Chapter 25 Burnout
Burnout
Two months have passed since the party, and a lot has changed, some for the better, but mostly for the worse. Sigh. You’re probably wondering what happened to me, so let me fill you in.
This second trimester has dragged me straight through hell and back.
If it weren’t for Nickoi, I’m not even sure I’d still be sane.
Back pain, constant dizziness, swollen feet, headaches.
Ugh. You name it, I’ve felt it. The only upside is that I’ve been working, and ever since I joined the gym, I’ve been getting out of the house more.
I’m twenty weeks pregnant now, halfway through and my anxiety is through the roof.
Especially at night, when I’m stuck alone in my head.
I know it’s not good for the baby, yeah, yeah, I’ve heard it all before but honestly, I can’t help it.
“Miss, mi cya bother enuh. A how much time you a go say it need fi fix?” a student groans. I exhale sharply, biting down the frustration.
Lawd, how her head so hard? my inner voice complains.
I’ve been helping them with their SBAs all morning.
The room is mostly quiet except for her.
This one girl? She’s been calling me every five minutes like I’m her personal ghostwriter.
At this point, it honestly feels like she wants me to do the whole thing for her.
I’ve explained the reflection part so many times I could teach it in my sleep, and she’s still asking the same exact questions like we didn’t just go over it five minutes ago.
Look, I don’t mind helping. It’s literally my job. But I do have a problem when a student keeps asking and clearly isn’t trying. That’s not help. That’s hand-holding. She’s not looking guidance, she’s looking to be spoon-fed. And I’m not the one.
“Miss, every time yuh find sup’m new fi say wrong with the SBA,” she says, full of attitude.
I glance at her laptop screen. This girl hasn’t done a damn thing. Or maybe mi blind. But mi doubt it. “Sabrina, I don’t see any changes,” I tell her, eyes still on the screen.
I go through the reflection requirements again, even pull up a sample to help. She starts mumbling under her breath. Then she hisses, loud. I look at her. “Excuse me?” My brow lifts.
Mi deh ya a try help the girl, and she a get feisty? Lef har! She walks off, muttering, “That’s why mi nuh like young teacher enuh.”
I straighten up in my seat. “Nobody not forcing you, enuh. It’s your work.”
“Yuh feel you can diss mi teacher?” Jordane jumps in. His tone sharp.
She hisses again. “Yuh chat too much enuh.” She drops into her chair, slumping like I just stress out her whole bloodline.
Another girl near her mumbles something, and Sabrina snaps, loud. Sassy. Okay then, Miss Attitude. “Yuh nuh see a you a the problem?” the other girl claps back, clearly fed up. “Everybody inna the class understand wah fi do except you. An’ look how much time miss explain!”
Then she flips around like she done with the argument. Sabrina sucks her teeth. “A yuh man you a defend?”
“Dunce yuh dunce, gyal,” Jordane says, laughing, and his friends burst out.
“Murda!” One of them gasps through the laughter.
Alright now. I get to my feet. “Guys. Enough of this.” My tone silences the back row noise.
Then I focus on her. “And Sabrina, it’s up to you if you want to do your work.
I’m not forcing anybody. And if you don’t want to work with a young teacher, feel free to go.
Just check in with your grade supervisor and let her know. ”
Mi tired a the brite behavior. I glance at my watch. “You guys have ten minutes left. Let me see what you have so far.”
I sit again, and just as I’m about to open a folder, my phone buzzes. My smile grows when I see who it’s from. Nickoi. I swipe into WhatsApp like muscle memory. ‘The results ready enuh, Mami… you ready?’
I exhale sharply and type fast. ‘Yes… so we doing it today? Mi nervous.’
He reads it right away, of course. Then replies just as fast. ‘Yes and mi a go pick yuh up and get it over with.’
I send a quick okay, lock my phone, and turn my focus back to the class.
I check a few more SBA reflections and give feedback until the session ends.
The bell rings. Students start packing up, and a few give me quick goodbyes on the way out.
I nod with a soft smile, watching them file out one by one.
My bag is already packed, I’m just waiting on Nickoi to tell me he’s outside.
I’m not about to stand up at no gate with swollen feet.
“You a wait pan Nick?” Jordane asks while dusting off his desert Clarks.
I nod. He gets up from his seat and that’s when I notice her, the same girl who defended him earlier, standing at the door like she’s waiting on him. Den, a wah happen wid him banker girlfriend? I wonder if they broke up.
“I didn’t see Janel,” I say casually.
My phone buzzes. Nickoi texts me: ‘I’m at the gate.’
I reply quickly and look back at Jordane. “Janel come, but she inna the library with Mrs. Adams,” he says.
I nod again and stand, struggling, of course. He notices right away. “Miss, mek mi carry your bag,” he offers.
