Chapter Thirteen
Present Day
I woke up at 11pm. Theo was fast asleep. I changed into Pyjamas and then pulled my laptop out of my suitcase.
Sometimes I woke up in the middle of the night, unable to sleep. My therapist had said it was because my parents had died at night and I was preemptively terrified of something happening to someone else I loved. Waking up to bad news was never welcomed, and my brain was trying to help me avoid it.
It hadn’t happened in some time, but when it did I’d do whatever I did when I needed an outlet. I wrote.
I opened a new document and titled it.
The Things I learned at the Wedding.
It’s okay to take up space
Theo knows the words to “Bitch”
Great sex is actually a thing.
I think it’s more than a crush now.
I stared at the last one. Terrified by what it meant.
I was almost sure that Theo wasn’t ready to settle.
I’d seen his facebook, the hundreds of photos he’d posted on random nights out all around the world.
Girls sitting on him, kissing him. Loving Theo was easy, he’d been like family my entire life.
Being in love with him was something entirely different and it sounded a lot like signing up to get my heart broken.
I closed my laptop and climbed back into bed. Theo’s arm snaked around my waist and he buried his head into the back of my neck.
“You okay baby.”
My heart melted at the term of endearment. “Yeah, goodnight.”
I dreamt about summer camp that night, just after graduation.
Late September 2015
I didn’t feel different.
The movies all made it seem like this big thing, like sex was passionate and loving and giving yourself to someone was special.
I just felt… meh.
Christopher had held me, and the only thing I could think was. “How long do I have to stay here?”
I broke up with him a week later, which he seemed happy with. I’d only had sex to get it out of the way before college, but now, I wasn’t sure I’d want to do it again.
“Are you swimming?” Sloane called out from the lake.
I looked over, summer was winding down and the lake was empty. I nodded and stripped off my cover up before walking down to the water. Jasper had gone home a few days ago and same as she always did, Sloane became a little more clingy to me.
I hadn’t told her about Christopher yet.
“So, you never said why you and Christopher broke up. I mean, I’m glad you did. You should have after Prom in my opinion.”
I shrugged and dipped under the water. When I resurfaced she looked at me and then tilted her head.
“You had sex didn’t you?”
I felt the blood drain from my face. Was it that obvious? Could she tell just by looking at me? I may not have felt different, but maybe I looked it. Could Theo tell?
“Sloane.” I hissed.
Her eyes grew wide and she shouted “OMG you DID IT!”
I splashed her hard and then looked around to make sure at the very least my parents were not in earshot. They weren’t but someone else was.
Theo.
He was walking down to the lake, looking like a Greek god carved from stone. He looked at me for a minute before darting his eyes away.
“I heard nothing.” He said with a shrug before diving into the water and swimming off.