Chapter 37
XXXVII.
My mother lives in a modest white house with a clay tiled roof, not far from the park where she found me. We walk in tandem without saying a word, my stomach in knots as I sneak glances her way.
She doesn’t seem angry like I’d expected.
She’d cried when I’d awoken, then held me so tightly I thought my bones would shatter.
Then she’d insisted on taking me to her house, where we could talk without the distraction of the chattering humans and more of those odd, furry animals streaming into the park to start their day.
My breath catches when I step through the door.
Her home draws me in like her hug—calming and suffocating at the same time.
The walls are washed in pastel blues and yellows, nothing like the grays and reds of Lapis.
The scents of citrus and florals hang in the air as she guides me into her living room.
Mom hands me a mug filled with an amber liquid and takes the chair across from me. The seat is plush and softer than the carved stone chairs of Dominus. Between that and the warm mug in my hand, I’m tempted to close my eyes and continue sleeping off the journey.
Except I can’t stop staring at her.
She looks like her photograph, though it failed to capture how her every movement is graceful and deliberate, how light radiates off her skin, despite the only source of brightness in the room being a small lamp standing in the corner, or how her eyes are liquid gold, like the honey she drips into her tea. For a human, she’s striking.
I haven’t said a word beyond the one syllable back at the park.
Everything I’d planned to say shriveled on my tongue with her appearance. I’d prepared for her anger and rejection. I’d never let myself believe she’d welcome me instead.
She sets the bottle of honey on the table between us, her eyes never leaving my face. “I can’t believe you’re here. I’ve dreamed of this day, but I never believed it would happen.”
Her voice is softer than mine, melodic and soothing.
Everything about her is softer. From how her hair curls over her shoulders to the loose blouse that drapes over her hips, to the casual way she rests in the chair, her mug of tea balanced on her knee.
Even her scent is sweet. I’d been overtaken by the calming fragrances of vanilla and almond when we’d embraced.
I, on the other hand, sit rigid against the cushions, my hair a tangled mess, dress tight around my middle, knees and elbows bent at hard angles as I struggle to keep still. And I’ve definitely smelled better than I do after spending a year traversing the elements of Hell.
I’m unsure whether her easy grace missed me genetically or was forced out of me by Father.
“That makes two of us.”
My eyebrows edge up. “You’re not mad I’m here?”
“No, Devica. Far from it. I was devastated when your father took you. I never thought I’d see you again. I was sure he wouldn’t even tell you about me.”
“He didn’t, exactly.” I fiddle with the Earl Grey tag hanging down the side of my mug.
I’ve never heard of him. He must be good at this tea thing if he’s been promoted to Earl.
“In fact, Father told me you were dead. I found photos of you in his room and realized you were still alive and on Earth, but… Wait. He took me? You mean you didn’t send me away when you learned what I am? ”
“What you are?” She closes her eyes and steadies her breath. “Oh, Devica. I knew who your father is and where you came from when you were born. And I’ve never wanted anything more in my life than to have you here with me. I’m sorry you ever believed differently.”
I swallow the lump in my throat that’s been there since Nate walked away. The room blurs as tears pool in my eyes.
My mother didn’t abandon me. She wanted me.
All this time I thought she was dead, but she was on Earth, wishing I was beside her.
Taking a sip of tea, I flinch as it scorches the tip of my tongue. “I don’t understand. Father comes to Earth to punish humans. How did he fall in love with one?”
“I wasn’t human when we met.”
I nod and blow on my tea as relief sinks me deeper into the couch. All the concern I’d had over being part human wisps out of my body like the steam drifting from my mug. “Were you sentenced to Earth as punishment, then? Father condemns a lot of demons here.”
She presses her lips together. “Not exactly, Devica. I wasn’t a human when I met your father, but I wasn’t a demon, either. I’ve never been to Hell.” She sets down her mug and stands. Turning her back to me, she unbuttons her peach blouse and lowers it.
I gasp as the lamp beside me reveals scars leading from her shoulder blades down each side of her spine. They’re jagged and raised, but I’ve seen patterns like that before. That time I walked in on Father while he was changing. Right before he screamed at me to get out.
“Wings.” My mouth dries, leaving only the numbness on my tongue from the hot tea. “You had wings. But if you’ve never been to Hell, that means you’re—”
“An angel.” She shrugs her blouse over her shoulders and buttons it before dropping into her chair. “Or I was. I lost my wings when I slept with your father. Not that I have any regrets. The result of that union was you.”
I press the mug to my throbbing temple. The couple sips of tea I’ve taken threaten to come back up. I clench my jaw to stop myself from heaving onto the plush beige rug tickling my feet.
Believing she was human was bad enough. But an angel? They’re worse.
A million times worse, according to Father.
He blames them for casting him out of their domain. He said they’re the reason we’re destined to a life of darkness and fire. That if they really did believe in good and forgiveness, they would’ve taken him back after the war.
“Angels are evil, Devica,” he’d warned me when I was a kid. “You can’t trust them. They’ll be kind to your face, then hurt you when you least expect it. There’s no loving an angel.”
I never asked how he knew that. I just trusted him. because I thought he knew everything when I was too small to comprehend how little he actually understood.
