Chapter Nineteen
The following week, Connor sat in his office, enjoying a moment of peace while reviewing security reports when a soft knock on the door interrupted him.
“Come in.”
The door cracked open, revealing one of the younger pack members, Sam Porter. He was barely seventeen, gangly as hell, with shaggy brown hair and in that moment, terrified blue eyes. The kid clutched a backpack strap with white knuckles.
“Alpha Mate?” Sam’s voice cracked on the title. “Can I…do you have a minute? I mean, I can come back later if you’re busy…”
Connor set aside his paperwork immediately. Something in Sam’s scent, in the tremor of his voice, raised every protective instinct Connor possessed.
“I’m not too busy. Come in, shut the door, and have a seat.”
Sam closed the door carefully, then perched on the edge of the visitor’s chair like he might bolt any second. His heart hammered loud enough for Connor to hear.
“What’s going on?” Connor kept his tone gentle, non-threatening.
Sam stared at his hands. “I wanted to ask you something. About…” He swallowed hard. “About being different.”
Connor’s chest tightened. “Different how?”
“Everyone talks about how you and Alpha Leyden waited before mating. How you needed time and stuff.” Sam’s knuckles whitened further on the backpack strap. “And I heard some of the older wolves saying you don’t, um, you don’t want sex like normal shifters.”
Connor’s wolf stirred protectively. He recognized the fear in Sam’s scent, the desperate hope beneath it.
“That’s true,” Connor said quietly. “I’m what’s called demisexual. For me that means I need a deep emotional connection before I feel sexual attraction.”
Sam’s head snapped up, eyes wide. “That’s a real thing? Like, an actual thing with a name?”
“Yep.” Connor leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Why are you asking, Sam?”
The teenager’s eyes filled with tears. “Because I feel like I might be broken.”
Those words punched Connor straight in the gut. He remembered saying the exact same thing to himself, over and over, for years.
“You’re not broken,” Connor said firmly.
“You can’t say that. Everyone else my age is already having sex.
” Sam’s voice cracked again, tears spilling over.
“They talk about it constantly. Who they want, who they’re with, how good it felt.
And I just…I don’t care. I don’t want any of it.
My friends all shifted around the same time, and they immediately started pairing off, and I thought maybe I just needed to shift too.
But I shifted six months ago, and nothing changed. ”
Connor’s heart cracked wide open. The courage Sam had shown in even talking about it was huge.
“That doesn’t mean you’re broken,” Connor said. “It means you’re on a different timeline than they are.”
“But I’m scared. What if I never want it?” Sam wiped at his face roughly. “What if I’m like this forever? What kind of shifter doesn’t want sex? It’s supposed to be this huge part of who we are.”
“It isn’t really when you think about it.
Nothing would ever get done if all people did was think about sex.
” Connor kept his voice steady, showing no judgment.
“There’s a whole spectrum of sexual attraction.
Some people feel it instantly for lots of people, like you say your friends do.
Some feel it only after forming deep emotional bonds.
Some never feel it at all. All of those are normal, valid ways to experience sexuality. ”
Sam stared at him, desperate for reassurance. “Really?”
“Really.” Connor pulled out his phone, navigating to the Ace Shifters United forum. “Look. There’s an entire online community of shifters who experience attraction differently. Demisexual, asexual, graysexual - all kinds of identities. You’re not alone, Sam. Not even close.”
Fresh tears tracked down Sam’s face as he read the screen Connor held up for him. “There are really this many of us?”
“Yes. And probably more who haven’t found the community yet.”
“Oh, my gods, I was so scared I was the only one.” Sam’s voice broke completely. “I thought something was wrong with me, that I was defective. My wolf works fine, I’m strong enough, but I just…I can’t make myself want what everyone else wants.”
Connor got up and moved around the desk, sitting in the chair beside Sam instead of across from him.
“Listen to me very carefully.” He waited until Sam met his eyes. “There’s nothing defective about you. Nothing broken. Nothing wrong. You’re exactly who you’re supposed to be.”
“How can you be sure?”
“Because I felt exactly the same way at your age.” Connor knew Sam would be able to scent his honesty.
“I spent over a decade convinced there was something wrong with me, too. I tried forcing myself to want casual sex like other wolves. I tried hookups that left me feeling empty and wrong. You have no idea how many hours I spent researching, trying to fix myself, wondering what the hell was wrong with me that I couldn’t just be normal. ”
Sam’s tears came harder. “What changed?”
“I found my mate. And he accepted me exactly as I am.” Connor’s chest warmed thinking about Leyden.
