Chapter Nineteen
Nineteen
Nico
I left JJ with her friend and closed myself in her bedroom where the air smelled heavily of her and our recent lovemaking. The sheets on her bed were a mess and I couldn’t wait to tangle them again tonight. And tomorrow, and the day after that... I’d never felt this way about a woman before and I wasn’t sure what to make of that. I wasn’t sure what to make of anything to be honest. Hell, I was still neck-deep in mandated therapy and, according to Doc, still had an ocean of anger to work through. She wasn’t wrong. I knew that. But she said the fact that I’d acknowledged it was a huge step, and I’d come to trust her these past three weeks. Like her even. Which was why she was my first call, not the band.
It rolled straight to voicemail, making me worry that things were really bad with her husband, but there was nothing I could do.
I called Lance next.
“Hey!” he said, picking up on the first ring, actually sounding thrilled to hear from me. “How’s it going?”
“Pretty good.”
“So, how was Tennessee?” Lance asked, his tone filled with a mix of curiosity and something else I couldn’t quite place. Worry for me? Was he worried I wouldn’t follow through on my end of the deal and they’d have to fire me from the band?
“Eventful,” I responded, running a hand through my hair as I sat on the edge of JJ’s unmade bed. “I’m a married man now.” Those words were so weird yet comforting at the same time.
“Yeah,” Lance said, his voice more serious now. “I didn’t see that one coming.”
“Neither did I,” I admitted, my laugh hollow.
“So what’s the plan now?”
I stared at the mess of sheets on the bed, my mind a whirlwind. “Honestly? No fucking clue. We’re pretty much taking it day by day.”
He didn’t say anything, his breath humming across the line.
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “You heard anything about Doc’s husband?” I sighed, worry and uncertainty creeping into my voice. “I tried calling her, but it went straight to voicemail.”
“I know he’s in the hospital, but beyond that, I have no idea.”
“Okay. Let me know as soon as you hear something.”
“Sure, man.”
I nodded even though he couldn’t see me.
“So,” he said hesitantly. “Are you ready to get back into the studio with the rest of the band?”
I glanced up, focusing on the artwork on JJ’s walls as the confusion of my new reality began to settle over me. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”
I took a deep breath, gathered my things, and left the condo. The drive to the rehearsal studio felt like a pilgrimage to a sacred place—every step bringing back a flood of memories, both good and bad. As I approached the familiar building, my heart raced with a mixture of excitement and apprehension. The studio had always been a sanctuary for me, a second home where the music drowned out everything else... my past, my anger, my demons.
Pushing open the door, I was greeted by the familiar sight of my bandmates. Sebastian was the first to see me. His face lit up with a smile, though there was a hint of uncertainty in his eyes. Cohen gave me a nod of acknowledgment, while Corey just stared, his gaze intense and probing, like he was trying to make out how I was different.
“Look who’s back,” Cohen finally said, pulling me into a bear hug. “How was your trip?”
“It was... enlightening,” I replied, trying to keep my tone light. It was clear that they were all happy to see me, but there was an unspoken tension in the air. They were unsure of how to handle me, wondering if I had truly changed since my stint in therapy.
“Good to have you back, man,” Sebastian said, clapping me on the back. “We missed you.”
“Missed you too,” I admitted, feeling freer than I had in weeks once I spotted my trusty drum kit in the corner.
We settled into our rehearsal routine, and as we started playing, it felt like coming home. Without the drugs and alcohol clouding my senses, I felt more connected to the music than ever before. It was the best it had felt in ages, and I knew I had Doc and JJ to thank for helping me to get my head on straight again.
After running through our new album for a while, we took a quick break. Corey and Cohen moved to lean over the soundboard and Sebastian pulled me aside, his expression serious.
“So, about this wedding business...” he began, his concern evident.
“What about it?” My first instinct was to get defensive, but I got it. It was all so sudden, and I’d never exactly been the settling down type.
He tucked his hands in his pockets and studied me with that way of his that always hinted at a deep, hidden sadness that none of us could touch. “I don’t want either of you getting hurt.”
“I appreciate your worry, bro, but we’ve got this. JJ and I have an understanding.”
He tipped up a brow. “Do you?”
“Yeah, man.”
He shook his head but didn’t question me further as we got back to playing.
