Chapter 16
The table had been set up to encourage conversation rather than formality.
Mr. Gardiner, as was the custom, sat at the top of the table, with Mrs. Gardiner on his right rather than at the other end.
Except that it was all a very lopsided arrangement.
Next to Mrs. Gardiner was Miss Bennet, and, to her left was Mr. Millett, directly opposite Darcy.
This meant that Darcy could not speak to Elizabeth without being heard by Mr. Millett.
“Mr. Darcy,” said Mr. Gardiner cheerfully. “Please take a seat next to me. We usually sit like this when the children are with us. I hope you do not mind.”
Then Mr. Gardiner gestured for Georgiana to sit next to Elizabeth.
Darcy minded very much, because the way the seating was set up made it impossible to conduct any private conversation with Miss Bennet.
One would think they wanted to protect Miss Bennet from him.
Besides, if it was an informal family dinner, which was the only way Georgiana could have attended, what was Mr. Millett doing here?
He seemed to have somehow weaseled his way into the household, so that he was now regarded as family.
Darcy did not trust Mr. Millett’s motives at all.
There was nothing to be done but take his seat gracefully and accept the inevitable.
He tried not to look constantly at Elizabeth, but his gaze was drawn to her despite himself.
She was looking uncommonly pretty, in an informal dress with a green sash.
though he felt a sharp pang at seeing her smile directed towards Mr. Millett.
Georgiana was looking pleased to be sitting at a grown-up table with people who were not members of her family, even if there were much younger children there.
“Are you not happy I told you to come?” her eyes seemed to say.
There was no answer to that. He was both happy and unhappy. It was exhilarating to be in Miss Bennet’s presence. Yet at the same time, he felt wretched watching her chatter with Mr. Millett.
He smiled back at his sister. Being in a free, informal family setting with children around them seemed to have a good effect on her, perhaps because she had not grown up with a family around them.
He could feel it himself. Nothing was expected of him. He had already proposed to Miss Bennet, and she had already declined, and there were no hard feelings at either end.
If only he could be content with that.
Unfortunately, he was unable to settle down and enjoy the food the Gardiners were providing, because watching Miss Bennet across the table with Mr. Millett made his stomach queasy.
Still, he did not want to be uncivil. “I must complement you on this excellent dinner, Mrs. Gardiner. I have been remiss so far.”
“How kind of you,” said Mrs. Gardiner, with a twinkle in her eye, eyeing his bowl of soup. It was almost full. “Though it is only the first course. I will pass on your compliments to the cook.”
He noticed from the corner of his eye that Miss Bennet was looking in his direction.
He was about to make a half-laughing statement about how lucky she was to dine like this on a daily basis, but as he opened his mouth, Mr. Gardiner began to speak, and the opportunity was lost. Miss Bennet went back to speaking with Mr. Millett.
“What is your opinion of the recent debate in Parliament on timber duties, Mr. Darcy?” said Mr. Gardiner. “I have heard the discussions have been very heated.”
“Timber beauties?” he asked, absently, straining to hear what Elizabeth was saying.
A smothered laugh brought Darcy’s attention to Mrs. Gardiner, who had covered her mouth with a napkin and turned a bright shade of red.
Darcy’s ears burned as he realized his mistake. “I meant duties,” he corrected hastily. “I know very little about the discussions.”
“But do you not attend parliament?” said Mr. Gardiner, insistently. “It is a matter of grave concern for those of us who are involved in shipping.”
Darcy wished Mr. Gardiner would ask Mr. Millett.
Unfortunately, Darcy could not ignore Mr. Gardiner’s question without being rude.
Besides, Mr. Gardiner already viewed Mr. Millett favorably.
Darcy did not want him to push Miss Bennet even further in that direction. He forced himself to pay attention.
“I have not attended those debates. It has become particularly tiresome to try and convince certain parties that increasing taxes to finance the war with Napoleon does not benefit our economy.”
There, he hoped that would satisfy Mr. Gardiner.
“It certainly does not,” said Mr. Gardiner. “This infernal war! Will it never end?”
Darcy had no interest in discussing the war or anything else for that matter.
If only Mr. Gardiner was the kind of person who droned on endlessly, requiring nothing but a polite nod or a grunt every now and then.
