Chapter 5 #2
“What is so difficult to understand? We are a married couple.”
“But you married me because you had to. What kind of a life can we possibly have—”
“It’s my most sincere belief that life is what we make of it. Why are you so unwilling to give life a chance?”
“You are so dead-set determined to live in the West among the S—”
“Savages?” he inquired tightly.
“Sioux.”
“That’s right. And you wanted the luxury of the East!”
She shook her head. “I’d like the luxury of safety. I’m going to be a horrible wife, you know. I’m not familiar in any way with the frontier, with army life—”
“You’ll manage fine.”
“But Sloan! You didn’t want this!”
He rose then, studying her eyes as he stroked her face. “From what I’ve seen, my love, you can wage war under any circumstance. Someone should probably warn the Sioux that you are coming. You’re an incredible challenge.”
“You want to stay married—because I’m a challenge?”
He smiled. “I want to stay married because there is an incredibly beautiful and passionate woman within you, and I’m going to find her again.”
With that, he left her.
Sloan stood by the fire. Hawk came and set a hand upon his shoulders.
“I’m sorry.”
Sloan nodded. “Thanks.”
“James says, though—”
“Sabrina will be fine. And God, yes, I have to admit, I prayed until dawn that she wouldn’t bleed to death! And God knows I didn’t help the situation—”
“Sloan, you had nothing to do with Sabrina’s miscarrying. You must know that. James says that such events occur even among young and healthy women, and that they happen under the best of circumstances. Sabrina had a bad time here, which had nothing in world to do with you—”
“Ah, but then I did arrive and learn she was expecting my child—and naturally I did think the worst. I probably accused her of the worst and bullied her into marriage.”
“Sloan, you aren’t to blame. You’ve years ahead of you; you’ll have more children.”
“Will we?” he murmured politely. “She has already asked for an annulment.”
Hawk inhaled sharply. “And?” he inquired carefully.
Sloan shook his head. “Well, I do admit, I am torn with guilt, but I’ll be damned if I’ll give her so easy an out.
I’m leaving; I can accomplish nothing more by being here, and I do need to go back.
I may well resign my commission soon, but when I do, no matter what my arguments with the government, I intend to leave with a decent record.
I’ll start home tomorrow—Leave here and arrange transportation out of Glasgow.
But I’ve asked Sabrina to promise that she’ll go with you when you return, assuming that it will be soon. ”
Hawk nodded. “I plan to stay only a few weeks more. The situation at home disturbs me too much.”
“It disturbs me, too,” Sloan said.
“Don’t go getting yourself killed.”
“By the Indians—or the soldiers?”
“Either—and keep in mind, you do take a chance with both!” Hawk warned.
Sloan shrugged. “I’ll take care. I intend to stop and see my family in Washington, but still, I’ll report back to regimental headquarters by the end of January. The going can get damned rough in winter, but I imagine you’ll be back by the end of February as well?”
“God—and the weather—willing,” Hawk assured him.
To Sloan’s amazement, Sabrina descended the stairs in the great hall of Castle Rock just as the household was sitting down to dinner that evening.
She was elegantly dressed; her hair was beautifully up-swept. Her auburn hair and blue eyes were brilliant against her still-far-too-pale features.
He had just been about to sit when he saw her coming toward the table. Without volition, he discovered that he was moving toward her. He was dimly aware that a condemning frown knit his brow as he halted her at the foot of the stairs, a good twenty feet from the table.
“What in God’s name are you doing down here?” he asked, taking her arm.
She offered him a smile that encompassed the great hall, for from the large table, everyone was staring at her: David and Shawna, Hawk and Skylar, the MacGinnises and even the good Dr. McGregor. “I’m really quite well.”
“But Sabrina—” Skylar protested.
Sabrina interrupted her quickly in reply.
“I’m fine, honestly. And I’ve read stories in which indentured servants and slaves and other working women have had babies and gone right back to doing the laundry or picking cotton the same day.
I’m glad that I don’t have to pick cotton, but I am feeling well enough to have dinner. ”
“Sabrina,” Sloan reminded her firmly, “you never worked in a cotton field.”
“But I’m fine, honestly, and I’d like to be among friends.”
Sloan quickly turned to McGregor, who shrugged a little guiltily. He had surely been the one to tell her just how quickly she could mend.
“I would imagine the lass could manage dinner quite nicely,” James murmured.
“Sabrina, you’re not a field hand,” Skylar told her.
