Chapter 1
One
LEWIS
PRESENT DAY
London, UK
T here were people here I didn’t even know.
The hotel’s roof terrace was packed with familiar and not-so-familiar faces. I’d put the latter down to my wee sister Eilidh, who’d gained a number of so-called friends since she’d had success acting in a popular British dramedy. We’d both ended up in London, and in an effort to prove she wasn’t being sucked into the world of celebrity—that family was still the most important thing to her—Eilidh had insisted on throwing me a graduation party.
After seven long years, I was finally a qualified architect. Just like my dad.
I turned my head and locked eyes with the man I’d probably always hero-worship. I didn’t think that was a bad thing. To respect and admire my father. If my future kids felt the same way about me as I felt about Thane Adair, I’d die a happy man.
Dad stood drinking a glass of champagne with my stepmum, Regan. They’d been married for so long and had given me and Eilidh our wee sister, Morwenna, that Regan would always be Mum to me.
A hard hand clapped my shoulder, and my fellow graduates Gary and Sean suddenly appeared in front of me. “Mate, your sister knows how to throw a party,” Gary said, stuffing a canapé into his mouth. “She said after the free food and champagne, we’re all hitting the nightclub in the basement of the hotel. Is she single, your sister?”
I gave him a flat smile before replying blandly, “Touch my sister, and I’ll fucking end you before you’ve ever truly gotten a chance to begin.”
Gary raised an eyebrow. “What is it with you Scotsmen and your bloodlust?”
“I think it’s more he doesn’t want a lecherous bastard like you near Eilidh,” Sean offered dryly.
In answer, Gary’s searching gaze moved through the crowd toward my parents. “So, I take it that means I’m also not allowed to say that Lewis’s mother is a smoke show? Seriously, Lew … if the phrase MILF had a spokesperson, your mum would be it.”
An old irritation sizzled in my gut. For years back home, kids had teased me about my mum. She was younger than Dad. So they teased me about that, about how attractive she was. In high school, they’d said some repulsive things, and Callie had often talked me down from retaliating. I soon learned she was right. The more I reacted, the more they did it. Gary, unfortunately, was one of those.
I took a sip of my beer. “I dare you to say that in front of my dad. ”
“Protective is he?” Gary’s attention flickered to Dad.
“Understatement.”
“Yes, well, I’d be protective of that prime piece?—”
Sean smacked our mutual acquaintance across the back of the head. “Where are your fucking manners, man?”
Gary winced. “Bloody hell, I was joking.”
I sighed wearily. For most of my life, I’d been impatient with guys like Gary. I think I came out of my mother’s womb as a forty-year-old. My birth mum, Francine, died not long after Eilidh was born, so I wasn’t even three yet. I couldn’t remember a thing about her. All I knew of her were photographs that revealed a woman who had given me and Eilidh dark hair in a sea of blond Adairs. And the stories Dad had told us whenever we asked. Even from those, I couldn’t discern what else I’d gotten from Francine.
I knew for a fact I’d gotten my seriousness from my dad.
It wasn’t that I didn’t know how to have fun or laugh.
But the things most lads my age found funny, I found stupid and immature. It had made me feel like an outsider most of the time. The only people I’d never felt that way with were my best friend Fyfe … and Callie. And my family, of course.
Yet I was truly considering staying in London and joining the same architectural firm as Gary? We’d both done our last two years of practical experience at Wyatt, Johnson, and Baird, a prestigious firm that had won two RIBA (Royal Institute for British Architects) awards last year. They’d offered us both a position, which we hadn’t expected. We’d been in low-key competition for what we thought was one spot.
The thought of seeing Gary day in and day out irritated me.
But it was more than that.
Unbelievably … I was homesick.
And I had been for a long time .
As if he sensed I needed a rescue, my dad led Mum over to us.
Sean tapped Gary on the arm. “Let’s grab another drink.”
I thanked my friend with a nod. Sean I would miss because he was taking a position at a firm in Manchester.
My dad was only a few inches shorter than me, and he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “So proud of you, Lew.”
“Thanks.” I patted him on the back and then leaned down to kiss my mum’s proffered cheek. “Where’s Morwenna?”
