Chapter 11 Well, Hello, Mr. Fighter Pilot #2
My mouth pulls to the side. “They all got really close over the years, but as far as I know, Alek and Jerica never crossed that line, even though he wanted to. If I’d realized just how much he wanted to before we got together, I wouldn’t be in this mess.
I was blind—willfully, maybe—because I was so in love with him.
” I pause as Titan winces, letting the sting of my words settle before I go on.
“Maybe I just didn’t want to admit it. Because if I did, it meant I was never anyone’s first choice.
Again.” I whisper the last word, sure he’ll understand.
He flinches, but I can’t blame him for chasing his dreams. Looking back, it was selfish to want him to pick me over his future. We were just kids, and I was hopelessly in love.
“You know it’s not the same, love bug,” he says quietly.
“No. I know, and that’s not fair to you, so I’m sorry.
It doesn’t help the way I feel, though, Tan.
With you, it seemed like I came second to your military career.
With Alek, I was constantly coming second to a woman.
The only time anyone ever put me first was if I did it.
” I reach over and rest my hand on top of his clenched fist. “Look. I’m not saying any of this to hurt you or take jabs.
You’re the one who wanted to talk about this shit, so I’m laying it all out for you.
Your choice, I understood. It was your career, ya know.
Your dream.” My smile is wistful as I recall the excitement that would thrum through his body whenever he started talking about joining the Air Force to become a fighter pilot.
“I begged you not to join. God, no matter how unfair it was at the moment, I’d have given anything for you to choose another career and pick me.
The truth was, I really wasn’t ever going to stand in front of your dream, Titan, but I didn’t know how to be a part of it.
No matter how much I loved you, it wasn’t the future I wanted.
We both knew that. Your choice was inevitable because this—who you are right now—this is who you were meant to be.
So, for you and me, it wasn’t ever really a choice, you know?
But for Alek?” The laugh I let out is so full of bitterness that even I flinch.
“He had a choice from the moment we got together. He got into a relationship with me, promising me a future, knowing his heart would never be in it because it belonged somewhere else.”
“What happened?” he asks gruffly.
I sigh. “The same thing that happens every time something goes wrong between us. Jerica. Well, I mean, she can’t happen without Alek allowing her to happen, but she’s the catalyst, I guess you could say. She’s the constant.”
“Right. So, what made this time different, Vinnie? What made this time your tipping point?”
This is where I falter, afraid my honesty might wound Titan. No matter how things ended, he’s someone I once loved deeply, and I could never hurt him on purpose.
Maybe that’s why it stings so much that Alek could.
Unfortunately, Titan can still read me just as well as he used to when we were kids because he blows out a breath and leans back in his chair. “Right. Let me guess. You told him you loved him, and he said nothing back.”
“Let’s get him a cookie, folks,” I mutter.
He reaches over and snatches my chin between his fingers so quickly that I don’t have time to react.
“Don’t. Don’t do that. Don’t let him make you bitter, Vinnie.
You didn’t let me, and we were just as real.
Don’t let him either. Neither of us is worth changing who you are.
Embrace the pain you feel. Own that shit, love bug.
Wear it with pride, make it a part of your story, but never let it fucking change you. ”
Before I can answer, the doorbell rings again, and a wave of dread crashes over me.
Titan releases me, and I force myself to stand, my legs heavy as stone, as I trudge to the door. Whoever waits on the other side—I’m not sure I want to face them, not with the warning bells clanging in my gut.
The warmth of Titan at my back reminds me that, whatever happens, I won’t have to face it alone.
You’d think after what happened earlier, I’d finally learn to use the peephole, but of course I don’t. Instead, I swing open the door and get ambushed by my second shock of the day. Reggie, looking like he’s been dragged through hell, slumped on my doorstep.
Every instinct screams at me to slam the door in his face. I don’t trust him, not his presence, not whatever reason dragged him here.
Titan’s fingers graze the bare skin where my shirt has ridden up, a silent reminder that he’s right beside me. I inhale, steady myself, and try to look like I haven’t just been knocked off balance.
“Reggie.” I clear my throat. “This is a surprise. What can I help you with?”
He lifts a hand to the back of his neck, his eyes flashing to Titan before coming to me. “Do you have a minute?”
Some twisted empathy tugs at me. He’s hurting too, I can see it. So, I force myself to open the door wider and step aside, letting him in even though every part of me wants to bolt it shut.
How the hell did he find out where I live?
“Um..so, yeah. Ugh, you’re actually pretty easy to find online.”
Shit. I said that out loud again.
Neither of us seems to know how to behave around the other. We stand in my foyer, avoiding eye contact until Titan places a hand on my shoulder and gives it a comforting squeeze.
Blowing out a quiet breath, I lift my chin and finally face my unwanted and unexpected guest. “Not to be rude or anything, but why are you here, Reggie?”
Reggie scrubs his hands down his face before answering.
“Look. There’s never going to be an easy way to break this shit to someone, so I’m just going out with it.
Alek is cheating on you with Jerica. They were kissing each other at our house a while ago.
” He shakes his head with a bitter laugh.
“I’m not even telling you to be a good guy because I’m not one of those.
