Not Your Just Because (Stitched Hearts #2)

Chapter 1

Only His Beautiful Lie

Hayvin

It took me three years to see my own foolishness. Three years spent loving a man so deeply that I ignored obvious signs. If I had paid attention, I would have seen his heart was never mine.

I sit up in bed and watch Alek pace, occasionally squeezing the back of his neck while listening to David on the phone. His eyes flick to me, then dart away, making my stomach churn.

"They broke up?" he asks. His tone makes me sit straighter and clutch the blanket tighter, as if it could shield me from the negativity I sense.

Of course, it's about Jerica.

It's always her.

When I first met Alek, I thought the one I'd be competing with was Charlie.

It wasn't until I met her a few times that I realized that wasn't the case.

She and Alek share a really deep bond, one he's been completely open and honest about with me.

They love each other, but not in a way that ever threatened me.

How could their love and friendship ever make me feel that way when Alek made me feel like the only one he sees?

It also helped that Charlie was completely in love with Keaton.

I didn't really start catching on to the whole Jerica thing until around the beginning of our second year together. We were all at a cookout that Charlie and Keaton were hosting at their new place. It was rare for Alek to have me around his friends. Why didn’t I question that?

Did they even know we were together? Or was I convincing myself we were more serious than he ever let on?

We'd only been at Charlie and Keaton's for about an hour when David Baladucci, Alek's best friend, came knocking, bringing along his sister Jerica and her long-term boyfriend Reggie.

It was only the second time I'd ever met her, but I'd heard about her plenty, considering who her brother is to my boyfriend.

The change in Alek the moment Jerica entered was instantaneous, and now I realize how deeply that impacted me.

An ache settled in my chest as he started to distance himself—his smiles grew strained, his hugs went slack.

The rest of the night, I felt invisible beside him, painfully aware of the gap opening between us.

Yet when we got to his place, need and frustration spilled over.

We were both tipsy, and as soon as the door closed, we crashed into each other—angry, desperate, craving connection.

Every kiss and touch was laced with everything I was afraid to say: anger, longing, confusion, love, and denial.

It was a battle to prove I mattered to him, even if just for that night.

Looking back, I think I was fighting to be seen, while he fought not to see her.

Afterward, all I remember is suddenly sobering up and wanting a shower. The encounter just left me feeling dirty.

Things returned to normal after that because Jerica went home to Reggie, and because I kept sweeping my discomfort under the rug.

God, I've been so fucking stupid.

Jerica is out of sight, so I pretend she’s out of mind for both of us. But if David and Alek talk about her so much, can I keep fooling myself? I force myself to ignore it, but it’s always there.

I shake my head, a silent laugh at myself for being so naive. When did I become a doormat? Did loving him make me forget I once had boundaries?

About six months after the cookout, Alek asked me to move in with him. We were doing well. We were in a much better place than that night. So good, in fact, that I was sure my mind had just gotten carried away with me that day, and I was only seeing things.

These last six months of living together have been beyond anything I could imagine, but there's always something missing.

Something that's always just out of reach.

If you had asked me yesterday, I would have told you that my future was clear. It was Alek and I, wherever our lives took us together. But now, when I think of my future, all I see is an empty void, and that's something that's never happened before.

"She's moving back to Granite Bay?"

My throat tightens at the hopeful note in his voice, and it's at that moment that I know.

It's never been me.

I've just been the fill-in until the one he truly wanted to be with became available. For three years, I've been nothing more than Alek's beautiful lie.

A bitter laugh breaks from my chest and grabs Alek's attention. His brows furrow as he stares at me with worry. I just keep laughing at the joke my life has suddenly become and wave at him dismissively to carry on his conversation.

My laughter dissolves into silence, and my eyes fill with tears as he resumes his pacing.

"When are you leaving to help her?" He nods at whatever David says, shooting me a glance. "Yeah, that should be okay." His brows draw together, and he turns toward me. "I'll let her know, but why would Hayvin mind?"

My lungs stop working as I stare at his blurry form. It's crazy how words that are normally so simple somehow can claw their way into my soul and latch on, digging deep and leaving vicious gouges behind when they're removed.

