22. Chapter 22
Chapter 22
Jamison
I leaned on my knees as I gasped for air after a long, hard run. My mother came and picked up the girls early this morning, and now I had time to complete some last-minute work before calling it quits for the weekend.
I stomped in the door and grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator on my way to the shower. I needed that run. I needed it to clear my head. I didn’t sleep well after Lilly left last night. When she was near me, I had zero doubts our feelings were legitimate and right, but as soon as I was alone, doubts crept into my mind like spiders across a counter and spun webs of negativity in their path.
As the heat from the shower beat on my skin, I couldn’t help but think of all the reasons why Lilly and I shouldn’t be together. If anything were to happen, we would be hurting more than just us. We’d be hurting our mother’s and most importantly—our daughters.
My stomach lurched, as if someone had punched me, and my heart pounded against my ribs. With a sigh, I leaned my forehead against the shower wall, the sound of the water cascading down a soothing background. That was it. That was my issue. If Carly was still here, I wouldn’t have thoughts of Lilly or even acted on our old feelings.
I stood in the shower and let the scalding water rain down on my skin. The pain from the heat took over for the pain in my heart. What if Lilly’s concerns were founded? What if she was just a rebound? What if I didn’t have feelings for her like I had for Carly? Could I walk away and keep from breaking hearts in my wake? What about the girls?
I lifted my face to the stream of water and closed my eyes. The drumming of water droplets relaxed me and soothed the stress that filled my chest. I stood in the hot shower allowing the water to wash away my dreariness until the water turned cold.
Once I started my day, work took over my thoughts. I was able to not only complete everything I needed, but the customer I had been talking with, finally signed their contract. That was more commission in my paycheck, which was always a good thing.
I signed out of my computer and shut everything down for the weekend just as the garage door closed, and I heard the pitter-patter, or better yet stomp-stomping, of little feet. Becca, who had been lounging in her usual spot in the middle of my office floor, rose to her feet and raced down the steps.
Darcie’s laugh filled the house as Becca ran around her. The dog licked at her hands and arms. “Becca,” Darcie laughed. “Come on. and I’ll give you a snack.”
I got to the kitchen as she gave Becca a dog biscuit and a kiss on the head.
“Daddy!” Darcie greeted me when she turned.
I laughed. “Yes, my darling, quiet daughter?”
“Hi, Daddy,” she sang as she hugged my legs. “Grammy and I got burgers. I ate mine in the car and drank all my chocolate milkshake. I’m going upstairs. I have to get stuff to take to Grammy’s later. The girls and I have stuff to do. Bye.” She ran off with Becca following behind as was usual.
My mother put a couple brown bags on the counter. The smell wafting from them caused my stomach to growl. I was starving. “Thanks, Mom.” I gave her a hug and kissed her cheek.
“You’re welcome. Those girls are exhausting.” She fell into a chair at the table.
I sat across from her and divided out our food.
“Just a warning,” she said with a lift of her finger. “They are planning their senior trip to Moana’s home in Hawaii. Maybe we need to find a Disney movie which takes place closer. Last year, she wanted to go to the beach and swim under the water to meet Ariel.”
I laughed out loud. “I think they need to focus on getting ready for kindergarten first. I’m in no rush for them to graduate. But I remember that. We were scared to take her to Uncle Nigel’s.” Nigel was Kora’s father. My mom’s older brother. He moved to a small beach town in Florida after he retired.
“Yep, and when we finally did, we had to make sure she understood she absolutely could not go under the water too long. I was scared to death she was going to drown.”
“Me too,” I agreed as I took a bite of my burger.
A memory hit me like a slug to the gut. I placed my burger back on the wrapper, tipped my head up, and blinked rapidly to drain the tears from my eyes.
“Jamison, what’s wrong?” My mom reached across the table and squeezed my hand.
I swallowed down my emotions before I spoke. “Carly’s dream was to go to Hawaii for our tenth anniversary. Ten years would have been this year.”
I felt Mom pull up a chair, and her arm slid around me. “Jamison Carl McKendry Jr. Listen. To. Me.”
I was thirty-six years old, and still, my complete name from my mother forced me to listen. She meant business. My gaze fell on hers.
“You are so lucky; you know that, don’t you?”
I had no clue where she was going, but I nodded.
“You and Carly had something special. She was your soulmate, and together, you made a precious angel who lightens up every bit of my day.” She grabbed my chin and turned it toward her. “But Carly’s gone, son, and you have to move on.”
My heart stopped. My mom had been my rock over the past two years. She understood what it was like losing the person you vowed to be with forever, and she’d helped me over so many hurdles.
I shook my head. This might be one thing, though, she was wrong about. “I don’t know, Mom. I thought I was ready, but now I don’t know.” Tears fell down my cheeks. Angrily, I swiped them away.
“Listen, baby. Moving on and finding someone else to love doesn’t mean you’ll forget Carly. You’ll never forget her. Darcie is the spitting image of her mother. You will always have Carly with you.” She wiped away another tear as it made its way down my cheek.
“I still miss your father like crazy, but I have him everywhere I look. I see him in your eyes and your work ethic. Bryson has his crazy energy and sense of humor. Rowan is the spitting image of Carl. He’s everywhere, and I’ll never forget him. Plus, he’s always here.” She patted her chest over her heart. “But don’t let someone else get away because you’re afraid to move on and put your heart out there again.”
