Chapter 26
twenty-six
I love you.
The words clung to Chance’s tongue, filled his throat, made his chest too damn tight. He’d been like this since Madeleine's birth, half-crazy with his feelings and barely fighting the urge to tell Cordy how he felt.
His brothers were wrong. Falling in love wasn’t quiet, wasn’t a thunderbolt—it was gravity, always pulling, pulling, pulling Chance toward Cordy. She was the ground holding him up, the thing that caught him when he fell, his anchor to the earth.
Fighting it was driving him out of his mind, same as fighting gravity itself. No man could win that battle.
But he kept struggling all the same.
Chance stared at the names carved into the walls and considered the old story of Jesse and Ida. He’d been hearing it for as long as he could remember. His first trip to this cavern had been when he’d been too young to recall. This place was as much a part of him as the ranch was.
And yet, bringing Cordy and Madeleine up here had revealed something new to him. The other times he’d been up here, he’d focused on Jesse—his name carved into the rock, his role in the legend. After all, Jesse was his ancestor. Ida wasn’t much of anything to Chance.
This time, Chance lingered on her name. Jesse must have carved their names—the handwriting was the same—but Ida’s name was deeper, like Jesse didn’t want this rock to ever forget her.
Why had Ida agreed to run away with him? She had to have known how dangerous it was, even before the blizzard had come up out of nowhere. And yet she’d gone with him.
If Ida had told Jesse no, she was staying put, Jesse would have stayed put, too. They would have lived.
And then what? Would they have found a way to be together in the end?
Chance honestly didn’t know. Jesse would have loved Ida until the end of his days; Chance knew that. But Kessal men weren’t smart about love. They fell into it, then heaved and hollered like a cow stuck in the mud. They couldn’t save themselves.
Ida must have loved Jesse with that same desperation, though. That was why she’d gone with him—it was the only explanation.
Chance was in love with Cordy the way only a Kessal man could be, but he knew he could never tell her that. If there was one thing Chance had going for him, he was smarter than Jesse. He wasn’t going to trap Cordy into thinking she owed him something, wasn’t going to drag her off into a blizzard, or even make her worry he’d do something stupid over her.
Chance would do the one thing Kessal men never did. He’d let her go.
Cordy would move into Reed’s house with her sweet baby, and the two of them would be a perfect, complete family. Chance would see her from the street no doubt, would wave to her and the baby, on the outside looking in. And he’d never let her know how much that hurt him. How badly he wanted to be on the inside with them.
He cleared his throat. The words I love you lingered, though.
“So.” Chance’s tone was tortured. “It’s something, huh?”
Cordy hadn’t said much about the carving itself. Probably freaked out by how badly the Kessals handled love. Certainly, Chance’s stories about Lane and Dakota hadn’t helped.
“It is.” She sounded distant. “And it’s sweet that everyone respects that Ida and Jesse get this part, and they put their names outside. Are your parents’ names there?”
He nodded. “Ruby and Quint too. But not Lane and Dakota. I guess that proves they were never meant to be together.”
Chance and Cordy’s names would never be there, either. Chance wondered if he’d ever be able to come back up here again, knowing that they should be and weren’t.
Cordy didn’t say anything. She rubbed Madeleine's back in slow circles, her eyes sad.
Chance couldn’t take it anymore. Having her here, being so deeply in love with her… it was too much.
“We should head back,” he said curtly. His entire body ached with the force of holding back his feelings. “Can’t have her out too long.”
Cordy blinked hard. “She’ll want to eat soon.”
Chance knew. Madeleine's rhythms ruled his life now. Although not anymore—he was going back to work tomorrow. And Cordy and Madeleine were probably moving out soon.
They walked out without speaking. Iggy was waiting for them where they’d left him. The hike and drive back were quick, too quick. Madeleine woke up and started crying about ten minutes from home, so Cordy hustled the baby inside to feed her as soon as they got back.
Chance unloaded everything from the UTV, feeling suddenly old as hell. Just like Holden.
Iggy kept him company as he worked, which was rare for the dog.
“Why aren’t you with your kid?”
Iggy whined and stared at Chance. Chance sighed and rubbed the dog’s ears.
“I’m going to miss you. You take care of them when you guys move out. You gotta become a guard dog.”
Iggy cocked an ear.
“Is that your war face?” Chance shook his head. “You need to practice in the mirror.”
Iggy only kept staring at him, not understanding.
Cordy was waiting in the living room when Chance came inside, her hands twisted together.
Immediately, he thought of Madeleine. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah. She’s napping.” Cordy pinched her fingers one by one. “At the checkup, the doctor said I could do whatever I felt up to.”
