Chapter 20
HOPPER
The tree farm was buzzing with activity as families took their Scavenge with Santa lists from Noel and set off for the trees at a run.
Maggie laughed, eyes sparkling, as a happy squeal rent the air.
Families shouted back and forth as they raced to be the first to find the items I’d planted in the trees.
We’d had a fresh snowfall, and everything was glistening, making the farm look like a magical land where all your holiday dreams come true.
“You couldn’t have planned this event at a better time,” I said. “Too bad we don’t have a snowman-building contest.”
Noel grinned. “I know, right? But the dinner party is tomorrow night. I just hope the snow doesn’t turn to muddy slush.”
“If it does, that won’t be your fault,” I assured him. “They’re gonna love the dinner. The event room looks amazing.”
We’d hung lights and shimmery fabrics to soften the rustic space in the barn.
That alone had looked great, but Noel had then wrapped each chair in a crimson fabric with sparkly gold flecks that matched the runner on the table.
And he and Maggie had worked together to weave garland and holly around candles to create centerpieces.
“Ho-ho!” Ed called from his seat in an outdoor rocker we’d placed next to a crackling fire so he could keep warm. He was dressed in a Santa suit, fake beard and all. When he’d heard Noel’s plans for the event, he’d insisted on playing a part. “Come sit down and tell Santa what you want, Noel!”
His cheeks were pink from the cold, but he looked healthy—almost like his old self—today.
Noel chuckled. “Oh, I want more time to work on my cinnamon beet chutney.”
“Your what now?” I hadn’t seen that on the menu. In fact, the menu had been tested and retested. Noel was a perfectionist who wanted to leave nothing to chance.
“The idea just came to me last night,” he admitted. “I thought it would be a great addition to the—”
“No more cooking,” Ed said sternly. “Santa says it’s time to take a break.”
Noel turned to his dad, fists on his hips. “I thought Santa was supposed to appreciate hard work from his elves?”
“Well, sometimes an elf burns himself out from working too dang hard, Noel. Santa wants his elves happy and healthy.” He glanced toward me. “Sometimes elves need to take time to appreciate what they’ve built together.”
My breath caught. He wasn’t saying he knew we were together, but there was a nuance to his words that seemed to suggest it.
Noel joined his father, plopping down on a hay bale. “You don’t need to worry about me. I’m having fun. I’m in no danger of burning out.”
Maggie and I exchanged a skeptical look. The man took on life at one hundred miles per hour.
“Maybe you don’t see it, hon,” Maggie said gently as she took a seat on Noel’s other side.
“I’m sure you work very hard in Chicago.
But you’re not head chef here, and you don’t need to prove yourself by being the best or the hardest-working.
We love you, and we love how invested you are in the farm this season, but it is your vacation time, and you don’t get much of that.
I worry you’ll be exhausted when you return home. ”
Noel looked conflicted. “Uh, there’s something I haven’t told you guys.” He sent me an indecipherable look. “I’m not on vacation.”
“What do you mean?” Maggie asked. “You’ve missed weeks of work.”
“Did you get fired?” Ed asked bluntly. “They’d have to be fools to fire you.”
“Not fired, no,” Noel said. “My restaurant, the Orchid Room, closed down.”
Maggie pressed a hand to her chest. “Oh, sweetie, no. What happened?”
“A lot of things.” Noel hunched forward, crossing his arms, looking even smaller than usual, and he was already elf-sized. “The owner and I didn’t see eye to eye. Let’s just leave it at that. It didn’t work out.”
“I’m so sorry,” Maggie said. “What does this mean for you?”
He shrugged one shoulder. “I have to find another job when I get back. But that’s why I can stay awhile, and why I don’t mind working while I’m here.
I don’t know how long it’ll take to rebuild my career when I get back, so…
please, don’t worry about me burning out.
” He laughed sadly. “Pretty sure you need a job for that.”
“You’ll find one,” I said gruffly. “You’re too damn talented for anything else.”