“Skylar!” Sabrina offered her sister a rueful half-smile. “We’re Americans. All created equal—and we just fought a war to see that people were set free because we are all human beings, God’s creatures, very much alike,” Sabrina said firmly.
“We’re all alike as human beings,” Skylar agreed, “but your constitution is quite different from that of a laborer!”
Sloan found himself arching a brow at Sabrina in absolute disbelief.
So all men were equal…
Except for the Plains Indians.
“I would, however, love to have a chair and sit,” Sabrina murmured sweetly, looking at Sloan.
He stared back at her, still convinced that she should be in bed.
She lowered her voice for his ears alone. “Please, Sloan, I can’t stand being alone another minute.”
“You can injure yourself,” he said irritably, further irritated with himself. She’d been so damned pale all day yesterday; he should have realized that something was very wrong. Something even more serious than her aversion to him.
“Sloan, I can’t sit up there any longer just thinking,” she insisted.
He led her to the table, seating her next to him.
Myer quickly came to fill her wine glass, hesitating only a moment to look at McGregor, who nodded imperceptibly.
Meat, bread, and Anne-Marie’s fall harvest of vegetables made it around the table with the only murmurs of conversation being “Will you pass the bread, please” and “Thank you so much.”
Sabrina moved her food about on her plate and took a few bites. She sipped her wine. To Sloan’s relief, she seemed to gain color from it. Yet as she drank, she smiled awkwardly, suddenly aware that everyone was silent and watching her worriedly.
“Please!” she murmured uneasily. “I’d not have come down had I thought I’d ruin the evening for everyone!”
“You haven’t ruined the evening,” Shawna assured her quickly. “We’re just concerned, naturally…” Her voice trailed away. She cleared her throat. “Sloan, will it really be safe to travel at this time of year?” she asked politely.
“With a sound ship and a good captain, a voyage now might be rough, but quite safe. And I didn’t resign from the military; I took a leave of absence.”
“Can’t you extend your leave?” Skylar asked.
“Skylar, Sloan knows what he must do,” Hawk said. “The army frowns upon you when you don’t come back. They call you a deserter, and they have been known to shoot deserters upon occasion.”
“Yes, but—” Sabrina interrupted, then went still.
“But what?” Sloan persisted.
Sabrina looked down at her plate. “Nothing.”
He didn’t know why he didn’t just leave it alone.
“What were you about to say, my love?” he demanded.
She looked up at him. “Your army shoots deserters, as Hawk said. But then again, your army shoots Indians, right? I mean…well, in the West, killing Indians is a main occupation of the army. One day, someone could get confused.”
He sat back in his chair. The room had fallen silent. Well, he had forced her to speak. And maybe she had a right to wonder just where his heart really lay.
Especially when he didn’t really know himself.
He was beginning to know Sabrina. When she was pressed to a wall, she fought back. It was one of the things he’d admired about her. She was capable of being a tigress.
And right now, if he pressed, she was going to be a little tigress who had just miscarried, who should be upstairs in bed, who still looked as pallid as a ghost.
God help him; he would control his temper.
Maybe.
He smiled at her.
“Please, explain what you’re getting at more fully.”
“What I said was very simple.”
“No, you meant to say more. Please do so.”
She stared at him, her blue eyes wide and beautiful, her tone soft.
“I would think it’s very difficult to be in your position,” she said.
“For Hawk, it has to be just terrible. But for you, Sloan…my God! Imagine, you’ve remained in the cavalry, working alongside the very people most of the Indians claim have decimated their own.
It must be an amazing dilemma. Now, Sloan, you talk.
You talk to the Whites, and you talk to the Sioux.
And they both listen to you, and you try to explain what each side is really saying to the other.
But what happens when the talking is over?
When it comes to war, just what do you do?
What happens? Does everyone embrace you as a friend in the midst of battle—or do they all shoot at you? ”
Sloan set his fork down with great care and rose with even more precision, aware that a deadly silence had settled over the table once again. Even Skylar and Hawk seemed pained—and at a loss for words.
He made a point of smiling as he rose.
“Excuse us,” he said. “I don’t think that Sabrina is as strong as she believes she is; it seems she isn’t quite ready for the stress of company,” he continued pleasantly.
“I think my concerns are valid,” Sabrina said.
He slipped behind Sabrina, speaking softly. “My love, perhaps they are valid; I still think that these are matters we should discuss in private, don’t you?”