Chapter 26 Go Now
Go Now
Zanne stands in the mirror, moving her hips with a grin, half-singing as she repeats the same line she’s been practicing for what feels like forever. Her reflection throws back pure joy as she finally nails the dance routine. Wah do dis TikTocka yah? I glance at her, laughing.
“Yuh ketch it now?”
She nods and I return my gaze to the phone in my hand. I’m on video call with Nickoi, he’s at Sicka’s video shoot, surrounded by his boys.
Man have big links, yuh nuh see? my subconscious chimes in, full of energy. She always in my head with the hype.
“Zara, come try the dance nuh,” Suzanne calls, still trying to pull me in.
She’s been dancing since she reached, after I left school, she linked up with me, threw off her shoes, and claimed my mirror like it’s a stage.
Apparently… Suzanne’s a dancer now. Me never know.
I chuckle, then look back down at my screen.
Nickoi puffs slow on his spliff, eyes low, not red, just…
heavy. There’s a sleepy calm to him when he’s high.
He takes a swig of Hennessy, lips curling into that smirk that always makes my chest flutter.
“Mi wah see yuh do the dance too, Mami,” he says, voice syrupy-smooth. I burst out laughing.
Suzanne claps. “Yes, girl! Come dance with me!” Wrong smaddy! *In Aunty Shibby voice.* I’m cracking up now, between her persistence and my smart-mouth subconscious, mi cyaa’ manage.
“Mi legs dem a hurt me so… no way!” I say, shaking my head. Suzanne laughs, clearly not buying it. Hear the excuse, my subconscious scoffs. She wah mi dance too, enuh. Nickoi leans closer to the camera.
“Yuh a feel pain fi real?” he asks, concern softening his voice. Awww.
I nod slowly. “Yeah… but it nuh that bad,” I reply, still watching him.
I study his face longer than I probably should.
Is he high? Or drunk now too? Him good at holding his own, yeah, but still, if he drinking and puffing like this, who’s driving?
How mi supposed to know him safe? “Nickoi… why you a guh so hard?” I ask. Silence. “Eeeh?” I press again.
“Go hard with what, Mami?” he replies, playing innocent. I sigh and facepalm.
“If yuh drunk… who a go drive you?”
He chuckles. “Mi nah go drunk, man.” He sinks into a chair like he got all the time in the world. I stare at the screen, straight-faced. I’m worried.
“How yuh suh sure?” I ask, flashbacking to how messy things got on my birthday.
“Know mi limit,” he shrugs. And obviously, yuh don’t! my subconscious claps back. Nickoi different. Him a nuh rookie like you, ma’am. You better avoid liquor fi the rest a yuh life! Why she always affi deal wid me so harsh? Jeez.
“Okay,” I say eventually, and he nods. We talk another ten minutes before he tells me he has to go.
The call ends, and I settle into the couch beside Suzanne with a big bowl of popcorn.
We put on Deadly Illusions, a movie that’s already feeling too intense.
Jeez. Then just as the tension builds. Boom. Darkness. What the hell!?
“Mi nuh like this enuh,” I grumble, jumping off the couch.
“Me neither. Mi fraid a darkness enuh,” Suzanne says. Her phone flashlight barely lights up her face, but it’s enough to show that she’s just as uneasy as me. I reach for the door. Suzanne’s breath is close behind me.
“Weh yuh a go?” she asks, flicking on her flashlight.
“Mi a go see if Joe can flip the breaker,” I say, already pulling the door.
“Mi a come wid yuh,” she says quickly, and we head toward the security building.
“Joe?” I call out. Nothing.
“What the—?” Suzanne gasps.
“Joe?” I call louder. He jerks awake, eyes wide.
“H-Hey Zara,” he stammers, confused, glancing around as he realizes the power’s out.
“The light just gone. Yuh can check the breaker please?” I ask.
He nods and steps outside. We follow him back in, and I run to grab my phone while he flicks the switches.
Click. Click. Buzz. Sweet, beautiful light.
I grin. Yuh know that joy when current come back after blackout?
Like the whole house exhale. Yeah… that’s the feeling.
“Thanks, sir,” I smile. He nods, about to leave, but I stop him.
“Yuh nuh work pon shifts?” I’m concerned.
“It’s just me now. The other guy deh abroad,” he says.
“But yuh a lose sleep,” Suzanne adds. Mi a go say it to Nickoi, because he’s a good man and he’s getting tired.
“Yeah,” I agree.
Joe chuckles. “Mi get rest, man. Mi have a likkle room. But mi prefer stay near the office just in case,” he starts smiling. “Also, congrats on your baby girl.”
“Thank you,” I say genuinely. He walks off, and Suzanne and I go back inside. We restart movie night. She fries nuggets and plantains while Think Like a Man plays in the background. I pop a nugget in my mouth and start cracking up at Kevin Hart. I needed this kinda comedy.
“Mi wah laugh more,” I say, motioning for her to change the movie earlier.
