Chapter 13 Pressure
Pressure
I pause Nickoi’s game the second I hear his car engine outside. A quick glance at the clock, it’s seven on the dot. What a way him say him ‘soon fawud.’
I head to the door, and there he is, bag in one hand, gift box in the other. I pull it open wider, and he flashes a soft smile before stepping inside. I close the door behind him, and he chuckles as his eyes land on the game I’ve been playing.
“You know how fi set it up?” he laughs.
I nod, a little proud. “Yeah… mi did a watch yuh.”
He drops onto the couch beside me, still grinning. “So mi see back one a mi friend, and when mi tell har say we engaged, she send a gift.”
I smile, heart lifting as he hands me the bag. I peek inside and gasp. A sneakers. Not just any sneakers. It’s Prada Gabardine. I remember admiring one Nickoi’s mom wore… and now here I am, holding a pair that looks just like it.
Mi love this fi me.
I cradle the shoe like it’s fragile. “Damn… mi love dem. Tell her thanks,” I beam, eyes still fixed on it.
“Mi a go call har,” he says, already pulling out his phone.
I nod, too busy falling in love with the shoe to care about much else. The amount of gifts mi get lately… and mi still not even look pan some.
“British, look yer,” he says, turning the camera toward me. I smile, still holding the shoe in my lap as she starts talking. Her voice is warm and bubbly. First impression? Mi like har already.
“Hey, baby mama!” she says with a wide grin, and I smile back. She’s beautiful her hair braided into warm brown plaits. I can’t really see what she’s wearing because of the way she holds the phone, but her vibe is loud, vibrant.
“And Nickoi, you didn’t tell me she was this pretty? Damn, that baby gon’ be mad pretty or handsome!” she exclaims, and we both laugh.
“Thank youuu. You’re really beautiful too… and I love the shoes, like seriously, thank you so much,” I say, still admiring them in my lap.
Mi love dem too!
She chuckles. “I really wanted to buy you something better, but ugh… Nickoi told me about you too late.”
That’s okay. It’s the thought that counts. “They’re perfect. Definitely wearing them,” I smile.
“Awww, I’m so happy you like it,” she says, and I nod, handing the phone to Nickoi.
Once they wrap up their convo, Nickoi ends the call.
I get up, carry the shoes into the room, and place them next to my other pairs neatly, like they deserve a spot of their own.
Then I head back out and join Nickoi in the living room.
He’s locked into the game again, so I slide beside him, phone in my hand, texting Zanne.
Grades didn’t go up today, so it must be tomorrow. We’re both stressed about it.
Zara, member seh yuh blood pressure did low enuh.
True. But mi cyaa help it. My results drop tomorrow, and it’s major. I’m naturally anxious, worse now that I’m pregnant. After a while, I stop texting and rest my head on Nickoi’s shoulder, eyes drifting to the screen as he plays. Awww.
“Tomorrow is my final results, and mi nervous, babe,” I murmur.
He glances at me, then pauses the game completely, turning his full attention toward me. I sit up slightly, meeting his gaze. “Exam anxiety or whatever dem call it natural enuh, Mami. But try not to stress. Just shift yuh focus. We nuh want it affect the baby, so no meds that,” he says gently.
I nod, letting my head rest back on his shoulder.
***
The next morning, my results are literally the first thing on my mind. I fell asleep thinking about it, and now I’m up… same thought, same pressure. Sigh. I’m trying not to stress, but who am I kidding? I can’t turn it off.
I’m this close to graduation… and I still don’t know what I’m wearing. Another thing to stress about.
Nuh worry ‘bout dem thing deh, Zara.
Yesterday, Mommy texted me saying it don’t make sense to order online, it’ll take too long, and graduation is next week. She’s right. It nuh mek sense fi real. Now what?
Stop worry mi seh.
I spend an hour scrolling through local stores on Instagram, flipping through options and saving posts I’m not even sure I like.
Eventually, I give up. I’m too indecisive for this.
Maybe I’ll call Mommy later so she can help me choose.
As I head down the steps, a sharp, unbearable pain shoots through my leg, forcing me to stop.
I groan, clutching my thigh as I rub it out, eyes squinting from the sting.
I’m alone in the house. Nickoi left early this morning while I was still half asleep.
I think he said he was going to help Miss Jane with his friend’s funeral.
That a if mi hear right… or maybe mi did just a dream? Mi not even know.
I grip the railing and make my way down the stairs slowly, each step a challenge. The pain in my leg hasn’t eased. Every day, I feel heavier. Slower. My legs don’t move the way they used to. I’ve gained so much weight lately, even my clothes are fitting tighter. Expected.