I met my mother’s gaze head on. “All this from you. Mom, you’ve been single for five years.”
“Not the same. I was with your dad for thirty years, and I’m not alone. I have Darcie and James to keep me busy. I go out with a man now and then. One day, I’ll find someone. But right now, I keep myself busy with my family, and lately I’ve been concerned about you. I’m scared you’re going to let your next love get away. You’re too young to be alone, and you have so much to share.”
What did she know? My mother was Orlinda Valley’s personal blog. She knew everything that went on in this town, and if she didn’t, she made it her job to find out. I tilted my head. “What’s up, Mom?”
“That’s what I should be asking you,” she said as she leaned back. “There’s been talk around town, and I’ve heard some things about you and Lilly.”
And here we go. “Mom.”
“Nope, listen to me. You and Lilly, if there is something there, have all our blessings. The ladies and I thought there was something going on between you two, years ago, but then you met Carly, and she met Anthony. But now here you both are, single and hurting in different ways. Sometimes things happen for a reason. Maybe she’s supposed to be here now. I know you’ve been trying to move on and date. Maybe the couple of women you’ve gone out with were just opening your heart to the possibility of someone new.”
She stood and rubbed my cheek. What was it about a mother’s touch that could make a grown man feel like a child again? “It’s time, Jami. Open your heart and be willing to let someone else in. It’s what Carly would have wanted.” She kissed the top of my head. “I gotta go. Got a lot to do. I’ll see you both tonight, oh, and I told Darcie to pack. The book club is having a sleepover, and the grandkids are going to camp out.” She let out a Tonya cackle. “I feel so sorry for James. He, again, has to spend the night with all the girls. Lena, Madeline, Skylar, and Darcie against poor James. One day, maybe we’ll have another boy.”
“You could make JR come stay, too,” I said, referring to Rose’s oldest.
“Yeah, a twelve-year-old does not want to have a sleepover with a bunch of almost kindergarteners.” She grabbed her purse. “I gotta roll. Promise me you’ll think about what I said?” Her brows went up.
“Yes, Mom. I will, I promise.” I gave her a hug as Darcie came bounding into the kitchen, rolling a large suitcase behind her.
“Grammy, can I go with you now?” Darcie asked as she huffed a bit.
“How did you get that downstairs?” I asked, gawking at the size of the suitcase.
“I didn’t. I carried all my stuff down in my bag. It took lots of trips. This was in the closet in the downstairs room. Look what I found in the front pocket.”
She held up a long black jewelry box. My pulse quickened. I knew that box.
I took it from her, and a smile broke across my face when I saw the contents—a heart locket necklace I gave to Carly. I took it out and opened it. On one side was a picture of me; the other was baby Darcie. I turned it to Darcie; her eyes went wide, and her mouth dropped open.
She let out a gasp. “Is that you and me, Daddy?”
“Yep, princess, it is. I bought this for your mommy when she was pregnant with you. She put my picture in it, then after you were born, she put in yours. I haven’t been able to find it. I guess she put it in the suitcase.” My heart squeezed tight, and I had to swallow down the lump which formed as I remembered where she took this suitcase last, which was why I didn’t find the necklace.
“Why was it in the suitcase pocket if Mommy loved it so much?”
My voice was emotional when I spoke. “The last place she took this suitcase was to her mom and dad’s. She must have taken the locket with her.” I cleared my voice and crouched next to Darcie. “Here.” I clasped the necklace around her neck.
She picked it up in her little hands and opened it. “It’s so pretty,” she whispered.
I nodded and cleared my throat. “It is. It’s yours now.”
“Daddy, thank you.” She wrapped her little arms around my neck and held on for a bit. I wrapped my arms around her and breathed in the sweet, childlike scent of her.
“Can we get a picture of Mommy to put in it, instead of baby me? Then I’ll have my Mommy and Daddy together in my heart forever.”
And just like that, tears escaped from my eyes—again. Anyone with a heart of any size wouldn’t have been able to hold back tears. I glanced at my mom, and yep. She wiped her face as well.
“Of course, princess.” I gave her another hard hug and planted kisses all over her face.
“Okay, Daddy. Grammy and I gotta go.” She giggled as she gave me a kiss. “I’ll see you later, alligator.” She pulled her suitcase behind her.
“You okay with taking her now, Mom?”
“Of course.” My mother waved and had an all-knowing smile on her face. “See you soon, baby,” she said and helped Darcie out the garage door with her suitcase.
I threw the wrappers from our lunch into the trash and walked into the living room. I picked up the frame on the mantel, the last picture of Carly, Darcie, and me. I held Darcie, who had just turned two. Her hair matched her mother’s perfectly, even down to the waviness and the one strand that never stayed behind their shoulders. “I love you, Car. You will always be my first love and will always be in my heart.”
I put the picture down and picked up the one next to it, from my father’s funeral. Carly was pregnant then, and so was Lilly, but no one knew. We told everyone later that night about our baby.
My gaze bounced between Lilly and Carly. Carly and her red curls and blue eyes, Lilly and her straight light brown hair and brown eyes. Both beautiful. Both important to me.
But only one I was able to talk to, to touch.