I smile at him, appreciative and hand it over. He throws his schoolbag over one shoulder and lifts mine without hesitation. He heads out with the girl trailing behind him. She’s light-skinned, tall, and got that sleek, high ponytail. Pretty face too.
Jordane pauses at the door, waiting for me, and I slowly follow.
Come thru baby mother!
“Miss, yuh pretty enuh and young,” the girl beams, flashing a wide smile.
I return it. “Thanks. You’re pretty too,” I reply, carefully watching the steps.
Mi nuh wah go drop, so mi affi focus on my steps.
Yuh better watch every step!
A male teacher jogs up the stairs, glancing at me with a quick smile. I’ve seen him around campus before, but we’ve never spoken. Now, he slows his pace to match mine.
“Be careful enuh, Miss,” he says kindly.
I chuckle, one hand gripping the railing, Jordane beside me like my personal security. “I am… thanks,” I say with a smile, continuing my descent.
Then I see her, Ms. Cynthia from admin stepping out of her office with a big grin on her face. Her eyes immediately drop to my belly, and the way she stares makes my skin itch. Jesus. Mi hate this part.
“How far along are you?” she asks, still smiling.
I knew it! I knew she would ask something ‘bout my belly. Them too fass, man.
“I’m five months,” I answer, a soft smile intact.
Her face lights up even more. “Eeeh! The bump big, man,” she says, reaching out to rub my stomach without warning.
I fake another smile, even though I feel like backing away. My whole body stiffens, and I catch Jordane’s impatient expression beside me. Mi feel him pain. Mi ready fi move too!
As soon as the convo ends, I walk away with a deep sigh. “Finally, eeeh.”
My bump’s out there now, loud and proud so every corner I turn, is like the whole world feel entitled to ask mi business. At first, mi never mind. But now? Mi tired. Still, mi always keep it cute. Sweet girl Zara. Mi nah change.
Everybody know seh you nice, Zara.
“Bro, see mi carry yuh woman safe, yah enuh,” Jordane calls out with a grin as we near the gate. I smile.
I spot Nickoi first and hear him chuckling at what Jordane said. Gutta leans on the front of the car, Anna in the backseat waving at me. She opens the door with a grin.
“Good day,” I say, sliding into what’s now my new spot. You’re probably wondering what I mean by new spot? Back seat life. Ever since the bump pop, Nickoi claims that it’s ‘my spot’ and mi hate it.
Mi nuh like drive inna the back, but mi affi tek it. Mi nuh exactly have a choice now, do I? Yuh affi tek what yuh get, madam.
“Pregnancy looks nice on you, boo,” Anna says sweetly.
Really? And mi look fat so? I smile, tucking my feet under me. “Eeeeh, thanks.”
Nickoi and Gutta are chatting with Jordane at the window. The same girl from school stands behind Jordane like she’s waiting on him. Wah happen to him banker girlfriend fi real? Maybe dem lef. Tea.
“So yuh good, Zara?” Gutta asks, peeking into the back.
“Yea mi alright,” I tell him, eyes flicking to Nickoi as he talks.
“No mi nuh ready yet, mi a go out with deh b ya,” Jordane tells Nickoi, gesturing subtly toward the girl behind him.
Nickoi narrows his eyes. “Ah just mek sure yuh reach home before it get dark,” he warns, firm.
“Yah,” Jordane nods and backs off. Nickoi taps the horn lightly.
Gutta laughs to himself. “Man nuh ramp enuh.”
Nickoi smirks. “Everyday is a new bird.” They both chuckle.
Hear them. Nickoi finally drives off, and I ease off my shoes, trying to find some comfort in the back.
“Wah gwaan though, Zara?” Anna asks, sliding her phone into her lap.
“Tired,” I exhale, and she laughs. She keeps giggling as she picks up her ringing phone.
Then Nickoi reaches his hand back blindly, offering me a strawberry milkshake.
I take it with a small grin. “Thanks,” I murmur, taking a sip.
Cold, sweet, just how I like it. He nods but keeps his eyes on the road.
I lean my head against the window, staring outside as the sunlight warms my face.
After a while, he glances at me through the rearview mirror.
“How was work?” I look at him and smile gently, my milkshake swirling in my cup.
I smile, watching him while sipping my drink.
“Well, apart from that lazy girl in class today weh nuh wah do no work, it was good,” I say, and he chuckles.
“She wah yuh dweet fi har?” he asks, and I nod.
“Yes,” I say. I take another slow sip, the cold sweetness of the milkshake sliding down smooth before I set the cup in the holder.
“So how was your day?” I ask, eyes still on him.
“Never bad,” he says, but there’s something behind his words.
“You sure? Yuh still have up Wayne?” I press, and he just shrugs.
Gutta chuckles beside him. “A you a mek eh man nuh do Wayne how him want.”
I look at Nickoi, then back at Gutta. “Mi nuh want him do no more killing.”