I couldn’t even get into my favorite shorts this morning, too tight around the waist. By the time I finally reach the bottom of the stairs, I’m out of breath. Can you imagine? These same stairs I used to skip down without a second thought… now have mi gasping for air.
As I round the corner, I spot Lizzie in the kitchen. “Good morning, Zara. I’m making breakfast for you. Boss told me to fix kidney and fry dumpling,” she says with a warm smile.
I smile back. “Good morning… you want me to help?” I step into the kitchen beside her, eager to feel useful.
She quickly shakes her head. “No, no.”
“I just want to be active,” I explain, remembering what the doctor said about keeping my body moving.
She gives me a soft look. “Boss said you shouldn’t do anything,” she says gently, voice tinged with concern.
“Don’t worry, I’ll tell him I wanted to be active,” I say with a smile, and Lizzie nods.
“Okay,” she says, handing me a fork. “You can monitor the dumplings. I’ll finish the kidney.” I move over to the stove, watching the pot bubble. After flipping the dumplings, I pop my prenatal vitamins.
“How you feeling?” she asks gently.
“I’m okay,” I answer with a soft smile.
She nods and returns to the stove. When we’re done cooking, I sit at the island, and she places the plate in front of me. I flash her a grateful smile, and she returns it with her own.
“I don’t really love kidney, enuh, but this taste really good,” I say after the first bite.
She beams. “That’s normal when you pregnant, yuh start liking things you never used to.”
“Yeah, I know,” I reply, still chewing. She starts to walk away, but I stop her.
“You can eat with me, enuh, Lizzie,” I call out. She turns, looking a bit surprised.
“No, that’s alright,” she says with a small smile and continues walking out.
“We made it, so let’s eat together,” I try again, reassuring her. “Nothing nuh wrong.”
She chuckles softly, then turns back and makes her way to the counter. After sharing her portion, she takes a seat beside me.
Nice.
“I’ve worked with a lot of rich people,” she says, glancing down at her food, “And none of them never offer fi mi sit and eat with them.”
I sigh quietly. “Rich?” I repeat.
Mi nuh rich at all. Nickoi is, though… so in a way, yeah… mi kinda is.
“Mi nuh necessarily rich,” I tell her honestly, “but mi always treat people the way mi would want to be treated.”
She smiles, but I can tell she’s still unsure. “So… him nah go have a problem?”
I shake my head. “No sah,” I say casually, taking another bite. “You good.”
“Okay,” she says, finally settling into her seat as she eats. There’s something lighter about her now, like she’s letting herself breathe.
“You’re really a nice girl, enuh,” she says softly. “And mi hope you have a safe delivery when it time.”
I nod. Mi been a pray for that. “Thank you,” I tell her, my tone dropping a little. “Mi scared, enuh… ‘cause mi always watch videos of women giving birth, and it nuh look easy at all.”
“No man, nuh worry yourself… just trust God, mi girl,” Lizzie says, her voice light but full of reassurance.
I nod. “Always,” I smile softly.
As I continue eating, an idea sparks. “Mi a go exercise after this… you wanna join me?”
She chuckles. “No problem. But what you gonna do… run?”
“We could,” I grin. “Get fi know the neighborhood better too.”
She nods, amused. Nickoi never really let me go out and explore the neighbourhood.
Maybe him have a reason. It’s a gated community, so what exactly him shielding me from? Most of the people who live here act stuck up anyway and mi pretty sure dem nuh business wid me.
So yuh think.
After we clean up the kitchen, we head outside. The air feels fresh, light. My body already likes this idea. “Mi cyaa even tell when last mi run,” I laugh.
As we make our way toward the gate, the security walks up toward us. “Hey, Mr. Joe,” I greet him with a smile, thinking how much he reminds me of Joe from You.
“Hey, Miss Williams… boss didn’t tell me you were leaving,” he says, looking slightly concerned. What? Him affi know that?
“Um… I just want to exercise,” I tell him.
His forehead creases. “I don’t want you to leave and he isn’t aware,” he says, already reaching for his phone. “I’m going to call him.” He walks off toward his post, and I sigh.
Why mi affi go through all this just fi go pan road? Inna the same ‘safe’ community? Lizzie notices the irritation on my face. “Him affi dweet, you know. He’s the security, so when the boss not around, him affi make sure you good.”
I nod. “Mi know. Mi just nuh used to this… and to me, this nuh necessary. A nuh like say mi live inna garrison.”
Joe walks back over and hands me the phone. “He’s on the line.” I take it, already bracing for whatever Nickoi is about to say.
“Mami?” Nickoi’s voice filters through.
I sigh. “Mi cyaa leave if mi want to?” I don’t hide the edge in my voice. Mi waan know if mi affi tell security mi every move now.
“You nuh know the place. So weh yuh wah leave go?” he asks, calm but firm.