6. Benji #2
For an hour past my usual bedtime, I tossed and turned, each position more uncomfortable than the last, until I gave up and propped myself against the wall, scrolling through adult-rated images with huge boobs and big dicks.
A wank always calmed me down. My hand slipped under my boxer's waistband, fumbling around for a few minutes, but I didn’t even get hard.
I threw my phone on the mattress, got up, and paced my room—each step hurting like I was walking on glass—opened the window, breathed in the hot night air, got thirsty from said air, trudged quietly into the kitchen, poured myself a glass of tap water, but even that didn’t help.
When I got back into bed, I forced myself to stay there until sleep would come, and it almost worked. I dozed off—only to wake up again needing to use the bathroom, which I did. Then back to bed. Then repeat. Until, eventually, after two hours or so, sleep won.
Shadows chased me in my dreams. I screamed at people I didn’t know. I ran without knowing why. Every man tried to catch me. Every woman yelled. And I wailed, loud but unheard: it’s not my fault.
Dad’s knock on my door yanked me awake. My chest heaved from screaming without using my voice. My legs ached from running without leaving my bed. I gasped for air, but I had only a minute now. The sun was already kissing the wheat stalks behind the house. It was time to go.
I dressed in silence. Kept my mouth shut even when Dad muttered that his car keys should be on the coffee table, not in the bowl by the door. The only words I managed were a quiet “ Thank you ” when Mom handed me the usual lunch sandwich.
On the drive to work, the radio pissed me off. Every song. Every word. Every stupid commercial. I shut it off. The hum of the motor became a surprisingly grounding sound, which, unfortunately, decluttered my thoughts to an unpleasant degree.
Just thinking about Sam made every muscle in my body tense.
If that damn guy had just been honest with me, I wouldn’t have felt forced to do what I did, second-guessing everything because I lowered myself to do something I would’ve despised if I had watched anyone else doing it.
He and I could have had a chance to become something—cherished colleagues, allies, maybe even friends.
My fingertips clenched the wheel as a guttural, primal cry tore out of my throat, loud enough to deafen everyone within a hundred feet. For a minute, there was just the empty road and a scream that felt like it could rip my insides to shreds. But I stopped, panting, before it split me apart.
This was no one’s fault but mine. I could’ve listened and learned more about Sam before making assumptions based on half-truths and rumors. Instead, I gave in to the rage. Classic me. And now I had to live with that.
As the farmhouse came into view, I pulled off onto the gravel shoulder, bringing the car to a short halt to shove the necklace deep into my pants pocket. I had started this prank; I had to finish it now, if I wanted it to stay consequenceless.
I rolled back onto the road as if nothing had happened, and twenty seconds later, turned into the parking lot.
Except for a bike strapped to a rack in front of the store, the place was abnormally empty.
I drove around the building to the back lot, and the first thing I saw made my heart clench.
Sam sat on a white plastic chair in front of the barn.
Grace handed him a water bottle, and he chugged it like it was the last water on earth.
Pretending not to watch, I parked. Grace looked daggers at me, pivoted, and marched over. Gulping, I turned off the engine and opened my door when Grace yanked open the passenger side and slid in.
“Close your door,” she bellowed.
I hesitated, taking one breath of farm air before I obeyed, closing it quietly enough not to attract Sam’s attention but hard enough to make the seats shake.
“I don’t know if what Sam just told me is true,” Grace snapped. “But since you and my stupid little brother were involved, I doubt that you had any good intentions.”
“What are you talking about?” I kept my voice low, sticking to the plan.
“You tell me.” Grace’s stare sliced through me with the force of a matriarch in the making.
My blood turned to ice. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but something was completely off. I glanced at my hands, resting on my pants pockets as if they were ready to confess everything on their own.
“Yesterday, Gordy noticed my necklace was missing. Sam offered to help me look for it. When I had to leave, he said he’d stay a little longer. That’s all.” I looked at Grace. “I don’t know why that’s a problem.”
Grace’s glare didn’t budge.
“How long do you think Sam stayed out looking for the necklace—that he still hasn’t found, by the way.”
“I don’t know. Thirty minutes?”
“He searched all night .” Her mouth trembled, but I couldn’t tell if it was rage, tears, or the urge to punch me.
