Chapter 19 Paradox of You
Paradox of You
Hayvin
Titan messaged just moments ago that they’re almost here. I snatch up my black clutch, perfectly matched to my dress, and double-check that I have everything I need.
I step in front of the floor-length mirror in my entryway, letting my gaze travel over my reflection and soaking in a rare surge of confidence.
This red silk dress is easily the boldest thing I’ve ever dared to wear to one of these ceremonies.
Spaghetti-thin straps melt into a plunging v-shape just below my chest. Pasties and boob tape are my secret weapons, keeping the dress in place so I don’t end up flashing not just the room, but the whole world watching online.
With every step, the high slits reveal flashes of bare leg and the glint of my gold, strappy four-inch heels winding around my ankles. The back plunges into another v, stopping just above my ass and leaving my back deliciously bare.
I’ve twisted my hair into a messy updo, letting a few rebellious tendrils frame my face.
I run my middle finger over my lips, testing the lipstick’s staying power, and catch my own smirk in the mirror.
Eat your heart out, boys.
Mostly Alek.
That ass can eat his heart out. Hell, I’ll feed the darn thing to him.
Not that he’ll ever catch me looking like an absolute goddess. He’d have to actually care about what matters to me for that to happen.
You know, like my career.
I lock up and perch on the porch, killing time with a scroll through social media. After a few likes and comments, I force myself to close the app before I do something reckless, like unblocking Alek just to lurk.
Nothing good ever comes from that. Just another reminder of how little I meant to him.
A sleek black limo with windows tinted darker than midnight glides up to my curb, and I can’t help but smile, remembering Titan’s promise.
I’m nearing the limo when the back door opens, and Titan climbs out.
My eyes roll over him, taking in his golden-tanned skin covered in a sharp black-and-white tux. A red silk square matching my dress is folded into his jacket pocket.
His crew cut is a little tousled, and his face is smoother than I remember from our last meeting.
Bright flashes of color peek from beneath his clothes, teasing the tattoos he’s collected since we dated. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t dying to see what stories they tell.
What secrets do those tattoos hold about his life since we split? With Tan, every inked line means something.
Titan holds his hand out to me with a shining smile. “You look a vision, love bug.”
“Why, thank you, sir,” I reply, sliding my hand into his. “You look pretty good yourself.”
He winks and guides me into the limo, where Everleigh is waiting.
She looks absolutely stunning, and her dress is guaranteed to get people talking. Everleigh set out to make a statement, and she’s nailing it.
Deep cleavage peeps out of the top of her strapless dress, showing off the creative canvas her chest has become.
Deep red fabric, overlaid with black lace embroidered with flowers, hugs her curves and glows against her golden skin. Sheer black lace falls from under her chest to the floor, revealing her tattooed legs beneath. Only a line of embroidered circles keeps her from baring it all.
It’s a gorgeous, fearless look, and I’m dying to see the reactions she’ll spark tonight.
She’s paired it with black open-toed heels that show off the sterling silver ankle bracelet glinting against her tan skin.
Her hair mirrors mine in a messy updo, but while I went for a smoky, natural makeup look, Everleigh’s face is bare except for a slick of shiny lip gloss.
This girl is ready to absolutely slay tonight, and if I didn’t hate Grimm for hurting her, I’d almost pity the fucker.
“Looking delicious, baby cakes,” Everleigh says, smiling brightly.
I’m relieved to see her smile is real this time, not the forced one she wore yesterday.
“You’re on fire, babe,” I reply, carefully settling back into the seat.
Titan pours me champagne, and for the next twenty minutes, we fill the limo with light chatter. None of us wants to touch anything heavy because I need my head clear when we arrive.
My nerves tangle tighter as we near the venue. I’ve dreamed of this kind of recognition, but nothing compares to Songwriter of the Year. This is huge, and all eyes will be on me.
I hate being the center of attention.
As soon as we round the block, we stop in the long line of limos waiting to unload their passengers.
Every few seconds, bursts of light explode across the sprawling, jam-packed sidewalks. Fans’ muffled shouts and ecstatic screams ripple through the air, making me grin and shake my head in sheer wonder.
Titan’s warm hand lands heavily against my bouncing knee. “You got this, love bug.” He squeezes gently. “Remember that you deserve this. So when you slide these sinful legs out of this vehicle, you own the hell out of that walkway and these cameras.”
Everleigh reaches across and slides her fingers between mine. “We got you, Vin. It’s your time to shine. You go set those cameras on fire.”
As we approach the entrance, I close my eyes and take a deep breath. They wait for me to gather myself, and when I give them a nod, Titan taps his knuckles against the window to let the attendant know we’re ready.
Titan steps into the frenzy of screams, flashing me an encouraging smile as he extends his hand.
“You’re fucking amazing, Vinnie. Get out there and let the world see it,” Everleigh coaxes.
“Love you,” I tell her.
“Right back at you, baby cakes.”
The moment my hand slips into his and he helps me out, a tidal wave of people shouting my name crashes over me, leaving me stunned.
Holy crap.
I didn’t think I was that well-known.
With every camera flash and every shout of my name, confidence surges through me. My cheeks ache from a smile that refuses to fade.
I throw an exuberant wave to the crowd, then spin back to the limo, reaching out for Everleigh.
