Not Up for Debate

27. Chapter Twenty-Seven

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Now

I keep playing with the little burnt spot on my tongue I got this morning from my coffee. You’d think I’d know by now that coffee is scalding hot when it first comes out of the pot, but alas, patience is not my strongest virtue.

I see Noah walking toward me from across the resort lobby, and while I look like I just raided a Lululemon, he looks like he’s going traversing through the Amazon. Who knew I had a thing for cargo pants and hiking boots? I don’t even have time to register what I should do with this information by the time he reaches me.

“Hey, Robins. Good morning,” he says with a smile that tells me he’s been awake longer than I have.

“Hey, good morning.” I’m trying to act as normal as I can, but I’m suddenly aware of the raging kaleidoscope of butterflies in my stomach. I’m not sure where we stand at the moment, so my feelings are all a tangled mess.

“Who packs hiking boots when they come to Hawaii?” I say, looking down at his feet.

“Well, if I looked as good as you in a bikini, Robins, I would have packed that instead.” His laugh is easy, and the blush prickles at my cheeks.

We stand in silence, neither one of us knowing what to say next. There’s a certain tension sitting in the air between us. It’s not the same argumentative and stubborn tension that we’ve always shared. This new tension is charged. It feels alive with past experiences and new expectations. I don’t really know how to interact with this Noah, and to be honest, it’s all a bit overwhelming.

He lets out a heavy breath and brings his hand up to the back of his neck. “Hey, um…I just wanted to see if we’re okay?”

The question catches me off guard. I find that tender burnt spot on my tongue again and rub it on my teeth, searching my mind for an answer.

“Oh, yeah. Um…we’re good. Things are good. I’m good. Are you? Good?” I sound so nervous, and I don’t like it. I don’t want to be on edge all day.

He smiles that slow smile, which instantly helps ease my nerves. “Good, good, good.” He huffs a small laugh and starts moving toward the lobby doors. “So, what’s the plan, Stan?”

“Thanks for the new nickname, but I think you should stick with Robins.”

“Ha, well, I guess we’ll just have to see how the day unfolds.”

“I don’t like the sound of that.”

“Don’t worry, Stan. We’re going to have a good day.” His little wink at the end of this sentence makes my stomach flutter. I give him a big overexaggerated eye roll and walk out the door. I don’t tell him this, but I think we’re going to have a good day too.

By the time we load the bus, it’s already full with a group of coworkers on a teambuilding activity. It’s a group of ten men and women who would clearly rather be on this excursion with literally anyone else than the people they see at work every day.

I don’t know how we ended up on this bus with them, but it’s just their group, and Noah and me.

The strange new tension between us pales in comparison to the awkward get-to-know-you questions the group is being subjected to by the woman who I’ve learned is their boss. She’s already been asking them questions for the past twenty minutes, and by the look of the papers in her hands, she isn’t nearing the end.

The answers that the employees give are honest, but I can tell the majority of them answer in the quickest and most generic way so the attention can shift to the next person as fast as possible. Boss Lady isn’t reading the room particularly well.

For example, one question she asked the group was, “What is your spirit animal, and how does that affect how you work on a team?” Then they’d say something like, “I’m a lion, so that means I am a good leader, etc…” Or they’d say, “I’m not sure what kind of animal I am, but I do know that I’m dependable and trustworthy,” to which Boss Lady would enthusiastically follow up with an animal she thinks that person is most like. “Oh, you’re totally a golden retriever!”

After a spectacular question pertaining to zodiac signs, I feel Noah shift in his seat and raise his hand. “Hi. I’m Noah, and this is my coworker, Stan. I was wondering if we could join your get-to-know-you game? We’re both attorneys who have recently been assigned to the same client, so I think we could use some of these team-building exercises to help us get to know each other on a more intimate level.” He gives her a big smile. “Would you mind if we answer some of the questions?”

I snap my head in his direction, desperately trying to get his attention. This is my worst nightmare. I open my eyes as wide as I can, and I know he can see me, but he won’t look at me. He knows what he's doing, and he’s happy about it.

Boss Lady looks at Noah with the most heartfelt smile. “Of course you can! That would be wonderful.”

Only once he gets the green light does Noah turn my way. My jaw is clenched tight, and he just smiles and shrugs his shoulders. “This is going to be fun.”

Boss Lady turns our way and readjusts her papers. “Alright, time for the next question. Noah and Stan, don’t be afraid to chime in with your answers, okay?”

I wish I could stop the bus and get off right now.

