34. Chapter 34
Chapter 34
Lilly
I walked into my house with Rose, well Mom and Charles’s. I don’t think I’ll ever see it as mine. Ruth had contacted Rose and said Lena and Madeline were having a visit.
“We’re home,” I yelled as we entered the living room, but there was no one there or in the kitchen.
“They’re outside in the pool,” Rose said as she went out the door.
“Mommy!” The squeals of excitement from Lena and Madeline were deafening, and to our horror, they climbed out of the pool and wrapped us in soggy hugs.
“I missed you,” Madeline said as I picked her up to hug her close.
I wouldn’t be able to do that much longer. I was tiny at five-four, and she already seemed almost half my size. “I missed you, too. Gosh, you’re getting so big. You’re almost too big for me to pick up.”
She gave me a kiss on the cheek and smooshed her face into my neck. “That’s okay,” she said, her voice muffled. “I’ll always be your baby, right?”
“You bet your brown eyes.” I kissed her head and held her close. God, I loved her. She made my shitty marriage worth every second.
“Daddy, you’re here!” My eyes popped open as Darcie climbed out of the pool and ran past me.
“Hey, princess,” Jamison’s deep and masculine voice made my heart flutter, and my breath caught.
Madeline wiggled in my arms, and I had to let her go. I watched as she ran to Jamison’s arms, and he hugged her tight. “Hi, Jamison. Guess what we did today?” And the three girls pulled him to their playhouse in the corner and showed him whatever it was that had kept them occupied this afternoon.
“Well, I guess we know where we stand.” Rose stood next to me and nudged my arm. “They haven’t seen us in days but weren’t going to show us what they did.”
I nodded but didn’t trust my voice. I watched Jamison with the girls. He was on his knees at the back edge of the playhouse. I could hear their voices but couldn’t make out the words.
“Girls, take a seat,” Kaye said. “They’ll let you know what they’re doing when they’re ready.”
“Yes. Tell us about your night and the dress you found, Lilly,” Ruth said.
Rose and I sat on the couch and told the women all about our time in Nashville since Sunday. We’d had a good time once I made sure everyone understood I didn’t want to think about Jamison. I felt good about my decision. I still needed to focus on Madeline, get all her supplies for school, and spend some time with her.
I planned to take Madeline to the science museum this week, the zoo, and, of course, spend a lot of time swimming with the girls. By Thursday, we should know who their teachers will be and if they will be in the same class. It would be great if all of them and James could be together, but we knew the chances of that were slim.
Jamison stood from his crouched position and whispered one more thing to the girls.
“Okay, Lilly and Rose, close your eyes; Madeline and Lena have a surprise for you,” said Darcie.
Rose and I turned toward each other. She smiled. I shrugged, and we both closed our eyes. I could hear whispers around me from the women. So, whatever this was about, I was sure they were in on it.
The girls must have been in front of us, as I heard their little giggles. “Okay, open your eyes,” Darcie said.
We did, and my eyes instantly started to water. Madeline was holding a black ceramic vase decorated with her handprints. It was filled with lilies with a pink bow tied around it. Lena held the same, but hers had pink roses.
“Here, Mommy,” Madeline stood in front of me, her voice almost a whisper. “These are my hands, and that’s the date I painted this, so you’ll always remember me when I was this small.”
“Same with you, Mommy,” Lena said. “It was Granny’s idea, and Jamison took us to buy all the stuff, and he picked out the flowers.”
“Aren’t they pretty?” Madeline asked. “Lilies are your favorite, and roses are Rose’s favorite, and that’s both your names. I love it.”
I blinked rapidly and wiped away the lone tear as it fell down my cheek. “I love it, too, squirt. It’s perfect.”
“And when I’m away from you at school, you can remember me because you can see my hands.” Madeline wiped away my tears.
I tried to smile and relax. She never did well when I cried, but yet, it was usually because Anthony did something mean or hurtful.
My mother took my vase from my hands. I smiled thanks to her.
Madeline gave me a light kiss on my cheek. “Jamison said you’d probably cry, but I shouldn’t worry because they would be happy tears. He told me sometimes ladies cry when they’re happy. Is that why you’re crying now, Mommy?” Her voice was soft with concern.
