Chapter 2
Two
LEWIS
TEN YEARS AGO
M y gut churned.
Pushing away from my computer, I practically jumped to my feet and started pacing. It felt like there was this energy inside me that had no place to go. Between that and the gut churning, I was agitated beyond belief.
Fyfe spun in his chair and pulled off his headphones and mic. My best friend’s eyebrows were practically in his hairline. “What’s going on?”
We’d been in the middle of playing League of Legends with two lads from Glasgow when I’d made my abrupt departure. But I couldn’t think. Couldn’t concentrate.
What was going on?
I was an idiot. That was what was going on. “I … uh … I don’t feel so great.”
“Aye?” Fyfe put the headphones back on and told the lads we needed to finish up for the evening. He turned back to me. “Should I head home?”
Considering I was the worst company ever right now, I nodded. “I’ll see you out.”
We were halfway down the stairs when Fyfe asked quietly, “It doesn’t have anything to do with Callie going out with Michael tonight?”
He’d heard, then.
“I don’t know,” I answered truthfully.
Fyfe gave me a look. When we reached the bottom of the stairs, Eilidh, who was sitting at the island chatting with Mum, jumped off her stool. Her big eyes were locked on my best friend.
“You’re not leaving, are you? We’re making pepperoni pizza, just for you.” Eils batted her eyelashes at him.
My sister had made it clear this past year that Fyfe Moray was her latest crush. It annoyed the hell out of me, which only made her flirt with him more.
Fyfe smirked and nudged his glasses higher up his nose. “Thanks, but I’ve gotta go.”
Eilidh pouted. “Are you coming around tomorrow?”
My friend looked at me. I nodded. He nodded in turn to Eils, who practically bounced on the balls of her feet. “We’ll make you pizza then too. Bye, Fyfe.” She blew him a kiss and hurried back up onto the stool.
I glowered at Mum as if to say Do something about that , but Mum merely chuckled and shook her head.
Once outside, I waited as Fyfe got on his bike and said, “Sorry if Eils is making you uncomfortable.”
Fyfe grinned. “It’s fine. She’s kind of hilarious.”
“She has ‘Eilidh loves Fyfe’ scrawled all over her sketchpads. I think these drama lessons are making her worse.”
“She’s just a kid,” he said with the sage wisdom of a fifteen-year-old. “It’s fine. Text me later. ”
I waved as he cycled down the drive onto the single track that led out onto the main road back to Ardnoch.
As soon as he was gone, I saw Callie in my mind, her chin tilted back in defiance as I confronted her about Michael Barr. Michael at least had the decency to tell me he and Callie were going to the movies in Inverness. Callie’s mum was dropping them off, and Michael’s stepmum Kenna was picking them up.
I knew Michael had always liked Callie. She’d told me he’d asked her out a year ago and she’d said no. But … she’d changed her mind. Because of me.
In a foul mood, I stormed back into the house.
“Pizza’s almost ready,” Mum called to me.
“Eat it yourselves,” I huffed and took the stairs two at a time. Slamming my bedroom door behind me, I prayed my mum and sister left me alone as I dove onto the bed and slipped my headphones on. Biffy Clyro filled my ears, and I tried to ignore the panic that gripped my chest.
It wasn’t Mum or Eilidh who walked into my room later that evening.
Dad popped his head in a few hours later, and I reluctantly slipped off my headphones. “May I come in?” he asked.
I nodded and scooted up against my headboard, waiting as Dad sat down on the end of the bed. He gestured to my headphones. “Who are you listening to now?”
“Biffy Clyro.” I’d only gotten into them because my dad and uncles liked the older band.
He grinned. “Good taste.”
I stared down at my lap, unable to engage in small talk.
“Your mum says something’s up.”
Callie’s face flashed before me again. The hurt in her eyes. Then the determination. I should have known what that determination meant.
If Michael kissed her tonight, I’d lose my fucking mind.
My hands unconsciously clenched into fists.
Dad noticed. “Talk to me, Lew.”
“I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine.”
He waited patiently. Then, “Does it have something to do with Callie going on a date with Michael tonight?”
