05 — Catarina Rowedder
“Go ahead and try to take me down
I'll get up off the floor
Like a skyscraper
Like a skyscraper"
Skyscraper — Demi Lovato
We arrived at the studio to pick up our dresses and a feeling of nostalgia hits me, imagining how proud my father would feel if he were present with me at this moment.
I'm about to receive my architecture degree, a profession that simply enchanted me since childhood, especially when it came to the facades and interior details in each project he showed me. The idea that in the future, I could see my own project coming from paper to the reality of a person, or a family, simply fascinated me, on the other hand, my father preferred construction sites, the process of structures, emerging from that his passion for engineering, becoming one of the most sought—after civil engineers in Manhattan.
? Furthermore, another big dream that has always been with me since I was little, is to be able to continue our company, to be able to manage it with so much passion, in a way that everyone feels good about working with us and, certainly, to regain full control of what we do. belongs to us, without my stepfather around.
Silently, I promise myself that Rowedder Construction will be ours again, I will make this one of my biggest goals in life, regardless of the paths I need to take to make this happen, but I will not leave my father's dream, one that he fought so hard to build it, only to cease to exist because of an unscrupulous man.
— Daughter, try on your dress to make sure it doesn't need any adjustments — Mom asks with a tenderness that's unique to her.
I love her so much and that's why I decided that I'm going to make the most of our day, I want that despite the circumstances we can have a pleasant memory.
I take the item that the attendant is holding and walk to the fitting room. The dress is simply wonderful and has a beautiful meaning.
“Nina, my love, your father always imagined you as pink, he said you were the rose in his garden...” — I remember my mother’s words on the first day we visited the designer.
That's why I chose exactly this color, a light pink tone, with the tight bodice and tulle skirt, feeling like my father's princess again. For him, the one who gave me life, even though I knew it would only be for a short time.
Just imagining what could happen tonight makes my heart sink, but I either move forward with this, or I will never have another chance to take control of the situation.
My mind insists on projecting insecurities, however I need to focus on the fact that I am brave enough to face this, I need to believe that I can do it, that I am capable of making a decision for myself, for us.
Fear can never be greater than our desire to overcome the traumas we have experienced. Each individual knows the pain they carry in their chest and the moment they feel strong enough to get rid of the ghosts that often remain locked inside our soul in an illusion that they can never reach our feelings again.
— Mom, tell me, what did you think? — I look at the love of my life and, at the same moment, I see tears forming in her eyes.
— You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. You are the air I breathe, Nina. Never forget that I am capable of anything to not see you suffer, I love you, my little one...
My eyes water and it is impossible to control the tears that run down my face, imagining that possibly my choice will cause great sadness in her, but at the moment, it is what needs to be done, there is no other solution.
— You are my inspiration, mom, and we will still be very happy together. — I hug her tightly, in a silent goodbye, along with the promise of “see you soon”.
She looks at me, with a worried face that is at the same time indecipherable to me, caressing my face, gently drying the few tears that still wet my face. Dona Victória is smart and knows that something is about to happen, I feel that, but I promised that I wouldn't say anything and I will continue like this. Immediately, some memories come back to me, flashes of a life I didn't live.
“I'm lying in my bed, thinking about when I can finally have friends, or just go out and have fun like a normal person. Iolanda left us a few months ago and it still hurts me, she was like a second mother to me. I fell asleep thinking about the beautiful moments we had, thinking about being safe, until I heard the door being opened..."
— Nina, my love, is everything okay? — His voice sounds worried. — I was calling you, but you seemed distant.
— It was nothing. — I smile, but a smile that only deceives. — I just remembered Dona Iolanda... — I'm not completely lying, but I still don't reveal the truth. — I wish she was with us — I answer sincerely, because I really miss her.
— I also miss my friend. — caresses my hair. — To this day I try to understand why she left us so suddenly. Otávio didn't tell me the reason for leaving her and I can't accept that he didn't give her a hug of thanks. We spent so many years together that I already considered her like a sister.
— Who knows what the future holds for us, right? Maybe one day we can meet her again, at least I hope so. — I hug my mother as much as I can. — I'm going to take off my dress and then we're going to enjoy our day! — I exclaim happily, leaving bad thoughts aside.
I enter the dressing room and as soon as I see her walking away, I decide that this is the ideal time to contact my night help. A week ago, I received a cell phone to help me with the plan, but even under these circumstances, I will remember this gift forever.
My stepfather said daily that I didn't need any technology, as I would be swallowed up by the world. This is something I won't soon forget, because the few times I questioned him, the intonation in his voice became increasingly stern, until I lost the courage to question any decision he made.
Big lunatic!
The only number saved on the device is the one who is willing to free me. I click on the call option and wait, with my heart racing with adrenaline and the fear of being caught.
— Hello — answers on the second ring.
— Hi, it's me, I'm calling as we agreed — I say softly.
— Okay, I'll explain all the details of today's plan, we won't have another chance, girl — he comments.
— It will work — I respond positively.
— Nina, pay close attention. Tonight… — explains step by step what I have to do, going over my freedom plan, while I record every word with as much attention as possible.
— Ok, I got it. — Sigh. — Do you promise to take care of my mother? — I question.
— I'll do my best, Catarina, there are things that are not within my power yet. See you later — he says and ends the call.
I turn off the device, hiding it in the false compartment of my bag. I take a few minutes to get dressed again and go to meet my mother who is at the store reception waiting for me with a beautiful smile on her face.
I engrave this image of her in my head to remember whenever I miss her.