I sniffed and glanced up at Jamison, who stood just back away from the girls, his blue eyes questioning and his expression soft. My pulse skipped. The side of his mouth ticked up just a bit. “Yeah, baby. I’m happy.” I turned my gaze to her. “This was perfect and sweet and wonderful. I love them.”
“Yay.” She squeezed my neck again. “Now we need to go with the grandmas and make dinner. We’re having tacos.”
“Rose,” said Tonya, “Why don’t you come inside? Lena said something about you making the best tacos ever. We need you to show us your secret ingredient.”
Rose snickered and wagged her brow. “I guess I need to show these old women how to open a package of taco seasoning and add it to browned ground beef.” She glanced at Jamison, and I could have sworn she winked at him, then squeezed my arm.
I stood there alone in the yard with Jamison just feet away. I’d spent the past two days telling everyone I needed to give myself space and time, but now he was here in front of me, and I wasn’t so sure I could wait.
Then I remembered him on the dance floor kissing Ella Raye, and my stomach clenched into a tight knot. I backed up and sat back on the couch.
“Lilly, please, can we talk?” His voice was thick with emotion.
I placed both my hands over my face and massaged my forehead, where I suddenly felt a headache brewing.
I felt the cushion next to me move, and I could smell Jamison’s cologne. I sat straight as he grabbed my hands. My gaze dropped, and I watched as his thumb rubbed in circles over my knuckles. His hands were strong and much larger than mine. They filled me with warmth like they had every time he held them since I had been home and like that summer so long ago.
“Lilly,” he continued. “I know my actions brought back memories of how Anthony treated you, but I’m not Anthony, and I promise I would never meaningly hurt you. You are so important to me.”
My gaze jumped to his, and my pulse skipped.
“I’ve known you all my life. You are a part of every memory I have with this crazy extended family of ours. I started falling for you that summer.”
My mouth went dry, and my pulse picked up speed.
He continued. “I won’t say what ifs. I can’t. I met Carly, and she became my life, but was taken from me too soon. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to fill the hole in my heart her death caused. Then you came home, and there was nothing keeping me away from you. I felt an instant connection when I hugged you that first night at your mom’s.”
He tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ears, brushed his hand across my cheek, and pushed my chin up to meet his eyes. “And this time, when I started falling for you, I didn’t stop. I fell hard, and you have filled the hole in my heart I thought would forever be empty,”
He paused for a second, and his eyes held mine. “I love you, Lilly.”
He stopped talking.
I stopped breathing, and I think the world stopped spinning.
He continued. “It might be fast. I know you’ve only been home for a month, but these feelings have been there in hibernation for years, waiting for a reason to wake up. I think this moment is that reason.”
Our gazes held, and slowly, he closed the distance between us. Days ago, I missed the warmth of his lips—the feel of his touch.
His lips brushed mine gently, and I became drugged by Jamison. He deepened the kiss, and his tongue willed my mouth to open and let him in.
I did. I desired everything this kiss gave me.
But it wasn’t what I needed, not yet anyway. I pulled away and instantly became alone and empty.
“What’s wrong?” he whispered.
“Jamison.” I shook my head. “If this would have been us last week, I would have been there with you. I know you didn’t kiss Ella Raye, but like I said outside Jerry’s Pub that night, seeing you with her on the dance floor gave me a chance to reflect on my life and what I need .” I met his gaze and the hurt I saw reflected there.
I swallowed hard and ignored my aching heart. “I told you I need time for me, Jamison. Time is something I haven’t had in years. I need to figure out what I want, who I am. What Madeline and I are going to do.” I took his hands in mine. “So, I’m asking you, again, to please give me time. I can’t get into another relationship without knowing who I am, what I want out of life. I wouldn’t be a good mother if I did, and I wouldn’t be a good partner to you.”
He squeezed my hands, and the muscles in his jaw twitched. “That wasn’t what I wanted to hear. But I understand. I don’t like it, but I understand. I’ve waited for you for years. I can wait a little longer.”
I wrapped my arms around him and relaxed in his warmth. “Thank you. I’m sorry I couldn’t give you what you wanted.”
He pulled away. “You need to focus on you. Just promise me you’ll let me know what you decide, no matter what it is?”
His eyes were filled with pain, and they gleamed with tears. I bit my lips to keep from kissing him and telling him I was wrong and nodded instead. I didn’t trust my voice to speak.
“I’m going to go.” He opened his mouth to say something but thought differently and walked into the house.