Noel met my eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything before now. Everyone here thinks I’m this great chef, and that felt a lot better than admitting I’d failed.”
“You didn’t fail,” Maggie protested.
“My restaurant closed down. The food critics ripped me to shreds before it happened. That’s the recipe for failure.”
“No, Maggie’s right,” I said. “You had a setback. You’ll get up again. It’s what you do, Noel. You take life, and you make it what you want.”
He gave a surprised chuckle. “That’s how you see me?
I don’t think I’ve been doing much except avoiding my mess in Chicago.
” He blanched. “Not that I think of my time here as a distraction or anything. I’ve loved having this time with all of you.
I was so lost, and coming here, helping the farm, and holding this dinner party? It’s given me some purpose, you know?”
Noel’s phone chimed, and he checked it and smiled. “Donovan family just posted a selfie with the first scavenger item. They tagged the farm.” He held out his phone to his dad. “See? Free promo for the tree farm.”
“Such a good idea,” Ed said, beaming. “What would we have done without you this season?”
“Yes,” Maggie chimed in. “I know you loved your restaurant, but having you here has been such a blessing to us, Noel.”
I wanted to reassure him, wanted to show him how appreciated he was, but his parents had it covered. Besides, there were questions burning inside me that I really shouldn’t voice.
If you lost your restaurant, do you really have to go back to Chicago?
Why can’t you stay here with us?
Stay for me?
I drifted away, leaving them to talk on their own, and headed for the storage shed, where we kept tools, fertilizer, and other supplies needed around the farm.
I bypassed the secret project I’d been working on, covered with a tarp just in case Noel ventured out this way, and gathered up boxes of lights, tinsel, and ornaments we’d purchased for the tree-decorating contest. We were using cut trees, which we’d stored under cover, so the snow had missed them, thankfully.
This morning, I’d arranged them in stands, bracketing the entrance to the farm, and as soon as the scavenger hunt wrapped up, folks would arrive to decorate.
Noel said he got the idea to hold both events the same day to improve turnout, and it seemed to have worked. All of the scavenger hunters planned to stay for it, in addition to a few extra folks coming out later. We’d taken RSVPs to ensure we’d have enough supplies.
“Hopper?” Noel’s voice called from the doorway.
I turned, sidestepping in front of my project, even though Noel was unlikely to recognize it for what it was beneath the tarp.
“Hey, just gathering supplies for the next event.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell everyone when I first got here,” he said, voice fragile. “I don’t want you to think I’ve been using you to make myself feel better or…or…”
I set down the box of supplies on a workbench and went to him. “I don’t think that.”
He looked at me with luminous eyes. “I love my parents, but you’re the reason I—” He stopped and swallowed. “Well, I just want you to know that I care. That you’re more than a distraction or a fling. Even if this is temporary, you’re important to me.”
I swept him into my arms. “Ah, baby, I know that.” I kissed his hair. “Don’t you know that you wear every feeling on your face?”
He drew back, looking disgruntled. “What was my face telling you when I first arrived, then?”
I smirked. “That you thought I was hot, and you hated it.”
Noel laughed. “Someone’s got a healthy ego.”
“Am I wrong?”
He shook his head, lips tipped at the corners. “No, damn it. I thought you’d moved in and taken my place. I thought maybe you were hoping my parents would get too feeble to run the farm and pass it on to you because the prodigal son was away.” He rolled his eyes. “I was paranoid and jealous.”
“And adorable,” I said, bending to kiss the tip of his nose.
He looked unimpressed, so I continued.
“And passionate about so many things,” I said. “I’m just glad I get to be one of them.”
He went up on his tiptoes, threading his hands through my hair, and kissed me. “You’ve got my full attention, Hopper Kelly. I promise you that.”
The same questions still burned in me, but I locked them down. If Noel was going to change his whole life, give up his dreams of running a restaurant in a big city, and stay, it had to be his decision. As much as I wanted to beg, this was one instance where neither of us would enjoy it.
