25. Stronger
Chapter twenty-five
Stronger
Owen
One-hundred and fifty-three days. That's how long I spent hidden away from my fucking life,. Away from my friends, my work, my angel. Left with my thoughts about how I had fucked up on every scale. No matter how hard I tried, I still couldn't get Charlie out of my head. She encompasses my every waking thought. Was she okay? Was she doing well? Has she met someone else? She best not have fucking met someone. Why did I walk away from her? Had I made the right decision? Was she happy without me? I was driving myself crazy.
Look where that got me.
I know deep down I made the right decision. Being part of this special ops team, it’s made me realise what I want, what I need and where I need to be to get it.
It will be a year tomorrow since I left. She is still always on my mind. Deep in my soul, I know she’s mine. No matter what happens, she’s it for me. I know I made the best decision to keep away; me being away from her will keep her safe. I was not in a great place. That would have affected us in the end. I needed to get help.
I also know I fucked up leaving, contradictory I know, I fucked up by letting my head and my own issues ruin something good. The message Charlie left me yesterday gutted me.
I fucked up. I really fucking fucked up.
Picking up the phone and placing it to my ear, it rings out. I’m determined to get this over with. And on the fourth time, Leon finally picks up.
“You bastard.” It’s so good to hear his voice. I don’t say a word, knowing full well he needs to rant at me for a while.
“Twelve months, you fucking dick-faced-arsehole, twelve fucking months.” His voice lowers to a sort of shouting whisper, like he’s hiding. Is she with him?
“You're the biggest idiot on the planet. Do you know that?” I laugh a little, but it's full of remorse for what I’ve missed.
“Yeah, I know,” I state.
“God, it’s good to hear your voice, man. Does this mean you’re coming home? Please say you’re coming home. I need a fucking holiday.”
“I’ll be back in a week, one more job, then I’m back after the R&R.”
“What do you mean ‘job’? What have you been doing?” I tell him everything, and he never mentions Charlie once.
“Did you keep your promise? Did you look after her for me?” I ask eventually. I need to know.
“I’m not dignifying that with an answer, you idiot. You fucked up big style. That woman…” He laughs like it’s a private joke. My stomach sinks. I deserve the shit he’s giving. Out of all my brothers, Leon is the one I should have turned to. I can only imagine the hurt when I didn’t. “Does not need looking after.” There’s a hint of something I should have known. Something big I missed out on.
“What does that mean? I asked you to watch out for her? Did you? If I find out you never helped her when she needed it, I’ll fucking…” My voice raising at the mere thought of her not having any support.
“You’ll fucking what, Owen? What you need to understand is that you should have stayed and seen for yourself.” He lets out a frustrated breath. “She’s fucking amazing, man. You’ve been gone too long. Me and the boys have been good to her. Don’t you worry.”
What the actual fuck? I know he’s my best friend, but is he saying he’s… they are, they have…What?
“What?” It’s all I can say and it’s forced through gritted teeth. The camp bed I’m gripping creaks under the pressure of my fist strangling the metal frame like I want to take its last breath.
“We have spent the last twelve months getting to know each other, O.”
I can’t speak. I don’t know what to say. I knew it was always a possibility she would meet someone else, but my best friend? Leon's rumble of laughter starts slow, like he just can’t contain it anymore, then it burst into his full barrel laugh. I’m confused for a second, my heart rate still soaring at the thought of him and Charlie… together. I want to punch something. The air in this tent is thick with tension, tension I’m creating, and it’s all my fault.
“Hook line and god damn sinker, O,” he lets out between his deep rumbles of glee at my expense.
“Fucker. I really thought you had…” My chest heaves with relief, flexing my hands out of the tight fist I had.
“Nah, man. I mean, she’s hot, like really hot, and wickedly fit, but she’s not for me.”
“Right, I just need a minute. So, you’re not? Cole and Ethan?” I hold back the question I need to know. I’m being an arse and I know it. These men, my brothers, are good men. There was every possibility she could have fallen for them in my absence, given I asked them to stay close and watch over her for me.
“Nope. Glad to see your feelings for Charlie are still strong.” He has no fucking idea.
“Stronger than ever. I’m coming back, Leon. I’ll be back in a week. I have a few things I need to finish up, then I’m coming to get my girl. Whatever it takes.”
After I reached out to Leon yesterday, I called Cole and Ethan, getting the same shit from them too. I almost called Charlie. I want her to know I’m coming, but I want to look into her eyes when I tell her all the things I need to say. I want to see her reaction, feel her, know that she’s mine. Breathe her in. If she’ll let me.
Packing up the last few bits I need, I don’t leave anything behind. I’m not coming back out here.
I’ll see her in a week.
What’s a week?
Seven days, one-hundred-sixty-eight hours, and way too fucking many minutes to count. It’s too long, but I can’t and won’t let Dom and his team down now.
I’m counting down the hours until I see her again.
We’re just about to head out. The guys are waiting for me in the truck. Excited to get this one done and out of the way. A quick one, no more than twenty-four hours and I’ll be drinking a beer, and diving into the sea, before I leave earlier than planned, and head home. It’s been a long few months of back-to-back jobs, with hardly any rest in between. It’s what we were all trained for, but it still takes its toll on us, and right now we all look a little tired.
Thirty minutes until we need to be at the first destination. I think, now more than ever, I want more of a life than I’ve been leading, and I want it all with Charlie. One last job before I head home. To my angel.