How sad is it that his best friend was concerned enough about me, but my boyfriend of three years wasn't? There was never a thought in his mind that I would ever have a reason to have a problem with him doing this. Like what happened a year ago never happened.

Would I have realized sooner that I was his second choice if Jerica were around and we were interacting with her more? Would Alek and I have gotten together in the first place?

I hate that I'm questioning every moment of our relationship now because a lot of the time, I was happy.

My eyes are open now, and it's like the entire foundation we have built it on is a giant lie.

There's a part of my soul that tears off and withers to dust at the thought, leaving the jagged, sharp edges of the other parts behind.

If one gets too close, they're liable to feel the stinging slices of my broken soul.

My thoughts are a splintered mess as I climb from the bed and grab some clothes from the dresser. Alek is so busy listening to David on the phone and packing a duffel bag that I've become a mere afterthought.

I stumble, my knees hitching, and I catch myself on the dresser as I glimpse what my future will look like if I stay.

Inside my chest, my heart thuds dully as I watch my love in the mirror through empty eyes, as he laughs and carries on with his best friend while getting ready to leave me to go to her.

The one he wishes I were. His first choice. His ugly truth.

I've turned so far into myself that when his hand touches my shoulder, he startles me so badly my body jerks and slams into the dresser hard.

"Fuck, baby girl. Are you okay? Let me see."

Jerking away from him, I smile tightly, hoping he ignores the wetness in my eyes. "I'm good. Just a bump." My eyes fall to the duffel sitting on the bed, and the fake smile fades. "So, you're going to Jerica then."

He leans back and stares at me with furrowed brows. "I'm going with David to help her move."

"Back here?"

"Yes," he replies sharply.

The more we speak, the cooler my body gets until I'm fighting the chattering of my teeth. "What is it about you and her, Alek?"

Alek steps back and holds himself rigidly. "What are you talking about, Vin? She's my best friend's sister."

"God, Alek. I don't know who you're trying to fool. Me or you. I honestly think it's both of us, and it makes me so angry at you."

"I don't have time for this ridiculous shit, Hayvin. David is on his way over here. I don't know what happened between last night and right now, but I don't enjoy seeing you like this."

I scoff, and his brows snap together at a sound he's rarely heard from me.

"You don't enjoy seeing me like this, Alek, but you're the reason I am like this.

When we got together, I was upfront with you.

I told you from the very beginning what I wanted for my future, and you fucking accepted that.

You accepted that and chased me until I gave in.

You knew I wanted it all. Love, marriage, babies.

I never hid that from you. So, when you came after me and fought for a relationship, I took that as you being on the same page.

As you wanting the same things as I did.

" I swipe at the tears that drip from my eyes. "But you fooled us both."

His face softens, and there's something in his eyes that I want to believe, but after everything I've witnessed, I no longer have it in me to.

Alek cups my cheeks in his hands. "Baby girl. No. I want you. I have from the moment I laid eyes on you. You stole my breath, and you keep stealing it every day. I don't know where all of this is coming from. What's going on, Vin? Where's your head at?"

"I love you, Alek."

God, if the situation wasn't so fucking sad, I'd probably laugh at how fast he drops his hands and steps away.

And I do laugh, but it's broken, and it's full of pain and tears.

"Three years. I've given you three years of my life, Alek.

I've loved you for two and a half of them.

It was something I knew you weren't ready to hear, so I kept it to myself, but if after three years you don't love me, then I'm doing nothing but wasting my time and my future. "

"We'll talk when I get back."

"There's no point in it. There's nothing left to say."

Alek takes a step toward me, but this time, it's me who steps away. "I don't accept that."

"What happens now that Jerica is finally free and moving back to Granite Bay?" I ask quietly, crossing my arms over myself.

He doesn't say anything, only staring at me through those eyes of his that I once thought were the most beautiful things in the world.

My chin trembles as I stare back at him and smile sadly.

"Yeah, I thought so." I work my jaw back and forth as I fight the tears that fill my eyes.

