Chapter 9
CHAPTER 9
F ew weeks later - Early February
Kash came down the stairs to the landing and rubbed at her sleep-mussed eyes.
For a second, she wondered if she’d napped in someone else’s house after a brutal twenty-six-hour shift at the hospital.
Except it was her house with its cream walls and vibrant local paintings.
It only felt different.
Crowded with shoes by the front door, the sounds of her brother Kaif and mom quietly chatting in the kitchen, the faint scent of stagnant coffee lingering in the air, and random cousins running across her living room per Muriel’s orders.
It was strange and disorienting, this sudden swell of noise and people filling up the empty nooks of the house. But also… not unwelcome.
After years of dull, heart-rending silence—unless Tia was watching her cartoon shows—she could see herself getting used to it. Maybe even craving it when it was all gone.
Her life had been too still. Suddenly, she was immensely glad that she’d offered Muriel the chance to have the wedding in her house.
Kash couldn’t believe her quiet, brooding brother Kaif had fallen in love with someone so blunt and driven like Muriel. Maybe the contrasts made for an interesting relationship.
A small part of her had been hurt that Kaif hadn’t told her about their relationship. For three whole years at that. Even her mom had known and kept it a secret. Did Kaif think she would begrudge him his happiness? Or that she didn’t deserve to know at all?
She had no doubt that Diego, even though only Muriel’s cousin, had known all along.
Sighing, Kash looked through the landing window.
Outside, the February sun was shining as if the military general bride had ordered it to be just so, to kick off the wedding events. The sky was a sharp, cloudless blue, the front windows throwing long slats of light onto the floor.
It was warm enough that someone had propped the back door open, and the fresh air carried with it a breeze of voices, flower samples, and music from someone’s Bluetooth speaker.
January had passed by in a blur—admin meetings for a reorg, patient consults, and a stretch of on-call nights that bled into days after one of her cardiologists quit.
As Kash came down, she discovered three folding tables set up in the dining room, five cousins in the backyard testing lighting angles, and piles of printed programs spread out across the kitchen island.
Wedding prep had overtaken her home.
“Thank you again, seriously,” Muriel said, brushing past her in a whirlwind of linen samples and colorful flash cards. “You’ve saved us from my mom’s backyard, which still has a patch of snow and two dying plastic flamingos.”
Kash shrugged, feeling grungy in her wrinkled sweats against Muriel’s stylish pale-yellow pantsuit. It hit her suddenly that this woman was going to be her sister-in-law. That she made her taciturn brother happy. “No problem at all,” she said, clearing her throat. “And honestly, I’m sorry if my reaction to your announcement was less than utter joy. All of January was like a fog and work was a lot.”
Muriel stared at her. Kash had the feeling that she was being probed. “I didn’t doubt for a second that you’re genuinely happy for me and Kaif.”
“That’s good,” Kash said, her throat prickly.
“Opening your house to this madness says more than any words could.”
“Right. I’m glad that’s sorted. Let me know when I should bring Tia to your cousin, the one that’s making the dresses.”
“Kaif has that duty,” Muriel said without missing a beat.
Kash hesitated, the one thing she wanted to know dancing on her lips, begging to be voiced out loud. “Did you—have you heard from Diego?” She tugged at the collar of her sweatshirt, pretending disinterest. “It’s just that he’s been gone for weeks, and Tia keeps asking.”
Muriel didn’t look surprised. If anything, there was something dangerously like sympathy in her eyes. It was a testament to how much she had changed in a few weeks that Kash didn’t run away screaming from that look. “I don’t have a specific date, but he won’t miss the wedding. So two more weeks at the most.”
Kash nodded, trying to keep her face neutral. She stepped aside as Muriel sailed toward the backyard, calling out for someone to double-check the floral arch measurements.
Kaif passed her on his way from the kitchen, a plastic tub with various knickknacks in his hand. “I hope you aren’t worrying about the house,” he said, looking far too serious. “It’s my job to ensure they aren’t denting or dinging anything.”
“I noticed,” Kash replied, and they shared a brief smile before he ducked past.
She was glad to have him back in Portland, looking to settle down permanently. But there was a cautiousness in his voice, in the way he hovered instead of sat, asked instead of assumed.