Even though no one knows her name, the crowd erupts as she glides out.
She lets out a husky laugh, striking poses for the cameras and waving like a star. The paparazzi catch the sultry glance she throws their way, and the crowd’s wolf whistles send a ripple of amusement through me.
They can’t get enough of her, and I secretly hope Grimm stumbles across these photos. Since he never shows up at events like this, I might just have to swipe his number from Everleigh’s phone and send him a few myself.
So he can see what he’s missing and all that.
After the surprise of signing a few autographs, we strike more poses for the paps.
Titan gets sly, his hand drifting to my hip, fingers hovering near one of the dress slits.
He’s clearly hoping Alek will see them and get jealous, but I know Alek won’t even be looking for them.
I make sure the cameras catch me, Everleigh, and the three of us together before we finally head inside to hunt for our seats.
We greet people as we go, some familiar, others strangers, but everyone is warm and welcoming.
Right as we’re about to sit beside Blue and the rest of Paradox of You, I spot Alabama and Zed from A to Z a few rows back. Alabama grins and gives me a playful finger wave.
I mirror her wave, fighting the urge to fangirl out loud.
Must act like a professional.
That reminder nudges me to focus on why I’m really here tonight.
Blue’s eyes twinkle as she smiles, her Monroe piercing winking at me in the light. “Can you believe this shit?”
I laugh, wrapping one arm around her in a small hug. “This is wild.”
“I can show you wild later, love,” a deep, whiskey-smooth voice says, drawing my eyes towards her drummer, Bowie.
Blue shoots him a sharp look before glancing back at me. Her smile is a bit tighter, and pain flashes briefly in her eyes before they empty. “Don’t mind him. He’s liable to give you chlamydia if you take a ride on that train.”
Damn. Shots have been fired.
The rest of the band glance at Blue, their faces flickering with longing, guilt, love, and regret.
As much as I want to know their story, I have enough drama of my own, so I just shake my head.
“I heard he’s got no rhythm and can’t please a crowd to save his life,” I tease, grinning as she catches the double meaning and throws her lime green hair back in laughter.
“Never met a woman who’d turn away Bowie’s charm,” she says as we take our seats.
I shrug. “I’ve had enough trouble with pretty boys.”
Our eyes meet, a silent understanding of the ache that lingers between us, before we shift our focus to the figures ascending the stage.
Paradox of You wins Song of the Year for Not Your Just Because, and as they take the stage, I can’t help but shout my congratulations above the noise.
Blue flashes me a quick wink before launching into their acceptance speech.
A dull ache settles in my chest as thoughts of Alek surface.
Wouldn’t this moment shine brighter if I could share it with him?
Titan’s fingers drum against my knee just as my name is announced for Songwriter of the Year.
Holy shit.
Holy freaking shit, I actually won.
Being nominated felt like a dream, but winning? That’s something else entirely.
Tears blur my vision as Titan, Everleigh, and every member of Paradox of You pull me into tight hugs before I head for the stage.
I grip the glass trophy, its weight grounding me as I stand behind the podium.
“Thanks for this,” I start awkwardly, waving the trophy in the air.
The crowd titters, and I pull in a deep breath.
“This has been a dream of mine since the moment I started putting my words to paper. When I wrote Not Your Just Because, I was in a dark place and was searching for a way to bleed the pain from inside me.” I let out a low laugh.
“Everyone knows the pain of heartbreak produces the best lyrics.” The crowd murmurs their agreement, and I continue.
“So, I cut myself open and drained the agony living inside me. I never planned on sharing it with the world. Why would anyone want people to bear witness to their misery?” My eyes find Everleigh’s, and I smile.
“But then my best friend encouraged me, telling me it’d be a disgrace not to share the song with the world.
She believed there would be people who needed to hear what I had to say.
” This time, I find Blue in the crowd. “I’m not a singer.
It’s not something I’m comfortable with or ever wanted to do, so when I chose to sell, I began making a list of people who could do my words justice.
There were so many of you who made that list. However, Paradox of You had the tone I envisioned for the song, so I contacted Blue and Lynx about it.
They sent me a demo of them singing it, and I knew I’d made the right choice by sharing my pain with the band.
So, my biggest thanks go to you, Everleigh, for encouraging me to share.
I probably never would have without you.
Blue, Lynx, Ziggy, Fender, Bowie, Jethro, and Presley—thank you all for allowing me to have input on the track so we could make sure it’d be the hit we all knew it would be.
” I smile widely at the crowd. “And a hit it has been. Number one on the Indie-Rock charts six weeks in a row. Thank you to everyone who voted, listened, and loved Paradox of You and their song Not Your Just Because.”
As the crowd’s roar washes over me, tears threaten to spill. Just as I turn to leave, a mischievous idea sparks, and I dart back to the mic.
“Oh, and thank you to the person behind the reason for the lyrics. Without you being an insufferable dick, I wouldn’t have had the inspiration to write Paradox of You a number one hit.”
I stride off the stage, head held high and a grin lighting up my face.
But then, someone catches my eye.
I stumble, my eyes frantically searching through the pile of bodies for Alek.
He was just right there.
Right?
The crowd engulfs me, and I can’t help but let out a rueful laugh.
He doesn’t even know this part of my life.