Chapter 4
CHAPTER 4
ABIGAIL
“W here the hell did that asshole come from?” London fumed as we piled into a cab outside the arena. “Does anyone know how to make a shiv? We should watch a video about how to do it. I have a toothbrush at the hotel that I’d happily sacrifice to take him out if he dares to show up again.”
Austin frowned as he scooted into the cab next to me. One of my best friends since college and my right hand at the firm, he’d come with us to cheer on our team, observe Fit Gal as a company for our pitch, and because he was generally just an awesome friend—who also happened to be head over heels for Hazel.
“I’ll sacrifice my dental health for a shiv any day if Abi needs me to,” he volunteered without even questioning my sister’s violent suggestion. “We could also just take a knife, though. Despite where we might end up because of this, we do still have access to stores that sell that kind of thing. Just, uh, obviously, something is wrong. What is it?”
I was momentarily at a loss for words, but the girls didn’t answer for me and I appreciated it. I needed to do this myself. I needed to actually say the words out loud.
It took me a while to formulate them. “Did you see that guy who came up to us after the race? That was Simon Astor.”
“Also known as the guy who shattered her heart back in high school,” London supplied helpfully from the front seat.
Austin’s pretty, sea-green eyes widened. “Wait a second. Was he the loser who gave you the locked time capsule and then ran away like a little boy?”
I smiled through the pain of the memories. “Yep. That’s the one.”
My friend arranged his features into a glower and shot a piercing glare out the window, his protective instincts racing to the fore. “Do you want me to kick his ass at the after-party? I saw him come in right after you in the relay race. He’s going to be there tonight, isn’t he?”
“Probably.” I sighed and dropped my head back against the padded seat. “He’s not worth getting into a fight with, though. Trust me.”
I knew that if it came down to it, Austin really would beat him up for me. Not only was he one of my best friends, but he was also like the brother I’d never had. Our relationship was completely platonic, but he protected me like he did his little sister and I really didn’t want him getting in trouble if he took a swing at Simon.
Besides, I knew he’d be hoping to get closer to Hazel tonight. He was super into her, but he always had my back. If I gave him the go-ahead, he’d skip out on potentially wooing my friend in favor of defending my honor or whatever he would call it.
Back at our hotel, the girls and I headed up to the suite we were sharing and Austin went to his to get ready for the party. Once he was gone, London started passing out drinks from the mini-bar.
I accepted a glass of wine from one of the small bottles and went out onto the balcony, watching as the sun set over the Pacific Ocean across the street. Kids played on the beach and there were a few pedestrians about, some tourists and some cyclists racing along the sidewalk.
After getting drinks of their own, the girls joined me outside, with London and Eden taking a seat at the small, round coffee table out here while Hazel and I leaned against the intricate steel railing.
Hazel glanced at me with sympathy softening her eyes. “How are you doing?”
I shrugged. It was difficult to put my feelings into words. Once upon a time, I’d honestly believed that Simon was the man I was going to grow old with. He’d made me feel things my teenage self had never felt before, and even before that, as kids, he’d been one of my best friends.
We’d gone to school together for most of our academic careers and our bond had grown over years of friendship and shared experiences. Simon had been there when I’d won my first race, but he’d also been there the first time I’d lost.
He’d been the guy who had wrapped me up his arms whenever I’d fallen and skinned my knee and who’d brought me a hot compress when I first had the dubious honor of feeling those awful, monthly pains. Later on, he’d become that protective friend who’d warned away a boy who had been flirting with me. It’d taken me ages to figure out why he’d done that and it’d taken him a little bit longer.
Simon hadn’t just been a boyfriend to me. He’d been a huge part of my life. A part of my story. My history. He’d been a friend with whom I’d shared all my deepest thoughts and fears. He’d been the shoulder I cried on and the first call I made when I got good news.
All of which had made it so much harder to accept that he’d simply been gone the day after graduation. My calls or texts had gone unanswered and I hadn’t seen him again. Not until a couple hours ago.
It hurt like hell to think about looking into those eyes again after so long, even more since I didn’t know the heart beating in that powerful chest anymore. There had been a time when I’d thought I’d known his heart as well as I knew my own.
Although, in the end, it had become clear I hadn’t really known him at all. The Simon I’d thought I’d known never would’ve been capable of doing what he’d done.
