Chapter 51 What It’s Like to Run Away
what it’s like to run away
ROXANNE
Welp, that was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
Thankfully, Leo held me the entire time we drove away from Firebird Ranch at two in the morning, or I never would’ve been able to leave.
Part of me had imagined what life might look like if I would’ve slipped into Duke’s rhythm, woke up in his bed every morning, made his house my home.
It could’ve worked. Duke Faraday is definitely the kind of man worth building a life around.
But I wasn’t sent to Firebird to build around his life, I was sent there to reclaim mine.
A life that doesn’t desire to live in the quiet of the mountains.
My life is the chaos of airports, deadlines, stories waiting to be chased.
I didn’t fight like hell to come back from that accident just to disappear into a place that still feels like a scar itself.
The other issue is that every time I saw Duke help another vet find the light at the end of the tunnel, I knew I couldn’t ask him to leave that all behind for me.
When he gave the speech at the barn dance dinner, I glanced around the table and everyone sitting there was looking at him with such admiration. They were hanging on his every word.
As much as I miss Duke like I’m missing a part of my own body, the relief that washes over me when I unlock the door to my apartment is something I can’t quite quantify. My home, my things, and not the view of the mountains or trees.
At least, that’s how I felt at first.
As the day of the pitch grows closer, I’m not sure I made the right choice anymore. I keep telling myself I came back to finish what I started, to fight for Firebird. But the truth is, every reason I gave myself for leaving sounds hollower the longer I’m away from him.
The one thing I am sure of is that I do feel stronger even with my scar on full display as I walk through World Explorer HQ toward Priti’s office on my first day back.
Many of my colleagues stop me to welcome me back and ask about how I got my scar, others only stare as I walk by.
None of it fazes me, though, as I sit in the chair across from her and wait for her to get off the phone.
When she hangs up, I stand because she rounds the desk and gives me a hug.
“Oh, I missed you!” When she pulls away her eyes fall to my shoulder. “It’s good to see you’re not hiding this anymore. Frankly, I think it’s hauntingly beautiful, you know.” She gasps and her eyes widen. “We should do a piece on you …”
“Uh, that’s okay,” I say as we both take our seats.
“You look …” Priti pauses, folding her hands on her lap. “Confident. Stronger.”
“I feel different,” I admit, and it’s true. Even with my heart breaking, even with the uncertainty about my pitch tomorrow, I feel more like myself than I have since the accident.
“The summer was good for you.”
“It was.” My voice catches. “It changed everything.”
Priti leans forward. “Are you ready for tomorrow?”
“I think so,” I say, but it comes out uncertain.
“Roxanne.” Priti’s voice is soft and gentle. “What happened out there … in Colorado?”
Before I can answer, my phone buzzes. Another text from Duke that I can’t bring myself to read.
“I fell in love,” I whisper.
Priti arches her eyebrows. “Rox, that is … that is so great! Is he coming as your ambassador?”
No. No, he’s not because I messed things up again by leaving him in the dead of night with only a pathetic letter declaring my love left behind.
“He might,” I scrape out.
“Ah, yay!” She claps her hands and stands. “We’ll see you at the Lincoln Center tomorrow night.”
Allie and Leo are waiting for me outside Priti’s office. Allie left on the day we had planned, but it’s written all over her face. She misses Topper as much as I miss Duke. I hug her, and she buries her face in my shoulder.
“How are you doing?” I ask.
She shrugs. “Other than Wyatt ruining any other man for me, I’m the okayest I’ve ever been.”
“Lunch?” Leo asks. “I have two shoulders, one for each of you to cry on.”
“Absolutely,” I say.
We are sat at our usual table at Joe Allen, and even though it’s the middle of the day, I order an ice-cold dirty martini with blue cheese stuffed olives.
“Do I dare ask how you are?” Allie asks.
“I’m fine.”
“Are you?” Leo asks. “I mean, you look stunning, but …”
I rub my temples. “All right, no. I’m a mess.
I mean, I’m so happy to be home, but I feel like I’m missing part of my soul.
I even miss that damn dog and horse terribly.
The worst part is, I thought I had this great speech planned for the pitch, and now when I practice it, I want to throw it away. It’s not good enough.”
“I’m sure it’s going to be phenomenal,” Leo says.
“Your footage is the phenomenal part of this, Leo,” I say, pulling an olive off the toothpick. “The way you captured the summer … we should win with that alone.”
“Thank you, my darling. I know your words are only going to help it shine.”
“Have you … have you talked to Duke?” Allie asks.
I stiffen. “Uh, no … I can’t yet.”
“Why?” Allie asks.
“Because if I talk to him, he’s going to distract me with that deep voice and possibly convince me to come back and … and I can’t. At least, not until I finish my pitch. I need to focus on that, then … maybe.”
“What if he sends you an eggplant emoji?” Leo asks.
“Oh, well, that would definitely change everything,” I say.
Finally, our food arrives and for the first time ever we eat in silence for a few minutes.
I push my salad around my plate, unable to take another bite.
“Listen, I know you both must think I’m insane.
Leaving Duke behind in Colorado … but tomorrow I have to stand up in front of Sullivan Rhodes and the other voters and convince them that Firebird Ranch deserves fifteen million dollars.
I have to talk about Duke, about what he’s built, about how incredible he is …
and what’s going to hit me is that … I know …
I know how amazing that man is, and I gave him up anyway. ”
“I’m going to die right here in my steak frites,” Allie says.
“Give me your fries before you do,” Leo says, reaching for Allie’s plate.
Allie giggles and slaps his hand away. “At least we have each other.”
“To us.” I smile and lift my martini. “For being brave enough to let this summer change us, stupid enough to fall for mountain men, except for Leo, and smart enough to know that no matter what happens tomorrow, we’ve got each other.”
“I love it and I love both of you,” Allie says as we clink our glasses together.
“Who says I didn’t fall in love?” Leo protests. “Goose and I … we had our moments.”
We clink glasses and their laughter spills into mine, stitching me back together. Whatever waits tomorrow, today I’m whole because I have them.