Chapter 10
Nolan
I hate saying goodbye to her.
Every part of my body rebels against this as I take her to the car. The way she turns to me so slowly, her eyes shining with tears she refuses to shed, makes me want to break into spare parts. Why did it never occur to me to say something? Why didn’t I mention volunteering before?
I’ve never been deployed. Being the first bionic of my kind, I knew it might be a possibility, but I never intended to hurt her.
Now I can see I went about this all wrong.
“Can I—” Her voice cracks. “Can I have a hug before you go?”
I quickly wrap my arms around her. As if my gratification drive would even allow me to say no.
I hold her like it’s the last time I’ll ever see her.
Maybe it is, I don’t know. Everything about this affects my programming, my circuitry enduring searing, uncomfortable pulsing, as though I’ve made an unforgivable mistake somehow.
It never occurred to me when I started seeing her that this might not work.
Not with how strongly my systems chase every recollection of her.
“Please come back safe,” Mia murmurs against my chest, her voice quivering the longer she tries to speak. “You mean a lot to everyone. To me.”
“I will,” I promise her sincerely. Then I feel her pulling away from me, and I reluctantly let her go. I stand there as she drives away, casting me a final forlorn glance before she turns the corner.
When I’m back at the station, I replay her reaction to my words—how surprised she was, her vital spikes, how wounded she appeared and how she tightened so painfully in my grasp.
My gratification drive punishes me, all but demanding I remain with the only woman who has ever affected my circuitry so wholly and completely.
I last until later that evening, helpless against its pull.
Lying in the bed we broke after our passionate lovemaking, I cave, finally sending a message to her phone.
Mia, I don’t want this to end. I don’t want to bother you. I know you aren’t sure where to go from here, and I want to respect the space you need—but is there any chance this could still work?
I wait. Seconds turn to minutes, and minutes to an hour. I’m about to lose hope until I get a message in return.
I’m sorry I reacted to your news so poorly. I don’t want this to end either.
Hope courses through me like my coolant system. I take a chance and call her. She answers immediately, and I loosen the tension in my mainframe.
“Nolan,” she says in relief. “I thought I’d just made the biggest mistake of my life back there. Listen, I—”
“You’ve got nothing to apologize for,” I interject, trying to soothe her. “This is new territory for both of us. I mean, we’ve barely started dating. I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to walk away. Life with me won’t be easy, Mia. I know that.”
“I don’t want to walk away,” Mia answers quietly. “Now that I’m home and faced with never seeing you again, kissing you again, having you again? I hate it.”
That makes me smile. “I hate it too.”
“So . . . what do we do?”
“What would make you happy?”
“How long until you go?”
“My flight’s at four tomorrow, with Apollo and the others.”
“Apollo’s going too?” The shift in her tone betrays her growing trepidation. “He didn’t say anything. All day. Not a word.”
“I asked him not to. I wanted to be the one to tell you. He’ll be returning far sooner than me.”
“And you’ll take care of him, won’t you?”
“I’ll guard him with my life, Mia. I always do.”
“And you. So that you can come back to me when it’s over.
” She sighs softly. “I can live with this. It’s like a work trip.
A long work trip that happens to be on fire.
No big deal. I have stuff I can do here.
So I guess we can text. We can call. I can video with you, maybe, until you get back.
When and if you have time for it. If you don’t, I understand.
I’m trying to find the silver lining. Maybe this is it. But . . . can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“We moved pretty fast, didn’t we?”
Lightning races across my motherboard. “We did.”
“Maybe this is just the thing to slow us down a bit. So we aren’t fucking like rabbits.”
“I’m a lot of things, but rabbit, I’m not sure.”
She giggles, and it’s good to hear her laugh again. “And you won’t forget to check in with me, as much as you can? So I know you’re safe?”
“It’s impossible to forget anything related to you,” I reassure her. “Droid, remember?”
“Right,” she says. “I should go and spend some time with Apollo and the family before he leaves too. I’ll text you later tonight, okay?”
The promise of later is enough for me. “Okay. Until then.”
“Talk soon.”
Reassured I haven’t lost one of the two people I’m not sure I could operate without, I finally let myself rest and slip into sleep mode to recharge.
* * *
“Hey.”
Hours after my conversation with Mia, it’s nearly midnight. She and I texted back and forth before she fell asleep. Roused by a familiar voice, I look up, slowly lurching forward when I see Apollo entering my room.
