Chapter Eighteen #2
Softer footsteps approached. His mother appeared in the doorway, sadness in her eyes.
“Your father left,” Catherine said quietly.
“I know.”
She crossed the room and pulled Leyden into a hug. “I’m proud of you.”
Leyden blinked, surprised. “You are?”
“Very proud.” She squeezed tighter. “Connor is wonderful. And the way you defended him, the way you love him - that’s what mating should be.
” She pulled back, cupping Leyden’s face.
“Your father sees strength as dominance and control. But real strength? That’s choosing love over tradition.
That’s patience, respect, and above all, putting your mate’s needs before your own ego. ”
Warmth spread through Leyden’s chest, the ache from his father’s rejection easing slightly.
“Connor makes you happy,” Catherine continued. “I could see it from the moment we walked in the door. That’s what matters. Not what anyone else thinks a mating should look like.”
“Thank you,” Leyden whispered.
She kissed his forehead. “Now go to your mate. He went upstairs. I’m sure he’s worried about you.”
/~/~/~/~/
Leyden found Connor in their bedroom, standing at the window with his arms crossed tight over his chest. The rigid set of his shoulders screamed tension.
“Connor…”
“You should go after him. Work things out.”
The flat tone sent alarm through Leyden’s chest. He moved closer, reaching for Connor’s arm. Connor shifted away before contact, the small movement cutting deeper than a blade.
“I don’t want to work things out with my father right now,” Leyden said carefully. “I want to talk to you.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.” Connor kept his gaze fixed on the window. “You should get some rest. You have a few enforcer interviews tomorrow.”
Professional words of caring with no emotion.
Leyden’s wolf snarled at the distance Connor was creating. Through their bond, he felt confusion, hurt, something dark and painful Connor was trying to hide.
“Er…Connor. In case you forgot, we only just got up. We haven’t even had breakfast yet. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Bullshit.” Leyden moved around to face Connor, blocking his view of the window. “You’re pulling away from me. I can feel it through the bond.”
Connor’s jaw tightened. He looked past Leyden rather than at him. “I’m just tired.”
“Connor.” Leyden gentled his voice. “Don’t lie. Talk to me. Please.”
“I need to shower.”
Connor tried to slip past, but Leyden caught his arm. Connor went rigid under his touch, muscles locked.
“Let me go.”
“Not until you tell me what happened.” Leyden kept his grip light, ready to release if Connor truly needed it. “One minute you’re fine, concerned but fine. The next minute you’re shutting down completely. What changed?”
“Nothing changed.” Connor stared at Leyden’s chest rather than his face. “I just realized some things.”
“What things?”
Silence stretched. Through the bond, Leyden felt Connor’s internal struggle, the way he wrestled with whether to speak or not.
“I heard,” Connor said finally, voice barely above a whisper.
“Heard what?” A lump formed in Leyden’s stomach.
“Everything.” Connor’s throat worked. “Your conversation with your father. Through the bond, I heard it all.”
Oh, Shit. “You heard…”
“You defending me. Him saying I’m not good enough.” Connor’s voice cracked slightly. “Him being right.”
“He wasn’t right.” Anger flared hot in Leyden’s chest. “My father is a stubborn, narrow-minded…”
“He loves you.” Connor finally met Leyden’s eyes, and the raw pain there stole Leyden’s breath. “He wants what’s best for you. And what’s best isn’t a mate who can’t even…” Connor’s voice broke. “Who can’t give you the most basic thing mates are supposed to share.”
“Connor, don’t…”
“I’m ruining your life.” Tears gathered in Connor’s green eyes.
“You gave up everything for me. Giving up sex was bad enough but now your father’s respect has gone out the window and probably other family relationships too.
And for what? A broken mate who might never want you the way you deserve to be wanted? ”
“You’re not broken.” Leyden gripped Connor’s shoulders, fury making his voice rough. “Don’t you dare call yourself by that word ever again.”
“Then what am I?” Connor demanded, tears spilling over. “What do you call someone who can’t feel basic physical attraction? Who makes their mate choose between sex and their relationships?”
“I call you mine.” Leyden cupped Connor’s face, forcing eye contact when Connor tried to look away. “I call you my mate. My partner. The other half of my soul.”
“I’m not enough…”
“You are everything to me.” Leyden’s voice rang with conviction.
“Everything. My father is a closed-minded fool who thinks physical intimacy is the only kind that matters. But he’s wrong.
Connor, you challenge me, support me, see me in ways no one else ever has.
You make me laugh. You make me think. You make me want to be better. ”
“But I don’t make you…” Connor choked on the words.
“You do make me happy.” Leyden brushed tears from Connor’s cheeks with his thumbs.
“Genuinely, deeply happy. For the first time in my life, I’m not lonely.
