Chapter 22
twenty-two
A few days later, I’d paired my Bob Dylan t-shirt with my shorts and set my phone on the dinette in my apartment, propping it against the chrome salt and pepper shakers. I had my table back now that the digital piano was at the rehearsal house in Daly City. “Micah, come here. It’s almost time.”
Micah got up from the couch, looking effortlessly good in a gray polo shirt and jeans, and sat next to me at the dinette. “I’m won’t lie. I’m a little nervous.” He wiped his hands on his jeans and chewed at his lip.
I couldn’t help but smile. He was adorable when he was nervous. Leaning in, I kissed him lightly on the lips. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”
He gave me a small, hesitant smile. “Have you spoken to them since you told them?”
I glanced at the table. “No…”
“Okay.” He straightened his spine. “Anyway, call. I’m ready.”
I took a steadying breath and pressed the button to call my parents. The phone rang twice before my mom and dad appeared on the screen, sitting together on their leather couch.
“Hi, honey. How are you?” Mom’s warm smile filled the screen.
“Good, Mom.”
Dad leaned in, his grin reassuring. He looked relaxed, for now.
“So, this is Micah.” I hooked my arm around his shoulders, bringing him closer as I studied their faces for any sign of judgment.
“Pleased to meet you both.” He waved at the phone, then glanced at me, flashing a warm grin.
“Likewise, Micah.” Dad shifted forward on the couch. “So, Ash tells us you’re a software engineer at Tesla.”
“Yes.” Micah nodded. “I work on the autonomous driving software. We’re getting ready for the rollout of 5G, which will allow us to have the speed to handle the data for?—”
“Micah, I don’t think they’re going to know what you’re talking about.” I let out a nervous chuckle, glancing at my parents. Both of them were staring at the screen with wide eyes.
“Oh.” Micah furrowed his brows, his gaze darting across the table. “Anyway, I really enjoy it there. I feel like I’m doing my part for the environment, you know, with electric cars.”
“Yes, that must be very exciting,” Mom said. “What other sorts of things do you do?”
“Well, I like to hike and surf.” Micah glanced at me, his expression softening.
“He surfs with me, Mom, and he’s taken me on some cool hikes around here. There are these old bunkers in the hills that we see.” I smiled at him. I hoped my parents could see just how much I appreciated him. God, I missed those moments with him. I gazed at the screen, focusing on my parents.
“That sounds fun, son.” Dad gave Mom a quick look, one of those silent exchanges they always seemed to have.
“So, Micah, your family lives out there?” Mom asked, raising her brows.
“Yes. My mom and dad and little sister live here. I have an older brother who lives in Oregon. He’s married and expecting his first child, a boy.” Micah placed a hand on my thigh.
“Oh, that’s exciting. So, you’ll be an uncle soon,” Mom said.
Micah nodded. “Yeah, I’m going up there when the baby’s born in a few months.”
Gaping, I stared at him. “You are?” This was the first I’d heard about him going to Oregon.
He smirked at me. “You’re coming with me. Don’t worry. My brother wants to meet you, too.”
Warmth spread through my chest. “Tell them his name.”
Micah shifted his focus to the phone. “Oh, it’s Daniel,” he said. “My sister is Ash’s age. Her name is Trish, and she still lives with my mom down in the San Jose area.”
Mom nodded, a grin forming on her face. “So, you’re the middle child,” she said. “How old are you, Micah?”
“Twenty-six.” Micah he lifted his chin.
In a softer voice, Mom said, “Oh, so a year older than what Ashton’s brother would have been.”
Micah turned to me, his brows lifting and lips parting.
“Yes, Mom,” I said quietly, lowering my head.
“You know about Ash’s brother, I take it, Micah?” Dad leaned closer to the phone, his expression serious.
“Yes, I do. It’s very tragic, and I’m sorry,” Micah said.
Mom’s eyes shimmered, but her smile didn’t waver. “Well, now it seems we have another son.” She beamed at us.