“You got it.” Noah gives boss lady a thumbs up.

Shoot me now.

The muscles in my face ache from smiling so much. The past twenty minutes have been filled with some of the funniest moments I’ve ever experienced in my life.

We learned that Jason, the sales bro, collects velvet black light paintings; Peggy, the accountant, thinks people who don’t like cats are equal to murderers; and Boss Lady, Debbie, isn’t quite a conspiracy theorist, but she also isn’t entirely sure that the moon landing was real.

Noah has everyone on the bus wrapped around his finger. He answered each question, as if he’s preparing for the most important interview of his life, and he even managed to fake a tear after he answered a would-you-rather question about having to eat either only pizza or only ice cream for a year.

After Debbie asks each question, everyone hurries through their answers and when it gets to Noah, they all turn around and stare at him eagerly while he gives his carefully worded answer. I honestly can’t tell if he’s really as into it as he’s acting, or if it’s all a show. Either way, everyone loves him.

The way he’s able to make every single person on this bus nod their head in agreement, or laugh at all his jokes, is something that’s completely unique to Noah. He’s charismatic, he’s intelligent, he’s witty. But most of all, he’s all himself all the time. His pure authenticity is so magnetic that it pulls every person around him into his orbit. Including me, despite my protestations.

We’re sitting next to each other, so this entire ride I’m hyper-aware of all the places his body is touching mine. The light pressure of his shoulder leaning into me over the armrest, the way our thighs brush together every time the bus goes over a bump. His close proximity is intoxicating, and I feel any inhibitions beginning to melt away.

I want to reach out and grab his hands and interlace his fingers with mine. I want to rest my head on his shoulder, close my eyes and soak in this feeling of…lightness…happiness? I’m not sure, but I want it. I want to dig deeper and peel back the layers to see what’s inside.

The bus stops, and it’s time for us to disembark for our hike. As soon as I get off, I’m met with the most breathtaking scenery I’ve ever laid eyes on. The light sprinkling of rain is making everything vibrant and alive with color.

The guides take their time leading our group up the mountain. Telling us stories about their land and all the fascinating folklore that surrounds it. The striking beauty of the landscape is only made more beautiful by the look on our guides' faces as they talk about their history and the culture that means so much to each of them.

We cross bridges with rushing waters beneath our feet. We see flowers of every size and color blooming on vines above our heads. It’s such a full sensory experience that I know I will never forget.

Noah and I stop at one of the larger waterfalls and take a minute to absorb the moment, trying to capture each of the sounds and smells to hold in our memories and take them home with us to keep forever.

“This is…gosh, I don’t think I have the words.” My voice is breathy from the exertion of the hike.

“Right?” He pulls out the plastic water bottle from his pack. “I feel weird using the word magnificent, but I really think that’s the only way to describe something like this.” He takes a gulp of his water and then offers it to me.

I immediately look from the bottle to the lips it just touched and feel myself swallow hard. Sharing your drink with someone is significant, right? I mean, you don’t just do that with anyone…do you?

“Want some?” he offers again.

“Oh, sure. Thanks.” I grab the water from his hand and take a sip. The water is cool and slides down my throat easily. I put the cap back on and gesture for him to take it back.

“No worries. You can keep it, I have more.” Ouch. Maybe not.

We both stand in silence as we watch the waterfall disappear into the deep pool below. I turn to look around and see that we’re the only ones here. The rest of the group must have continued up to the crater.

I take a sip from my new water bottle, then gesture to the trail. “Want to keep heading up? I don’t think we have that much farther to the top.”

“Ready when you are.” He adjusts his pack.

I let him lead the way as we begin the next leg of our journey. The drizzle of rain has stopped, but the trail is now muddy and harder to manage. I attempt to climb over a group of rocks when my shoe slips and I roll my ankle. A string of curse words fly out of my mouth, and I don’t think I say them quietly.

I sit down in the mud and hold my hurt ankle between my two hands. Hot tears begin to sting my eyes.

“Jane?” I hear Noah approaching from slightly farther up the trail. “Hey, are you okay? I heard some yelling?” He’s getting closer, and I wipe away my tears, hoping to stave off some of the embarrassment.

I take a deep, shaky breath. “Hey, I’m over here.”

He appears from around the bend and finds me sitting in the mud with tears in my eyes. “What happened? Are you okay?” He quickly crouches down to my level and puts his hand gently on my shoulder. Concern is etched on his features as he frantically searches my eyes for an answer.