My head whipped up. “How do you know about that?”
Dad’s expression was neutral as he replied, “You know Kenna helps out at your mum’s daycare now and then. She told her about the date.”
“Right.” I’d forgotten that Michael’s stepmum filled in whenever one of Mum’s full-time staff was on leave.
“So … is it a problem for you? I know you and Callie are best friends and you and Michael are friends …”
“It can’t be a problem for me.” I shrugged. “I told Callie I just wanted to be friends, so she can do what she wants.”
Dad frowned. “Do you mean Callie told you she wanted to be more than friends with you?”
Months ago. And I’d wanted to kiss her and tell her I felt the same way. But … “She’s my best friend, Dad. And I know I’m not supposed to say shit like that—” I winced at the curse that slipped out. “Sorry.”
Dad waved off the apology and gestured for me to continue.
I sat forward, running a hand through my long hair. “Callie is one of the most important people in my life. If we started going out and then something happened and we broke up … I’d lose her. And I can’t lose her.”
“So … you have those feelings for her? Romantic feelings?”
My heart rate picked up and I huffed. “Who wouldn’t? She’s amazing. I know how amazing she is. Michael only wants to go out with her because she’s the prettiest girl at school. Wanker.” This time I didn’t wince at cursing in front of my father.
Dad smirked. “I thought Michael was your friend?”
“Until he went after Callie. He knows what she means to me.”
“Does he?” His question was asked quietly, but it still made me flinch. “Lewis …” He reached out and patted my knee. “I wish it wasn’t true, but you’ve been through so much already, losing your mum a big part of that. You hold on to people so fiercely, and I admire that about you. But I don’t want your fear of losing people to stop you from living. You’re fifteen. If you want Callie to be your first girlfriend, you should not let the fear of losing her friendship get in the way. Life is too short, son.”
Guilt suffused me. “What if … what if she doesn’t want me now, anyway? What if I did something?”
“Like what?”
I saw Callie’s hurt face over and over in my mind. “We were all at Fyfe’s birthday party last weekend.” Fyfe lived with his mum, and she wasn’t around a lot. Whenever we wanted to hang out without parental supervision, we went to Fyfe’s, even though his place was small. His eighteen-year-old neighbor and her friends dropped by with some beer. I got a bit drunk and got talking to her. We were in the back garden, talking one minute, and the next she was kissing me. “I got off with this older girl who was there.”
Dad raised an eyebrow. “Got off as in …”
“Just kissing, Dad.”
“Right. And Callie found out?”
She’d interrupted us. I nodded, swallowing hard against the guilt. The hurt on her face had killed me. I felt like I’d cheated on her, and we weren’t even dating.
“But you don’t like this other girl? ”
I shook my head vehemently. “ She kissed me, and I didn’t … stop it. But I don’t like her. I love—” I cut off.
Dad was good enough not to give me a patronizing smile. “You love Callie?” he asked seriously.
That panic in my chest flared.
I nodded.
“Not dating her isn’t going to change that, Lew. You either give it a chance and risk losing her … or it seems like you lose her for definite if you don’t. You’re at that age where her boyfriend will become the person she spends all of her time with.”
“What if she’s too mad at me to give me a chance?”
Dad grinned. “Callie Ironside thinks the sun rises and sets with you, son. That doesn’t go away because of one moment of hurt. You can apologize and tell her the truth.”
“You really think so?”
“I know so.”
That nervous agitation thrummed through me again. “Will you give me a lift to her place?”
“Now?”
I nodded. “I want to be there when she gets back from … her date.”
Dad sighed but stood up. “Okay. But what about Michael?”
The thought of hurting my pal didn’t sit right with me either, but he’d gone out with Callie, knowing what it might do to our friendship … so fair play and all that. “We’ll figure it out later. Callie’s more important.”
“Get your shoes on, then.”
Callie’s mum, Sloane Ironside, could very well pass for Callie’s big sister. In more ways than physical appearance. They both had this optimism and goodness that radiated from them, which was amazing, considering everything they’d been through.
