30. Amber
AMBER
I ’m fine. I’m totally fine.
My stomach hurt something fierce, a constant churning that threatened to come up. I wrapped my arms around my middle and did my best to settle my breathing. I’d done the right thing to protect Jeff. There wasn’t room for regrets because these men were dangerous.
But what if I would’ve told him everything Monday night? Would he have played along just as well? Rolling onto my front side, I buried my face in the pillow on our couch and that was how Laney found me.
“Uh, you okay girl?” She sat on one end and put her hand on my back. “You’re not hungover, are you?”
“No.” I didn’t move and spoke into the pillow. “Jeff and I are done.”
“Are you sure? He’s been almost living here and wearing a stupid smile on his face every time you’re around. Wasn’t he here this morning?”
“Yes, but there’s a bunch of stuff I haven’t shared with you.” I wiggled myself to flip over and she made an amused face. “It’s been a fucking couple of weeks.”
“What have you kept from me?” she asked, not in an accusatory way.
“The article I’ve been working on has been a cover.
I wasn’t really writing about the baseball experience or Jeff.
It was about a scandal Jeff uncovered. My Uncle Martin, along with a dean and a coach on the baseball team, was providing fake spots on sports teams to students who weren’t athletes to help them get into school.
We don’t know the dollar amounts involved but they were taking bribes.
It’s going live today, what I wrote, and Dean Sanders is going to be taking care of the rest.”
“Holy shit.” She leaned back into the couch and had a dazed look on her face. “So you and Jeff weren’t hooking up then?”
“I tell you all that and you ask about Jeff.” I rolled my eyes and caught her smiling. “We were. We got together because of all the time we were hanging out and well, at some point, it got pretty heavy. I think I was falling in love with him.”
“Oh, Amber.” She squeezed my hand and asked, “What happened then? It sounds like you uncovered a lot together.”
“I had to lie to him for almost a week to protect him.” The familiar sting in my eyes returned and the knot in my chest intensified.
It was almost as if the thought of losing Jeff made it hard to breathe.
“He was getting threatening texts from an unknown number and when my uncle—holy shit!” I jumped from the couch and moved to look out of the window.
“My uncle is in on it and threatened me last night. He said he’s coming over today to talk. ”
“He threatened you?” Her voice rose in my defense and my heart swelled at her loyalty. “Like how?”
“Like he was in a position of power to do something to my career or place at school here.” My adrenaline spiked and I started picking up anything out of place.
The stack of books, the remote, the extra coasters.
They all went back into the coffee table while Laney looked nervous watching me.
“Are you able to be here tonight? Not downstairs but in the house, just in case…”
“Yes.” She nodded with too much aggression and an overwhelming urge to hug her took over. I went to her, arms open, and she met my rare form of affection. “Wow, this has you messed up, huh?”
“Just accept my hug. I appreciate you,” I said into her hair and sighed at the contact. It hadn’t even been a full day and the thought of not hugging or touching Jeff again hurt me.
“I’d do anything for you, just as you would for me. That’s why we’re best friends.” She pulled back and smiled, patting my cheek with her hand. “I’ll make sure I’m here all day and I’ll have a bat ready if I need to hit your uncle, even if he is hot...”
I shoved her away and laughed at her audacity, but the smile left my face when someone knocked on the door. “Shit.”
Fear and uncertainty had always been a part of my life, but never with my uncle, and my body’s reaction to it was insane. I had numb fingers, panting breath, sweaty palms and an uncomfortable pit in my gut that wouldn’t go away. “That must be him.”
Laney reached out and squeezed my hand before she went upstairs. I took a deep breath, pushed my hair behind my ears and told myself he wouldn’t actually hurt me. I opened the door with my heart in my throat and stared at my favorite family member. “Uncle.”
He didn’t say anything when I gestured for him to come in.
I snuck a glance toward Jeff’s baseball house and found him staring right at me from his driveway.
It only lasted about three seconds, our stare-down, but the urge to cry hit me hard and it took a monumental effort to not break down there.
Deal with Martin first. Then talk to Jeff.
“Amber, I don’t know where to start.” He collapsed onto the couch and put his head in his hands.
He spoke with a desperate sadness and when he looked up at me, his eyes were red and…
remorseful? How dare he try to act sad after what he said to me.
My fear turned to anger and I channeled that to get through this conversation.
“How about the fact you threatened me last night?” I fired back, surprising myself with the confidence in my tone.
“I didn’t have a choice. I would never… Tony was with me and forced me.
He knew we were at the end of our con and he is truly in a position to hurt you and told me to threaten you.
To scare you or he would. I would never do anything to hurt you.
” His voice came out strong when he said that and a part of me wanted so badly to believe him.
“Well, you were successful.”
A loud banging on the front door interrupted us and I got up, already knowing who it was. My voice was breathless, holding on to a little hope when his gaze met mine. “Jeff.”
“Five minutes.” He stormed into the house, past me and into the living room where he leveled his gaze at my uncle and spoke in a tone I had rarely heard. “You get five fucking minutes of her time then I’m throwing your ass out of here.”
My uncle blinked twice before nodding. “Understood.”
“I’m waiting in the kitchen, Amber. The timer starts now.” He barely looked at me before stomping into the other room and that left my uncle and me alone.
He groaned and rubbed his palms against his eyes. “I deserve him kicking my ass. All of it is true. Taking money from parents with or sometimes without their kids knowing about it to guarantee them a spot at school. Working with Tony…knowing it was wrong.”
