Chapter 6
CHAPTER 6
ABIGAIL
A fter letting Eden and Hazel know I would be right back, I finally walked outside with Simon. We wound our way through the hundreds of bodies between the dance floor and the deck that stretched out onto the beach, not touching but not letting more than a couple feet of space open up between us either.
Every time I considered hanging back and just letting him rush off without me, it was like he sensed my hesitation. He’d stop walking, wait for me, and then start again, careful to make sure I was keeping up.
I shouldn’t have agreed to speak to him. Deep down, I knew that. I knew that this was dangerous territory I was venturing into, but I had waited a very long time for the opportunity to have a conversation with this man.
Watching his broad shoulders roll and move as he cleared a path for me through the other guests, my insides were completely twisted. I put on a calm and collected facade, though. Grateful for the chill I felt as a result of the few drinks I’d had at the party, I managed to keep a straight face.
He wouldn’t get to see the effect he still had on me. I was not the same girl he had left behind by any stretch of the imagination, but I couldn’t deny that I felt something—other than hatred—when I looked at him.
It wasn’t something as simple as attraction either. I wished it was just that, but this was so much more complex.
We walked out of the hotel and onto the beach, and I stopped to slip my heels off my feet. I was already risking my heart. There was no way I was putting my ankles at risk as well.
Leaving my heels tucked neatly under the ocean-facing side of the deck, I sent up a quick prayer that they’d still be here when we got back, and then I kept my gaze firmly on the city lights sparkling on the surface of the water as we walked along the shore. Whether or not I was looking at him though, I could sense him walking right beside me.
Hell, I couldn’t even just sense him. I could freaking smell him. The scent was faint, but it was so definitely there, a rich, deep aroma that suggested a sophisticated, expensive cologne. But that part didn’t surprise me.
The Astors had as much, if not more, money than my own family. No way would he go out and buy a cheap cologne. Gah . I hate that I know that. Who cares?
At the same time, I didn’t fight the urge to inhale deeply, separating the scent of salt, sea, and brine from the earthy scent of warm amber and cool leather that was undeniably him. It served as a reminder that I was walking on the beach on a moonlit night with Simon Astor, and the disbelief that spun through me was so intense that it was dizzying.
I slowed my gait, digging my toes into the warm sand beneath my feet and turning to watch waves race to the shore. I can’t believe I’m doing this. I shouldn’t be on a beach with Simon. I shouldn’t be anywhere with him.
I never even thought I’d see him again and here I was, not only seeing him but agreeing to come outside and talk to him when he’d only asked a couple times. I hadn’t even made him get down on his knees to beg. Feeling way too many feelings, I avoided his gaze even though I could feel it burning into the side of my face.
Resentment and anger sped through me, followed closely by a deep, profound sadness over what he’d done. I’d thought this was my soulmate. I’d believed we would get married, have babies and a home together, and yet, I’d woken up one day to him just being gone. It was something I still struggled with sometimes, believing that he’d just abandoned me like that.
“Abi,” he started, his voice much too quiet and gentle.
“Abigail,” I snapped harshly. “My name is Abigail.”
I swallowed past the bitterness rising from the deepest recesses of my being. Simon seemed oblivious to that, but he also sounded sincere, which was so much worse than just feeling all that bitter resentment.
“I’m so shocked to see you, Abigail. I’ve thought about this so many times over the years, wondering what I would do if I ever saw you in person again. Sometimes, I almost managed to convince myself that I’d pretend not to know you and that I’d be able to force myself to keep walking.”
Force himself? That’s rich coming from a guy who literally walked away without any trouble at all and never looked back.
As I looked at him to tell him as much, I really looked at him for the first time after so long and I felt my stomach sink. Because I could still see the boy I’d loved so much buried inside all those muscles and underneath all the bullshit. When I’d looked at him back at the restaurant, his features partially obscured by shadows and bathed in all those colorful lights, it’d been so much easier to see him as no more than a stranger.