But no, he seemed adamant about engaging Darcy in real conversation.
It was deuced inconvenient when all Darcy wanted to do was speak to Miss Bennet.
A burst of laughter from across the table had him squirming.
What could Mr. Millett possibly have said to Miss Bennet to elicit such a reaction?
He was tempted to call across the table like his aunt Catherine would have done and ask them what they were saying.
However, tempted as he was, he knew it would be ill mannered.
Darcy did intend to start a new conversation, however, the moment Mr. Gardiner ceased asking him questions about Parliament.
Did Mr. Millett really think he could corner her for the whole evening?
Finally, there was a pause in the conversation.
Darcy did not hesitate. “Miss Bennet, I meant to ask you if you have felt any ill effects from your dunking last week.”
From across the table, her gaze met his. He was captivated, and without noticing, he leaned forward, as if to listen to every word she uttered.
“Fortunately, I have not,” she said brightly. “I have a strong constitution.” He remembered her saying the same thing that day in the park. “Neither has Maggie. You are the only one who was afflicted, but that is because you were the first in water, and you made the most effort.”
Carrying her, she meant. He did not want to think about that.
“I did what I had to do,” he said.
“But are you completely recovered, Mr. Darcy?” she said, her eyes examining him in concern.
“Perfectly,” he said. For some reason, he could not tear his eyes away from her face.
“Though I must tell you. There has been one unfortunate consequence,” she remarked.
“I hope it is nothing serious,” he said in alarm.
“It is very serious,” she responded, though the laughter in her eyes contradicted her words. She was joking. “I am no longer able enjoy eating eel pie after our encounter with those underwater creatures.”
A loud giggle drew his attention to Maggie. “Silly Lizzy,” she said. “We did not see any eels. They were only weeds.”
Mr. Darcy chuckled. “A very sensible answer, Miss Margaret,” he said.
Everyone laughed, except Mr. Millett, who was looking bewildered. Good, thought Darcy. Enough of him trying to take up all of Miss Bennet’s time. Now the shoe was on the other foot.
“Well,” said Mr. Gardiner, “we are truly blessed you were on the scene, Mr. Darcy, eels or no eels. Since you saved our Margaret, I hope you will consider yourself part of the family. Is that not so, Madeline?”
“Indeed,” said Mrs. Gardiner. “You and Miss Darcy may call on us or come for dinner any time you choose. Just send a note with a footman whenever you please. You must not stand at formality. I am sure Maggie will be happy to see you whenever.”
Darcy blinked. It was a generous invitation. But did Miss Bennet want him to visit the Gardiners? He needed a sign from her. He sent her a questioning look, hoping she would add her voice to theirs.
She started to say something, but Mr. Gardiner asked her a question at that exact moment, and she turned to answer her uncle.
The Gardiners were kind, and he would certainly encourage Georgiana to see them until she returned to school. As for himself, he was not sure he was willing to put himself through more torment like tonight.
The conversation turned to some plans the Gardiners were making. They intended to see the equestrian display at Astley’s Auditorium. “Would Miss Darcy like to join us?”
Darcy dragged himself from his inner thoughts to see Georgiana sending him an appealing look. “Please, may I go, Brother? I have always wanted to see them.”
“You may,” he said.
Georgiana beamed.
“We will take good care of her. You are of course welcome to join us as well, if you wish, Mr. Darcy.”
“I am not certain I will be able to,” he answered. “I have business matters to attend to.”
Much as he was tempted, he needed to stay away.
This was becoming ridiculous. He had to accept that Miss Bennet was not interested in him.
He could not continue to pursue her. It was inappropriate, as well as humiliating, especially after she made it perfectly clear she did not want to marry him.
She would rather marry someone like Mr. Millett, it seemed.
She had questionable taste.
That thought gnawed at his insides. He was glad when dinner ended, and Mr. Gardiner invited the gentlemen for some port. Darcy was relieved when Mr. Millett announced that he had to leave.
“I have a difficult day tomorrow. I had better go home and sleep early.”
He took his leave. Darcy had never been so glad to see the back of someone.
When the front door had closed, Mr. Gardiner poured the two of them some port and settled into a leather armchair.
