23. Marcus
23
MARCUS
T he next few days were a blur of anxiety and preparation. I spent hours on the field, pushing myself harder than ever. The upcoming championship game was my only chance to prove myself, to show the school and my coach that I was still dedicated to my future.
Brandon had been right—if I could perform well, this whole incident would blow over. The eyewitnesses had cleared my name, but I knew I was on thin ice. One more slip-up, and my dream could be over.
Caleb and I didn’t talk much during this time. He needed space, and I needed to focus but just knowing that he still loved me was all the fuel I needed to push hard for my dream—for us. But every night, as I lay in bed, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. His smile, his laugh, the way he made me feel like everything was going to be okay.
Every morning, I woke up before dawn to run laps around the track. The crisp morning air was refreshing, but the weight of everything on my shoulders made it hard to breathe. I pushed through the exhaustion, reminding myself of why I was doing this. My career was my ticket out, my way to ensure a better future for myself and my family.
After my run, I’d head to the gym for strength training. Coach had given me a strict regimen to follow, and I stuck to it religiously. As I lifted weights, my mind would wander to
Caleb, wondering if he was thinking about me too. I missed our conversations, our study sessions, the way he made literature come alive.
In the afternoons, we had team practices. The drills were intense, and Coach wasn’t taking it easy on me despite everything. If anything, he seemed even tougher. “Prove yourself, Marcus,” he’d say. “Show me you deserve to be here.”
I threw myself into the practice, channeling all my frustration and fear into my performance while still making time to study for finals. My teammates noticed the change in me. Some offered words of encouragement, while others kept their distance, unsure of how to approach me after the recent events.
Evenings were the hardest. After practice, I’d head to Kim’s house. The silence was almost deafening without hearing my mother’s voice. I missed her but couldn’t deal with the guilt she was going to lay on me over the arrest. I needed positive energy and to stay focused. I tried to study, but my mind kept drifting back to Caleb. I wanted to call him, to hear his voice, but I knew we needed space. Instead, I’d lie in bed, staring at the ceiling, replaying our last conversation over and over in my head.
One night, as I was about to drift off to sleep, my phone buzzed. It was a text from my brother, Brandon.
Brandon: How’s practice going?
Marcus: Intense. Trying to keep my head above water.
Brandon: You got this, bro. Just keep pushing. Remember why you’re doing this.
Marcus: Thanks. I need to prove myself at the championship game.
Brandon: And you will. Just keep your focus.
His words gave me a small measure of comfort. I knew he believed in me, and I couldn’t let him down. I couldn’t let anyone down.
The days leading up to the championship game were grueling. Each morning, I’d wake up sore but determined. I couldn’t afford to slack off, not now.
One afternoon, after an especially tough practice, Coach pulled me aside. “Marcus, I’ve seen the way you’ve been pushing yourself. Keep it up.
I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat. “I won’t let you down, Coach.” He clapped a hand on my shoulder. “I know you won’t.”
The evening before the championship game, I found myself standing outside Caleb’s house. I hesitated for a moment before knocking on the door. When he answered, his expression was a mix of surprise and something else—maybe hope?
“Marcus, what are you doing here?” he asked.
“I needed to see you,” I said, my voice shaking slightly. “I know you need space, but I just wanted to say thank you. For everything. You’ve been my rock, even when I didn’t deserve it.”
Caleb smiled softly. “You’re doing great, Marcus. Just keep pushing. I believe in you.”
Hearing those words from him meant the world to me. We stood there for a moment, just looking at each other, before I finally pulled him into a hug. “I miss you,” I whispered.
“I miss you too,” he replied. I looked into his eyes and then without looking to see if anyone was around. I kissed him. This was a special kiss. It was the first time I kissed him in public without caring what anyone else thought. As I left his house that night, I felt a renewed sense of determination.
A tantalizing and mouthwatering smell awakened me. My mother was home and we hadn’t had a conversation since the night of the arrest. I was dreading this day. I hadn’t seen my mother because she was at a conference out of town for over two weeks and I’d been staying over Kim’s place to avoid the awkward conversation we were going to have. I’d also been ignoring her calls.
I could smell the aroma of her blueberry pancakes percolating throughout the house. I knew she would be furious with me because I’d never disrespected her in my eighteen years of being in her home in front of anyone else, and I’d never ignored her calls and been blatantly disobedient.
I came downstairs expecting a verbal tongue-lashing, but she turned around, opened her arms wide, and hugged me.
“I’m not happy about you ignoring my calls and not coming home the other night, but I’m glad you’re okay.” She was crying and holding me so tight that I thought something was wrong with her.
“I’m sorry, mom. I didn’t mean to be rude. I needed some space,” I replied.
“Space from me?”
“Yes, I just didn’t want to be judged.”
“Marcus, I’m not trying to judge you. I’m trying to keep you from getting in trouble. I care about your dreams and goals. I put strict rules in place so you wouldn’t get arrested. These fast-tailed girls are out here trying to trap handsome boys like you, and I’m just trying to ensure you don’t make the same mistakes I made. Having children at a young age is difficult.” If I was going to be with Caleb, she was going to have to know now that Brandon knew. I guess it was only fair to tell her.
“Mom, can we talk in a non-judgmental way?”
“Oh, Lord, you out here having sex and got some girl pregnant?”
“Mom, please have a seat. So, I can explain.” She sat down on the kitchen chair. I grabbed her hand and held it. Waves of emotion washed over me, and tears burned in my eyes.
“What’s wrong, baby?” I looked down at the floor, afraid to see her reaction if I looked her in the eye.
“Mom, I’m in love with a guy. I know you believe it’s wrong, and I know it’s against what the Bible teaches, but I’ve tried everything to suppress this feeling, and it won’t go away.” A deafening silence infused the room.
I waited for her to respond and slowly lifted my head. When our eyes met, she got up from the table and left the kitchen without saying a word. I expected her to pray for me or scold me, but she didn’t. Instead, she returned to the table with her Bible in hand.
I knew this shit was going to happen. I should have just kept this to myself.
She opened it up and pushed the book toward me. I didn’t even look at the scripture because I knew it was the one in Leviticus that says we men shouldn’t lie with other men, but to my surprise, it was different. It was Matthew 22:37-40. It talked about loving God and loving others.
“Marcus, I’m a mother before I am a Christian, and it would be inhumane of me not to love you over something you can’t control. I love you no matter what your sexual orientation is.
There are too many kids out here killing themselves over this, and I’d rather have a happy son who was a part of the LGBT community than a dead one who wasn’t a part of any community at all.” She stood up and hugged me, and I cried on her shoulder like a big baby.
“I thought you would kick me out and disown me.”
“Baby, you could kill a man, and I’d help you bury the body. You’re my baby, and I’ll never disown you. But what you will not do is have sex in my house.”
“Of course not, Mom,” I replied. I vowed never to divulge the sinfulness Caleb and I committed upstairs.
“So, is there someone you’re dating or want to introduce me to?”
“There is someone, but I need to call him and settle a few things before we meet each other’s parents.”
“Well, take your time, and just know I’m here when you’re ready. Now make your plate. Your food is going to get cold.” I looked at my watch. I would be late for my exam, and Mrs. Johnson was serious about punctuality.
“Mom, I love your cooking, but I must get to school. I have a test today and I can’t be late.”
“Well, grab my keys; I’ll take you and make you a sandwich from these pancakes, eggs, and sausage.”
“Bet.”