11. Chapter 11
Chapter 11
Jamison
“W ow, Daddy. The house looks so nice,” Darcie exclaimed as we entered the kitchen from the garage. After I picked her up from school, we went grocery shopping so I could fix us something to eat besides chicken nuggets and mac the house was clean and happy and filled with love and laughter. “Yes, princess. Your mommy kept the house looking like this.”
“Well, then she’d be happy that Ms. Lilly is helping you out, Daddy.” She held up a crayon drawing of a sun and a rainbow. “Here, I colored this for you. It’s outside on a bright sunny day after it rains, and God puts a rainbow in the sky. We learned the rainbow was a promise that God is always there for us and loves us no matter what.” She hung her picture on the refrigerator. “I’m putting this here, Daddy. I want to remember that promise. Don’t you? I think Mommy is in the sky watching us and wanting us to be happy. When I see a rainbow, it will always remind me of God’s promise and that Mommy is up in heaven watching over us.”
Carly and I took Darcie to church when she was a baby. Bryson, Darlene, and our mother go just about every Sunday.
I stopped after Carly died.
I studied the picture. It was of a man, I guess me, holding a little red-haired girl’s hand, Darcie. They were under a rainbow, and my heart stuttered. A person who looked so much like the little girl, red hair and all, was above the rainbow with a big smile on her face. My eyes watered and I blinked hard.
Did I believe God is always there for us? I didn’t know. I didn’t know what to believe anymore. All I knew was I’d lost the woman I planned on growing old with and having a lot more babies with. My light was taken away from me, and to be honest, I believed God left me that day as well. But I couldn’t tell my daughter that.
I met her innocent, wide green eyes . How do I tell her I don’t know what I believe anymore? Sometimes I feel like God moved on and forgot about me, but I can’t say that . I took a deep breath and said the only thing I could. “Yep, princess. Now help me set the table.”
I got Darcie to bed after a decent dinner for once, and I walked around looking for laundry to fold or something to clean. There was nothing. “Oh, well. Come on Becca.” I went outside and sat on the front steps as Becca ran around the front yard sniffing. She barked excitedly when Lance pulled into the driveway.
It wasn’t unusual for him to stop by this late—well, it was only eight thirty; it wasn’t really late. His apartment complex wasn’t far away.
“Hey, Becca.” He petted the dog’s head and threw the stick she brought to him. “Hey, man. What’s up?”
I shook my head and gestured to the dog. “Just brought her out here instead of the back to run around a bit.”
“Is the little princess asleep?”
“Yep.” I stood and opened the door for him. “I’m going to have a coffee. Want anything?”
“Just water. I can’t believe you can drink coffee at this hour.”
I chuckled a bit. He always said that, but I could honestly drink coffee at any time and hop right into bed. Caffeine didn’t have an effect on me.
We got our drinks, went into the living room, and got comfortable. Lance let out a low whistle. “I heard Lilly came by today. She really did a job on your place. I haven’t seen it this clean and organized in years.”
“I know,” I agreed. “I feel bad. All I expected her to do was the basic cleaning, but she went all out. Everything’s organized. Even Darcie’s closet.”
“My mom said she also did amazing things at the salon. I can tell you she had this talent hidden all growing up. Her room was always immaculate, but helping around the house was not something she ever did.”
I laughed as a memory came back to me. Lilly and Rose sitting on her bed with the door open. Lance and I asked if they wanted to go to the Creamery, the local ice cream shop at the time. She said she couldn’t until she vacuumed, and she had no desire to do the simplest chore. “Yep. She only kept her room clean. Not even ice cream could get her to push a vacuum.”
I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t noticed Lilly then, but being my best friend’s sister, someone I had known all my life—created an invisible barrier between us. She was someone who I couldn’t approach.
My mind drifted back to the summer before I graduated, and the fling Lilly and I had. So much for that invisible barrier. I couldn’t deny I had some sort of feelings for her, but I didn’t think much about them because I met Carly soon after returning to school, and my heart was hers from the start.
My heart beat rapidly, and I had a sick feeling in my stomach. Was kissing her again a bad idea?
“Hey. Everything good? You’re zoning out again,” Lance said.
I nodded and pushed those thoughts to the back of my mind. “Yeah. I’m just grateful for your sister. Darcie was so excited about how clean everything was. She actually asked me if Carly kept the house this clean.” I got quiet, and the sick feeling in my stomach churned a bit. “It kills me she has no memories of her mother. None at all.” I lifted my gaze from the carpet and looked at him. “I’m also starting to forget her. Little things. Her laugh. How she felt. And it scares me.”
Lance moved to the edge of his seat. “I don’t know what it’s like to lose someone as perfect as Carly, but I see her so much in Darcie. Darcie looks just like her and has her bubbliness and love of life. Her tenderness. You have a mini-Carly right up there.” He pointed to the ceiling. “And Carly loved you so much. I know she’d want you to find someone and be happy. Not alone all the time. I just had the same discussion with my sister.”
My pulse picked up. “Why? Did something happen?” I couldn’t hide my concern.
“Not really. We were just talking. She told me Anthony didn’t care about her for most of their marriage, and she wasn’t his only woman. He had them everywhere, and there was nothing she could do about it because if she left, he would cut her and Madeline off. It took every ounce of courage to go to the lawyer and file for divorce. Thankfully, her friend Gianna was there to encourage her.”
He scrubbed his hands over his face and looked hard at me. “I told her I needed to meet Gianna. Anyway, she admitted she was over him. He just had a way of getting under her skin. She knows she and Maddy deserve to have a man who wants to treat them special.” Lance sat up straight. “Both of you deserve to be happy. You’re my favorite people.”
I glanced at him, then back to the carpet. Should I tell him about the kiss? Would he understand? I raked my fingers through my hair. Not now. Not yet. “I know, man. I was thinking the same thing earlier.”
Our conversation changed to the upcoming college football season. Yeah, it was summer, but in our world, there were two seasons—football season and almost football season.