“I…my shoes are all muddy, and I slipped on that rock…I twisted my ankle, and I…I think I’m okay, but it really hurts.”

“Can I take a look? I won’t move it, I promise.”

I slowly extend my leg toward him, and he tenderly holds it in his hands. My ankle has already started to swell, and a light bruise is beginning to form.

“It definitely looks like a sprain. Do you think you can move it?”

I attempt to point my foot, but that shoots a pain through my leg. “No, I don’t think so.” I say through gritted teeth.

“Okay, no problem. Let’s get you back down to the bus so you don’t have to keep sitting in this mud,” he says, attempting a smile.

“Yeah, that’s a good idea. I can do it on my own though. You go up and see the volcano. I’ll just try to find a stick or something to lean against to help me on my way down. I’m fine. Totally fine,” I reply, attempting my own smile through the pain.

“Robins, you have got to be joking.” With this, he helps me up to my good foot, then with his back turned, he squats down in front of me. “Get on.”

“What? Noah, no! You are not going to carry me down the trail.”

“Excuse me? You can’t tell me what to do. Now, get on.”

I lightly slap his back and start hopping in the direction of the bus. I only make it about five hops before I take a short break.

“It’s a long way down, Robins. Just let me carry you the rest of the way.”

“I can do it.”

“Oh, I have no doubt in my mind that you could. But you don’t have to. Let me help you.”

I turn to look at him. This man, who makes no sense to me. This man, who makes me so confused and so unsettled. This man, who’s offering to give me a piggyback ride all the way down a slippery mountain.

“Please?” He reaches his hand out, and I accept it into mine. He smoothly helps me onto his back, and we begin our trek back down to the bus.

The first half-hour of Noah carrying me is filled with me apologizing over and over. I’m so sorry I tripped. I’m so sorry my pants are kind of slick and hard to hold on to. I’m so sorry if I’m holding on too tight. I’m so sorry I’m all muddy. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.

It takes me a bit, but after I realize he literally hasn’t said a word about it, and is even smiling, I decide to just make myself comfortable and enjoy the ride.

He’s carrying me like it’s effortless. I can feel all the muscles in his upper body move as we make our way down. His back tenses as he carefully moves over rocks in the trail, and my thighs squeeze tighter around his middle. I hear a small sound come from somewhere deep in his chest when I do that, a sort of satisfied groan. I decide to put a mental pin in this and revisit it later.

“You still awake back there?” he asks.

“I’m awake. Do you need to stop? We can take a break.”

“Nah, I’m good,” he protests, barely even breaking a sweat. “But an ice cold Coke does sound pretty freaking great right about now.”

I feel a smile tug at my lips, I want to play. “Gross. Coke is awful. I’d take a tall glass of Diet Pepsi over a Coke any day of the week.”

Noah stops moving. All forward momentum has entirely halted, and we’re standing still in the middle of a tropical forest with me perched on his back.

“What happened? Is everything okay? Do you need that break?”

“No. I told you. I don’t need a break. But I do need you to think long and hard about the blasphemy that you just spouted about Coke. Nobody in their right mind actually likes Pepsi, it’s disgusting.” He turns his cheek and peeks at me from over his shoulder. “I can stand here all day, Robins. Take it back.”

From this close, I can see the way his eyes crinkle in the corners when he smiles. My breath hitches, and my heart picks up. “And what if I don’t?”

“Oh, I’m sure I could think of something.” He faces forward again and takes a deep breath in. We start moving.

One of the tour guides stayed down at the bus just in case something like this were to happen. When we reach the bus, he carefully helps me down from Noah’s back and supports my other side as we get into our seats.

“Oh, man, I’m so sorry, Miss. That looks like it hurts,” our tour guide Jerry says as he gets an ice pack from the first aid kit. “Unfortunately, we’re going to have to stay here until the rest of the group comes back down to the bus. We don’t have another way for them to get back to the resort if we leave now. There’s not another tour until tomorrow morning.”

“Oh, it’s okay. Really. I’m totally fine to wait here until they get back. The ice will help. Really. Thanks.” I nod, hoping he believes me.

“Okay, good. If you two are okay here for a bit, I’ll hike up and let the others know what happened and that you made it to the bus safely. That way, they don’t wait at the crater for you and start to wonder if you got lost.”

“Yeah, that’s fine. We’re all good here,” Noah says, and Jerry turns and walks out of the bus, leaving us alone.

