Chapter 24
Ellie Trahan has been standing in the middle of her living room for about five minutes, glass in hand, gaze vacant.
She blinks several times and realizes her eyes have gone dry.
Emerging from her trance, with her mind racing like a sports car, she drags herself into the shower with a slowness that doesn't match her mental state.
The memory of yesterday's kiss with Ruby makes her body shiver, but not just because she loved tasting her best friend's soft, sweet lips again.
Not just because her core vibrated intensely, her heart accelerated and found the rhythm it had been seeking for years, but because Ellie knows she initiated that connection with a clear head, without a drop of alcohol in her system and after discussing it with Jerome and thinking about it for hours.
She squeezes her eyes shut and analyzes her feelings.
She doesn't regret it, not at all, but she's scared.
Ruby means everything to her, more than any partner she's ever had and even more than her own family, and Ellie couldn't bear starting a romantic relationship with her lifelong best friend only to ruin everything and lose her in the end.
She exits the shower with the same mental tangle she had going in.
She puts on jeans and, with the same indecision, takes them off and searches through her closet until she finds soft fabric pants that give her a rather perky butt.
She doesn't stop to consider her motives, pretending it's just an impulse to wear something different today.
She doesn't feel like going to the bar because seeing Ruby will make her skin tingle completely and she doubts how her hands might react.
She needs more time to think, but she can't be a coward and hide; she has to go to the Early Bayou to work and behave like the adult woman she is.
"Tell me, Chris," Ellie's phone won't stop vibrating and she takes advantage of having just parked to answer the call from the son of the owner of the building where the bar is located.
"I tried to convince my father to give you an extension," the man says, surprising Ellie. "I could only get you one more month in case you need it. I know finding a new rental isn't easy. I'm sorry."
Ellie wants to be more enthusiastic, but although the news is positive, a month is practically nothing for them.
New Orleans is so overcrowded that it's too complicated to find what they're looking for at a price that won't force them to find a second job for years to keep debt from swallowing them.
"I appreciate it, Chris," she finally says. "We haven't found anything yet and the sale price isn't for us."
They exchange a few more comments and Ellie prepares to enter the bar.
She feels good, she's nervous, but she believes she's fully capable of controlling the situation.
What a mistake. As soon as she sets foot inside the bar, she spots Ruby's body, facing the coffee machine.
The place is packed; both bartenders move nimbly while her business partner prepares drinks.
Ellie looks at her legs, her torso, and the hair covering her nape.
She flinches when someone walks past her and, without apologizing, gives her a slight push.
Ruby turns with the two cups of coffee she just prepared and finds Ellie taking small steps toward her.
She looks lost, but Ruby needs to continue with service until the tables are under control.
She passes close to her and leans in to plant a kiss on Ellie's cheek.
It's an innocent kiss and, although Ruby feels a pleasant tingle, she's used to it; it's been many years.
For Ellie, however, it's paralyzing; this new sensation is like an unexpected electric shock that strikes you in the middle of a nap.
"Come here," Ruby has reappeared at her side and, subtly, grabs her by the arm and leads her to the office they share.
Ellie walks and when they enter, she stands by the door not knowing what to do. She feels foolish, it's Ruby, for God's sake, not a stranger she's had a fling with and now doesn't know how to act around.
"I know the situation is weird for you, but Ellie, I'm still me," Ruby points to herself, reinforcing the very words Ellie was just thinking. "Take all the time you need, I told you yesterday and I'll say it again, but what I don't want is for you to act like this, as if we don't know each other."
Ellie nods, but her eyes continue wandering around the room.
"We've both been honest," Ruby continues. "I've been feeling this way for a long time and I know we can act normally. We're mature women and we don't have to feel uncomfortable."
"You're right," she finally says. "I'm sorry, this is all too new for me."
Ruby understands, so when she passes by her before leaving the office, she touches Ellie's shoulder affectionately and smiles at her.
The morning doesn't improve. Ellie remains stiff as a lamppost whenever she has to share space with her business partner.