We were so far away from the hotel now that the deafening music of the party was only a faint beat in the distant background. Out here, in only the silvery light of the moon, I couldn’t deny his resemblance to that boy. It was crazy to still see the boy while also recognizing that he was a fully grown man now. A really good-looking one, at that, but I shook away those thoughts and made myself focus on what he was saying.
“I’m really sorry that I never reached out,” he said, gaze intent and determined on my own.
When he opened his mouth to continue, I shook my head. “I don’t want to get into all that, Simon. It’s in the past and it should be left there. Just like our relationship. You brought me out here and you said it’d only take a minute. So go. What was it you needed to say?”
“Apparently, we’re not getting into that.” A smile ghosted across his lips and my heart twisted into yet another knot.
Shit. I forgot just how charming he can be when he wants to.
Shifting on his feet, he slid his fingers into the pockets of his jeans, his thumbs brushing against the leather of his belt as he turned to keep walking. I followed, wondering why I’d shut down his apology when I’d been waiting so long to hear it.
The truth of the matter was pretty straightforward, though. As soon as he’d started speaking, I’d realized I wasn’t ready to hear it. I didn’t want to know how sorry he was. I wasn’t interested in excuses, and somehow, I’d been able to tell that had been all he would offer tonight.
He glanced at me when I fell into step beside him. “What are you doing in California?”
Thank God. Work. Something I will never mind talking about. Yes! Thank you! “Our firm was selected as one of the four companies to bid for Fit Gal as a client. They’re, uh, doing this thing where they’re making a representative of each marketing firm they’re interested in spend ninety days as part of their company. Whoever learns the brand best, has the best ideas, and is the most innovative will get them as a client.”
“You probably shouldn’t have told me that,” he said lightly . “I guess it’s a good thing I already knew about it. On the other hand, it’ll be fun to compete again.”
Confusion snaked through me before I realized what he meant. “Oh no. Are you serious? I’m going to be forced to spend every Tuesday and Thursday with you at Fit Gal for the next three months ?”
“Yep.” He sounded way too happy about it. “Astor and Co are in the running for the contract too. I’m our chosen rep.”
I groaned. “Of course, you are. I want nothing to do with you, but the universe is going to make me beat you, of all people, in the race for a multi-million-dollar contract. That’s just fabulous .”
“Hey, it could be fun,” he said, even nudging my elbow with his own as if we were still friends. “Do you remember when I beat you in the seventh grade science fair? That worked out pretty well for both of us.”
I snorted, trying to hold back my laughter. “How did that work out well for both of us? I had to take you out for corn dogs and we both got sick.”
“Yeah, but we did it together. It was a bonding experience.” He chuckled and I smacked his arm.
“I’m serious, Simon. I want nothing to do with you. This isn’t going to be another bonding experience. I’m just going to get sick about it.”
He smiled and peered down at me, suddenly slowing to a stop. “If that’s true, then why did you agree to come out here and talk to me?”
“Just to be polite,” I lied blatantly, stopping next to him and looking out at the ocean again as I doubled down on the lie. “You mean absolutely nothing to me and you haven’t for many years. Don’t read into this, Simon. There’s nothing written between these lines.”
Moving to standing in front of me, those eyes bored into mine with the same kind of intensity as they had that night. Just before he’d told me that his love for me was timeless and then proceeded to disappear.
What a crock of ? —
“Really?” he asked. “Nothing? I mean absolutely nothing to you?”
I nodded, not trusting my voice not to betray the lie if I pushed it any further. Simon cocked his head at me, a slight smirk appearing on those gorgeous, perfectly oval-shaped lips. “Then let me kiss you and we’ll see if you really feel absolutely nothing.”
I scoffed. “It’ll be like a kissing a stranger. Let’s not waste our?—”
In a smooth move that I hadn’t seen coming, Simon’s big hands captured my face and he stepped into me, lowering his mouth to mine all in one fluid motion. As soon as he kissed me, it absolutely did not feel like kissing a stranger.
