when I say it out loud now.”
I brushed her hair back. “Not really. But he’s trying to manipulate you. You know that, right?” I’d seen something too similar with my dad and I couldn’t let it stand with my own wife.
“Yes.”
“It ends tonight.”
She nodded. “It ends now.”