You deserve to know, that’s true, but I’m telling you because I’m fucking selfish and I promised both of them I’d burned their worlds too after having to constantly watch this shit between them. ”
His words are daggers, sharp and merciless, slicing straight through my heart. I stagger back, breathless, as invisible wounds flood my chest and threaten to drown me.
Reggie stalks the foyer, his voice rising with every word, oblivious to the wreckage he’s leaving behind in someone already shattered.
“Year after year, I had to watch their friendship. She never wanted him like that, at least that’s what she always said, but I always had my doubts. Guess I was right, huh? That kiss proved me right.”
Titan gathers my shaking body into his arms, shielding me against his chest. But I’m so numb, I can’t even feel the warmth he’s offering.
Cold.
I’m so fucking cold.
“That’s enough, dude. You’ve got five seconds to get your sorry fucking ass out of her goddamn house, before I make you get out. And I promise you, you don’t want me to do that,” Titan tells Reggie.
I’m shocked anything could cut through Reggie’s furious tirade, but apparently, the threat of someone even angrier, with violence simmering in his voice, does the trick.
Alek kissed Jerica.
It’s not like I didn’t see it coming when he walked out to be with her, but hearing it confirmed snuffs out something inside me. That last flicker of hope that maybe he loved me, that maybe I wasn’t just a stand-in, is gone.
God. I’m such a fucking fool.
The moment the front door slams, a sob rips out of me. I bite down on my fist, desperate to dam the pain, but it’s useless. The grief comes in waves, each one crashing harder than the last.
And then another.
And another.
Titan pulls me down to the foyer floor, wrapping me in a fierce embrace as I finally let go of all the agony from a love that only ever left scars.
“That’s it, love bug,” he croons. “Let your pain out. I’ve got you. I’ve always got you.”
“Why was I not enough for him, Tan? Why couldn’t I be enough for either of you? What is so wrong with me that nobody can ever choose me first?” I cry.
His body jerks under mine. Then he’s spitting out a curse before I’m being jostled around until I’m facing him.
He lifts his hands to my cheeks, brushing away my tears and smiling sadly at me.
“Don’t put that burden on yourself, Hayvin.
There’s nothing wrong with you. There never was.
Only me. It’s just that in my head, my career made me man enough for you, ya know?
It’s fucked up thinking, but it’s the way my dad raised me.
So, in my head, choosing my career was choosing you.
Even after you warned me. By then, it was too late.
I’d already lost the best thing that ever happened to me.
As for him, I can’t speak for him, but I will tell you, he’s one of the stupidest fucking people in this world.
You, Hayvin Marie, are the most precious fucking diamond, and if he can’t see that, then that’s his problem.
That doesn’t reflect on you. I’ve had you, love bug.
I know what was in his hands. So, trust me when I say that whoever this Jerica girl is, there’s no way in hell she’ll ever compare to you.
No one ever could. You’re smart and beautiful.
You’re kind and caring. You love deeply and you love fucking fiercely.
And when that love is aimed at someone, whether it’s a partner or a friend, they’re the luckiest sons-of-bitches in the damn universe because you’re that special, Hayvin, and I hate that this has made you question that. ”
In an attempt to calm me down, he brushes a soft kiss across my lips before gently leading my head back to his chest.
I lose track of time in his arms, my sobs fading to quiet sniffles. His words echo in my mind, shifting how I see myself, how I see all of us.
“Vinnie?” he calls softly.
“Yeah?”
“If you love Alek as much as I feel you do, watch his actions. Leigh has told me a little about him, and I don’t know…I just…” he blows out a breath. “There’s this feeling that it’s not all black and white, and something tells me he’s in love with a woman and it ain’t her.”
I try to wiggle from his lap, but he tightens his hold.
“Just stop and listen for a minute. I’m not saying forgive him because I don’t know what all you’ve been through.
I don’t know what he’s done and what he hasn’t.
What I’m saying is that now that y’all are over, watch.
You’re great at observation, babe. Use it when you see him.
He needs to be the one to confess to you about the kiss if you actually mean anything to him because, if not, it’s always going to be there in the back of your mind. ”
Lifting my head, I peer up at him. “You know, we were already split up. In my head, anyway. So, does that mean he cheated? Or is that a gray area?”
Titan brushes hair from my face. “I think that’s up to you to determine.”
I crinkle my nose, not really wanting to face any of this anymore right now. “Yeah.”
He tweaks my nose. “Look at the bright side. You got some shit you can write about.”
Laughing softly, I climb from his lap with his help. “I think people will eventually tire of receiving nothing but heartbreak stuff from me.”
“Hey. Heartbreak shit sells.”
“That it does, my friend. That it does,” I say, pretending I don’t notice the way he winces when I call him my friend.
We drift back to the kitchen and sip our cold coffee. Before long, Titan adds his new number to my phone and makes me promise to call if I need him. It’s comforting, having this piece of our old friendship back, something I didn’t realize I’d missed until now.
Will this last? I have no idea. Only time will tell, and only if it feels right, only if no one gets hurt.
Lyrics clamor in my mind, desperate for release, so I surrender and race to my writing space, ready to let them pour out of me.
Your kiss is like poison
A toxin on my lips
Venom in my blood
Vengeance in my soul
A lover singed
A woman scorned
Hells unleashed
Fury unfolds
Oh, Alek.
Alek, Alek, Alek.
What’s your next move?