“Who in their right mind would look for a necklace all night?” I chuckled, my brain taking too long to realize that if it was true, it was the most reckless thing he could’ve done.
Not only was it irresponsible to stay up all night before planning to work this demanding job, but the orchard itself could be dangerous in the dark—plenty of things to trip over with no one around to help if you hit your head the wrong way.
“That’s what I asked him when I drove past the orchard half an hour ago and saw him wandering around like a zombie.”
If Sam’s looking all night hadn’t been so foolish, I would’ve felt flattered that someone would do something so selfless for me. But the reality of this was more of a gut punch, adding to my already guilty conscience.
“Fuck,” I groaned, running my hand over my face.
“Yeah, fuck, ” Grace echoed, slumping into the backrest.
For a moment, we both sat there in silence, staring at Sam, who clutched the water bottle as if his life depended on it, his head tipped against the wall, his eyes already sliding shut from exhaustion.
“I didn’t mean... I didn’t expect him to stay that long,” I stammered. My voice cracked. My chest quivered. The prank was supposed to go unnoticed, harmless, except for some wasted time. But this... this was just wrong.
I buried my face in my hands. “I’ll make it up to him. And the farm. I... I swear.”
“Just tell me one thing.” Grace’s voice dropped, sharp as a knife. “Did you lose the necklace?”
Her eyes lingered on me, piercing through my skin to get to the very bottom of my soul. Lying now was just as dangerous as telling the truth. I opened my mouth. Closed it. Opened it again, my lower lip trembling.
“...I didn’t.”
Grace sighed and grabbed the door handle. My hand jerked toward her on instinct, stopping just short of her shoulder.
“I know it was wrong,” I blurted out.
She glanced at my hand, then at my face. “Do you?”
“I know you don’t like me. I know anything I say sounds hollow now. But I swear... I didn’t think it’d turn out like this. I... I know it was stupid. And I’ll fix it.”
My voice wobbled. My breath frayed. My hands wouldn’t stop shaking.
“You should start using that brain of yours sometimes. If I were you, I wouldn’t jeopardize the job that your mom’s literal life depends on.
You’re lucky that my father isn’t here right now.
” Her eyes flicked toward Sam. “And you’re even luckier that this idiot must’ve either fallen on his head or in love with you—because he’s genuinely worried about you and your mom.
” She opened the door. “I won’t tell Dad.
For now. But I’m holding you to your word. Not for your sake, but for Sam’s.”
She stepped out. I expected her to slam the door, but instead, she closed it calmly and walked back toward Sam, who had dozed off in the chair.
My eyes locked on him and stayed there. Why the hell did he go to such great lengths to help me—me, whom he had already been warned not to trust, at least by his mom, probably along with half the town?
Was he really that grateful for my instructions?
I haven’t even done that much. I only told him the basics anyone should know.
Whatever his reasons, spending the entire night made one thing clear: his intentions were genuine. And I had spent so much time furious at being misjudged by everyone, only to realize now I’d done the same thing to Sam. My chest swelled. I was just like the people I despised.
But that was going to end now.
I grabbed my lunch from the backseat and climbed out of the car.
With a quick step, I made my way over to them, catching Sam as he yanked his eyes open, looking even more tired than before.
He turned his head, and when his gaze landed on me, he stood up, his eyes wide as if he was bracing himself to deliver bad news.
“I’m so sorry,” Sam uttered, tucking his hands under his armpits like a panicked armadillo. “I gave it my best, but—but... I didn’t find it.”
Under Grace’s watchful eyes, I stopped in front of him and opened my mouth, but instead of words tumbling out, my mouth just hung open for a moment, silence filling where an apology or explanation should’ve been.
My fingers clenched around the sandwich until the foil crackled.
I looked down at it... and knew what to do.
“Have you even eaten anything since yesterday afternoon?”
“What?” Sam’s hands reached further into his armpits before they slipped down, limp at his sides.
“Grace told me you were dumb enough to wander the Orchard all night. You must be starving.” I thrust the sandwich toward him.
“Oh... no, it’s fine?—”
“Take the damn sandwich,” I grumbled. “It’s the least I can do.”
“But I didn’t find the necklace.”
“Doesn’t matter. Now take it before I can’t hold myself back anymore and yell at you for risking your life for me.”