A couple hours later, as the rehearsal was winding down, Dave showed up and all lightness left my chest as a boulder took up residence in my gut.
His eyes automatically sought out mine. “Nico, can we talk?” His tone left no room for argument.
I nodded and set aside my drumsticks to follow him, wondering what he had to say. I knew everyone thought our marriage was just a show for the media. Only JJ and I knew the depth of our feelings, even if we hadn’t voiced them yet. Did he suspect something? Had he come to tell me I wasn’t good enough for his little girl?
As soon as we were alone in a back office that held only a small wooden desk and a chair that had seen better days, he spun on me, his eyes as sharp as ice picks. “Nico, I know my daughter makes her own decisions...” His voice was low and dangerous. “But marriage?” His scoff came out more like a choking sound. “I most definitely did not agree to this one.” His hand held a fine tremor as he pointed at my chest. “If you hurt her...” He took a fortifying breath. “You’ll wish it was only your career I ended when I’m done with you. Am I clear?”
I met his fierce gaze and nodded. “Crystal. But I promise you, I have no intention of hurting JJ.”
He studied me for a long moment before nodding curtly. “For your sake, I hope you’re right.” He turned and walked away, leaving me to ponder the weight of his words and the reality that, in the end, it was just as likely that she would be the one breaking me.
After Dave’s departure, we wrapped up rehearsal, and I headed out. As I drove home with a bag of take-out Thai food riding shotgun, my phone buzzed. Lance’s name flashed on the screen. I picked up, and his voice came through, choked with emotion. “Nico, I’ve got some bad news. Doc’s husband had a stroke. He passed away.”
The words hit me like a wrecking ball to the chest. Sure, Doc and I hadn’t exactly seen eye to eye when we first met, but we’d forged a bond during our time together. And this news made my heart ache for her, because I knew how much she loved her husband.
When I walked into the house, JJ took one look at me and seemed to immediately sense something was off. “What happened?”
I set the food on the counter, struggling to find my breath. “Doc’s husband passed away. A stroke.” The words felt like lead, heavy and suffocating. My appetite suddenly vanished. “I’m gonna go shower.”
Without a word, JJ followed me, and as the hot water poured down, she slipped in beside me, her presence a soothing balm. She wrapped her arms around me, holding me. Not exactly sure why, I was a mess of emotions, waves of sorrow and confusion crashing over me as I held her just as tight, water raining down over us.
Eventually, she reached around me to turn off the taps and led me out of the shower. I followed her like a zombie, letting her dry me off and nudge me into bed, where she cuddled up into me like she was my other half. She leaned up and kissed me, but it was sweet and healing, not the sensual kisses we usually shared that led to sex. We simply held each other and kissed until our lips were raw, her hands rubbing up and down my arms and chest. It was the most profound, raw intimacy I’d ever experienced. My soul felt naked before hers, but it felt... right.
Eventually, we slept tangled up in each other, our lips a breath apart, until sometime in the dead of night, hunger gnawed at me, waking me from a dead sleep. I slid out from under her and padded to the kitchen to heat up the leftovers and brought them back to bed.
JJ blinked up at me slowly with sleepy blue eyes, then sat up. “What time is it?”
“A little after one.”
She hummed and peeked at the plate.
“Hungry?” I asked, offering her a bite.
“Starved.” She smiled at me as she chewed, and I took her in.
Bathed in moonlight, she was ethereal, her blond hair a tousled halo, her sweet eyes filled with tenderness, her skin porcelain.
I realized, with a jolt of fear, that I really was falling for her. Hard. I shoved in another bite of food to keep the words from spilling from my mouth. That wasn’t the deal. This was temporary and we both knew it.
Right?
I fed us both until the food was gone, then set the plate aside and took her into my arms. She sighed and looked into my eyes like she felt the same way, though I knew I was seeing things.
“Feeling better?” she asked.
I nodded, brushing a blond lock of hair behind her ear and letting my fingers linger along the curve of her jaw. “Thank you.”
She nodded, her expression growing serious as she seemed to sense something in me. Before I could say anything else, she leaned in and kissed me. Tender at first, then bolder, taking the lead because she knew I needed that tonight.
She linked our hands and laced our fingers, sliding to straddle my hips so she was seated on top of me as she continued to kiss me like her life depended on it.