“Was that hike too much?” Damn it, Chance should have insisted they not go. She’d pushed too hard and?—
“No. I’m fine.” Her hands stilled. “I can have sex now.”
Jesus motherfucking Christ. Chance had never gotten a hard-on so quickly. He was dizzy from how fast the blood drained from his head.
“Are you sure?” He croaked that out.
Her laugh was more of a squeak. “Not totally. At least not for the full show, if you know what I mean. But maybe?—”
“Whatever you want.” Part of him hated how eager he was. He finally fell in love, but what she wanted from him was just sex. But hell, it was what he deserved. Chance would take whatever he could get from her. “We’ve got a lot of practice with other stuff.” He crooked a finger at her. “Come here.”
Cordy practically flew to him. He kissed her deep and hungry, gripping her ponytail with one hand while he stripped her clothes off with the other.
“We won’t have much time,” she whispered against his mouth. “She’ll be awake soon.”
“I know. I’ve got an idea.”
When Cordy was naked, Chance had to take a moment to admire her. Her body had kept some of the softness of pregnancy, there in the thickness of her thighs, the curve of her low belly, the flaring of her hips. Chance knew how strong she was, though—he’d seen her bring Madeleine into this world—and knowing that softness held all that strength… it made her the sexiest woman he’d ever seen.
Not to mention that nursing had taken her tits from magnificent to glorious. Made him want to howl at the moon, they were so lush.
He grabbed her hand and led her into the living room. She was so eager that she pressed against his arm as she followed him.
Chance sat back on the couch, pulling her down into his lap. He put her back against his chest and draped her thighs over his. “We’re doing it this way. ’Cause if I see your pretty face when you come, I’m gonna be too tempted to fuck you.”
Cordy moaned. “You wouldn’t.”
“I would. You don’t know what you do to me. The power you have over me.”
Her hips rolled helplessly. She was naked, needy, while he was holding back, but it wasn’t anything like the other times. Because he knew this would likely be the last time.
Chance stroked her thighs, edging toward his prize. She leaned into him, tucking her head in the crook of his neck. It gave him an incredible view of her body.
Cordy tilted her hips, urging him on. When Chance stroked her soaked pussy, he almost came in his pants. She whined, her breath hot against his neck.
“More,” she begged. “I’m already close.”
So was he. Chance found her clit and stroked like he knew she loved, bringing her to a quick, breathless, shuddering orgasm.
He closed his eyes as she came, clutching the thin thread of control. But he did reach between them and fumble open his jeans. His knuckles brushed her back as he stroked his cock.
“Are you…?” Cordy panted.
“Yeah.” He paused. Maybe she didn’t?—
Cordy leaned forward, giving him the unbroken line of her back. “Go ahead.”
God, could she be any more perfect? A few quick strokes and Chance was coming on her back, splattering her skin.
Chance stared at the spot on her back, then seized by an urge, he put his hand in it. He dragged his come up her back, marking her with his release. When he reached her shoulder, he gripped tight, hard enough that her flesh gave.
“That’s right,” he growled.
He slid his other hand to her belly, pulling her toward him. His release was still hot and sticky as it sealed them together.
Chance settled his hand between her breasts, right over her thudding heart. His other held her shoulder, although his grip had relaxed.
Their breathing was loud in the quiet. Cordy was still, like she was waiting for something.
He kissed the crook of her neck, gentle. “Cordelia.” He made her name a plea, a wish.
“I’m here.”
She was here, but would she stay? Christ, he ought to stop being such a coward and ask her. Even if she only stayed because it was convenient, that was enough for him. Chance would lick up her crumbs.
He kissed her again. “Cordelia.” Fuck it, he’d go for it. Worst she could say was no. “I?—”
The baby started to cry. Loud and frightening.
Instinctively, Cordelia’s body tightened, ready to snatch her baby up. Pure instinct always drove her whenever Madeleine cried.
But Cordy was naked and sticky. He wasn’t in much better shape.
Chance sighed. “Christ.” He released her. “I’ve made a mess.”
That had her up like a shot. “Madeleine's awake.” The panic in her voice made him wince.
“It’s okay. You go get a shower, and I’ll take care of her.”
Cordy tried to cover herself, which made him feel even worse. Had this been a mistake? “I…”
Madeleine wailed even louder. Her cries were like a knife in Chance’s gut. Her distress cut straight through to the most primitive part of his brain.
“I can clean up quicker.” He turned to go to the other bathroom. “You take your time; we’ll be okay.”
She made a noise like she didn’t want him to go. For a moment, he paused. But Madeleine cried again, and he had to go to the baby. Poor thing couldn’t wait any longer.
When he came back with Madeleine, Cordy was in the shower, and his chance was gone.