My face heated, and I turned to Micah, who crept a grin across his lips. “Guess so,” I said. That was it. Mom had accepted him.
Micah rested his head on my shoulder, still grinning. “Definitely.”
“You’ll have to bring Micah to Minnesota the next time you’re here,” Dad said.
This was going better than I’d dared to hope. “I will.” I met Dad’s gaze through the screen. “Hey, we should probably go. We’re going out for dinner tonight, then maybe a nice bonfire on the beach.” I threw a grin at Micah.
“Oh, that sounds nice,” Mom said.
“It will be.” I smiled. It had been way too long since we’d done something like that.
“Okay, we’ll see you soon, son,” Dad said.
“Yep. Bye.” I waved at the phone.
“Bye, nice to meet you both.” Micah joined me in waving at the screen.
“Love you,” Mom said as she leaned forward, and the call ended.
Micah shifted in his chair, releasing a long sigh before turning to me, his eyes twinkling. “Ashton? That’s your real name?”
“Yeah. My mom’s not thrilled that I go by Ash,” I said, chuckling. “She says it reminds her of cigarettes.”
He ruffled my hair. “Ashton. It’s cute. I like it.” He flashed me a beaming smile. My heart skip a beat.
I scoffed, giving him a pointed glare. “Don’t call me that. Just call me Ash.”
“We’ll see.” He leaned in, cupping my cheek, then he gave me a long kiss. When he broke the kiss, he said, “I love you, Ashton.”
“Damn you.” I smacked his arm lightly, though I couldn’t stop the smile tugging at my lips. “I love you, too.”
* * *
Four hours later, I’d put on a hooded sweatshirt and jeans and spread a towel on the sand near where Micah stacked logs for the bonfire. I glanced at him, smirking as I took him in.
He was wearing his black hoodie, the same outfit he’d worn the first time I saw him. Shaking my head at the thought, I sat on the towel and bent over to open the cooler. “Beer?”
“Absolutely,” he said, his focus on the logs as he lit them. The flames took hold quickly, encouraged by the ocean breeze.
I pulled out a can of beer, popped it open, and handed it to him. Moments like this, on the beach with just the two of us, these were the times I’d miss most when I was out on the road. As I reached into the cooler for another beer, I glanced at the rolling waves. The sun was setting behind a fog bank, and seabirds flittered overhead. Grabbing a can for myself, I snicked it open and took a long gulp.
He crawled in close, sitting beside me and draping an arm around my shoulders. “What are you thinking about?”
“That it’s nice to have time to do this,” I said, letting the contentment of the moment settle over me as I pressed into his side.
“Yeah, I told you it would get better once we hit this sprint goal.” He pulled me closer.
Memories flooded my mind, and I leaned my head on his shoulder. “Remember the first time we talked to each other down here?”
“Of course,” he said with a chuckle. “You thought it was a good idea to surf in a riptide.”
I spread a wide grin across my face. “I thought you were such an ass.” The memory pulled me back to my first days here. It felt like so long ago. “What were you doing? Why were you always there on the beach when I went surfing?”
He took a sip of his beer and breathed in deeply. “I was afraid for you,” he said. “You were trying to surf out here, obviously without lessons, and I didn’t want to wake up one day to hear that some rock star drowned in Pacifica. I guess I felt like it would be my fault, since I knew what you were doing.”
I raised my head and peered at him, arching a brow. “So, it wasn’t because you liked me?”
A shy smile swept over his face. “Well, there was that.”
Leaning in closer, I placed a tender kiss on his lips. “I knew it.” I took in his stunning face, his gaze now locked on mine. “You know, the day your hat blew off, and I saw your face for the first time? I think I fell in love with you right then.”
His cheeks pinked. “Really?”
I let out a quick laugh. “You didn’t see how dumbstruck I was?” That had never happened to me before. I took a sip of my beer, watching him.