"You're fucking selfish, Alek. Three years ago, you made me your second choice, knowing you'd never give me what I wanted.

That was never fair to me. All I ever wanted from you was to be loved by you.

I wanted to be your one and only, Alek, not your just because. "

He growls and runs his fingers through his hair. "This is ridiculous, Hayvin."

He paces back and forth in front of me, and I can tell from the way he opens and closes his hands that he's fighting his need to reach out to me. Alek has to touch me. It's his thing, and it's killing him that I'm not letting him do that.

Alek pulls his phone from his pocket when it goes off, and his fingers fly over the screen, replying to whoever it is.

Probably fucking Jerica, exclaiming how she's sooo happy that he's coming to help her move.

"David's almost here," he tells me, shoving his phone in his pocket and stopping in front of me. "We will talk when I get back home." He leans in to kiss me, but I turn my head. There's no way I can stomach it, knowing that he's going to her after leaving here.

With a sigh, he grasps my chin, holding me in place, and stares down at me. "You're killing me, baby girl."

"Then it looks like we're both dying, Hot Shot," I reply in a monotone, pulling away from him. I grab his bag and hand it to him. "You'd better go on. Wouldn't want you to miss this special reunion, now would we?"

He sighs, ignoring me, grabs the duffel, and heads into the living room, knowing I'll follow. "I'll call when we get there," he says, moving toward the door.

"Alek," I call out, my voice breaking. He turns to me, and I do pretty well at pretending I don't see the hope in his eyes.

"If I asked you to stay here, would you do it?

Would you stay with me? Because we are not okay, Alek.

We are so far from it. So, tell me. If I asked you to stay, would you do it? "

I can see the struggle in his eyes, and I know the answer before he even opens his mouth. "That's not fair, Hayvin. David is my best friend," he replies gruffly.

I shake my head and smile sadly. "Yeah, but it's not David you're seeing, is it?" A horn blares outside. "Your ride is here." I take several seconds to memorize the face I've fallen for. "Have a safe trip. Goodbye, Alek."

He’s so distracted by David that he misses the meaning in my words.

"We'll talk when I get back, baby girl," he says before pulling the door shut behind him.

As soon as he's gone, I grab my phone and call Everleigh, my best friend, and I fill her in on what happened and what I need from her. Like I knew she would, she reassures me she'll be here shortly, and I pack as soon as we hang up.

I'm on autopilot, forcing myself not to think. If I let myself dwell on it, I'll end up curled up in a ball when she arrives, unable to leave. I have to be out before Alek comes home.

Clothes. Bag. Zip.

Shoes. Bag. Zip.

Makeup. Bag. Zip.

I keep packing until the bed is stacked with every bag I brought six months ago. Only as I zip the last one do I look around at what my life has become.

A bunch of packed bags on a bed that I used to share with a man who's in love with someone else.

The thought, for some reason, makes me laugh.

And laugh.

And laugh.

Until those laughs crack apart, turning into sobs that fold me inwards. I can barely breathe through the ache.

Then Ever's arms wrap around me, and my best friend holds me together while I break apart. When my shaking stops, she pulls away and peers down at me. "What do you need?"

"Out of here."

"Then let's blow this joint, toots."

On the way to Everleigh's, I text Charlie to let her know what's going on, but I ask her not to mention anything to him until he gets back.

The only thing I want is to make a clean break.

I deserve that much after being strung along for three freaking years.

When she agrees, I finally relax and rest my head against the window, watching the scenery roll past.

I wish I could say that if I'd known this would be my ending when I met Alek, I would have walked away.

It'd be nice to think I was strong enough to do that then.

Truth is, I was so infatuated from the start that I overlooked anything that might ruin our life together.

I know that puts blame on me for something that's not really my fault.

Sure, I could have opened my eyes more, but Alek never treated me differently unless Jerica was there.

That's hard to judge when we only saw her twice in three years.

Blowing hot air against the window, I draw a broken heart and then erase it.

But now, I’ve found the courage to put myself first, which is what I should have done all along. If he can’t love me, then I’ll love myself with the same fierce devotion.