It had been years since they’d had the easy banter of childhood, and in the wake of Katrina’s death, that old rhythm had simply… gone missing. She didn’t know how to bring it back. Or if he even missed it, like she did.
“Okay!” Muriel called brightly, lifting her clipboard like a weapon of charm. “People, we only have two weekends before the wedding and less before my badass to-be-sister-in-law throws us out.”
Kash opened a can of soda and tucked herself into a corner of the dining room, happy to watch the whole chaotic scene unfold around her. A steady stream of sunlight poured through the bay window, warming the hardwood beneath her bare feet.
Two of Muriel’s friends were on the floor with swatches of fabric and spools of ribbon, debating bow sizes for the ceremony chairs. Tia was zipping around the house in a blur, a clipboard in hand and a sparkly pink pen tucked behind one ear, shouting things like “Muriel says ‘function before aesthetics’” and “As the only flower girl, my look has to be flawless.”
Kash laughed, set her can down and reached for the guest favors Muriel had dropped off in bulk—tiny glass jars meant to be filled with spiced chai blends. Based on the recipe list tacked on the box, she began scooping measured amounts of cardamom, cinnamon, dried ginger, and cloves into them.
The actions were repetitive, and oddly soothing. But the warm sweetness of the cardamom, and the lingering bite of the ginger inevitably brought a memory of him. Of that rainy Sunday in December when Diego had made chai for her just the way she liked it.
Not that she needed a reminder to think of him when he pervaded her every waking thought.
“Papa!”
Tia’s voice rang out from the front hall, high and thrilled.
Kash froze, the spoon in her hand suspended mid-air. It was like she’d conjured him straight out of her thoughts. The fog she’d mentioned to Muriel lifted, as easily as if someone had wiped a dirty window. Her stomach rolled as she tilted her head to catch a glance of him past the people crowding him.
He looked… good. Better than good.
Hair a little long, stubble just this side of rakish. In his usual white t-shirt and blue jeans, he looked delicious enough to devour in one bite and God, she was hungry.
After gaping at him like a groupie, she hurriedly shifted her gaze to the spice jars, wary of her longing written across her face.
All of January, with his radio silence, hadn’t been enough to face this moment. They had both acted as if Cancun had never happened. No texts. No calls. Except hearing his voice when he video called Tia every night and read a story to her.
She didn’t owe him anything, and he didn’t owe her.
Still, the lingering ache of not hearing from him had surprised her. And in this moment, when he was within touching distance, the ache was keener, its roots inside her deeper.
It wasn’t just that her body ached for his touch again. Wasn’t just her lips trembling in the middle of the night for the firm press of his, or her core clenching and unclenching on emptiness, or her skin tingling for his touch.
She had missed his quiet, unassuming presence in her house. In her kitchen, whipping up meals for her and Tia.
In his absence, it had been easy to focus on herself though. To get her head screwed on straight. To pause and take stock of her life.
She’d spent two weekends with Mona and Chaaru. Read for pleasure again. Signed up for dance classes. Taken herself out for lazy shopping trips without letting her to-do list boss her around and just people watched. Even attended her first therapy session.
She was still tired, still on edge sometimes, but for once, she didn’t try to control it. She let herself be. After all, as her best friends had reminded her, she’d gotten through the worst things in her life. If she fell apart now, she would simply put herself back together with their help.
And while she still fought her budding feelings for him with every breath, she was at least ready to face Diego with a more grounded version of herself.
His cousins surrounded him. With Tia chattering away all things wedding in his arms, he greeted each one, hugged Muriel one-handed. Whatever the bride-to-be whispered to him, his gaze flew across the room and landed on Kash.
She stilled, even as every inch of her skin prickled with awareness.
The eye contact lasted mere seconds, but it hit like heat rising through a vent, sharp and fast. Then there was that sudden fluttering ache between her thighs.
Something unreadable flickered across his face, then vanished as Kaif swooped in to greet him with a loud backslap and the kind of laugh Kash hadn’t heard from her brother in years.
Muriel began barking out schedule changes in the background, and the room swung back into comforting chaos.
Kash took an unwanted sip of the soda, willing her pulse to settle.
He was here. The wedding chaos would afford her a little more time to switch back to normal before it was just them and Tia again. Whatever crack had opened in her chest would be patched up. In the coming months, if not right now.
Really, she had no choice if she wanted to preserve her sanity.