He parted his lips, his forehead wrinkling. “I thought it was odd that you immediately tried to hold my hand. Well, and the way you stared at me.” He chuckled, then looked out to the sea, his brows knitting together. “I was in such an awful place. You don’t know how conflicted I was. I didn’t think I deserved to be with you, but I wanted to.”
“Yeah, you were sort of mean.” I took a gulp of beer, memories flashing in my mind. “Rude and weird, actually. But I kept going after you.” I laid my head on his shoulder, savoring the closeness.
“Good thing you did. I figured things wouldn’t go anywhere after you hooked up with Anne.” He drank his beer.
I thought back to that day, to the look on his face when Anne propositioned me. “I wanted to go home with you that day. If you hadn’t left?—”
“It wouldn’t have worked out. I wasn’t ready.” He pressed a kiss on the top of my head. “But you always showed up when I needed someone. That meant a lot.”
I grinned, sinking deeper into his side, the warmth of the fire matching the warmth in my chest. We had the entire weekend together. “So, tomorrow we surf in the morning, then you said you have some places to show me?”
“Yeah. It looks like we should stick with a condo if we want beach access. There’s a two-bedroom just up the hill from here that’s reasonable.” He drank more of his beer. “If we want something bigger, it’ll have to be inland.”
“No, I’d rather be on the beach. I don’t care if it’s small.” Truthfully, anyplace was fine, as long as it was with him. I glanced at the fire, noticing the flames slowing. “We need more wood.”
He left my side, grabbed a few logs, and added them to the fire before coming back to wrap his arm around my shoulders. “How much stuff do you have in Minnesota?”
“Not much. Since I’ve been on the road the last few years, I’ve never really needed anything.” I snuggled into his side, releasing a quick chuckle. “I’m not bringing my childhood bed down from my parents’ house, if that’s what you mean.”
He laughed and took a long sip of his beer. “Yeah, I was wondering if you had any furniture.”
There was never any need for it. I shook my head once. “Nope. I like yours anyway.”
“Good. Guess that’s settled. Maybe this will be easier than I thought,” he said.
I lifted my head from his shoulder, studying his face in the flickering light of the fire. “What do you mean by that?”
“I don’t know what your taste is like since your apartment came furnished.” His gaze lingered on me, his stunning face illuminated by the soft glow of the flames. “I wouldn’t want it to clash with mine.” He freed a soft snort.
“Shit, I don’t even know what my taste is.” I shrugged. Furniture was just furniture, wasn’t it? “Guess it’s whatever you like.”
A smirk tugged at the corners of his mouth. “Good.”
As the conversation settled, my talk with Wells crept into my mind. It was time to bring it up. I took a long swallow of my beer. “There’s something you should know.”
He lifted his brows. “What’s that?”
I exhaled. I should just come out with it. “Wells is moving out here, too.” I gauged his reaction.
His nose crinkled, and he turned his glare on the fire. “I figured that would happen.”
“You did?” My chest tensed and I leaned closer. “You’re okay with it, right?”
He stared into the flames, his fingers fiddling with the edge of the towel. “I have to be, right? He’s your best friend, even though it feels more like he’s your ex-lover.” He arched a brow. “And could be your lover again, if given the chance?”
“You don’t have to worry about that.” I wrapped an arm around him. I needed to ease his doubt. “Wells and I have settled into a friendship. Nothing more.”
He fixated on the fire. “But if something were to happen to us, would it be more?” His gaze cut to mine.
Should I be honest? Or did he need reassurance? Right now, I wasn’t even sure myself what I’d do if I lost Micah. “Uh, well?—”
“That’s what I thought.” He nodded slowly, twisting his mouth and gripping the towel. “I know I have to trust you, but it’s hard sometimes.”
“I’m sorry.” I rested my forehead against his head. “I don’t know what to say. You can trust me. You can also trust Wells.” I squeezed his hand, pulling it away from the towel. “Wells wouldn’t do anything.”
“Yeah.” He straightened his spine and his shoulders tensed. “How are rehearsals coming?”