“Nico,” she whispered across my lips. “I could get lost in you.”
My heart thumped madly in my chest as she ground her core against my growing hardness. I lifted my head, breaking the kiss, to nip at her jaw and throat with my teeth, making her hiss. “I’m already lost in you, baby,” I murmured, sucking on her pulse. “So fucking gone.”
“Jesus,” she groaned.
It was true. I was a goner. I bucked my hips, thrusting hard against her so she’d know it, while also begging for entrance into her warm, willing body. “I need to be inside you,” I begged. “Please.”
Wild, lusty blue eyes met mine.
I stole a kiss, using my tongue in the way she liked, snaking it around hers in a wet mimic of fucking.
She moaned loudly, shifting her hips, letting one of my hands go so she could seek out my hardness and position herself.
I glanced down, loving the sight of her impaling herself on me. “Hell, yes.” I thrust up as she seated herself and we grunted as she began to move.
“You feel so fucking good,” I told her, my voice low and gritty.
She let my hands go and guided them to her breasts, silently instructing me what to do while she rode me like a rodeo queen.
I squeezed her breasts and twisted and pinched her nipples, which drove her into a bucking frenzy. It was the hottest thing I’d ever seen in my life.
I took one of her hands and licked her fingers before placing it between her own legs. “Help me out, baby, because I’m not gonna last long.”
She was panting, unable to talk, but she did as I asked, her fingers sliding along her wet folds.
I thrust deeper. Rolled and pinched her nipples harder. She groaned louder.
Then we were both careening off the edge together with strangled cries as she clamped down on me with an almost violent force, making stars burst behind my eyelids.
She collapsed on top of me, and I threaded my hands through her hair, sweet words filling my mouth, but I held them back. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us to say them.
As silence fell around us, her fingers traced the tattoos along my arms. “I meant what I said,” she whispered, propping her chin on my chest to look up at me. “I could get lost in you.”
I blinked, not sure what she wanted me to say.
Before I could respond, she dropped her head back onto my chest. “And that scares me.”
“Why?” But I knew the answer to that. I was the exact opposite of a sure bet. Rocker in therapy for his substance abuse and bad behavior. Not exactly the husband every little girl dreams of.
“Because I’ve already been left once by the man who was supposed to love me.” Her words were soft and pain filled. “I don’t know if I can do that again.” Her fingers continued to track up and down my arm, belying the emotion in her words. “And if I let myself fall for you...” She let her words fall away.
I pressed a kiss to her head, not bothering with empty promises I couldn’t keep. We both knew I was a fuckup of epic proportions. No matter how I felt about her, it wasn’t fair to burden her with my feelings. At least not while I had nothing real to offer her.
The next morning, I woke up early, and after a few phone calls, I made arrangements to cover the entire cost of Doc’s husband’s funeral. I wasn’t sure if she’d hate that or not, but I wanted to show my support and I didn’t figure therapy paid all that much. Then, after thinking on it some more and remembering some things she’d said about how much she loved her husband, I also sent flowers and a week’s worth of frozen precooked meals.
I’d just hung up with the meal service when JJ joined me in the living room, looking anxious.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“ Rock You Magazine has asked for an interview,” she said, twisting her fingers nervously. “They want to do a feature spread on us and our marriage. Dad thinks it will be good publicity for Zero Energy.”
I frowned. “Okay. What’s the problem?”
“I just... I wasn’t sure what you’d want... how things would work now that we were home.” She was tripping over her words, which was so unlike her.
I tilted my head, confused. “It’s fine, JJ. We’re doing this, right?”
She seemed to breathe a sigh of relief. “Yes.”
“Then schedule the interview.” I crossed over to her and grabbed her hand. “It’ll be fine. We’re fine.” Though I knew the words were somewhat empty promises with the six-month expiration date looming over us, I said them anyway to reassure both of us.
“Will we?” she said. “Be fine, I mean?”
And I knew by the look on her face what she was asking. If we could make it past the six months. If we dared broach the reality of an us beyond this publicity stunt. “Is that what you want?” I asked, my voice betraying more emotion than I intended.
She turned the question back on me, her eyes searching mine. “Is that what you want?”
“I asked you first,” I replied, my heart in my throat.