Chapter Twenty-Two
That kiss started something. Connor was aware of that from the moment he woke up the next day. It was as if he couldn’t stop thinking about it - the heat of Leyden’s mouth, the slide of his tongue, the way Connor’s entire body had lit up with something he couldn’t name.
Interest. Want. The beginning of something.
He’d pulled back too fast, nervous and uncertain. But lying next to his mate, watching Leyden sleep, Connor found himself wanting to try again.
Actually wanting it.
Connor studied his mate’s face in the morning light. Strong jaw covered in stubble. Dark lashes fanned against his cheeks. Those perfect lips slightly parted.
Connor’s stomach did it’s odd flippy flutter.
He wanted to kiss Leyden. Not because he should, not because mates were supposed to kiss. Because the memory of yesterday made his skin feel tight and his chest feel warm and his mouth feel empty.
Leyden’s eyes opened, pale gray eyes meeting Connor’s stare.
“Morning,” Leyden’s voice came out rough with sleep.
“Morning.” Connor didn’t move away. Stayed right there, close enough to feel Leyden’s breath on his face.
Leyden smiled. “You’re staring.”
“I’m thinking.”
“About?”
“Kissing you.”
Leyden went very still. “Yeah?”
“I liked it yesterday. The kissing.” Connor traced the line of Leyden’s jaw with one finger. “I want to try again.”
“Now?”
“Maybe later. After coffee.” Connor pressed closer. “But I wanted you to know I was thinking about it.”
Leyden’s eyes darkened. “Noted.”
They lay there another moment before Leyden carefully extracted himself and headed for the bathroom. Connor watched him go, admiring the shift of muscles under Leyden’s T-shirt, the way his sweatpants hung low on his hips.
Connor had looked before. Appreciated Leyden’s appearance in an abstract way, the way someone might appreciate a painting.
It felt different.
It felt like noticing.
Connor made coffee while Leyden showered. He leaned against the counter, sipping from his mug, replaying yesterday’s kiss in vivid detail.
His body had responded. Not dramatically, not the way Leyden described his own arousal - urgent and demanding and impossible to ignore. But Connor had felt... something. A warmth low in his belly. An urge to get closer, press harder, take more.
Leyden came into the kitchen, dressed in jeans and a black T-shirt, hair still damp from the shower.
Connor’s breath caught.
Leyden poured his own coffee, seemingly unaware of Connor’s stare. He moved with unconscious grace, all controlled power and easy confidence.
Connor wanted to touch him. Run his hands over those broad shoulders, trace the muscles in his back, feel the heat of his skin.
“You okay?” Leyden asked.
Connor blinked. “Fine.”
“You’re staring again.”
“You look good.”
Leyden’s eyebrows shot up. “I…thank you?”
“Welcome.” Connor took another sip of coffee, suddenly fascinated by the way Leyden’s throat moved when he swallowed.
What the hell is happening to me?
They worked in the office that morning, reviewing more security reports and responding to pack emails - both things that seemed never-ending.
Lonnie had apparently left the area the night before and was requesting admittance to Connor’s old pack - Connor laughed when he saw that. Davis would keep the youngster in line.
There was also, surprisingly, an email from the Riverside Pack claiming Trixie - another one of Leyden’s former bed partners - was requesting a position in a new pack. “You can handle that one,” Connor had said, pointing it out to his mate.
Normal in other words. The new normal Connor was getting used to. He sat across from Leyden, ostensibly focused on his laptop screen.
But in reality, he couldn’t stop glancing up.
Watching Leyden type, his long fingers moving over the keyboard with practiced ease. The furrow between his brows when he concentrated. The way he absently ran his hand through his hair, leaving it messily perfect.
Connor’s wolf rumbled contentment. Mate. Beautiful mate. Ours.
The word “beautiful” lodged in Connor’s brain.
He’d thought it before. Acknowledged Leyden’s objectively attractive appearance. But this felt visceral, like noticing for the first time that water was wet or fire was hot. An obvious truth that suddenly carried weight.
Leyden glanced up, catching Connor’s stare. “What?”
“Nothing.”
“You’ve looked at me six times in the past ten minutes.”
“Have not.”
“Have too.” Leyden’s lips quirked. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”
Connor closed his laptop. “I’m noticing things.”
“Things?”
“About you. Your hands. Your face. The way you move.” Connor rubbed his neck. “It’s different than before.”
Understanding dawned in Leyden’s expression. “Different how?” He seemed genuinely curious.