My youngest sister was thirteen years old this year and the complete opposite of Eilidh. While Eils had always been outgoing, outspoken, and social, Morwenna was quieter and preferred her own company most of the time. According to Dad, she’d found a group of friends at high school that she spent a lot of time with, but on the few occasions I’d ventured home or when my family had visited me, Mor usually had her nose in a book. The age gap between us meant we weren’t as close as Eilidh and I were, but I hoped she knew she always had me.
“She opted to stay in the hotel and read,” Mum said in her only slightly diluted Boston accent before she nibbled her bottom lip. She and her sister, my aunt Robyn (married to my dad’s brother Lachlan), were transplants from the US, and neither of them had entirely lost their accents the way Callie had. “Your father assured me she was safe to do so.”
“The door is locked, she has her phone, and she will call us if she needs us.” Dad slid an arm around her waist.
I frowned. “I’m not sure I’m keen on Mor being left alone. You should go be with her.”
“But it’s your graduation party.”
Snorting, I gestured around. “I barely know half the people here. It’s an Eilidh party. ”
“Your sister means well,” Dad reminded me.
“I know that. But honestly, if you need to get back to Mor, go. I’m good.”
Mum reached out to take my hand. “Are you sure?”
“Of course. Thank you for coming all this way.”
She gave me a quizzical smile, the dimples in her cheeks flashing. “Sweetheart, my son just graduated. Where else would I be?”
Longing for my family scored through me. It seemed foolish and childish to still need them like this. I pulled Mum into a hug, her familiar perfume cascading over me and filling me with nostalgia.
“Your dad wants to talk to you. Please hear him out,” Mum whispered in my ear before pulling back to press a kiss to my cheek. “We’ll see you tomorrow for breakfast.”
I nodded, bemused, and waited for her to kiss Dad good night before she strode through the crowd toward Eilidh.
Dad’s attention lingered on her, and I recognized the love in his expression. He was lucky. He’d found the love of his life and managed to keep her.
Some of us could not say the same.
Finally, Dad turned to me and gestured to a quiet corner of the terrace that overlooked the city. “Let’s talk.”
I followed him out of the crowd and into that small space of privacy. London stretched before us like a dark blanket sewn with a thousand golden lights. A cascade of neon stood out across the Thames as the London Eye lights reflected in its waters.
“What’s up?”
Dad leaned against the balcony. “I want you to consider coming to work for my firm in Inverness.”
There was that pang of longing again, this time fiercer, more painful. “ Dad …”
“I’m a partner now. My name is on the building. I get to hire who I want. And this isn’t nepotism, Lewis. The work you’ve done is incredible, and it fits our firm to a tee. You could create some special sustainable buildings in the Highlands. And we could use a fresh eye.”
“I’ve already said yes to Adam Wyatt.” I referred to one of the partners of the firm who’d offered me and Gary positions.
“So?” Dad shrugged. “You’re allowed to change your mind, Lew.”
I stared out at London and as much as it had been the place I’d lain my head every night for the past seven years … it had never felt like home.
“If this is about Callie …”
“Don’t.”
Dad exhaled slowly. “After all this time?”
I couldn’t talk about her. And I knew my family probably thought I was crazy and obsessive, and as far from the mature man I professed to be, but seven years later … no, I was not over Callie Ironside.
I probably never would be.
Which was why I couldn’t go home. Too many memories. It hurt too much. I had to hope that someday, I would move on. I just didn’t think I could do that in Ardnoch where every street was laced with the memory of her.
“The offer stands, son.” Dad squeezed my shoulder. “There’s a place for you no matter what, no matter when.”
Emotion thickened my throat. “Thanks, Dad.”
“At least if you’re here, you can look out for Eilidh.” Dad glanced over his shoulder, back toward the party. “There’s not a day that goes by I don’t worry about her. That she chose this life, following in her uncles’ footsteps …”
“For now.” I followed his gaze to where Eilidh was holding a small group of men’s attention, gesturing wildly as she told them one of her many stories. They laughed at all the right parts, their eyes devouring her in a way that made my skin crawl. Sometimes I wished she were more like Morwenna. Easier to protect her that way. But Eilidh was Eilidh, and honestly, I wouldn’t change her for the world.
“She misses Ardnoch. I know she does. I reckon one day she’ll follow her uncles’ footsteps all the way home,” Dad said gruffly.