“This is good port,” he remarked, taking a delicate sniff.
“I have it from a merchant who recently came from the Douro in Portugal. Apparently, a cellar was found under an old collapsed monastery with several hundred bottles that are thirty years old. A rare find. I was doubtful initially, but you can tell by the taste. Those monks knew how to enjoy life.”
“True, though unfortunately, they seemed to have forgotten to take their bottles when they left the monastery," remarked Darcy. "I wonder what happened.”
“That is a good question, you know," replied Mr. Gardiner. "Perhaps my source will have more information.”
They drank silently for a few minutes, with the fire crackling warmly between them. Darcy brooded, pondering how Miss Bennet had slipped from his grasp.
“Did Lizzy tell you that she is returning home soon?” said Mr. Gardiner, abruptly.
She had told Darcy nothing, because they had not had a chance to speak. Darcy was about to return to his brooding, when the meaning of Mr. Gardiner’s words registered. She was going home? It was odd to hear those words. Darcy had somehow come to think of the Gardiners’ house as Miss Bennet’s.
Darcy’s heart sank like a stone as the full implications finally dawned on him.
“Returning home?” he asked. “But why? I had the impression she was staying longer.”
“Her father has written her a letter, asking her to come back. I informed him about the gossip, and he believes she should leave quickly before anyone has a chance to identify her. I agree.”
“So do I,” said Darcy, surprising himself. It was the best way out of her problem, certainly.
Mr. Gardiner nodded, and stared into his glass. “I wonder if Mr. Millett intends to offer for her before she leaves. He has not said anything to me.”
Why was Mr. Gardiner talking to him about Miss Bennet as if she was a shared relation? This was taking the idea of making Darcy part of the family too far.
In any case, if he was to be part of the family, he would much rather it was because Miss Bennet was his wife.
He came to his feet. “I think we had better go. Georgiana is not accustomed to staying out too late.”
“I am sorry you cannot stay longer, but I hope to see you soon.”
The likelihood of that was quickly receding in Darcy’s mind.
As Darcy left the Gardiners’ house, his mind was in a state of upheaval, knowing there was a distinct possibility that Miss Bennet might soon be engaged to Mr. Millett.
He was vaguely aware of Georgiana trying to talk to him.
“I am sorry, Georgie. I am not good company just now.”
She did not question him, sensing that he wanted to be left alone.
Was it possible that Miss Bennet would turn Darcy down, and then, within a few days, accept someone like Mr. Millett?
Setting aside Darcy’s position in society, his connections, and the advantages of his education, Darcy would be a better choice even in terms of appearance alone.
Mr. Millett was presentable. He was tall and well proportioned.
But his eyes were too deep in his face, and they were too close together.
Surely, Miss Bennet must have noticed? If one looked long enough, it became obvious.
Why would Miss Bennet choose such a person over him?
He could never understand why people blinded themselves to reality.
Mr. Millett was Darcy’s inferior in every possible way, yet Miss Bennet had turned Darcy down. Where was the logic in this? Though Darcy was willing to acknowledge that logic perhaps was not the main reason to choose a partner in marriage.
Darcy was also aware that his own behavior had determined her reaction to his proposal.
Admittedly, he had not been at his best that day.
He had been full of anger and outrage that Society had put him in such a situation.
Yet Miss Bennet was even more of a victim than he was.
He ought to have waited until he was calmer rather than approaching her when he was still seething with the injustice of it all.
Instead, what had he done? He had let out his frustration by directing it against her.
He had pointed out the inferiority of her connections as if she was to blame for the situation.
He was wracked with self-reproach. How could he possibly have thought that she would be happy to receive his proposal?
If she were a grasping, scheming young lady, she would not have cared.
She might even have been ecstatic at such a social triumph.
Elizabeth Bennet, however, was not like that, and he knew it even then.
Her pride was already bruised by society’s condemnation.
Then he had made everything worse by going to her house, full of indignation, and offending her in every possible way.
It was a wonder she could bear to be in the same room as him.
The ugly truth was staring at him in the face. He was the one who had driven her into the arms of Mr. Millett, and by doing so, he had lost all chance of happiness.