Chapter 28
twenty-eight
Natalia
I’m a liar. A liar, liar, liar. The worst type of liar.
One that deceives herself.
Because now, lying across from Matias and watching him turn restlessly in my bed, I know the truth.
I am never giving him up. Bryce can go to hell. Maybe even Sylvia, too.
My floral duvet looks ridiculous beneath him, and if I weren’t so nervous, I’d be poking fun at him right now.
Matias tucks himself into a corner of the bed, on top of the covers, resting his head absentmindedly on an old stuffed elephant I’ve had since I was a girl.
He turns to glance at me and slows, his eyes watching me like a panther in the dark.
“What are you thinking about?” His voice isn’t more than a rumble, but I feel it in my chest. Moonlight streams in from the window at the end of the bed, washing over my dresser and the end of the bed.
The lighting emboldens me, because as much as my heart pounds as I look at Matias, none of this feels real at this time of night.
I stare at the ceiling, searching for the words to answer his question, and the only thing I can come up with is:
“…You really stole that shipment for me?” And to think, that the damned shipment is the whole reason I’ve been talking to him for weeks. To use it against him—to use it to sink him in prison.
He blows out a breath. “Almost embarrassing to admit out loud, the things I’d do for you.”
“I thought you said you don’t feel embarrassment.”
He cracks a grin. “I said almost.” As much as I want to poke fun at him though, I can’t.
Because the lengths I’ve gone to be in his life aren’t much better, either.
I’m not that much different from him. Maybe I’m not a ruthless leader, but if he’s willing to derail his life to keep me around… so am I.
Always.
How could I walk away from someone that loves me the way he does?
“Get under the covers.” I tell him, tugging on his shirt. Matias stops breathing, giving me a look that makes me blush. “I’m cold.”
It’s a horrible lie, but he doesn’t protest. Matias moves like molasses, climbing under my duvet and lying still as a statue when I wrap myself around him like a koala.
He’s hot and firm, wrapping an arm around my shoulders as I nestle into the firm spot at the crook of his neck.
Here, he smells like the Matias I remember. Faded detergent, smoke, and skin.
Slowly, he starts breathing. Like he’s scared to move, to feel this thing between us. I grin into his neck, waiting until he’s relaxed to trail a hand down the firm line of his stomach. Lower, lower, lower…
“What are you doing?” His hand clamps over mine, stilling me in place.
“Nothing.” I say innocently, unable to bite back a giggle when he grunts beneath me.
“You just said messing around was a bad idea.” He grumbles.
“…I changed my mind.”
He freezes. “Why? Because you found out how obsessed I am with you?” His breath is warm against the shell of my ear, tingles running down my spine when he plants a hand on the swell of my ass. “It’s concerning. You’d be running for the hills if you knew all the ways I want you.”
I think the words are supposed to spook me, but the have the opposite effect. The warm ball in my chest moves lower, stoking into a panging need between my legs that makes me want to straddle him.
So I do.
Matias raises his hands, watching me with a slackened jaw when I sling my thigh around his and settle my weight on the firm fabric of his jeans.
“Tell me.”
He lets out an exasperated chuckle. “No.” But his face looks different than I’ve ever seen it. It looks raw, and a little vulnerable. Like he can’t quite meet my gaze.
“Are you scared? I won’t make fun of you.” I say gently, stroking a hand along his face. Firm, stubbled, mouth-watering jaw.
Matias kisses the palm of my hand, deliberating for a moment before reaching down, into his pocket.
He comes back with a key.
The nondescript key glimmers in the moonlight, and I freeze, watching it in the dark. Matias watches me, then the key, before he shoves it into my hand with a quiet breath.
“What’s this?” The metal is warm in my palm, grooves digging into the flesh of my palm when I close my hand around it.
“A house key.” He says simply. “You should have it. I bought the place for you, anyway.”
My heart stumbles. “You…you what?”
“It’s a house.” He points at my hand. “Well, a big farmhouse. In Georgia. I bought it before…you know.” He says quietly, his eyes reserved. “It’s really pretty. Lots of land, fireplaces. There’s even some stables, if you want to get horses again.”
There’s a painful fist clenched around my throat, and it takes a couple of tries before I can speak again.
“Why…why didn’t you say anything before?”
“You weren’t ready to leave.” He says simply, tracing the line of my jaw. “I wanted you to be sure. About us. About…me.” His voice is quiet, and it feels like my chest is about to crack in two. Not from heartbreak, but maybe the opposite.
