Chapter 6 Friendly Snakes and Obtuse Realizations #2
Jerica’s trembling finally fades, and I sense her courage rising. Before my smirk gets the chance to fully form, my body goes numb, and a chill shoots through me as she turns and presses her lips to mine.
I feel trapped, heavy as if chained, unable to move, as shock floods me. The kiss lasts only seconds, but it stretches into what feels like hours before Jerica pulls away, realizing I haven’t responded.
Her eyes plead with me to play the game with her, and despite the fucking anger I feel, I go along with whatever she's got planned.
A jagged pain rockets through my jaw from clenching my teeth so hard, pulsing into a relentless ache that burrows behind my eyes.
"Please," she whispers. "Just play along. I can't let him see how much he's hurt me."
A wild urge claws at me to just walk away and run home to Hayvin, but loyalty to David and Jerica is stitched too deeply in my bones. I’ve never abandoned them, and I won’t start now, even as every part of me screams to leave.
Jerica spins to face Reggie, then slips back beside me.
When I try to pull my arm away, her trembling hand clings to mine, and that small quake makes me sigh and let it stay.
I bury my feelings deep, determined not to let Reggie see how much I want to be anywhere but here, and force out the cocky smirk I wore like armor back in college.
"No, babe. You didn't know you'd eventually see this day. You really are a fool if you think I'm going to let you use that as an excuse to fuck Erin," Jerica says.
Reggie's eyes go wide, his face draining of color. His mouth opens and shuts, wordless, like a fish gasping on dry land.
"Oh, there's no sense in trying to use the lame excuses or convenient denials. It's pretty hard to deny something that you hear fucking happening in real time."
"What?" he whispers.
Jerica's laugh is so sharp I'm surprised I don't see little slices against Reggie's skin.
"How cute. Your mistress didn't tell you she called me right before you fucked her.
For an hour, Reg. I had to listen to you to fuck her for a whole damn hour.
Each grunt from you and breathless cry from her are permanently burned into my brain.
Thankfully, they also killed the love I've had for you for the last five and a half years.
" She tilts her head and gives a taunting little laugh.
"You're right, though. If I wanted to be with someone else, I could tell you, so Reggie, darling, this is me telling you.
Go fuck yourself, because I sure as hell won't be doing it anymore. "
"Guess it's a good thing J and I already brought out the last of the boxes," David says under his breath.
A cruel smile twists across Reggie's face, a silent warning that whatever comes next will be poison.
"Maybe I'll give Hayvin a call. I'm sure she'll need a shoulder to cry on when she realizes you finally got the one you wanted. Second place sure sucks. Don't worry, Alek. I'll make sure she gets to experience being put first."
The hotter my anger burns, the colder I get.
His words echo too close to Hayvin’s and David’s, but they shatter against the ice I’ve built around myself.
I let a slow, dangerous smile curl my lips.
"Good thing Hayvin always knows what it means to come first. I’d hate for her to be bothered by someone like you. "
Reggie chuckles and folds his arms across his chest. "I see.
You know, for such a smart guy, you really are a fucking stupid one.
I'm one too, so it's easy to recognize another.
I have no excuse for what I did, and I won't try to make any.
I fucked up, and Jerica is the one who's going to pay the price for it.
Seems Hayvin is going to be paying for yours.
You're comforting my woman, so it's only right that I go comfort yours.
Because something tells me you leaving her for Jerica won't be a choice she'll forgive you for.
I might as well go set the rest of our lives on fire, yeah?
" He drops his arms and turns toward Jerica.
"Believe it or not, I really do love you, and I am sorry.
You never deserved it, and I'll never be able to give you a good enough reason for doing it.
Take all the time you need to finish up.
I won't get in the way, and I won't fight you over anything.
" And then the motherfucker's eyes come back to me.
"Seems I'm going to be busy. I need to go offer comfort to someone else who's always been second.
Just so you know, what you two are doing doesn't make you any better than me. "
As he heads for his car, the world blurs into a smear of red on our messy real-life canvas. My heart hammers while his words loop endlessly in my mind.
You're comforting my woman, so it's only right that I go comfort yours.
I'm sure she'll need a shoulder to cry on when she realizes you finally got the one you wanted.
You're comforting my woman.
Right before he gets in, he glances up at me. "You came here too fast, so I know you didn't break it off with Hayvin. Have you tried calling her? Because I bet she doesn't answer. If she were smart, she'd be doing the same thing that J is doing now. Getting the fuck out."
I stand rooted, watching him drive off, his words landing exactly where he aimed. Dread crashes over me, and I’m mentally scrambling for a life jacket, lost in waters I’ve never swum before.