I ignored the thrill of seeing Jeff defend me and focused on what Martin said. “I know it’s true. The article goes live today where everyone will know. Plus, Dean Sanders already started a legal investigation.”
“You want to know what’s funny?” He barked out a fake laugh.
“I’ve accepted I’m going to jail. My entire life has been built on lies and cons.
It’s why your mother hates me so much.” He gave me a sad smile and leaned back farther onto the couch.
“But one thing that is true, is that you are still my favorite family member, Amber. You can ask me anything you want and I’ll be honest. Knowing I scared you…
” He shuddered. “I’ll never forgive myself. ”
He looked pathetic with his tired eyes and wrinkled clothes.
I had a million questions for him, all important to the article, but the draft was done and more would be uncovered as the investigation came out.
The question I had in the back of my mind was selfish.
I cleared my throat and said to hell with it.
“Did your scheme get me into this school?”
“What?” He tilted his head and frowned. “No. We focused on wanna-be athletes and parents who enable them.”
“You said on the phone you helped me get into this school when I didn’t have a lot to offer.”
“Amber.” His voice broke and he shook his head. “I never paid a dime for your acceptance. Yes, I bought you gifts because your mother is selfish and superficial and I wanted you to feel loved, but no, I never touched your education.”
“Then why would you say that?”
“Because I know your weakness and used it to scare you.” He hung his head again and wiped his palms on his pants. “Will you ever forgive me?”
“I can’t really say yet.” It was the truth. There were so many emotions and thoughts about him, what he did, what he said he didn’t do, and right now, I needed to focus on getting through the week. “It’s not a yes or no. It’s a maybe.”
“I understand.” He stood and looked at me with warmth. “I won’t keep you. If Tony is watching, he’ll think I followed through. Be careful, Amber. There are a lot of moving pieces to this system and once your name is on the article…”
“It’s a risk I’m willing to take.”
“You brave girl. If I separate myself from it all, I’m filled with so much pride in what you did. Learning so much when we thought we were covering our tracks. You’ve always had an edge to you and I wasn’t sure where you would land, but this… You did good.”
“Thank you,” I said, tears finally spilling down my cheeks. “I’m not sorry for uncovering everything but I am sorry you were involved.”
“I know. It was my choice and I’ll deal with it.” He moved toward me and pulled me into a hug. It would probably be the last hug for a long while and we both held a little tighter than normal. “I’m glad that young man is on your side. Whatever happens now, please know I’m still rooting for you.”
“Thanks, Uncle Martin,” I mumbled to his chest. We ended the hug and he left, leaving me in an even more confused state.
Heartbroken over Jeff, heartbroken over losing the one family member who loved and supported me, and worried about who else was involved beyond the handful of men we’d found.
I rubbed my chest with my hand, taking deep breaths and trying to settle my heartbeat down, when Jeff came back from the kitchen.
“Is your uncle gone?”
“Yeah, he just left.” My initial happiness of him being here started trickling away when I took in how hard his expression was, and how he seemed to move closer to the front door and away from me. “Thank you for coming here to defend me.”
He sighed and asked without changing his expression. “Did he threaten you again?”
“No.” I leaned against the doorway and longed to touch him, to comfort him and to have him give me some of his strength. My eyes stung at how much I wished I could be with Jeff and with the combination of my uncle’s admittance… my emotions took over.
“Why are you crying?” He furrowed his brows but made no movement to comfort me. It was pathetic how much I missed his touch.
“Because…he apologized for hurting me, threatening me, just being involved in the entire thing and shattering our relationship. The associate dean forced him to threaten me last night on the phone?—”
“You believe him?” he asked, his voice rising. “He’s a fucking con artist.”
“I know, Jeff, but I think I do believe him. He looked broken.”
Jeff made a sarcastic face and shifted his weight from the left to the right. “You’re fine, then?”
“Not really.” I sniffed and laid it all out on the table, something I never did, and it was more terrifying that posting the article live.
“Jeff, can we please talk upstairs? It’s been killing me thinking about us not hanging out anymore.
You have to know I did everything with the sole intention of protecting you.
” My voice broke, but his face remained unmoved.
“Through all this time, I’ve grown to care about you more than I imagined and…
I don’t want this to end. You and me. I think we’re good together. ”
“I can’t get over the fact you comforted me, used your body to distract me, when you fucking knew the truth.
” He shook his head and looked at me with so much disappointment, I knew, this was it.
He was a strong-willed person and he’d made up his mind.
“I just… I’m glad you’re safe. I wanted to make sure when I saw your uncle here, but nothing more.
” He removed his hands from his pockets and backed up toward the sidewalk.
This is it. He’s gone. The brief restraint I had on my emotions broke at the expression on his face and I stopped holding it in.
A sob escaped me and I covered my mouth with my hand.
Two people who’d snuck into my life, helped me grow my confidence and showed in different ways how they loved, had left me.
Jeff met my eyes one last time, the tortured expression in his almost giving me a sliver of hope, but Laney came outside and pulled me into her arms. “Sweetie…you can’t fall for a guy who doesn’t understand you’d do anything for the people you love. ”
She shut the door, closing off whatever response Jeff might’ve had, and I wanted nothing more than to sleep and cry for a week. This. This is why I don’t date. The heartbreak isn’t worth it.