Chapter 14 Love Makes Us Stupid
Love Makes Us Stupid
Hayvin
My pen cap taps a restless rhythm on the blank page, my thoughts wandering far from the words I should be writing.
I’m supposed to be working on my next song, but Alek and Jerica’s diner showdown keeps replaying in my head, stubborn as a catchy chorus.
It’s maddening, this inability to focus.
Of all the things I could be thinking about, those two are dead last, yet his words echo in my mind, refusing to fade.
“I have to make sure that Hayvin never has a reason to doubt what I feel for her again. I need to make sure she knows she’s my first choice. I need her to know that she’s it for me. And I can’t do that by being friends with you.”
His words jolted me, but I couldn’t quite trust them. Not at first. Then Jerica said he was choosing me over her. I thought I heard jealousy in her voice, but the longer I sat with it, the clearer it became.
It wasn’t jealousy or anger at all. It was curiosity, and a hint of ‘finally’ in her tone that caught me completely off guard.
I nearly missed his reply that day, but the world seemed to hush around us, as if fate wanted me to hear every word.
“And I always will. I’ll choose her over anyone.”
For the first time since he entered my life, he’s actually ended things with her. That’s no small thing. Still, why did he wait until I was gone to finally act?
We’re just friends is all I ever heard.
Maybe they really were just friends, but he never missed a chance to use her as a shield, keeping me at arm’s length even while pretending I was his oxygen.
Of course, I’m the fool in love who let him get away with it for three years. That’s on me.
Our relationship was a parade of red flags.
Why did I let those warnings blur into the background? Why did I settle for scraps when I knew I deserved more?
Because I love his stupid ass and love has a way of making fools out of all of us.
Love is beautiful, but it knows exactly how to hurt you the most.
Those red flags make it nearly impossible to trust the words I overheard. They sound lovely, the kind of thing I always wanted, but I just can’t believe them.
I’m just so tired, and honestly, it feels like the moment for us has already passed.
Especially when I replay all those glaring warning signs, probably glowing in neon above his head the whole time.
How I’ve never been to any of his work functions. How we never hang out with any of his friends except Charlie, Keaton, Amelia, or David. How in the three years we’ve been together, he still can’t say I love you back.
And that’s just what comes to mind right now. If I really sat down and made a list, I’d probably fill a notebook.
A text notification jolts me out of thoughts I’d rather not be having in the first place.
I stare at Titan’s message inviting me to lunch, chewing my lip as I weigh the offer.
Honestly, it’s probably a terrible idea. He’s still annoyingly attractive, and I’m a mess. I haven’t wanted Titan in ages, but right now, he looks like the easiest comfort.
Or maybe just revenge.
Either way, he isn’t the one I want, and dragging us both back into the past wouldn’t be fair.
I exit his message and open a chat with his sister. Normally, I’d call for something this big, but she’s at work, so texting will have to do.
ME
Your brother asked me out to lunch.
Just as I’m about to put my phone down, not expecting a reply so quickly, it goes off in my hand.
EVIE
Like a date?
ME
I don’t freaking know. He just asked me to go to lunch. He didn’t clarify it in any way.
EVIE
What do you want to do?
ME
Not make a stupid mistake and your brother would be a HUGE one.
EVIE
Would he?
ME
Wtf? You know he would. Me and him aren’t the end game.
EVIE
Ain’t no reason you couldn’t play a round or two though.
ME
LEIGH! Not fucking helping!
She doesn’t answer right away, so I try to write, but my thoughts keep circling back, making it impossible to get anything down that isn’t garbage.
With a frustrated growl, I hurl my pen across the room and rake my fingers through my hair.
What’s going to happen with Alek and Jerica now? Their friendship runs so deep, I can’t trust that this new distance will actually stick.
Most days, I try hard not to think about Alek, but he’s never really far from my mind.
I’ve never been one of those people who could ever just cut someone from my heart, and I’ve always given people more chances than they deserve.
But I like to hope people can grow. That they can learn from their mistakes and be better.
That they can do better. Shoot, look at how long I put up with the situation with Alek.
Some might call me weak or a doormat, but that’s not it.
I just have a higher threshold for bullshit before I finally say enough.
I reached that point when Alek left with David for Jerica’s instead of staying to fix us.
