Chapter 36
XXXVI.
My breath catches as a sign announcing plummer park comes into view.
All this time, I’d hoped to end up here, but I’d never been sure we’d make it. The sign spins, and I blink until it comes back into focus.
We follow a concrete path lined with rows of emerald trees and beige buildings.
I no longer have the photograph, but it’s imprinted on my memory.
I scan the greenery until I spot the benches forming a square in front of us.
My heart races as I recognize the bushes behind them and the sign marking fiesta hall.
“That’s the spot,” I whisper. “That’s where he took her picture. Year after year.” My shoulders wilt as I study the people around us. “And she’s not here.”
Nate reaches for me, then drops his hand to his side. “Sorry, Devica.”
I’m grateful to the sunglasses for masking the tears that threaten my vision.
I shake my head. “It’s fine. We knew this would happen, right?
Her being here now would be nothing short of a miracle.
” I lower myself onto her bench, tucking my wings behind me.
My aching legs tingle, the journey threading through my muscles.
“You don’t have to stay. You told me you’d get me to the park, and you did.
We’ve both fulfilled our end of the agreement. ”
Nate watches without responding. I can no longer read what he’s thinking.
What once seemed so clear to me is now as foreign as the park I’m sitting in.
It takes all my strength not to touch him again, not to kiss him.
Every part of me yearns for the comfort we shared in the ice castle.
The warmth we found in the coldest place in the universe.
But this is better, I remind myself. I’m doing this for him. It’s like back on the bridge. He doesn’t see that now, but he will.
Nate runs his hand through his hair and slowly nods. “Yeah, I’ll go. Good luck with your mom. I hope she shows up. Truly.”
“Thanks.” My voice wavers, and I breathe deeply to control it. “For everything.”
“You, too.” He gives me a smile that’s more like a frown forced upward. “Bye, Devica.”
I try to match his smile, but my lips won’t curve against my aching cheeks. “Goodbye, Nathan Reynolds.”
I can’t watch him leave.
I drop the sunglasses over my eyes and study the grass beside me, counting the blades as his footsteps recede.
When I look up, he’s gone.
My hand flies to my chest, and I grip the neckline of my dress with pinched fingers.
Part of me hoped he’d stay, despite the danger it means for both of us.
I wanted him to have as hard a time walking away from me as I had watching him go. But I can’t blame him. It was easy to stand beside me in a world of monsters. In Hell, I was a reminder of what he was missing up here. But on Earth, I’m the reminder of everything he lost down there.
Curling my legs into my chest, I hug them, then lay my head down and close my eyes.
I mourn everything I’ve abandoned to be here. My home, my father, Attero, and now Nate. I’ve spent my life not allowing myself to feel. I never grieved my mother. I pushed it down when Father ignored or criticized me. I agreed to take over for him on my birthday because it was expected of me.
Then I met Nate. And the shell I’d crafted so carefully around my heart cracked, bit by bit. I blamed my human side. But it was him. It was how he looked at me and touched me and listened to me. How he gave me permission to be myself without apologies.
And now he’s gone, and my heart’s broken without anyone to teach me how to shove the pieces back together. I hiccup and sniffle against my knees.
My life would’ve been easier if he’d never stumbled into my welcome line. I’d still be in Dominus, in classes I hate and spending my evenings by myself in my room. Sure, I’d be unhappy, but I wouldn’t be alone on a bench in a world I don’t know, hunted by demons who were once my friends.
By the time I raise my head, it’s almost nightfall, the skies bursting with yellows and pinks.
I tug down my glasses and gasp. I’ve read dozens of books that tried to describe sunsets, but none of them did justice to the golden hues melding with the blushing undertones.
It’s enough to stop my breath in my chest.
As the sun sets, strangers come and go around me on the benches.
I can’t help but study them. They are all so alive. So different from how they appear before me in Hell. There’s a carefree way in how they carry themselves on Earth.
They step lighter, somehow.
Arriving solo or in pairs or in groups, with varying shades of skin and speaking a myriad of languages, almost all of them have those strange rectangular boxes that bathe their faces in light as the night grows darker.
Most ignore me.
Some try to start conversations about the weather, but I pretend I don’t speak any of their languages, despite knowing them all. I have to, in Hell.
Exhaustion settles over me as the sky darkens. I eventually have the bench to myself, so I lie across it and wrap my wings around me like a blanket. The moon replaces the sun, and stars splatter the sky with light. There aren’t as many as on my ceiling back home, but they’re there.
I breathe deeply as one last tear trickles from the corner of my eye.
Unlike the painting in my room, the sky above is endless. There are no walls cutting off its beauty. No screaming permeating my ears. The only sounds are chirping insects and the rustling of the trees in the gentle breeze that tousles my feathers. There’s nothing between me and its vastness.
My lungs fill as I inhale again, the sweet scents of the grass and trees tickling my nose.
I made it.
I’m under the open sky like I always dreamed. Closing my eyes, I press myself deeper into the bench.
I’ve nodded off when a hand nudges my shoulder, startling me from a nightmare where I’m back on the bridge with Ferus and he’s holding me back from jumping after Nate.
“No,” I murmur. “I have to save him.”
“Devica?” The feminine voice pierces my dream, and Ferus vanishes in a cloud of red smoke. “It’s time to wake up, Devica.”
I yawn and open my eyes, the shape above me slowly coming into focus. Pulling the sunglasses off my face, I sit up and study the figure. My throat closes, and my body goes numb.
I’ve never met her, but I’d know her anywhere, even if I’d never seen her photo.
She has my nose. My lips. My hair.
Or, actually, I have hers.
I rub my eyes, unsure if I’m still dreaming. She smiles at me, a grin that could light the night sky.
My voice comes out as barely a whisper from my tightened throat. “Mom?”