The same raw, wild, logic-consuming passion washed over me as it had every single other time he’d kissed me, and I sank into him, looping my arms around his neck on instinct and pushing my fingers into the soft hair at his nape, muscle memory reminding me exactly where he liked to be touched. He groaned into my mouth, nipping at my lower lip and making me moan when one of his hands fell to my hip.
He gripped it hard, his other hand sliding into my hair and twisting some of the strands into his strong grip. Another moan escaped before I could swallow it and Simon deepened the kiss, his tongue sweeping into my mouth and tasting every inch of me with a skill I only had ever felt with him.
I wasn’t even sure who had initiated it, but the next thing I knew, we were making out on the beach. Simon’s heavy, hard body was on top of my own, the sand molding around me as he kissed me until I was desperate for it to turn into more.
Then do it, a devilish voice whispered from the back of my mind. Why not? Your ovaries have been blue for almost ten freaking years after the last kiss this guy gave you. Don’t lie. No one ever scratched that itch.
The bad-idea voice wasn’t wrong and I decided that for once in my life I was going to toss caution to the wind. I also wasn’t going to wait for him to make the first move. Running my palms along the strong planes of his back, I dipped my fingers under his waistband and pushed past his belt until my fingertips came into contact with bare skin.
Simon reacted like he’d stepped on a live wire, tensing above me as he let out a low hiss into my mouth. “Maybe we shouldn’t do this, Abi.”
“Why not?” I bit back, my core reduced to liquid heat. I wasn’t letting him leave me like this again. “I’ve hooked up with strangers before.”
What a stupid freaking thing to say. I was trying to prove to him that he didn’t matter anymore, but he for sure did.
A soft, tantalizingly sexy growl escaped him and I smiled when his lips crashed back into mine. Simon never had been one to back away from a challenge, nor did he like me referring to him as a stranger and I knew he wouldn’t stop until he’d proven to me that he still knew me.
At least in some ways.
He kissed me good and proper while his hand ran up the length of my side. Then he flicked open the button of my jeans and dipped his fingers into my panties, groaning when he felt how wet I was.
This was really not me. None of it. I struggled getting naked in the privacy of my own bedroom if the door wasn’t locked, but when Simon nudged my legs open after pulling my panties and my pants down just enough, I went along with it without hesitation.
This was the guy I knew. The guy who left me smoldering with heated desire with just a single look and the only guy who’d ever been able to properly extinguish the fire he’d started. This side of him, I knew I could trust.
He knew his way around my body and he didn’t disappoint. I undid his belt and opened his fly, my hand diving into his jeans to wrap around the steely length of his cock. Just for a few minutes, I forgot how badly he’d hurt me and I decided to give in.
This wasn’t a case of my body betraying me. I could’ve gotten up and walked away. I simply didn’t want to.
Simon’s fingers slid through my folds and he made me see stars, kissing me senseless as his fingertips explored and rolled, circled and flicked. Adjusting our positions to give me easier access as well, I stroked him just the way he’d taught me to the first time we’d done this, running the pad of my thumb along his seam and speeding up in response to what he was doing to me.
In no time at all, I was squirming and writhing, bucking into his hand and coming so hard that my ears rang in the aftermath, but I never said his name. I refused to give him credit for the orgasm that sped through me like lightning.
Simon didn’t seem to feel the same way, breathing my name as his muscles tensed when he found his release. We both collapsed back on the sand when we were done, fighting for breath when a fit of giggles suddenly overtook me.
“We should get in the water and wash the sand out of our cracks,” I managed between giggles and labored, panting breaths.
He laughed and immediately took off the rest of his clothes. Turning to look at me as he stood up, naked as the day he’d been born, he smiled and held out his hand. “Are you coming?”
“I just did,” I teased, but as soon as the euphoria of the orgasm started subsiding, I remembered what Hazel had suggested. “Wait for me in the water and close your eyes. I have a surprise for you, and I think you’re really going to like it.”