Do you understand what that means? Sex without emotional connection is nothing.
It’s empty. But you?” Leyden’s voice softened. “You fill every empty space inside me.”
Connor’s breath hitched. “But what if I never…what if I can’t…”
“I would rather have you, exactly as you are, than anyone else in the world.” Leyden meant every word, and let the truth of it flow through their bond. “I don’t care about sex. I care about you.”
“You do care about sex.” Connor’s voice shook. “I feel it through the bond. Your arousal, your frustration…”
“My body wants you, yes. You’re a hunky guy who gets my motor running.
” Leyden didn’t have an issue with telling his mate the truth.
“But my heart, my mind, my soul? Those want you more. And they’re getting everything they need.
” He stroked his thumbs along Connor’s cheekbones.
“I’ve been managing biological urges my entire adult life. That’s what masturbation is for.”
“That’s not fair to you…”
“What’s not fair is you thinking you’re not enough.” Steel entered Leyden’s voice. “What’s not fair is my father making you feel inadequate when you’re perfect, in our own home no less. What’s not fair is you apologizing for being exactly who you are…the man I fell in love with.”
Connor’s eyes widened. “Love?”
“Yes, love.” Leyden hadn’t said it before, had been waiting for the right moment. But this was it. “I love you, Connor. Not despite who you are, but because of it. Every part of you.”
Fresh tears spilled down Connor’s cheeks. “I’m terrified,” he whispered. “I think about it nearly all the time. What if I never want sex? What if ten years from now, fifty years from now, I still can’t…” His voice broke completely. “What if you end up resenting me?”
Leyden pulled Connor against his chest, wrapping his arms around his mate’s torso. Connor resisted for half a second before collapsing into the embrace, sobs shaking his broad shoulders.
“I won’t resent you,” Leyden murmured into Connor’s hair.
“Even if we never have sex, you’re still my mate and I’m still yours.
That bond doesn’t require physical consummation.
It requires love, trust, and commitment.
And I give you all three, freely, with no expectations except that you stay by my side. ”
“How can you be so sure?” Connor’s words came muffled against Leyden’s shoulder.
“Because I know what matters. You taught me that.” Leyden tightened his hold. “Before you, people wanted my body and didn’t care about my thoughts. You want my thoughts, my opinions, my company. You see me, Connor. The real me. And that’s worth more than any physical pleasure.”
Leyden pushed every ounce of certainty, love, and truth he possessed through their bond. He needed Connor to feel exactly how much Leyden needed him.
Connor’s sobs gradually quieted, though he didn’t pull away. Leyden held him steady, one hand stroking slowly through Connor’s dark hair.
“I heard what you told your father,” Connor said finally, voice raw. “About being lonely. About how I see you.”
“All true.”
“I know you’d mentioned it before, but I never realized how deep that loneliness was for you before me.”
“I didn’t talk about it.” Leyden pressed a kiss to Connor’s temple.
“Alphas aren’t supposed to admit to loneliness.
We’re supposed to be strong and self-sufficient.
But the truth? I was miserable. Going through the motions, pretending casual sex satisfied me when really it just made the emptiness worse. ”
Connor pulled back enough to meet Leyden’s eyes, his own still wet. “And now?”
“Now I have you.” Leyden smiled softly. “Now I come home and you’re here. We work together, eat together, and sit together. You fall asleep holding my hand. That’s not loneliness, Connor. That’s belonging.”
“Even without…?”
“Especially without sex complicating things.” Leyden cupped Connor’s face again. “We’re building something real. Something based on actual connection rather than just physical attraction. And honestly? I think that makes us stronger than most mated pairs.”
Connor searched Leyden’s face, clearly looking for any shred of doubt that Leyden didn’t feel, so he didn’t shirk away.
“You do mean it,” Connor whispered, wonder in his voice.
“I thought I’d told you that before. But yes, I mean it. Every word.” Leyden brushed his thumb along Connor’s lower lip. “You’re my mate. My choice. My everything. And nothing my father says, or what anyone else thinks, will change that.”
“I love you, too,” Connor breathed as he rested his head on Leyden’s shoulder. “I didn’t realize it until just now, but I do. You make me feel safe and valued and…” His voice caught. “And wanted. Not for sex, but for me.”
Warmth flooded Leyden’s chest, so intensely it nearly hurt. “Always.”
For that moment it was enough – standing together, breathing in sync. Leyden felt his mate settle through their bond and allowed himself a smidgeon of relief.
“I’m sorry I pulled away,” Connor said quietly.
“I understand why you did.” Leyden pressed a soft kiss to Connor’s lips. “Just don’t do it again. When you’re scared or hurting, come to me. Talk to me. We face things together.”
Connor nodded against him. “Agreed. Together.”