At least there was hope. He didn’t have a job waiting for him. He didn’t have to go back.
If he sacrificed the big-city chef life for a home here, I’d dedicate every day to making him smile. And if he went back to it, leaving this little corner of the world behind, I’d try to survive.
But I already knew he’d be taking my heart with him.
The tree-decorating contest was a success. Not only did it get people out to the farm, but now we had six beautiful glowing trees lighting up the boundary between the tree farm and the parking area. Once I added my little surprise, the whole entrance to the farm would be transformed.
“It looks beautiful,” Maggie said from her spot next to me on the porch. Ed had already gone inside to change, and Noel had returned to the kitchen.
“Sure does,” I said with a grin. “Noel should organize events that require people to improve the farm for us more often.”
She laughed and slapped my arm. “On that note, I better get inside before that boy cooks himself into a coma. He said something about making more of that potato chowder.”
The chowder I’d whined about coming off the dinner party menu. Had he made it just for me? My chest warmed.
Just as I turned to follow Maggie inside, my phone rang. Shit. It was the Stag Pub number.
“Hello?” I asked, already knowing what I was going to hear.
“Hopper, sorry to bother you, but your dad has been in here drinking all day. We’re getting hit with the night crowd, and I really can’t serve him anymore.”
I swore under my breath. The door opened behind me, and Noel emerged onto the porch.
“I’ll come get him,” I said. “Sorry for the trouble.”
Noel looked at me as I ended the call. “Everything okay?”
“My dad,” I said tightly. “He needs a ride home from the pub.”
Noel wasn’t dumb. He put two and two together. “I’ll come with you.”
“No,” I said quickly. “Not your problem.”
“It shouldn’t be your problem either,” he said. “Are you okay?”
I was so used to brushing off my feelings about Dad that Noel’s genuine concern hit me hard.
Why did Dad have to give up on life? Give up on me? No, I wasn’t okay. I was so tired of calls like this one.
“He’s just pissing his life away, and I hate it,” I ground out.
Noel laid his hand on my arm. “Has he tried to get sober?”
I shook my head. “He doesn’t want to be sober. If he’s sober, then he’s got to face everything he lost.”
“You both lost so much,” Noel said gently. “That must have been so hard.”
I nodded. “I get so frustrated with him that he won’t try to get better or to move on. If I could just figure out how to make him care. I should do more, but—”
“It’s not your job to fix him,” Noel said. “I know you love him, and it’s okay to keep loving him, even if he’s flawed. But don’t blame yourself for his problems, okay?”
“Yeah. I know I shouldn’t get so angry.”
Noel rubbed my arm. “Oh, I didn’t say that. It’s also okay to tell him you deserve better than this.” He paused. “It’s his choice to keep drinking, not yours. You don’t have to keep doing this if it hurts you.”
Was that true? My dad was a drowning man who refused to get out of the ocean. The Grisolds had been my life preserver. But could I walk away and leave my dad behind?
“I should get going,” I said reluctantly.
“I could go with you,” Noel said. “For moral support.”
“No,” I said. “I got it.”
He seemed to understand I didn’t want him to see my dad that way. Or to see me wrestling with my anger and embarrassment over the situation.
He kissed my cheek. “Drive safe. I’ll keep a bowl of soup warm for you.”
“Thanks, Noel. You didn’t have to make that for me.”
He shrugged. “I think you deserve good things in life, Hopper Kelly, even if it’s just a savory bowl of soup.”
He was too sweet. To think that I’d found Noel irritating as hell when he first arrived. Now, he was my lifeline just as much as his parents were. Maybe more. I could talk to him in ways I could never talk to them.
And Noel had given me a lot to think about on the drive over to the pub. His words were like permission to set myself free.
My father was constantly dragging me down, but I refused to give up on my happiness like he had.
If he wanted a son, he had to start being a father.