Noah sets his bag down by his feet and sits in the aisle seat opposite me. The bus is one of those long distance buses that is all comfy chairs and bright neon fabric from the nineties. The middle aisle is wide, so the distance between us feels big. Too big.

I study him as he wipes the sweat from his brow. A single bead of sweat slides from his temple and down into the stubble on his jaw. I suddenly feel hot. Very hot. I take the ice pack off my hurt ankle and touch it to my chest.

He catches my eye, and I shrug. “I’m hot,” I say, turning away from his gaze and suddenly finding interest in the pattern on the seat in front of me.

“So, what do we do now?” Noah says, raking his hands through his damp hair.

“I brought my book, so I’m just going to sit here and wait until the others get back. I want you to go finish the hike and see the crater. I bet it will seem ten times easier without me on your back,” I say with a smile, trying to alleviate some of this tension.

“Nope. I’m staying with you. You can still read, but I’ll be sitting right here while you do.” He turns in his seat and rests his back on the window behind him.

So here we are. Sitting face to face, with nothing but time and ourselves to keep us company.

I can feel the air between us. The awkward silence grows the longer neither of us says anything. Eventually, we enter a game of chicken. He makes a silly face trying to make me break, and I return the gesture hoping to get him first. He grunts, I grunt. He shifts, I shift. Finally, he lets out a yell, and it startles me so bad that I let out a scream, which makes us both erupt into raucous laughter.

“Okay, you win.” I put my hands up in surrender, and he makes a show of bowing to an invisible audience.

“Thank you, thank you.” Again, to the pretend spectators. “Now, if only you could say that every time.” He turns to me with eyebrows raised.

“Ha, yeah right. Don’t get that used to it, Riley. We both know I’m usually the victor in this relationship.”

“Oh, you’re stealing my nicknaming strategy now?” He scoffs.

“Maybe I am, Riley. What are you going to do about it?”

“Not sure yet, but I do like the way it sounds when you say it.” His voice is a touch lower. “And wait, rewind. You said relationship. What relationship is this exactly?”

“Oh, you know…” I feel my cheeks turning red. “This…whatever this thing is we have going. Coworkers, I guess. Coworkers who occasionally get couples massages together,” I say, raising my shoulders.

He laughs. “Coworkers with benefits. I can get down with that.” He shifts again in his seat, and my blush deepens.

“Speaking of coworkers,” I say, changing the topic, “what are we going to do about the Dumont account?”

“I told you the other night, I’m leaving it up to you, Jane. I understand the unique situation that we’re in, and I don’t want you to do something that you don’t want to do. If we didn’t have a past and if it wasn’t colored by my stupid teenage mistakes, I could see that maybe we would be able to work together, but that’s just not the case. It’s in your hands.” He concedes.

I pause before I continue. What a crazy turn of events. All I wanted from the first night that he came back into my life a few days ago was for him to say this very thing. To say that I have the control and it’s all up to me. But now, I’m questioning what exactly I want.

“Thanks, Noah. I mean, Riley. Noah Riley.”

“Nah, that doesn’t sound as good.”

“Right?! I’ll just stick with Noah. Thanks, Noah . I don’t know. What do you want?”

“Hmm, not sure honestly. I was excited when I heard that we had Dumont as a client and was even more excited when they told me I would be on his account. But I don’t know, being here and seeing the scale of his resort and his brand as a whole, I’m not totally sure what I want to do.”

“I get it. I actually feel the same way,” I admit.

“Well, then, maybe we just need to put a pin in it and keep thinking about what we both really want.” He raises his brows. “But, I can tell you that if you decided to stay on the account, I would be happy to work on it with you,” he says with a small smile.

“Same.” I find myself saying before I have a chance to take it back.

We see the other group members come through the bushes and start heading toward the bus and just like that, our solitary moment has come to an end. He straightens himself and gives me that lopsided smile that makes my insides go all a flutter.

“It’s so hot in here. Are you hot?” He asks, fanning his shirt.

“Meh, this ice has really helped cool me down.”

Before I register what he’s doing, he stands in the aisle of the bus and unveils a hidden zipper on the knee of his pants.

“Don’t tell me those are the type of pants that turn into shorts…” I say, slightly horrified.

He looks me square in the eyes and in one swift motion, unzips both legs, and the bottom portions of the pants drop to the ground. His cargo pants, now cargo shorts.

“They sure are, Robins,” he says proudly. “I always come prepared.”

If it wasn’t enough that Noah carried me down a mountain today, he somehow found the energy to also carry me up to my hotel room. I could get used to this.

