Chapter 16
16
CRYSTAL
Poppy, sweet, beautiful little Poppy! It was an absolute pleasure to spend time with her during our evenings together. I was loving every minute of it, feeling quite at a loss on the evenings that I didn’t go to Gemma’s house, when I had to go back to my usual routine of sitting at home on my own with the TV. Gemma seemed to enjoy my company too; I’m glad we agreed on cooking together. The takeaway on the first night was really nice, of course, but it was even more fun, chopping vegetables and meat for a stir fry, chatting while we worked together, sitting at her kitchen table to share the meal and then washing up together. I was pretty sure it made a nice change for her, too, and I must have tired Poppy out, playing games with her before she went to bed, because we didn’t hear a thing from her all evening. And of course, while I was keeping Poppy amused, Gemma was able to get on with some more work.
I thought she was glad, now, that she’d agreed to let me help out. Let me spend time with Poppy. I still needed to be careful not to get too pushy, though. If it was up to me, I’d have seen Poppy every day, but I realised Gemma would find that a bit weird. Anyway, I had to go to my group on Monday evenings. I needed to keep going, even though I didn’t actually think I needed it any more; I felt so much better, so much calmer and more settled now. I had something to live for, something special in my life, in between the scheduled trips, marked in red in my diary. The trips that I looked forward to so much, the trips that always then ended up distressing me so much, bringing me back down, tumbling down, into the black void of depression all over again. Perhaps now, now I had Gemma and Poppy in my life, I would be able to manage it all a bit better the next time. I might have been able to endure however it turned out on the day, without getting myself into such a state.
The therapist who sat in on our Monday evenings and insisted on quizzing me every week about my state of mind, had actually agreed that I seemed to be improving. Of course, she didn’t know what I was up to – but I was improving, that was surely what mattered.
I liked to think my relationship with Gemma and Poppy was of mutual benefit, helping both of us – all three of us. Perhaps it was fate that I found her that day, crying in the toilets.