Chapter 60
CHAPTER
CHARLEY
Please don’t give up. Please don’t give up. Please don’t give up.
Because I feared he already had.
One second I was freaking out, then I’d turn mad, then hopeless and then bitter. It was a continuous loop of desperation, and I was stuck smack in the middle, alone—because even though I lay curled beside Thad, he felt far away. A secret lay between us now, and I hated it.
My mind flashed back to the conversation I’d overheard with Rives. Thad had kept his voice low, but my mom always claimed I had hearing like Superman, and she wasn’t kidding. Although I couldn’t see their faces, I’d heard every word.
I have a favor to ask. Two, actually, Thad had said.
Rives hadn’t hesitated. Anything. You name it.
Okay. Thad had paused. Tomorrow I want you to stay with us, but hang back. Give us space, but stick around, eh?
Not a problem, Rives had answered. I’m your wingman. There’d been a smile in his voice. What’s number two?
If I—Thad had stumbled here—if tomorrow doesn’t work out like I hope, I want you to look out for Charley.
I don’t want her to bury me—NO! I’d wanted to jump up and shake him, screaming, DON’T GIVE UP!
but I’d been frozen to the rock, redfruit juice dripping off my knife like blood—and I need to know someone’s watching her back after I’m gone.
Rives’s voice dropped, and I’d strained to hear his next words. You know I’ll do it, but listen, bro. We won’t be burying you. You’ll make it.
Promise me you’ll look out for her, Rives. Thad’s voice was hard. I need your word.
I promise, Rives had said, almost reluctantly. Like I said, I’m your wingman. I’ve got your back.
Not my back. Charley’s. Promise me you’ll have Charley’s back.
I promise. Rives sounded resigned. I’ve got Charley’s back.
Thad never mentioned his conversation with Rives, and I hadn’t brought it up either.
It was the first secret we’d had between us since Day 13, since he’d stalled on telling me about the year deadline.
This secret was so much worse. Because now I not only heard his words, but I also heard his voice—full of pain and, worse, defeat.
I don’t want her to bury me.
And he doesn’t know that I know, I thought, feeling sick. Another secret, adding to the distance.
Thad’s dark lashes fluttered, hiding eyes that I knew were the color of Nil’s deep waters.
He was either asleep or faking it well. I studied his face, memorizing every line, and in this bittersweet moment, I felt achingly thankful to Nil.
Nil was like that crazy aunt who hooked people up at weddings.
Where other than on Nil would I have had the chance to meet the most amazing boy from Canada, a boy who snowboards so well he made their national team?
Sometimes I’d caught Thad staring at the mountain when he didn’t think anyone was watching.
Right now his eyes were closed and still. His lips rested slightly apart, his jaw was slack, and in this moment, he looked exactly seventeen.
He’s asleep, I thought with relief. It’s harder to sprint when you’re tired, and I believed that crazy Nil would give him a reason to run tomorrow.
I believed we were here for a reason, and I believed I was here to meet Thad.
Maybe he was here to meet me, maybe not.
Maybe he’d already figured out why he was here and didn’t want to share it with me, yet another secret he’d chosen to keep.
But it didn’t matter if I knew why Thad was here; all that mattered was that Thad knew.
But is knowing enough? my worried mind whispered.
I thought of Talla and Li, of Sergio and Rory. People who’d stay in Nil’s labyrinth forever. Had they figured out why they were here? And did the understanding—or lack of it—alter their fate? Maybe knowing wasn’t enough, but not knowing might be a death sentence.
Maybe some aren’t destined to leave.
My breath caught at the thought. As panic set in, I clung to one irrefutable fact: crazy Nil had given us each other, and the only future we had wasn’t here. Thad would make it; he had to.
He had one noon left.
Please don’t give up.
Wrapped in darkness and blanketed by secrets, I lay beside Thad, praying for one last gate. And as my eyes grew as heavy as my heart, I prayed he’d be there when I woke up.
Because even though he’d promised he wouldn’t leave me, it felt like he already had.