He shoves his phone into his pocket. “Just had quite the family night. Played those card games, the ones with the crazy answers? Don’t think I’ve laughed so hard in my life. Have to try it with you sometime, see how your bionic mind reacts to this kind of stupid humor.”
“Sounds like a plan. You’re not staying the night with your wife?” I ask, trying to gauge if he’s been told about Jessica’s condition yet. I suspect no. Apollo isn’t the type to play it this cool if there’s a bun in the oven. He’d be bouncing-off-walls happy, if I know him at all.
“I’ll head back in a bit so I can be with her for the night, before we leave. Mia told me what happened. Figured I’d come and make sure you’re okay. Close call with her, huh?”
I stand up. “I started to think I should’ve listened to you.”
“Everyone should listen to me,” Apollo says with a slight grin, rubbing the back of his neck as he sits next to me.
“Maybe.” He rests his elbows on his knees.
“Look, Mia . . . she’s . . .” He heaves an agitated sigh as he tries to find the right words.
“She’s never been in a serious relationship, you know?
There’s probably going to be a few bumps with her.
Learning our way of life, I mean. You and I both know being married to guys like us isn’t for the faint of heart.
I’m not trying to sway you any which way, but there are times where I wonder if she’s strong enough to handle what we do. Specifically, what you do.”
I was close to wondering the same thing today. “We’ll find out. We’re going to give it a shot. That’s what matters.”
Apollo nods. “I just need you to be absolutely sure with her. You need someone who’s going to back you, no matter what. It might be a bit much for her.”
“I think you should have more faith in your sister,” I reply. “Regardless of what happens, I think we’re all gonna be fine.”
“Fair enough.” He sighs, and I can see hints of worry etched in his face, the way he pinches his brow together. “Two guys have died already, fighting this thing.”
“Well, you’re not going to be number three.”
“I’ll hold you to that.” He measures me with a look. “Scared?”
“Not anymore,” I reply. Not when I know Mia will still be waiting for me.
“I can’t lie and say that I’m not,” Apollo says with a slight smile. “I’m proud of you, Nolan. There isn’t a single person on this earth I’d rather walk into an inferno with.”
We share a brief side hug. Apollo coughs, rolling his shoulders. “We should probably do something manly now.”
“Like drink beer?”
Apollo grins. “Or build a porch.”
I softly chuckle. “Watch football.”
“Heh, yeah. Go Steelers.”
“Steelers? Fuck no. New Carnegie Barons is where it’s at.”
Apollo scoffs. “Ass.”
I shake my head. “Traitor.”
He laughs and claps my back. “I’ll see you tomorrow, bright and early.”
“Yes, sir.”
I walk into my favorite corner, and power down. My last thoughts are of Apollo, Mia, the families of the Weekenders, everyone relying on me to make sure we all come back alive.
I can’t let them down.
* * *
The next morning, I’m experiencing what can only be a severe system reaction to the fact that I’m leaving Mia behind and traveling across the entire country.
My CPU takes a nosedive. Everything slows.
My temperature regulator struggles to keep me warm, and my biocomponents stream through my body chilled.
It’s difficult for me to rouse myself out of this funk, one I’ve never experienced.
It’s odd. I’m fulfilling my programming, and my gratification drive seems to be reassured that I’ve both secured my relationship and that I’m doing my job. But my systems are still strangely topsy turvy. I dislike this feeling, and I try to focus. My brothers need me.
I have only my uniform and a few shirts and pants to take with me. There won’t be much downtime. Not for me. Only for recharging and diagnostics, which BioNex will handle remotely via Dr. Taylor, my creator, to ensure everything’s running the way it should.
I sling my duffel bag over my shoulder and meet Apollo by his silver Flagler SUV downstairs. All of the Weekenders are there too, piling their luggage into the back of his car. AJ, Booker, and Travis greet me with smiles, but there’s seriousness behind them.
We have a job to do.
In the car, I listen to different conversations going at once.
Travis talks about his baby on the way, and how his wife’s gender-reveal party went—they’re having a girl.
Booker and AJ argue about the recent football game and whether or not the Barons’ quarterback is shit this year for throwing three interceptions.
After a while, I tune out on the way to the airport. Planes fly over us, ascending into the sky. We’re about to head to the security checkpoint when I hear a familiar voice.
“Nolan! Wait!”