“Everybody famous inna dis,” Suzanne says, snuggling into the sofa. I rest my head on her shoulder and pull Nickoi’s Gucci blanket over us. Well… it’s mine now. Mi say the gyal love mannn.
“Watch mi husband!” I shout when Chris Brown appears on the screen. Suzanne giggles, chewing a plantain.
“Mi love him too, but mi nuh like him inna dis. Him a use the nice gyal.”
“A fi real,” I agree. Chris always been one of my crushes. That smile? Dangerous.
Two hours pass and the door creaks. 2:00 a.m and him just a come home?
Weh yuh a do up so late? my subconscious snaps.
Truth is, if Nickoi nuh inna the house, mi cyaa sleep. Yupp, and if him nuh beside me, and I don’t know for sure that he’s safe, my heart and my adrenaline spikes. Call it what you want, but mi love mi man bad bad bad.
“Mami, why yuh still up?” he asks, shutting the door behind him. I scan him head to toe. He looks okay. Thank God.
“Why yuh come home so late?” I ask. He presses his lips together, trying not to smirk.
“Mi never a misbehave,” he says, voice low and sexy. I smile despite myself.
“Good,” I murmur.
“You nuh get no sleep?” he asks, settling in beside me.
“Mi get nuff five minutes sleep pan Suzanne shoulder, yes,” I joke.
“You need fi sleep,” he says flatly. I squint at him. Really? Not even a likkle fake laugh? Zara, yuh rather a fake laugh? No… but still, him could a try!
“Now that you’re here… I can sleep,” I say, turning to walk away.
“Cyaa sleep without Daddy?” he teases. I turn around, smiling.
“You need to sleep,” I smirk, then start heading upstairs.
“So yaw gwan?” he calls after me, and I smile to myself before gently pushing open the door to our room.
***
I left school early today and Nickoi brought me to the gym. Riley, my trainer is sweet. Firm, but sweet. I said my goodbyes, stepped out… and bam. I hit someone. “Jeez,” I mutter, bracing against the wall for balance.
“Zara?” a voice calls. I look up and there he is. Malik. Towering as usual. Why every man mi deh wid affi tall so? my subconscious whispers. His eyes drop to my stomach, then snap back up to my face. That’s when I see it, tight jaw, clenched fists. He’s upset. Real upset.
“Wah this?” he asks, staring at my bump like it’s personal. Wah him mean wah this? My anger rises instantly.
“Wah yuh mean wah this?” I snap, already heated.
“Who breed you?” he demands. I take a step back, giving myself enough distance to really look at him. Him brite eeh? Zara, switch roles! Switch roles!
“Mi man,” I answer, sharp and proud. His brows shoot up and honestly, mine nearly do too.
Yessss! my subconscious cheers. He steps closer, trying that same old intimidation trick.
I step forward too. Zara? A you dis? And don’t get it twisted, Nickoi is not even here.
It’s not his presence giving me courage.
Zanne was with me, but she went to Starbucks for coffee.
I’m alone. No backup. No boys posted up outside.
Just me. But mi hot. And Malik? He’s triggering every part of me.
“Mi wah yuh come outta mi way, enuh,” I say firmly. “Mi nah explain miself and mi nah argue.” No man a who deh bad gyal ya? He leans in more, voice raising.
“Mi ask you a question!?”
“Malik, don’t raise yuh voice at me, and come outta mi face,” I say, staring him dead in the eye. A come gwaan like him own me… or him affi know who I’m pregnant for. Upsetting.
“Right now,” I add. He doesn’t move. So mi push past him.
Aggressively. Yup, I push him out of my way and keep walking.
No man… Zara, we really switch roles! I make it outside and slide into the back of Zanne’s car, waiting.
Through the window, I see Malik walk out of the gym and head toward the bank.
I roll my eyes. Typical. Mi hate him, I think bitterly.
All mi ever wanted was to be taken seriously.
To be loved. But he couldn’t even give me that.
Now mi happy, mi pregnant, mi glowing and him want come disturb my peace?
Nah. If I saw him with a new woman, mi would a walk past. No staring, no drama.
Just respect. It’s not even about love anymore.
It’s about respect. I rub my belly, exhaling. Stinking bwoy.
A few minutes later, Suzanne returns, coffee in one hand and a milkshake in the other. “After mi buy the coffee, mi go inna the place fi this, and the line long yuh fret,” she says, annoyed. I smile, taking the milkshake from her.
“Thanks, sis.”
“Always,” she says, easing into the driver’s seat. I asked her earlier to drop me by Mama’s, and it’s no trouble, she only live a few blocks down. When we pull up, I hop out with a smile.
“Thanks for the drive bubby,” I grin. “Today was really nice.”
“Always a blast with you, girl. Definitely doing it again,” she replies.
“Definitely,” I say again, walking up to Mama’s gate. She’s out on the veranda with her church sister, Mrs. Andrea. I greet them the second I step up onto the tiles.
“Good day, Zara,” Mama beams.
“Wow, what a sweet bump,” Mrs. Andrea says warmly.
I smile. “Thank you.”