There’s no way in hell his words are true. He’s just trying to dig under my skin, convinced there’s more between me and Jerica than ever existed. Their pain from Reggie’s betrayal is a storm, and they’re dragging me into the chaos. I want no part of it.
Have you tried calling her? Because I bet she doesn't answer.
A guess. It's only a guess. He can't know that I've not been able to reach her. She's just angry and hurt. I screwed up. I recognize that now. Hayvin knows I'd eventually see it, too. It's why she agreed when I said we'd talk when I got back home.
My brain slows down and latches onto that thought as it travels back to the fight we had before I left.
She agreed, right?
Our words replay in my mind, a volatile soundtrack on repeat as I search for the moment I need.
Each painful lyric spills from the ghosts of us, tightening my ribs and blooming a heavy ache in my chest when I realize she never actually agreed.
I heard what I wanted, not what she said.
I spoke when I should have listened. I left when I should have stayed.
My thoughts splinter and scatter as Jerica pulls away and softly calls my name. Her warm hand brushes my cold cheek, and I recoil with a sound of disgust. "Are we done? Can we get the hell out of here? I need to get home to Hayvin."
"Alek, we should talk about this. Especially the kiss," Jerica says.
"No, Jerica, we most definitely do not need to talk about it because there is nothing to talk about.
You kissed me, and I didn't respond. You needed my help, and I gave it.
End of. You're a good friend, and David is my best friend.
I care a fuck ton about y'all, but right now, I really want to get home to my woman because I fucked up with her and need to fix it.
So this conversation you want to have about something that means absolute shit isn't on my priority list."
I turn and walk off, but the sound of her footsteps chasing me makes my jaw clench tight.
"How can you say it means absolute shit?" She asks.
"Because for me, it does. You needed to do it to get your mark against him, but that wasn't a game I agreed to. So, it was a game I didn't respond to. It was just something I let play out, so you didn't get hurt any more than you already were."
"But you used to feel something," she argues.
"And I haven’t since that weekend." A bitter laugh slips out before I can stop it. "It’s wild that it took all this and my fight with Hayvin to realize I don’t think I ever really did. So, can you please let this fucking go so I can get back to Vin?"
"But Alek—"
"Erica, that's fucking enough," David snaps. "Have some goddamn respect for yourself and for his relationship. Create your chaos somewhere else, kid."
Her face pales, and she nods. "You're right." She then turns to me. "I'm sorry."
I nod, and she walks off before I get the chance to say anything else. David tells me he's going to get Jerica out of the door so we can get on the road, so I head out to the truck.
Leaning against the truck, I pull out my phone, my gaze drawn to the photo on my home screen.
Warmth floods my chest, longing surging through me.
Hayvin sits naked in the center of our bed, a sheet clutched to her chest, glancing over her shoulder with a soft look and a goofy grin.
But it’s her eyes that hold me captive. Now I get why I love this picture so much.
Those eyes are pure love, and they've always been for me.
Was I really so blind, or did I just refuse to see it because I was too scared to face the truth?
With a sigh, I press the call icon next to her name, expecting to hear it ring in my ear. What I got was a message telling me the person I'm trying to reach is unavailable. There's no way. Absolutely, no way she's got me blocked.
I try again.
And again.
And again.
Only to realize my woman has actually blocked me out of her life.
My pulse thunders in my ears, vision blurring as Reggie’s words echo like a curse. I hurl my phone to the concrete, watching it explode into a thousand shards that mirror my wrecked life.
The full weight of my screw-up crashes down on me.
I could lose Hayvin if I don't get home to fix this.
I clutch my head and unleash a raw, guttural roar.
Hayvin was never my second choice. No one could ever compare to her, and knowing I made her doubt that for three years cracks something deep inside me. I spent so long guarding myself from the pain of love that I ended up wounding the one person who deserved it least.
The irony is, no matter how far I ran or how much distance I tried to put between Hayvin and me, love still found us. And when it finally surfaced, so did all the scars I left trying to keep it away.
Whoever said love was easy is a goddamn fool.
It's wild and tempestuous, sweeping you up in its chaos and tossing you toward an unknown shore.
It’s wicked red drops seeping from the cuts you get when you stray too close to its sharp edges.
It’s sunshine and fucking rainbows tangled with the crackling skies of a stormy night.
Love is your greatest strength, but also your ultimate weakness.
It's your biggest win, but it can also be your most profound failure.
It builds relationships, then torpedoes through them, leaving you standing in the ashes where hearts used to beat.
Love isn't easy. It's fucking ruthless.
But it can also be gentle and peaceful.
Love looks like Hayvin, and it guts me to know I was so willfully blind to it.