Chapter 24 – Riley Thomas #2
I laugh, taking a seat next to him.
"But she also said if you're too worn down to enjoy it, you'll regret it one day.
This time will go by quickly in the grand scheme of things.
Accept the help if you have it. Don't judge yourself, consider it an investment in your future.
If you're exhausted and worn down all the time, you'll regret not being able to enjoy it more. "
"And you call my kids clones?" I scoff. "Where's the real Jasper? Are you a ghost inhabiting his body? An alien clone? Because the Jasper I know doesn't vibe with deep meaningful conversations."
Jasper's grin falters and he glances away. The openness is gone when he looks back at me. I stretch a hand out, patting his thigh.
"I'm sorry. That was a joke and clearly a bad one. Maybe you're right. I'm too tired to even tell what's funny anymore," I say, squeezing his knee.
"No, it's okay. I hear it all the time. I'm well aware people don't think much of me," Jasper says, frowning. "Is it time to burp her?"
I quickly get up and grab a rag. "Want me to do it?"
"Nah, I got this," Jasper says, smirking. He grabs the rag and puts it on his shoulder before lifting Lily to burp her.
"Okay so two things," I say, catching his attention.
"First, people believe what you show them.
" I shrug. "If you haven't shown them anything all that great and they believed you then…
Well I'm not sure whose fault that is. Second, if you don't like how people see you, then change it. Be the person you want them to see."
"Yeah, like that's so easy," Jasper scoffs. Lily burps and he grins at her small face. "Good job, kiddo." He moves her back into the crook of his arm and goes to feed her the rest of the bottle.
"It's not," I agree. "Easy I mean. I grew up in a trailer park. My ex's family made it clear I wasn't good enough for their son. Actually, I was apparently only good enough as his whore."
Jasper growls at my words and I shrug.
"I wasn't his mistress or anything. But after I met his family, I knew they'd never respect me.
I made the choice to respect myself. It's part of the reason I never cashed that asshole's check," I tell him, glancing away.
"It's really hard to admit, but I thought I got so lucky when he showed me attention. I was so damn dumb."
"Don't do that shit," Jasper hisses. Despite the anger in his voice, his hands are gentle as he continues to feed Lily. "Don't fucking blame yourself."
I give him a weak smile. "It's hard not to. I was naive and desperate to be loved. And I wanted out of that trailer park. Maybe in some ways, I used him as much as he used me."
"How old were you when you two got together?" Jasper asks, studying my face.
"A week after my seventeenth birthday," I whisper, glancing away.
"Jesus fucking Christ," Jasper growls. "Nothing you did justifies an adult willingly having sex with a minor. I don't care if you fucking seduced him, begged for it, were attracted to him." He blows out a heavy breath. "None of it excuses his behavior."
I nod, but I can't face him. It's really hard to say if I feel like Jeremy violated me. It's a fine line isn't it? Especially since I'm an omega and my heats started right after I turned seventeen. I absolutely wanted him. From the moment I first smelled him, I was drawn to him.
Growing up with a mom who occasionally fucked for money, I learned real quick the facts about life.
I was also incredibly gullible. It was the first time someone showed real interest in me.
The attention and affection were addictive.
I loved the way I felt seen and wanted. In return, I was willing to do absolutely anything to make him happy.
Jeremy Northbrook didn't force me to have sex with him. I was a very willing participant. The feeling of being desired by such an attractive older man was indescribable. I thought I was so much better than my mother.
What a joke! I was too stupid to see the reality of it. At least she fully comprehended the transactions she was entering into. Me? Fuck. I was so hopelessly unaware it makes me want to laugh in my own face.
If I could stand in front of myself, the girl I was the day I met Jeremy… God. I'd grip myself by the shoulders and try to literally shake some sense into me.
That's the problem though—I don't think even that would have gotten through to me. The temptation of leaving the trailer park and my mom behind were too great to ignore. Jeremy was my ticket out, first and foremost.
"Riley?" Jasper growls, he uses his free hand to tilt my face to his. "You understand that what he did to you was wrong, don't you?"
My eyes dart away.
"I was a willing participant," I say, swallowing around the rocks in my throat.
"That doesn't fucking matter," Jasper growls.
"If he was your age then fine. Hell, I'll even give you a four or five year age difference.
It still would have been questionable, but I'm willing to believe at least then it was mutual attraction and…
" He shrugs. "Shit happens. But some bastard older than I am now…
" He growls. "Has sex with a seventeen year old girl and that's fucking wrong. "
"Okay," I agree.
"No, it's not okay," Jasper hisses, running a thumb over my cheek. "And you shouldn't think it is."
"I know it's not," I say, staring into his eyes. "I guess I feel like that's not the worst thing he did to me. I'm just happy that I've moved on."
"You don't want to see him punished for the wrongs he committed against you?" Jasper asks, studying my face.
"She's done," I say, nodding to Lily who is mostly sucking bubbles at this point.
Jasper startles, pulling the bottle out and moving her back to his shoulder. "Answer me," he barks.
"No," I hiss. "I don't. I mean yes, in a perfect world absolutely.
But no, I won't put myself out there to be torn apart by a world of social media bullies who judge and pick sides with no idea about the truth of something.
I'll be vilified. Women who come forward are not treated kindly Jasper.
He made it clear he'd make me out to seem like an unfit mother and take them away if I ever caused him trouble.
They'll use my mother as proof I'm just like her and… " My voice breaks.
I shake my head.
"I just want to move on. None of them can judge me as harshly as I judge myself, but it's scary.
It'll become a whole debate about biology and impulses.
At the end of the day I just want to protect my girls.
To love them and raise them in a way they'll never end up like me.
They'll know their worth and they won't seek validation from a man who only wants to use them for his pleasure.
They won't settle for scraps of attention and convince themselves it's love.
They won't cower when their partner comes home in a bad mood.
Because they'll know they did nothing wrong.
They'll know what's normal and what's not okay.
They won't be like me," I whimper, glancing away and wiping at my cheeks.
"Fuck, Riles," Jasper says. "I'm so fucking sorry."
He still holds Lily to his shoulder, but she's out. He uses his free hand to pull me up and yanks me into his chest. A warm hand cups the back of my head. He tips his head, resting our foreheads together. His eyes burn into mine.
"You're going to be okay," Jasper whispers. His lips practically ghost over mine as he speaks. "Your girls are going to be more than okay. You learned your lessons the hard way so they never have to."
And that's when I lose it, crying and burying my face in his chest. Jasper wraps his hand around my head and holds me to him.
"Come on," he says, gently guiding me down the hall. "You need some rest."
He puts Lily down in her bassinet and helps me into bed. He puts me in the middle and picks up the pillow from the floor, shoving it behind Cove on the other side of the bed. He climbs in on my other side and pulls me into his chest.
"You're safe now and life is only going to get better from here," he whispers, brushing his lips over my forehead.
My eyes squeeze shut and I try not to start bawling again.
I'm unused to such kindness, but fuck I'm going to soak it up for as long as it lasts.
Jasper holds me tight, breathing softly into my hair, and I prove I haven't changed at all.
An attractive alpha shows me an ounce of attention and I'm still lapping it up.
Stop letting the past taint the future. If someone shows you who they are… believe them.
Jasper might not be perfect, but neither am I. He's been nothing but good to me. Jeremy doesn't get to ruin my ability to trust. If he does that, then he wins. And I won't let that happen.
I snuggle into Jasper even tighter and pray he's right. Life will only get better from here.