33. Chapter Thirty-Three
Chapter Thirty-Three
Now
T he snow falls lightly from the gray Colorado sky. I feel so out of place with my sun-kissed skin. Everything feels so uncomfortable and wrong. I get back to my apartment, and I feel like everything has been drained of color.
I take off my shoes by the door, leave my suitcases in the entryway, and go into the kitchen. Jordyn and Daniel have been watering my plants, and my mail is waiting for me on the island. Back to reality.
Heat rushes to my face, I feel so embarrassed. I don’t know how I messed up so badly. I can’t believe I thought he would actually want to talk to me after what I did to him. Fuck.
I go into the bathroom and strip down. I feel dirty and broken. I don’t even wait until the shower gets warm before I get it.
The cold water takes my breath away, and tears fall from my eyes. I’m the worst. Why did I do this? Why did I hurt him? Why am I the way that I am?
I get out of the shower and wrap myself in my old, tattered robe. I feel empty and alone. Moving to my bed, I pull down my covers and slip inside.
I just want to sleep. I just want to wake up in Hawaii with his arms around me. I want this all to have been a dream. I’m so sorry, Noah. I really messed up. Tears hit my pillow, as I drift off into a fitful sleep.
A knock at the door startles me awake. I sit upright, my room is dark and cold. The clock reads 9:16 p.m. Jordyn. I rush out of bed and run to my door. I need her. I need her to tell me that I’m okay.
I open my door, and Noah is standing there, small flecks of white snow dusting the top of his head and shoulders. Noah… In his hands he’s holding a can of Diet Pepsi, a plastic-wrapped brownie, and a large bouquet of flowers. “I didn’t know what your favorite flowers are, so I just got ones that reminded me of your eyes, and…”
I crash into him. My arms wrap around his neck, and I press my lips into his.
He drops the items to the ground and picks me up as I wrap my legs around his middle. I break away from our kiss, tears streaming down my face. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” I bury my face into his neck.
He carries me through my open door and sits me on the island. He quickly grabs his things from the hallway, then shuts the door behind him. Before he moves closer, he studies me. I’m still in my robe, and my hair is still damp from my shower, but he looks at me like he did last night, like I’m beautiful.
He moves back to me and nestles in between my legs. I rest my hands on his shoulders, and he stares at me intently. I open my mouth, about to let it all out, to tell him everything I did wrong, when he puts his finger softly to my mouth.
“Wait, before you say anything, I just want you to know that I got your address from Adler’s secretary. I told her I needed to send you some documents for the Dumont case. I promise I’m not a stalker or anything.” He smiles his lopsided smile, which loosens the knot in my chest.
“Noah….I…” My mind is racing, and none of my thoughts make sense. I don’t want to just give him excuses. He deserves more from me.
“Jane, when I woke up this morning and saw that you weren’t there, I was crushed. I was confused. I didn’t understand how you could have left me after the night we had just shared. But then I remembered…I know you, Jane Robins.” He smiles. “I know that you started to overthink things. I know that you woke up scared, and thought we had made a mistake, but…I know we didn’t.”
He grabs my face between his hands and rests his forehead on mine. “From the very first time I met you, I knew you were something special. Your drive, your ambition, and your insane passion for everything in your life set you apart from everyone else. I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind since. I know when we were younger, I messed up. I messed up so bad, Jane, and I really thought I had lost my chance. I thought I would never see you again…But then when I did, when I saw you sitting there at that restaurant table in Hawaii, something in my chest opened. Something that has been closed off and broken since I was eighteen years old. You make me feel. You make me hope. Hope for the present, hope for the future.” I see tears forming in his eyes. “This morning, I wanted to give you space. I was going to wait until you got home to call and tell you that I would be right here waiting. Waiting for you to figure your shit out, but then I realized that wasn’t going to be enough for me. I don’t want to wait. I want you now . I want all of you, all of the time.”
I feel his warm breath on my face, and that’s when it really hits me. He’s here. Noah is really here. He didn’t let me run away. He didn’t let me ruin this. He came for me.
He pulls his face away from mine but continues staring into my eyes. “Look, I know you don’t trust me, but I want you to learn that you can. I’m here to earn that trust and prove that we can make this work.”
I hang my head low, and my shoulders curve in, filled with shame.
“Jane,” he says, gently tilting my chin up with his finger. “Please look at me.”
I open my eyes and gaze back and forth between his. He traces my bottom lip softly with his thumb.
“I love you,” I whisper through my tears.
He replaces his thumb with his lips, and I take him in. I fold into his embrace and let myself really feel all of this. All of him.
“I love you too,” he says, lips hovering over mine.
“I’ve always loved you, Noah. I always will.” He lifts me from the island and holds me close.
“It’s settled then.” He whispers into my ear. “I’m going to marry you, Jane Robins, and this is not up for debate.”