“I want to touch you. Not just hold hands. I want…” Connor gestured vaguely. “I want to feel your skin. See what your shoulders look like without the shirt. Watch you move.”
Leyden’s scent sharpened with arousal, flooding the office. “Connor…”
“That’s the problem. I’m not saying I’m ready for sex.” Connor held up a hand. “I just wanted you to know. I’m noticing. Wanting. Whatever this is, it’s new.”
“Okay.” Leyden’s voice came out strained. “That’s…okay. Good. Great, actually.”
“You’re aroused.”
“You just told me you want to see me without a shirt. Of course I’m aroused.” Leyden shifted in his chair. “But I can handle it. Keep noticing. Take your time.”
Connor nodded slowly. “This might be what attraction feels like. For me, I mean. It’s not like those romance novels describe. Not overwhelming or consuming or…”
“It doesn’t have to be.” Leyden leaned forward. “Whatever you feel is valid. However it develops is perfect.”
The certainty in Leyden’s voice settled something anxious in Connor’s chest.
“Now, if you’ll excuse me while I go to the bathroom. I won’t be a minute.”
Connor chuckled as Leyden made a hasty exit.
/~/~/~/~/
That afternoon, Connor retreated to the bedroom while Leyden was busy with a conference call. He pulled out his laptop and navigated to Ace Shifters United, scrolling through recent posts.
A thread caught his eye. “When does attraction start for you demi folks?”
Connor clicked, reading through dozens of responses.
“After about three months of friendship, I suddenly wanted to kiss him. It built from there.”
“It was gradual. Like watching the sunrise. Didn’t notice at first, then suddenly the sky was bright.”
“Two years into my relationship, I woke up one day and realized I wanted sex. Not because I should, but because I genuinely craved my mate.”
“For me, emotional connection is the on-switch. Once I feel safe and bonded, physical desire follows. Slowly. Gently. But it comes.”
Connor read post after post, recognizing snippets of himself in the words.
One response particularly resonated:
“People expect desire to be instant. A lightning bolt. For us demis, it’s more like a garden.
You plant seeds (emotional connection, trust, safety), water them (time, patience, respect), and eventually flowers bloom (physical attraction).
Some gardens bloom faster than others. Some take years.
But the flowers are no less beautiful for taking their time. ”
Connor sat back, processing, blinking away sudden tears. Yes!
The emotional connection with Leyden was solid. Built over weeks of patient understanding, shared responsibilities, vulnerable conversations. Leyden watered that garden every day with his unwavering acceptance.
Maybe the flowers were starting to bloom.
Connor scrolled further, finding a post titled “Attraction after bonding.”
“Mating bonds accelerate the process for some demisexuals. The emotional intimacy is instant and overwhelming. That connection we need? The bond provides it on steroids. I went from zero attraction to moderate interest within a month. Six months later, I initiated sex for the first time. Best decision ever.”
Connor’s heart rate picked up.
His bond with Leyden was a constant warm thread, letting him know every minute that he was loved. That bond allowed Connor to trust in what he needed – the fact that Leyden’s feelings were unshakable… Even when mine waver.
The foundation was there.
His body was responding.
Slowly. Gently. But it was responding.
Connor closed the laptop and lay back on the bed, staring at the ceiling, fitting pieces of what he’d read – those bits that applied – into his picture of who he was and how he felt.
He wanted to kiss Leyden again. That was fact. He also wanted to touch him, explore his mate’s body and discover what made Leyden gasp and groan. For himself, Connor wanted to know if his curiosity could build into something more.
It’s not something I want to do today. Connor was savvy enough to know he shouldn’t put a deadline on how his feelings were growing full stop.
But his desire was real. It existed now. Fragile and new, like a seedling pushing through soil.
Connor smiled.
He wasn’t defective. Just different.
And different didn’t mean wrong.
His wolf rumbled agreement. Mate understands. Mate waits. Mate loves us.
Connor checked in with his bond again. There was steady affection tinged with lingering arousal from their earlier conversation. Patient. Hopeful. Content to let Connor set the pace.
Connor stood and headed downstairs, finding Leyden in the kitchen starting dinner prep.
“Hey.” Leyden looked up. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” Connor moved into Leyden’s space, close but not quite touching. “I did some reading. About demi attraction patterns.”
“And?”
“And I think what I’m feeling is normal. For me, anyway.” Connor reached out, fingertips brushing Leyden’s forearm. “The bond gave me what I needed. The emotional connection. The trust. Now my body’s catching up.”
Leyden set down the knife, giving Connor his full attention. “You don’t have to explain…”