When we get into my room, he carefully sets me down on the bed and grabs some extra pillows, while I gingerly take the shoe off of my injured foot. He gently props my foot up on the pillows and sits on the bottom corner of my bed.

He unzips his pack and takes out a water and a small bottle of Tylenol. He thrusts them both in my direction. “Take two of these every four to six hours tonight. Try to stay on top of the pain, and it should help you get some sleep.”

I take them from his hands and set them on my nightstand. “Hey, thanks again for today. I really don’t know what I would have done without you.” I take two pills out of the bottle.

“Don’t mention it.”

“Really, it means a lot.” I smile. “I’ve never had anyone take care of me like you have today.” I pop the medicine into my mouth and take a long sip of water. “There was this one time during my sophomore year of college when my boyfriend at the time actually threw up on me when I had a bloody nose.” A small laugh escapes as I recall the night. “We were sitting on his couch watching a movie, when I suddenly felt a drip from my nose. He looked at me with horror on his face and before we both knew what was happening, my lap was covered in vomit. He started apologizing as he ran into his bathroom and locked the door.”

“No way. There’s no way that happened.” Noah stares at me, eyes wide with amusement.

“Oh, it totally did. I never saw him again after that night. He broke it off over text.” I smile. “So, again, thank you for helping me and not throwing up on me then running away.”

He laughs and stands up off the bed.

“Anytime, Robins.” He puts his backpack on. “Is there anything else you need before I head to my room?”

“Nope. Thanks though. I think I’m all set.” We stare at each other. Both lost in this moment. I don’t know what he’s thinking, but I know that I don’t really want him to leave.

“Jane, I…um… I’m sorry again for everything. That conversation last night about my sister, and you thinking I left because you didn’t want to have sex….God, I’m so sorry.” He sighs and combs his hand through his hair. “I was up all night replaying everything that happened that night, and I should have tried harder to get a hold of you after. I should have done more. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” He looks at me through sad, earnest eyes. “I’m just so sorry.”

My nose starts to tingle, so I clear my throat before tears can fall. “It was a long time ago. It’s okay now. Really. Thank you, Noah.”

He nods his head and gives me a small smile. “Okay, then. I guess I’ll see you around.” He turns and starts toward my door. “Oh, wait, are you going to the luau tomorrow night on the beach? I think it starts at seven.”

“For sure. I wouldn’t miss it.”

He smiles and nods again. He puts his thumbs in the straps of his pack, and suddenly, I’m transported back to high school. He did this same thing back then, and there’s something comforting in seeing him still doing it now. The past and present coming together.

“Hey, sorry again that you didn’t get to see the volcano today, I feel awful about that.”

“No worries, Jane.” He smiles at me, hope in his eyes. “Next time.” He turns off the overhead light and softly closes the door on his way out.

I lean my head back and think through the events of the day. The crazy ups and downs of everything. Of all the things that went wrong, and all the things that went so right.

I feel something warm in my chest. A certain spark and excitement that I haven’t felt for a very long time. I feel myself drifting off, when a knock at the door startles me awake.

I flip on the lamp as I hear a man’s muffled voice on the other side of the door. “Room service!”

“Hi, sorry! I can’t come to the door, my foot is, uh, sorry, I didn’t order room service.” I try my best to yell as quietly as I can.

“No problem, if it is okay with you, I have a key. Do I have permission to enter the room and set your tray down on the table for you, Miss?”

“Oh, yeah, sure. But like I said, I didn’t order anything.”

I hear the lock to my door click open, and a hotel server holding a silver tray in his hands steps in. “Sorry to bother you, Miss. A gentleman from the third floor ordered this for you.”

A smile tugs at my lips. “Oh, thank you. Would you mind bringing it here to me? I hurt my ankle, and I can’t really get around much at the moment.”

“No problem, Miss. The gentleman who placed the order said just as much.” The kind server places the warm tray on my lap and opens the lid with a flourish. Sitting in front of me is the most beautiful chocolate brownie I have ever laid eyes upon.

A tear trails down my face. I don’t know if it’s because I just realized I’m starving and I’m really excited to eat a delicious brownie, or if it’s because Noah remembered me saying brownies are my favorite food, or if it’s because he was thinking about me and cared enough to show it. Maybe it’s all these things.

I wipe the tears from my face as the server turns to leave. “Hey, before you go, can I order a cold bottle of Coke to be sent to his room from me?”

“No problem, Miss. I’ll do it now.” He smiles a knowing smile, then gently shuts the door behind him.