When she opened the door to find me on her doorstep, Mrs. Ironside gave me a sympathetic, knowing smile. I was also sure I saw relief in her eyes as she stepped aside to let me in.
Mr. Ironside was a different story. Callie’s dad never said much because he didn’t need to. He could terrify a bloke just by looking at them.
We sat in awkward silence as I waited for Callie to come home.
Then Mr. Ironside broke the silence. “Better you than Barr, I suppose.”
For Ironside, that was almost a blessing. Mrs. Ironside seemed to think so because she gave me an encouraging smile.
I cleared my throat. “Where’s Harry?” I referred to Callie’s brother.
“Sleeping.”
Right.
Because it was like ten o’clock at night and I was severely intruding.
Guilt filled me. And discomfort.
“Can I get you a drink?” Callie’s mum offered for the hundredth time.
“No thanks, Mrs. Ironside.”
“Lewis, please call me Sloane,” she pleaded for the hundredth time too.
The sound of a car pulling up outside made my heart leap into my throat. At least I knew with Michael’s stepmum in the car, there would be no good-night kiss. Although that didn’t mean there hadn’t been kisses at the cinema.
My hands clenched at my sides. Feeling someone’s eyes on me, I turned and saw Mr. Ironside looking at my fists.
I unclenched them.
He looked me in the eye, but his expression didn’t give away his thoughts. The man was a big affectionate giant with Callie and Sloane. I’d seen it. With everyone else, he was slightly scary and a lot intimidating.
My palms turned clammy at the sound of Callie letting herself into the house. She walked into the sitting room, lips parted as if about to speak, and then froze at the sight of me.
I drank her in.
Jealousy burned in my chest.
Her long blond hair was styled in waves, she wore a bit of makeup, and her legs went on forever in the long-sleeved mini dress she wore with ankle boots. She was so bloody gorgeous, it made everything inside me ache.
But it was more than those big blue eyes or the full lips I’d fantasized about kissing a million times … it was her. Callie. The person who knew me inside out and not only accepted everything that was me but liked it all. She’d made it clear that she was never going anywhere.
Until I’d hurt her.
I stood abruptly.
Her eyes flared. “What are you doing here?”
Her mum winced at the high-pitched question. “Why don’t you two talk outside so you don’t wake your brother?”
Callie glowered at me. “You’re unbelievable.”
I gave her an apologetic look, which only seemed to make her angrier, but she gestured for me to follow her into the kitchen and out of the sliding doors.
As soon as she’d closed them behind her, she crossed her arms defensively over her chest. “What the hell are you doing here, Lewis?”
Before I’d been nervous as anything, but now with her in front of me, I felt nothing but determination. “I made a mistake. Months ago, when you told me you wanted us to date, and then last weekend.”
Hurt flashed across her face. “What? You accidentally tripped into her mouth?”
I blanched. “Callie … it was stupid. I’d had too much beer, and I … I regretted it immediately. She’s not the one I want to kiss.”
“So, someone else asks me out, and all of a sudden, you have a change of heart?”
“No. I realized today that I could lose you for real. And the only reason I said no to dating was because I didn’t want to lose you. I didn’t want something to happen, for us to break up and I’d lose you for good. I can’t lose you, Callie. You’re the most important person in my life. I …” I let out a shuddering breath. “I love you.”
Her expression slackened. “What?”
I swallowed against my nerves and stated more boldly, “I love you, Callie Ironside.”
Doubt and fear crept in as she stared at me for a few seconds. Then she crossed the distance between us, grabbed my hand, and tugged me to follow her around the side of the house.
“What—”
She whirled and pulled me into her before she threw her arms around my neck. Her warm, soft body flushed against mine, and my skin was instantly on fire. “I love you too.”
And then her lips touched mine.
Utter relief flooded me, and I wrapped my arms tight around her, lifting her off her feet to meet my mouth more fully. I pressed her up against the side of the house for leverage and kissed her like she was fucking oxygen.
It felt right.
Perfect.
And I was an idiot for waiting so long to make this girl mine.
But I’d never be an idiot with Callie again. I’d never, ever let her slip through my fingers. How could I?
It would be like losing a part of myself.