She can't help but observe her, and each of her movements accelerates her soul.
She continues piecing together this incredibly complicated puzzle that apparently she's kept in the closet for years and only now is starting to make sense.
Her heart has been deceiving her for twenty-four years, beating desperately for Ruby, but to the tune of a friendship that clearly goes beyond that.
She thinks that perhaps all these years with men have served as practice, although she's more certain it's a cruel joke of fate because having the woman she's in love with by her side her entire life and not seeing it has no other name.
"I'm going to my mother's for lunch," Ellie announces when she enters the office to get her purse. "You know how she gets if I don't visit."
Ruby finishes reviewing an invoice and turns to look at her.
"Say hi from me."
Ellie hesitates, but doesn't overthink it.
She takes several steps and plants a kiss on Ruby's cheek.
It's something very much their thing and, despite their current situation, doesn't have to change.
When she feels the warmth of her best friend's skin, she gets startled and turns quickly to rush out of the Early Bayou.
Upon arriving at her mother's house, she's still nervous and appreciates that her parent distracts her by telling her all about the latest beauty treatment she's invested in; this way she forgets a little about Ruby and her full lips.
"Dermal exosome therapy," Margaret explains, touching her face coquettishly. "The latest in skin rejuvenation."
Ellie sees her looking exactly the same and suspects her mother has been scammed. No surprise; Margaret lives squandering her husbands' money and divorce settlements on treatments to live forever. She doesn't care about the price; according to her, she deserves it.
"But enough about me," she says after spending an hour telling her even the smallest details of what she's done in recent days. "Did anything happen with that friend you told me about last time?"
She knew it, Ellie knew her mother wouldn't let the subject drop. Despite it being a thorny issue, she feels it might do her good to get some of what she's carrying inside out. After all, she only has Ruby to unburden herself to, and she's precisely not the most appropriate person at this moment.
"The truth is I don't know what to do, Mom," Ellie says with slumped shoulders. "We've talked a little about what we feel and I'm very confused."
"And what do you feel?" Margaret asks, leaning her body forward to gain intimacy.
"Ru... Rob is in love and I think I am too."
Ellie's mother almost jumps up and dances with joy.
In her mind, she imagines where her daughter's wedding will be and what she'll wear.
She has been through four ceremonies, so she's quite the expert.
She needs to call the planner and make room because she estimates that in about a year or so this Rob will ask for Ellie's hand and some six months later they'll be joined in matrimony.
These things need to be looked at with time, just ask her and that woman, Jodie, Jane?
The flower lady who ultimately failed her and she had to decorate the hall with roses from Costco. Horrible.
"Life isn't meant for wasting time being alone," Margaret moves her body, victim of a shiver at the thought of singlehood. "You know my motto: the end of one marriage is the beginning of another."
Margaret nods affirmatively, emphasizing her words.
"What I don't understand is your confusion, darling. What worries you?"
Ellie snaps out of her trance; she hasn't decided whether to start a relationship yet and her mother is already marrying her off.
"We're very good friends, Mom, and I don't want to lose the friendship we've built by starting a relationship that I don't know will work."
Margaret waves her hand, shooing away imaginary mosquitoes around her.
"Ellie, honey, don't worry about that. You're friends, yes, but it's not like you've been inseparable your whole lives."
"But it's still a friendship," Ellie repeats.
"I would worry if you were really like you and Ruby, who have been together your whole lives, have a business together, and it seems like if one isn't around, the other can't breathe. So relax, give Rob a chance and make your mother a happy woman."
Ellie's ears are buzzing. She wasn't looking for her mother's support, just to have lunch with her and clear her head, but what she's found is the boogeyman looking at her sideways.
Of course it's crazy to get involved with her best friend, even Margaret knows that, and mind you, she's not one to value friends because she didn't hesitate to cut off her friendship with Adele after what her father did, even though she had no fault or involvement, and yet, Margaret is quite clear that starting a relationship with Ruby is the story of an inevitable tragedy.