10. Chapter 10
Chapter 10
Lilly
R ose and I had dropped the girls off at Mother’s Day Out before coming here for some quiet one-on-one time. I was grateful they found an opening for Madeline. Yet another great thing about being from a small town and having a mother who had all the right connections.
I ordered a sugar-free caramel latte and a blueberry muffin and grabbed a table in the back corner of Café Mocha. It was my first time in this coffee shop, and I could see what all the fuss was about. The atmosphere was relaxed, yet it had a very big-town coffee shop feel. It seemed like something I’d find in the city, not in Orlinda Valley next to Shear Perfection.
“Okay. Now, tell me all.” Rose sat across from me, her eyes wide and glimmering with anticipation.
I promised myself last night—or early this morning as sleep eluded me for quite a while—that I would not allow my teenage fantasies about Jamison to interfere with my current state of singleness. Well, there was more to it. They weren’t just teenage fantasies anymore.
Hopefully, I could convince Rose it wasn’t a big deal. I took a large bite of my muffin. “Damn, this is amazing.” It truly was. Soft, moist, and the blueberries burst with sweetness. There was no doubt they were real, and this was homemade.
“Yeah, whatever. Don’t stall or change the subject. You were kissed last night by the one guy you fantasized about all during high school. I still think you only ran off to New York with Anthony because Jamison broke your heart when he proposed to Carly.”
Well, she’s not totally wrong.
Rose kept her gaze on me as she sipped from her cardboard coffee cup. I stared right back. The girl was sweet and quiet, but she was also determined and had an uncanny ability to get what she wanted out of you. I felt sorry for JR and Lena. They would have difficulty as teenagers trying to pull one over on their mother.
I couldn’t hold her gaze any longer and let out a sigh. Rose was my best friend. There was only one thing I’d kept from her over the years, and it looked like it was time to come clean. “I didn’t quite tell you everything last night.”
Her eyes bulged so wide I was scared they might pop out.
“Oh, my gosh. What else is there to tell?” She sat on the edge of her seat and placed her coffee cup on the table.
“Rose,” I chuckled. “It’s not what you’re thinking.”
Her body deflated like a balloon with a slow leak.
I chewed on my bottom lip for a bit. “Well, you weren’t quite wrong about why I ran off to New York with Anthony.”
She waved her hands in the air and bounced in her seat. “Come on already. Come out with it.”
Here goes nothing. “The summer before Jamison started dating Carly, we were sort of together.”
“Holy . . . Wow. What?” Rose’s mouth fell open.
I thought back to that summer, our amazing summer of secrets. “He came over one day, and no one was home yet. I was on the deck in a bikini, lying out, reading a book. He sat down, and we started talking. I don’t even remember what about, but it was the first time we really talked. He asked if I wanted to go kayaking, and I said yes. We ended up kayaking down the Red River. When we banked, and I tried to get out of the kayak, I lost my balance and fell into the water. We started splashing and messing around, and then his arms were around me, and we kissed—and kissed some more.” My stomach fluttered at the memory.
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” Rose’s voice was a whisper as she hung on my every word.
I shrugged. “If you remember I sort of went missing a lot that summer.”
“I remember.” She sat up tall and smacked the table. “Kristy and I thought you got abducted. You were never available to hang out with us. You were with Jamison the entire time?”
I nodded slowly, trying to keep an unscrupulous grin from my face. “We thought it was best to keep it between us. He was worried Lance would be upset if he knew. Hell, I was worried Lance would go ballistic.” I played with my muffin wrapper. “Like I said, it only lasted the summer. Just two months, and damn, they were amazing.”
“Like amazing, amazing? Sexual amazing?” she asked.
My shoulders met my ears, and I tried to be sly.
“Girl, and you kept it quiet all these years. What happened?”
I shook my head. “He had to get back to school. He no longer played football because of his knee, but he helped out with the team.”
“And? He ended up with Carly soon after he got back to school, and by graduation, they were engaged,” she finished.
“Yep.” I nodded. “We left things open. We knew we had to get back to college and didn’t know what to tell everyone, so we just ended things—sort of. Then at Thanksgiving, he told me he was seeing Carly.”
“You were so quiet. I remember.” She reached for my hand. “Lilly-blossom, you should have said something.”
“I handled it the best I could, and got over him, until the graduation party.”
“And that’s why you attached yourself to Anthony.” Rose sat back and sipped her coffee.
“And now we kissed again. Neither of us has anyone else tying us down, and I need to go to his house and act like nothing weird happened and hope to God I never have to face my brother again.”
“What does Lance have to do with anything?”
I lifted a brow and held up my hands. “Come on, Rose. He’s Jamison’s best friend.” How could she not see the issue?
“And Lance isn’t in high school. Jamison isn’t in high school, and you aren’t in high school. It’s not like Jamison is trying to deflower Lance’s baby sister.”