It was clear Wells still unsettled him. I sighed. But could I blame him? “Great. Jeff’s working on lining up the gig at The Fillmore next month. The label’s planning to release the EP and the videos we shot around the same time. There’s the ballad we’ve been working on, plus the cover of Count on Me. You know, Jefferson Airplane played there. All my favorites from that era did. It’s going to feel surreal.”
“I bet.” He took a sip of his beer, his voice softening. “What’s the name of this ballad you keep telling me about?”
I gave him a sly smile. “It’s a secret. You’ll find out when you hear us play it at the gig.”
“Uh-huh.” He nodded, grinning at his beer can before the smile faded. “So, that means touring will start when?”
“Probably a month or two after that. The dates and places are being set up now.” Tightness wove through my chest as the familiar ache settled in. Fuck, I don’t want to leave him. I rested my forehead on his shoulder, searching for a way to make this easier. “Maybe we can get moved in somewhere before I leave?”
He winced and swallowed hard. “Definitely, we should get you moved in first.” His voice was rough, almost choked. “I’m going to miss the shit out of you.”
The ache in my chest grew, the dull pain threatening to drown me. My vision blurred, and I blinked to clear it. “Fuck, I don’t even want to think about it.” I set my beer in the sand and pulled him into my arms, holding him as tightly as I could.
He sniffled softly, his arms wrapping around me. “How did the time pass so quickly?”
“I don’t know.” My voice came out muffled against his shoulder, but I couldn’t bring myself to lift my head. I didn’t want him to see just how close I was to breaking. “I’m trying to have Jeff set up the dates so we can knock out a bunch of shows in a row. Then I can come home for a few weeks.” I clung to him even tighter. “But when we go to Europe, I’ll probably be gone for a few months.”
Micah pulled back, his hands still resting on my shoulders, his eyes locked on mine. “Europe?”
I nodded, swallowing hard to fight the lump forming in my throat. Keep it together. “Maybe you can get some time off and meet me over there?”
He sighed heavily, his shoulders sagging. “Maybe. I’ve already taken so much time off. I don’t know if I can. And then there are my therapy appointments.”
The ache in my chest swelled, threatening to burst. “Damn it, Micah. Please try.” My voice cracked and a hot tear worked free. How was I going to go months without him? There had to be a way. “This is exactly what I was afraid of.”
“Ash.” Micah exhaled a huff, brushing a hand over my cheek to wipe away the tear with his thumb. “I’ll do what I can. We’ll just have to figure out how to stay in touch without being together.”
“It’s not the same.” Another tear slipped down my face, and I clenched my jaw. I had to get ahold of myself.
He cupped my cheeks. “Don’t cry.” He swiped another tear away, his gaze softening. “I’ll figure something out.”
I sniffled and bit the inside of my cheek, desperate to keep from falling apart. “You know, normally I look forward to being on the road. Doing gigs is what I live for.” My breath hitched, and I closed my eyes for a second to calm myself. “But now...” I clenched my teeth against the sob, trying to escape. “Now I just want you there with me.”
“I know.” He leaned in, pressing a long kiss to my lips, then resting his forehead against mine. “I’ll figure something out, okay? Let’s not dwell on this tonight.”
I nodded against his shoulder, taking in a shuddering breath. “Okay.” I eased back and forced myself to loosen my grip on him. “I’m okay.”
His hands held my cheeks again, his gaze searching mine. “You sure?”
“Yes.” I grabbed his hands, moving them to rest in my lap. I needed to change the subject before I fell apart again. “I’m looking forward to seeing these places you found.” I mustered a smile, even through the heavy weight on my chest.
“Okay.” He tilted his head, his focus on me. “I love you, Ash. Remember that.”
“I know.” I shifted to face the fire, picking up my beer from the sand and taking a long sip, letting the warmth of the flames soothe me.
Micah stretched an arm around my shoulders. “We have tonight, and tomorrow, and the next day...”
I laid my head on his shoulder. “I know.” I had to stop being upset. We were supposed to be enjoying this. I took deep breaths. “We’ll have fun this weekend.”