Chapter 19
NOEL
Hopper tried to take me to the fanciest restaurant in Riverton. When I saw the sign for the Silver Spoon, I shook my head with a laugh. “Please, god, no more gourmet cuisine. I’ve been eating nothing but my dinner party creations, and I’m sick of it!”
“Okay.” He drove past the restaurant and hooked a right onto the main drag through town. “What do you want instead? There’s a new Indian place, but it’s drive-thru only. I think there’s a small Thai spot over by the college, or…”
“I want something with grease,” I said, mouth watering at the prospect. “Something fried.”
“But you’re a chef,” he said, appalled. “Isn’t your palate supposed to be all refined and shit?”
I laughed. “I’m still human, and there’s a reason these places are so popular. It’s comfort food, you know? Fine dining is my work. I want to relax with a burger.”
Hopper nodded. “I know the perfect place.”
Riverton’s downtown was dressed for Christmas. The city had strung garland between streetlights, creating a canopy we drove beneath. It wasn’t dark yet, but I could see strings of lights festooning the rooflines of the shops.
We passed a bar I didn’t recognize with a sandwich board outside that read, Festive Football Season!
The antique toy shop beside it had a silvery retro Christmas tree displayed in its windows, with one of those Christmas tree trains running around the tracks beneath it.
We passed three more stores before I spotted Sauced, a pizza parlor that had been around in my day.
I’d hardly ever gone there, because I wasn’t sportsy or popular, but it was reassuring to see something familiar.
“This town has changed so much since we were in high school,” I said. “The Hungry Goat is gone?”
“Yeah, the owner died, and his children didn’t want to run it.”
“Damn, that place had the best shepherd’s pie.”
“I know.” He chuckled. “We haven’t gotten another place like it.”
“It’s so tough to find places with character.” An awful thought occurred to me. “Please tell me Zacos isn’t gone!”
“Nah, it’s still there. A hole-in-the-wall like that will never die. The world could end tomorrow, and I think it’d somehow still be standing.”
“Well, that’s something. Now I wish I’d asked to eat there,” I said. “I’d forgotten all about it.”
“Well, I think you’re going to like where we’re headed, but if not, we can turn around.” He gestured out the window as he slowed and turned into a parking lot.
“It’s the old Jerkers building. Did they get something new in or…” Wait. The sign still said Jerkers Soda Shoppe. It couldn’t be. “This place closed down when I was a freshman!”
“It reopened a few years ago with the help of some historic grants and loans. It’s not exactly the same, but it’s close. The owners are locals and have tried to stay as true to the original as they could.”
“Just tell me one thing,” I said, practically trembling with excitement. “Does it have MoonShakes?”
He grinned. “Do you want it to have MoonShakes?”
I slapped his arm. “Don’t tease me!”
“Yes, it has—”
I launched forward and gave him a big smack on the lips. “I have to have one. Right now.”
He laughed, eyes sparkling. “You look like it’s Christmas morning.”
“You don’t understand how devastated I was when this place closed down. I was full-on addicted to those shakes.”
“Half the town was,” he said. “Probably be better for us all if they hadn’t reopened.”
“Shut your blaspheming mouth!”
He mimed zipping his lips, and we went inside. The scents of grease, grilled onions, and deep-fried everything hit me all at once. Just like that, I was fifteen years old, sitting at the counter, watching Hopper the jock sit with a group of guys that made my life hell most days.
I’d been mooning over him, not so subtly, when Mr. Carver—the gray-haired grandfather who ran the place—placed a shake in front of me. “Drown your sorrows with this, Noel. It’ll be ten times sweeter to you, anyway.”
I’d already known that, of course, although I thought maybe Mr. Carver was wrong about Hopper. He’d always tried to be kind to me, even if most of his friends weren’t. And it wasn’t like he stood by and watched them harass me either. If he saw anyone messing with me, he put a stop to it.
But Hopper was too popular. If I had let him become my friend, it would have gotten everyone’s attention. The assholes would probably have come at me even harder. So I kept my distance from him and that whole crowd.
“Noel?” Hopper put his hand on my back, jolting me out of my memories. “Do you know what you want?”
I stepped away from his hand, surreptitiously glancing around to see if anyone had noticed him touching me. Granville had become surprisingly tolerant, but that didn’t mean the same was true in Riverton.
“Yeah, let’s order.”
Hopper and I stepped up to the counter, where Brenda was waiting to take our order. I knew it was Brenda because she wore an old-fashioned name tag that bore her name, along with a striped vest, bow tie, and cute little soda jerk hat.
“What can I get you? We have a MoonShake for two on special this week.” She pointed up toward the menu, where an illustrated picture of a large shake with two straws was displayed. “Perfect for date night.”
“Oh, this isn’t a date,” I said quickly.
Hopper frowned, looking a little taken aback by my declaration. Wait. Was it a date?
“Okay,” Brenda said, smiling easily. “We’ve also got a holiday special going. A peppermint-mocha MoonShake with candy-cane shavings instead of Oreo.”
“Oh, that sounds good,” I said. “I’d love one of those, along with a cheeseburger and fried pickles. Please tell me you have fried pickles?”
“We sure do, hon. We’ll get that going for you.” She turned to Hopper expectantly. He ordered a bacon cheeseburger with jalapenos, onion rings, and a strawberry banana MoonShake.
When she rang up the total, I tried to hand over my card, but Hopper once again insisted. “It was my idea to take you out to dinner. I’ll pay.”
“But you got the doughnuts this morning,” I protested.
“As a thank-you for all the extra work you’re putting in on the dinner party for my friends. This is different.”
Brenda took his card and ran the transaction, a small smile playing around her lips as she listened to us bicker.
I didn’t give in gracefully.