It’s hard to believe the woman in front of me could harm me, but I also never thought Nate could be as cold as the boy who left me alone in the park.
I try to swallow, but my mouth is so dry that all that comes out is a choked cough.
“I still don’t understand,” I say. “How did you two even meet if you’re not a demon?”
“It was a long time ago. I came down to Earth to test humans, and he came up to do the same. We were, of course, disguised to fit in, which deceived us both.”
She leans back in her seat, her eyes focused on the bowl of plastic fruit on the table.
“I spotted him in that park where I found you. He didn’t see me right away, which was a good thing, because I couldn’t stop staring.
He was so handsome—all dark hair and deep-brown eyes that were almost black.
When he finally looked at me and smiled, I nearly passed out.
I was still a young angel, your age, and no one had prepared me for how alluring humans were.
He introduced himself as Lucas, and I gave him my real name without hesitation.
All I wanted was to get to know him better. ”
Nate’s face flashes before my eyes, but I blink it away. “Father is nothing if not a charmer. It’s why humans fall so easily for his deceits.”
“Even I was powerless against him.” She runs her finger around the rim of her mug.
“We went to dinner and talked for hours, our missions forgotten. I don’t even remember what we discussed, but it wasn’t disclosing who we really were.
I think we were both afraid we’d scare the other off, which is probably true.
I would’ve run if I’d learned who he was.
But he made me laugh. No one had ever made me laugh like that before.
Although Paradise is a beautiful place, it’s quite subdued. ”
Nate’s voice rings in my ears. Those cheesy jokes. The way his laughter echoed off the stone and prompted my own. I swallow too large a gulp of tea, and it burns as it reaches my chest.
“We went dancing at some nightclub and stayed on the floor until they kicked us out,” she continues. “Then we danced in the street until the moon was replaced by the sun. We found a hotel room and barely left it for weeks.”
Mom drops her head, her cheeks budding pink like the blossoms in the park. “One morning, I woke up and he was gone, as were my wings. They’d been replaced by the baby in my belly—you.”
I slam my mug on the table between us with a bang and narrow my eyes. “He took off after getting you pregnant? Typical.”
“He didn’t know about you. I didn’t, either. I had no idea what was normal in a human body. I thought maybe vomiting six times a day was something they were used to. It wasn’t until my stomach started to grow that I realized what happened.”
She downs the last of her tea and places her mug next to mine.
“Here I was, human, abandoned by the man I loved, shunned by my home, and now pregnant. I’d never felt so lost. I prayed to my friends in Paradise, begged them to tell me why this had happened, why I’d lost my wings.
But I never received an answer. Almost nine months went by, and then your father returned. ”
I sit up and clutch my knees with tightened fists. That’s not like Father. He’s more the type that forgets someone exists the moment they leave the room—or maybe that’s just me. “He came back for you?”
“He did.” Her voice breaks. “But he took one look at my swollen belly and fell to his knees. He confessed who he was and told me he’d awoken during our last night together and saw my wings—I’d weakened my disguise in sleep, I suppose—and panicked when he realized what I was.
He’d gone home but hadn’t been able to stop thinking about me.
He had no idea you were growing with every day that passed. ”
Tears collect in the corners of her eyes, then break over her lashes, her pain still so close to the surface. I place my palm on my chest as she speaks.
She clears her throat and wipes at her damp cheeks.
“When he told me who he was, I thought I was going to break in half. Here I’d thought I’d fallen in love with a human, which was offensive enough, but this was worse than I’d imagined.
And I was carrying his child! No wonder they’d taken my wings. ”
“Had this ever happened before?” I ask. “An angel falling for a demon?”
“Not that I know of. I’ve seen many stories about it, but they’re fiction. Angels and demons, by nature, repel like oil and water. We should never have come together as easily as we did.
“Your father begged me to return home with him, but I couldn’t bear the thought of living in darkness.
I’d been born in a world of light, which is why I’ve stayed in California.
And I refused to let my child grow up down there.
It didn’t matter to me that you had half of him in you.
And it doesn’t matter now. Because you have half of me, too.
I wanted to raise you here, and I told him I wouldn’t change my mind. ”
My heart picks up speed as her words sink in.
I survey the room. The plants in the corner, reveling in the sunlight that peeks through the windows with the dawn.
The framed paintings on the wall of angels dancing through the heavens.
This could’ve been my home, instead of stone and steel and blood.
No wonder I’d never felt comfortable in Dominus.
“Your father was furious,” she continues.
“He realized you were more than his child—you were his loophole. A being conceived with his blood that could assume the throne he’d grown to despise.
He insisted you belonged with him. But I’d carried you for nine months, and I knew you were meant to stay with me.
You kicked when I brought you to the ocean.
You rolled over in my belly when we sat in the sun.
You were not meant for his world. You were meant for mine.
And even though I’d lost my wings, I knew you were a gift.
Angels are barren, never meant to carry children of their own.
You were a true miracle, conceived for a reason. I was sure of it.”
Her words charge through me like a current as what she’s actually saying sinks in. My stomach once again threatens to toss up the Earl of Grey onto her carpet.
I study her for any signs of betrayal, blood pounding in my ears. If she’s telling the truth, I’m worse than a demon. Worse than a human, even.
I’m an angel.