Both of my uncles—my dad’s eldest brother Lachlan and younger brother Brodan—had made names for themselves in Hollywood. Uncle Brodan had been an acclaimed actor until he’d returned home to Ardnoch to marry his childhood sweetheart, my aunt Monroe. Uncle Lachlan had returned long before that to turn our family’s ancestral castle and estate into a members-only club for film and TV professionals.
Now he and Uncle Brodan also ran a whisky distillery. With their fame and money and coastal smoky whisky that was actually bloody good, the brand was a success. It had taken a few years, but Ardnoch Whisky was becoming a household name. It was even more popular in Japan than it was here.
“Do you think so?”
“I do.”
“I suppose the allure of Ardnoch is strong,” I said without thinking.
“I can only hope so,” my dad answered. At my silence, he leaned forward. “Lewis.”
His tone forced me to look at him.
“For the longest time after your mother passed away, I was afraid to live for anything but you and Eilidh. When Regan came into our lives, she terrified me. And I pushed her away.”
I frowned because I was seven when Regan first started working as our nanny. To me, it seemed like my parents quickly fell in love, got married, and she became my mum. “I didn’t know that.”
He nodded. “You’ve probably forgotten. But I was unkind to Regan. You even gave me a telling off for pushing her away.”
I didn’t remember that. There were some things about that time I’d never forget, but I didn’t remember that.
“I’m ashamed of how I treated your mum.”
That didn’t seem right at all. My dad treated Mum like she walked on water.
“But fear can do strange things to us. It was only when I realized that I couldn’t live without her that I decided to fight my fears and win her back.”
“What fears?”
“Of being hurt again. Of losing her. She was younger, and I was afraid that one day she’d wake up and want something different.”
“But you loved her enough to fight your fears?”
“I did.” Dad gave me a sympathetic smile. “I think I knew when you were fifteen that what you felt for Callie was deeper than puppy love.”
An emotional sting burned across my chest. “Dad?—”
“And it fucking kills me that after all this time, you’re still in pain.” His voice was gruff now. “But, Lewis, you cannot live your life making choices because you’re afraid of that pain.”
His words ricocheted through me, freezing me to the spot.
“You will regret it, son, and I don’t want any of my children to live with regrets.” He cupped my nape, giving it a firm squeeze, and suddenly I was a boy all over again. “If you want to come home, you come home … don’t let anything or anyone stop you. You get me?”
I nodded, too overcome with emotion to speak.
Dad pressed a kiss to my forehead. “Proud of you, Lew.”
“Proud of you,” I forced out .
“I’ll see you in the morning.”
I nodded again as he released me and strode away to say good night to Eilidh. For a moment, I watched my sister and father embrace.
Maybe Dad was right. Maybe I was letting fear stop me from being back with my family.
Turning to stare out at the city again, I contemplated what life in Ardnoch would look like now, if I was remembering it through rose-tinted glasses and I’d miss the hustle and bustle of the city. Or if that longing for a quieter pace of life, for golden beaches and rugged mountains and wild weather, was more than nostalgia.
For years, I’d longed for something beyond Ardnoch, and it seemed impossible and almost cruel that I could miss it as much as I did. Considering it was my desire for something more that had lost me Callie.
I pulled my phone from my pocket and swiped the screen. Tapping the social media icon, I opened the app and searched her name.
Her feed was a collection of photos of her, the baked goods she’d created, France, and the people she’d met there.
One of her latest photos glared up at me. Like the masochist I was, I tapped on it for the hundredth time.
Callie’s beautiful face was wreathed in smiles as she beamed into the camera while he pressed a tender kiss to the corner of her mouth. The caption said: “Another day in Paris with him.” The lips and heart emojis followed.
She’d tagged the Frenchman in a clutter of photos throughout her feed for the past year. His name was Gabriel Dumont. The year before him, there had been Remy. She’d dated that Frenchman for a few months. Both were good-looking bastards, and I hated them with the fire of a thousand suns.
A part of me hated Callie too.
Because she said she’d never leave Ardnoch.
But there she was in Paris at a baking and pastry school. Dating French men. I clicked on another photo of them. Callie had clearly taken the selfie of them kissing beneath the Eiffel Tower. My gut twisted.