After that, I couldn’t find a single thing worth fighting for, and the longer we’re apart, the more amazed I am that we lasted as long as we did.
What was really holding us together besides my love for him?
There were moments when his eyes told me everything, when his touch said what his mouth wouldn’t.
Alone, I never doubted us. He made me feel cherished.
But then I’d catch fear flickering in his gaze, and suddenly Jerica would be there, pushing me back to second place.
Honestly, it was exhausting. For once, I needed to hear him say those words.
So when he was about to leave me for her, I said them first, hoping he’d finally be ready.
The fear in his eyes told me everything.
He wasn’t ready, and maybe he never would be.
Not with Jerica still around. Sometimes I wondered if he kept her close just to keep me at a distance, but I didn’t want to believe he could be that cruel.
I loved him without conditions. I let him stay friends with the one person that he used to hurt me most, never asking for more than he could give. Nothing.
No matter what I did, it was never enough. Not until he realized where he went wrong. Not until he saw that I should have been his priority.
My phone goes off with a message, pulling me from my thoughts.
EVIE
Sorry. Had a patient. Look, babe. Just do whatever your heart tells you to do.
ME
No. I don’t want to listen to my heart.
EVIE
{Rolling eye emoji} Then listen to your head. Better yet, listen to your vagina. She’ll know what she wants.
ME
Again. Not helping. That bitch is liable to get me in even more of a predicament.
EVIE
Look. You’re single, baby cakes. You don’t answer to anyone.
If you don’t want to go to lunch with my brother, don’t.
Truly, no sweat off my back. If you want to, if you want to do it as friends or just to see if maybe something is still there, then go for it.
The important thing is that it’s YOUR decision.
ME
Thanks for saving the day with your wisdom. You’re right. I won’t be doing anything wrong, and I think that’s where I was stuck. Love you, babe.
EVIE
Back at you. Enjoy your lunch. Maybe you’ll stuff yourself full. {Winking emoji}
I snort at her innuendo, shake my head, and switch over to Titan’s chat. I tell him I’ll meet him, but this is just lunch between friends. When he replies he’ll see me in thirty minutes, I get up to get ready.
It might not be a date, but I refuse to look like a train wreck in public.
You never know who you’ll run into, and I refuse to let Alek or Jerica see me looking like his betrayal shattered me.
***
Thirty minutes later, I step into the restaurant, where mouthwatering aromas swirl around me, tugging me deeper inside.
I weave through the maze of tables, eyes scanning for my lunch date, while servers glide past, balancing mountains of food overhead like circus performers.
I can’t help but admire their effortless strength, not a single tremor betraying the weight they carry.
It fascinates me, though I’d bet good money these servers aren’t paid nearly enough to put up with the assholes they must face every single day.
Most people, I’ve decided, are allergic to kindness. Even when it’s served up all around them.
At last, I catch sight of Titan tucked away at the back. He rises with a grin, and when I reach him, his arms fold around me, wrapping me in warmth. For a fleeting moment, I remember how effortless everything once felt with him—a memory I haven’t let myself touch in ages.
But that’s not a place I want my mind wandering today. I give him a quick pat on the back and slip free, sliding into the booth across from him.
When the server arrives, I order a lemon water and grilled chicken salad, my appetite barely a whisper. Titan, on the other hand, goes all in with steak, a loaded baked potato, house salad, and whatever beer is on tap.
I lift my brow at him, and he shrugs.
“One won’t hurt anything with me eating. It’ll have burned through my system by the time we head out of here, anyway.”
An awkward silence stretches between us, so different from the easy quiet we shared at my house. I fidget, eyes darting everywhere but to him.
“What’s going on with you?” he asks, pulling my attention back to him.
“Nothing. Why?”
“You’re uncomfortable.”
I sigh, sinking into my seat and hiding behind my hands. But Titan won’t let me disappear. He gently pulls my hands away, as if reminding me I can’t escape him that easily.
“What’s this, Vinnie? Why are you hiding from me, love bug?”
“Truth?”
“Fucking, duh, babe.”
“I freaked out about coming today.”
“Why?”
Before I can answer, movement across the restaurant snags my attention.
Alek is seated with David, deep in conversation.
A few tables over, Jerica sits with another man, tension practically crackling between them.
My gaze drifts back to Alek, replaying the words I overheard him say to her, as if they’re echoing in my head.