Something warm and shiny swirls in my chest.
“Oh, Matias.” I lean down and kiss him, putting my full weight on him when his kiss lingers.
How could I have hated him? Guilt swirls in my stomach at the thought of him sitting in the dark, carrying the key to a house—a dream—all alone.
How many things has he had to endure on his own to protect the people he loves?
I always mistook his aloof nature for lack of care.
Now, looking at him, I wonder how many times he’s had to cut himself up inside to keep people away. To keep them safe.
To keep me safe.
“Can we go there?”
“Of course.” His voice is gentle. “We can do whatever you want.”
We can do whatever I want.
I know exactly what I want to do.
I reach down and ease my pajama top off my chest before the nerves take over. Matias looks up, his eyes fixed on my face like he’s stopped breathing.
“Natalia.” His voice is choppy, and I can’t help the smile that takes over my face.
“What? I’m doing what I want.” I whisper, leaning down and pressing a kiss against his full mouth.
Growing up, I always felt a little bit repressed.
I wish I could be more like Sylvia, who was able to show her true feelings at the drop of a hat.
But for some reason, I’ve always felt the most free sitting beside one of the most terrifying men in the city.
Because as forbidding as he is with others, he’s gentle and indulgent with me.
Patient. Teasing.
And that is why, when the heat in my belly starts throbbing between my legs, I don’t feel a lick of reservation when I lean down and kiss him. Something about being with Matias makes me liberated enough to just be…me.
I find myself in the clasp of his arms, the tickle of his beard against my chin.
The slide of his tongue against mine.
“I need you.” I whisper against his mouth, taking advantage of his quiet groan and sliding my tongue against his.
“Please don’t play with me, Natalia.” He says, the muscles of his belly tensing when I bite his lower lip and suck needfully. “We can’t…I can’t go back.”
He’d kill a man with no remorse if need be—for me. And while that would scare most people away. It doesn’t scare me. And what should scare me more, is that I’m pretty sure I’d do the same for him if I had to. Most people run from the boogeyman. Turns out I run right into his arms.
Our shaky breaths are the only sound in the room when I reach down, clasping his dark brown hand in mine and bringing it up, up, up until he’s where I want him.
His palm is rough and hot against my nipple, testing the weight of my breast and giving it a firm squeeze, his gaze locked to my chest like he’ll die if he lets go. But this isn’t enough.
I’ve always had a little bit of trouble putting the things I want into words when I get nervous. My heart pounds hard enough to knock the words out of my throat. So I reach down, taking his other hand in mine and bringing it up.
Matias watches me curiously, his eyes darkening when I bring his hand up to my neck. He grins, wrapping his hand around my throat—not hard—just enough for me to close my eyes and relax.
“This is what you want?”
“I need you.” I repeat quietly, trying to figure out how to tell him that this aching need inside me hasn’t been quelled since the last time he touched me. That I need everything he is—hands, scent, voice, skin—to feel like myself. I need to feel the bittersweet edge of him pushing into me.
He’s the one drug I can’t live without.
“Lay back.” He says gently, easing me over the covers. The blankets are cool on the other side of the bed, making my nipples painfully hard as we switch positions. Matias kneels over me, watching me with greedy eyes as he throws his shirt over his shoulders.
I bite my lip, admiring the view as he kneels like a vengeful god above me.
His mouth is set in a firm line, chest heaving, tattoos dancing in the moonlight as he watches me at his leisure.
The only sign of his humanity—the firm swell in his pants—twitches the longer he watches me, and I can’t help myself from reaching out and running a hand over it.
“Not yet, mama.” He rumbles, leaning down and planting a hand on my pussy. “It’s too soon, and?—”
“Now.” I cut him off, reaching down and shimmying out of my bottoms before he changes his mind. “I need you now.” I reach for his pants, clumsily trying to undo the belt, only able to relax once he gently pushes my hands away and unlinks the damn thing himself.
“You’re going to be sore.” He warns.
“I don’t give a fuck.” I say, completely aware of how bratty I sound. Matias kneels between my thighs, his throat bobbing when I spread my thighs for him and beckon him closer. The heat of his thighs is like a balm, chasing away the nerves as he plants himself at the place where I need him most.
The only sounds in my room are our jagged breaths. Matias takes himself in hand, his hand fisting around his cock absentmindedly to relieve the pressure, and I can’t help but reach between us to feel his searing length in my hand.