“What are you doing?”
I jumped, almost dropping my phone. Glaring at my sister, I ignored her knowing look. “Where is your harem of men?”
Eilidh nudged me. “They’re boring. All they do is talk about how much money they want to earn, what car they want to buy, what TV shows they’ve booked.”
“You invited them.”
“No, I invited my castmates, who invited everyone else in London.” She leaned her elbows against the balcony, facing me. “You still look at her social media?”
Glowering, I stared straight ahead. “You’re too nosy for your own good.”
“Maybe. But I’m worried my big brother is pining his life away.”
I’d already had this discussion with our dad and I wasn’t in the mood to have it again. “Eils?—”
“It’s been seven years, Lew.”
“So everyone keeps telling me.”
“Well, I’m not telling you to move on.”
That drew my gaze to hers.
Eilidh stared back, expression fierce. “I’m telling you to go find her.”
My heart rate increased at the thought. “What?”
“Go find Callie. See if what you had is still there. Because if what you feel for her isn’t true love, big brother, I’m not sure I know what is.”
A sudden deluge of grief crashed down on me. “It’s not. I was just … tonight made me nostalgic. Anyway, even if I did feel that way, and I’m not saying I do, she’s moved on. With a Frenchman.”
“Gabriel.”
I raised an eyebrow.
Eilidh licked her lips nervously. “Callie and I still talk. We’re still friends.”
“Oh.”
“I’m sorry. I should have told you. I … I never know if I should mention her or not.”
I smiled wryly. “Hasn’t stopped you before.”
“I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“You being friends with Callie doesn’t hurt me.” Though it filled me with a million questions. How was she? How had the last seven years of her life been? Did she even want to live in Ardnoch anymore? Why did she leave when she said she never wanted to? Why … why did she leave when she couldn’t leave for me?
“Well … her boyfriend’s name is Gabriel. He’s a police officer. They’ve been dating for nine months and?—”
“Eilidh, I don’t want to know about him.” I cut her off. “It’s none of my business.”
My sister fell silent, and I refused to look at her. Sometimes all she had to do was stare into my eyes and she’d know exactly how I was feeling.
“Come to my wrap party next week.”
I was unsurprised by her abrupt subject change. The show Eilidh was on had finished filming its third season. She played a pessimistic, world-weary young Londoner who couldn’t be further from the real Eilidh if she tried. To be honest, I was blown away by her performance. She’d been given some tough scenes to depict, and I was in awe of her talent.
Eilidh started showing an interest in acting at the end of primary school. She’d been accepted into Glasgow’s Royal Conservatoire junior summer school throughout her high career. She’d wanted to attend full time, but our parents weren’t happy with her living alone in Glasgow. Eilidh had gotten accepted into the conservatoire as a full-time student at seventeen. Between that and our uncles’ connections, she’d booked several jobs throughout as a teenager and during her time as a university student. Then she landed this part three years ago, and her life changed dramatically.
While it had never been strange for me that people recognized Lachlan and Brodan when we were out and about, it was weird when people recognized Eilidh and acted like they knew her.
She had nearly five million followers on social media.
“What?” she asked, frowning.
“Nothing.”
“So, is that a no to my wrap party?”
I didn’t particularly feel like going. I’d been to the last one and felt like a fish out of water. “I’ll be there. Just let me know where and when.”
“Thanks, big brother.” She pushed away from the balcony to hug me. I wrapped my arms around her, and the years seemed to melt away and she was my wee sister who needed a hug every day from everyone she loved. Eilidh had always craved affection. Sometimes I longed for that simpler time. Tenderness filled me, and I kissed the top of her head.
“Your audience awaits,” I teased.
Eilidh pulled back. Her eyes were the exact shade as mine, and I could still see the concern in them. “Love you, Lew.”
“Love you.” I shoved her gently toward the crowd. “Now, go enjoy.”
“You too.” She grabbed my arm, pulling me with her. “This is your graduation party, and I won’t let you mope the night away. ”
I grumbled under my breath, but I didn’t really mean it. In fact, I grabbed a beer as soon as we hit the bar. Because I was a broody bastard tonight. It was probably graduation stirring up all those old ghosts. However, I was done with them.
I wanted to drown the memories that had risen up to plague me.