“But more than that, I finally accepted myself. I accepted that being different doesn’t mean defective.
That needing time, needing connection, needing something other than what everyone else wants - that’s not a flaw.
It’s just who I am. From the sounds of it, you might be that sort of person, too. ”
“Do you ever wish you were different?” Sam whispered. “That you could be normal?”
“Sometimes.” Connor wouldn’t lie. “Sometimes I wish I could give Leyden everything he deserves without all the complications. But then I remember something important. I wouldn’t be me if I were different.
And being me is what makes the bond I have with Leyden real.
He loves me, not some imaginary version of me that wants sex instantly. ”
Sam scrubbed at his face again. “I’m scared no one will ever want me if I can’t give them sex right away.”
“For one thing, you’re young, so you have some time. Secondly, and most important, your mate will want you.” Connor knew that for a fact now. “Your real mate, your fated mate - they’ll love you for exactly who you are. And anyone who won’t accept you as you are doesn’t deserve you anyway.”
“Even if I never want sex? Even if I’m completely asexual?”
“Even then.” Connor squeezed Sam’s shoulder gently. “You have value beyond your sexuality. Concepts like loyalty, strength, and kindness aren’t just words. Those things matter infinitely more than who you’re attracted to or when.”
Sam broke down completely, his thin shoulders shaking with sobs. Connor let him cry, making sure the young wolf understood without words that he was in a safe place and more importantly, not alone.
After several minutes, Sam’s tears slowed. “Thank you,” he said roughly. “I’ve been terrified for months. Thought I’d have to fake it forever or leave the pack or…” His voice cracked. “Or just be alone.”
“You won’t be alone.” Connor pulled a tissue from the box on his desk, handing it over. “And you never have to fake anything. If anyone gives you trouble about your sexuality, you come straight to me. Understood?”
Sam nodded, wiping his face.
“And Sam?” Connor waited until the kid met his eyes again. “You can talk to me anytime. About any of this. I mean it. Anytime you’re scared or confused or just need someone who understands, my door is open.”
“Really?” Sam smiled through his tears, hope sparkling in his eyes.
“Really. You’re pack, and you’re not facing this alone anymore.”
Sam’s lower lip trembled. “I wish I’d come to you sooner.”
“You came when you were ready. That’s what matters.”
Sam stood, shouldering his backpack with considerably less tension than he’d carried coming in. “Thank you, Alpha Mate. This…this helped so much.”
“Connor,” he corrected gently. “When it’s just us, you can call me Connor.”
Sam nodded, managing another watery smile before slipping out of the office.
Connor sank back into his chair, emotions churning. Leyden’s presence registered through their bond a moment before the alpha appeared in the doorway.
“How long were you listening?” Connor asked.
“Long enough.” Leyden crossed the room, perching on the edge of Connor’s desk. “You were incredible with him.”
“I just told him the truth.”
“You gave him exactly what he needed.” Leyden’s hand found Connor’s, fingers lacing together. “You made him feel seen. That kid came in here terrified and left with hope.”
Connor’s throat tightened. “I remember what that was like. Being seventeen and convinced there was something seriously wrong with me. I would’ve given anything to have someone tell me I was normal.”
“Well, now you can be that person for others.” Leyden squeezed his hand. “Not just Sam, but anyone in the pack struggling with similar issues. You have that unique perspective and lived experience no one else here has.”
“I never thought about it that way. About helping others like me.”
“That’s part of what being alpha mate means.” Leyden’s eyes twinkled. “Not just standing beside me, but serving the pack in ways I can’t. You see things I miss, understand struggles I’ve never faced. Together we’re stronger.”
“You know I always worried I’d be useless as alpha mate.” Connor admitted quietly. “That I’d just be decoration beside you, not contributing anything real.”
“You contribute one hell of a lot, my mate.” Leyden lifted their joined hands, pressing a kiss to Connor’s knuckles. “Loyalty. Compassion. Intelligence. Exactly what a good alpha mate should have.”
Connor pulled Leyden closer, until his mate stood between his knees. “I think I finally understand what you meant about purpose. About belonging.”
“Yeah?”
“I can help people. Really help them. Give them what I never had growing up.” Connor’s voice roughened. “If nothing else, I can make sure no one in this pack ever feels as alone as I did.”
Leyden cupped Connor’s face, his thumbs tracing familiar patterns along Connor’s cheekbones. “You’re extraordinary. You know that?”
Connor’s breath caught at the love pouring through their bond. “I’m just me.”
“Exactly.” Leyden pressed their foreheads together. “Just you is more than enough.”