“Kevin’s paying for the event, though. It’ll make the farm a lot more than my wreath-making workshop did. You didn’t need to thank me then, and you don’t need to buy my dinner now.”
“Just let me treat you right, Noel,” Hopper said with exasperation. “What kind of men did you go out with in Chicago, anyway?”
That shut me up. Brenda returned Hopper’s bank card and handed us a plastic number, and we retreated to a booth by the windows. I sat across from Hopper, pensive as we waited for our food to be delivered.
“Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to imply you dated assholes in—”
“Is this a date?” I asked suddenly. “Because I thought we were just getting something to eat. I didn’t know…”
“That I’m crazy about you?”
My heart clenched. What were we doing? I’d have to leave soon. I didn’t want to lead him on or hurt him. “Hopper…”
He grasped my hand, and I tugged it away on reflex.
I glanced around to see if anyone had noticed.
A group of teenage boys, so like Hopper and his friends back in the day, sat at two tables pushed together near ours.
One of them was watching us, but when he caught my eye, he smiled and turned back to the conversation as if seeing two men hold hands was no big deal.
When I turned back to Hopper, he was watching me with confusion. “Noel, I know you’re leaving. I know this is temporary. And I don’t know how you do it in Chicago, but around here, if I sleep with a guy and then take him to dinner, it’s automatically a date.”
“Oh.”
“Are you embarrassed to be seen with me?”
“What? Of course not.”
“Then why are you pulling away anytime I touch you? Why are you looking around all nervous-like?”
“I just didn’t know how people around here would be with, you know, gay couples.”
Hopper’s eyes softened, and he reached for my hand again. My heart lurched, but I let him take it. He raised it to his lips, kissing my knuckles. “Sweetheart, this just isn’t the same place it was in high school. It’s been ten years.”
“Yeah.”
“A lot has changed. You noticed how so many buildings were different. Well, people’s mindsets are different, too. I know there are still a lot of small towns where that’s not the case. But you’re safe here. With me. I’ll always make sure you’re safe.”
I blew out a breath. “I’m sorry. I was excited to come back here. Nostalgia, you know? But the flip side is that it reminded me of a time I couldn’t show who I was. I mean, as much as I could hide it, anyway. Did you know I used to sit at the soda bar and watch you?”
Hopper’s eyes widened with surprise. “Watch me? You never even wanted to talk to me.”
“That’s not true.” I chuckled, a little embarrassed to admit it. “I had these fantasies that you’d seek me out. Maybe pull me under the football bleachers or lead me into a locker room, and you’d kiss me and declare your undying love.”
He stared at me as if he’d never seen me before.
I squirmed uncomfortably. “Stupid, right?”
He pushed up suddenly, leaning across the table. He grasped my face in his hands and kissed me in the middle of the diner. His lips were warm, tender. This wasn’t a possessive kiss. Wasn’t a sexy one.
It was the answer to a question I’d never dared to ask.
“Wh-what?” I said dumbly as he pulled back.
He smiled. “It’s not a locker room, and it’s about ten years too late, but it’s the best I can do. I’m sorry I wasn’t brave enough to do it back then.”
“Would you have wanted to?” I asked dubiously.
“You always intrigued me. I just…I hadn’t fully put it into context in my mind yet. What it meant.”
I nodded and licked my lips, relishing the taste of him. “Guess you’ve done that now.”
He smiled tentatively. “A little too well, maybe. I know you’re leaving after Christmas, but I really wish you weren’t.”
“Me too.” I laced my fingers with his on the tabletop. “And for the record, I didn’t date much in Chicago. Too work-obsessed.” I rolled my eyes. “Big surprise, right?”
“You’re passionate about what you do,” Hopper said. “I respect that. But you’ve got a lot of passion for other things, too. I think you owe it to yourself to live a full life.”
A teenage boy arrived with baskets of food. He placed them in front of us and withdrew with a smile.
I pulled my MoonShake close and took a drink, humming with pleasure. It wasn’t exactly the same as the more classic MoonShakes, but damn, the peppermint cut through the sweetness of the chocolate just perfectly. The candy-cane bits added a nice little crunch when they slipped through the straw.
Hopper picked up a small onion ring and popped it into his mouth.
“This trip has put a lot in perspective for me,” I told him.
“It’s been a long time since I took time away from my work.
But I see now how consumed I was with it.
I thought I had to be, you know? That it was the only way to achieve my goals.
And, in a way, that was true. But it’s not the full truth. ”
Hopper took a sip of his shake. “And what’s the full truth, then?”
“I let it be the most important thing to me. I let it fill the voids of friendship and family and love. But coming here, spending time with Mom and Dad, and with you…” I fiddled with my straw, oddly vulnerable as I admitted the realization that had been bubbling inside me for a few days now.
“I want more than a restaurant and some food critic’s praise for my food.
But it feels wrong after chasing that dream for so long. ”
“You can still have those things,” he said. “You don’t have to trade in one for the other.”
I smiled wistfully. “I don’t know how to be a chef without it taking over my life, and I don’t know how to be a son, a friend, a…boyfriend or husband…without giving up everything I’ve worked for.”
Hopper squeezed my hand. “I know you can figure it out, Noel. I’ve watched you bring new life to the Christmas tree farm in just days.
Watched you make your mom smile more than she has in years.
Watched you take on an upscale dinner party without so much as pausing for breath.
You can do anything you want. Have anything you want.
All you have to do is reach for it, and it’ll be yours. ”
Damn, this man had a lot of faith in me. I wasn’t sure anyone had ever looked at me with so much admiration and affection. My heart swelled, even as I told it to settle down, that we couldn’t have Hopper, that this was just a little holiday gift we’d have to return at the end of the season.
My heart didn’t listen.
It wanted to beat for Hopper Kelly.
Maybe it always had.