I laughed hard. Again, she sat up straight, and her eyes were huge. Unfortunately, I had to disappoint her. “No. No deflowering of any type took place—remember the first guy I met at college?”
Rose nodded. “I do. I told you not to do anything stupid, but . . .”
“Yeah, whatever. It was a long time ago. Anyway, let’s say that my experience made our summer even more amazing.”
She shook her head, and her gaze held mine.
“What?” I asked her.
“I can’t believe you had a summer of hot sex with Jamison—your dream guy—and kept it from me, your best friend.” She pinched her lips together. “Anyway, I’m over it. Now, you’re a beautiful, sexy woman—a divorced woman with a child. Jamison is hot and single—and has been for two years. You have chemistry; no one can deny it. Lance has no reason to be weird about any of this.”
If only it were that easy. I dropped my gaze and focused on my blueberry muffin and latte. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her what was gnawing at me—the fear that even after all this time, I might never be good enough for Jamison.
Finally, I spoke. “I know you’re right. Even if Lance has an issue, he has no right to. But I can’t help but think our latest kiss was a mistake. A fluke of nature because we were both so drawn into the excitement of the girls.” I shrugged.
Rose reached across the table and squeezed my hand. Her voice was soft when she spoke. “Lill, that could be part of it. You’re both one hundred percent into your daughters, as you should be. But I know there’s more between you.”
I knew she was right but refused to meet her gaze. I stared off across the coffee shop and read the menu.
“Hey,” she squeezed my hand which was still in her grip. “Look at me.”
I slowly met her gaze, and she continued. “Please realize you deserve a man who loves you deeply and knows how amazing you are. You deserve someone who makes you happy, and I want you to go out there and find happiness, no matter who you find it with.”
I swallowed against the lump lodged in my throat and blinked quickly to clear my vision. Rose always knew what to say. I smiled. “Thank you,” I whispered.
“You’re welcome. Now get out of here and show Jamison that cocky, outgoing, woman everyone loved—including him. I know she’s still in there somewhere, and he was interested once upon a time.”
“Love you, Rosie.” I jumped up and hugged her. I felt much better and was ready to go show Jamison why he needed me as his cleaning person—and possibly why he needed me in general.
That old confidence, which carried me through high school and college, rushed through me as I drove the short distance across town to Jamison’s house. I pulled into his driveway and jumped out of the car with a sureness I hadn’t felt in a long time. Then I came to an abrupt halt at his front door and thought I was going to hyperventilate. Fear and insecurity gripped my gut, squeezing all that confidence I’d felt just seconds before from my being like a boa constrictor.
The door opened, and I jumped. Startled.
“Hey. I thought I heard something. Come on in.” Jamison looked as handsome as ever in khaki pants and an unbuttoned polo. I stepped inside, and a beige dog stood there, tail wagging in anticipation of meeting someone new.
“Well, hello.” I stuck my hand out and was greeted with a sloppy kiss. I laughed and petted the dog’s stringy fur. “And who is this beauty?”
“That’s Becca. A big baby who’s never met a stranger.”
Becca turned circles as Jamison closed the door, and I laughed again. She was precious.
“Come on. Let me show you around the house so you can see what you’ll be getting yourself into.”
Jamison’s house was a spacious, two-story home. Upstairs was Jamison and Darcie’s bedroom, and each had a private bath, while a cozy third room served as Jamison’s office. Downstairs featured a large master suite with a luxurious bathroom and a deep jacuzzi bathtub. The inviting living room flowed into a modest dining area, and the kitchen boasted a charming breakfast nook by the window overlooking the backyard.
“It’s not much, but there are times everything gets out of control, and I think there’s an entire football team living here. I try my best to keep up but struggle, big time.”
“I don’t know, Jamison.” I said as I looked around the tidy kitchen. “Everything looks clean and in its place for the most part.”
“Yeah. For the most part, but only because my mother was here on Friday, and we haven’t had a chance to mess anything up yet.”
“The downstairs master bedroom seems to be immaculate. Does anyone ever use it?” I asked as I thought through how much time it might take for me to clean the entire house.
He shook his head. “Honestly, no. That was Carly’s and my room, but after she . . .” He paused, and his eyes took on a faraway look. My heart went out to him. “. . . passed away, I moved upstairs to be closer to Darcie. I thought it would be just temporary, but two years later, I’m still there. It’s just easier.”
I smiled a tight-lipped smile. “Makes sense. My old house in New York was huge. The master was on the top floor. There were three floors, but I never liked to sleep one floor above Madeline. Whenever Anthony was out of town, which during the past five years was a lot, I slept in Madeline’s room with her. The bed was big enough, and I enjoyed her room more, anyway. It was comfortable and inviting.” I met his eyes, and the loneliness I saw in them a second ago was a feeling I knew well. But the look that was there now was no longer sadness but something else. Something I couldn’t quite put my finger on. Was it interest? Or God, forbid . . . desire? I hoped not. I sure wasn’t ready for that.
Was I?