The girls gave me space to sort it all out in my head. Finally, all I managed to say was, “I’m okay. Just super shocked, I guess. I really didn’t expect to ever see him again.”
I’d had no way of finding out what had happened or where he’d disappeared to. Social media hadn’t been as big then, and Simon had never been one to join up or post religiously. Our families had never been friends.
In fact, they were enemies. Back when we had been inseparable, we used to joke about ourselves being the Romeo and Juliet of the New York marketing scene, with Astor and Co on one side and Walker and Co Marketing on the other.
George Astor, Simon’s dad, had never thought it was funny. My dad had been able to see the humor in the situation, but I’d always worried about what he’d really thought of our relationship.
Hazel leaned over and gently wrapped her fingers around my forearm. “It can’t have been easy for you, seeing him so out of the blue.”
“It wasn’t,” I admitted because there was no point denying it. They’d all been there. They’d seen me fall apart after he’d left and they’d watched me put in the work to put myself back together in the years that had followed. “I hate him for what he did to me. The way he hurt me? How he just disappeared? It still makes me sick to think of someone doing that to a person they supposedly loved.”
For so , so long after that night, I’d wondered why he’d taken me aside after the party. I’d obsessed over that damn time capsule and why it was locked. Mostly though, I’d cursed him for leading with “ my love for you is timeless. ”
Why he’d bothered with any of that, knowing he was going to pull his disappearing act the very next morning, had always been beyond me. It had been like he’d gone out of his way to make it hurt even more. He had to have known he was going to rip my heart out less than twelve hours later.
I let out a deep, shuddering breath and refocused on the ocean. “I haven’t thought about it for a long time, but I still don’t understand, you know?”
A couple tears rolled in quick succession from my eyes and the breeze chilled them on my cheeks, drying them as they tracked down my skin. I took a sip of my wine and shook my head. “I just never would’ve thought he could do something so completely heartless.”
“He is a ruthless son of a bitch,” London seethed quietly, knocking back a large sip of her wine and swallowing as she glared at an innocent seagull. “I’ve never seen anyone hurt the way you did back then, Abi. That spineless, gutless, testicle-free fopnoodle?—”
“What the hell is a fopnoodle ?” Eden interrupted, stifling a giggle as she raised an eyebrow at my sister. “I need to know before we continue this conversation, because I already completely agree. I just need to know what exactly I’m agreeing with.”
“It’s a stupid person.” London winked at her. “A fool. A simpleton. I think we can all agree that’s what he is for letting Abi go, but especially doing it like he did, the spineless prick.”
Hazel chuckled at my sister. “You’re right about all that. He really is the worst kind of person. Who dates someone for four years, dumps them in a letter that just says goodbye, and then disappears? It’s terrible.”
More tears formed in my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. All I could do was shake my head. For starters, I wasn’t as creative with insults as my sister, but more than that, I just really didn’t have that many words to even say right then except for the obvious.
“Losing him broke me,” I confessed quietly, though everyone present on this balcony on this balmy spring evening had already known that. “I was so broken after that. For weeks. Months. Years, honestly. I still don’t know if I’ll ever be able to fully trust a man again because of what he did.”
It was so sad to have to say something like that, but it didn’t make it any less true. Every single relationship I’d had since had ended because when push had come to shove, I hadn’t been able to let go completely of how badly that experience had hurt me.
To be fair, I’d also never met another guy who had made me feel the way Simon had, and in that sense, those relationships never would’ve lasted anyhow. I was still holding out for that real connection, like what Liv had found with Charlie.
I’d had it once and I had never, not for one second, doubted that it had existed between me and Simon back in the day. Our youthfulness at the time hadn’t nullified that experience, and I simply refused to settle for less. Not that I’d ever say that aloud.
“Maybe you can get him back,” Hazel said after taking another sip of her wine. “A little revenge, maybe? He seemed awestruck to see you. It not inconceivable that you could give him just a tiny taste of his own medicine.”
I chuckled humorlessly. “If the opportunity presents itself, I just might.”
I had never been a vengeful person, but this was one situation in which I might just make an exception to that rule. Simon had destroyed me, and while I would never be capable of doing that kind of harm to someone, perhaps just a teaspoon his own medicine would finally make me feel like I’d gotten a tiny bit of closure.