Chapter 17
They’d slept together a few times and, according to Sienna at least, each time, more tenderness had crept into the act. Still, Sienna’s dreams of scratching deeper at the surface of Justine’s armor had not yet come true. Until now, apparently.
“I’m sorry about being such a blubbering mess.” Justine sounded nervous and unlike her usual self. “This fucking movie.”
“Here.” Sienna handed her a bottle of water and let her fingers linger on Justine’s. Obviously, she was shaken by the scene she’d just witnessed, which, in Sienna’s view, was perfectly normal—and also a little flattering. “It might be difficult and strange, but I’m glad you’re here.”
“Are you?” There was the first half-smile of the day. “Is it not weird for you to have Rochelle and me watching you?”
“It’s not weird.” Sienna took a step closer. “It’s special.”
“Special, huh?” Justine’s face softened. With her eyes red and her face covered in streaks from crying, she looked more vulnerable than Sienna had ever seen her.
“ Very special.” Sienna took another step closer so that Justine was backed against the door of the trailer. She hadn’t told anyone on set about her dalliance with Justine—it was nobody’s business. “Just as it is a real privilege to see the great Justine Blackburn like this.”
“Like what? A blubbering mess?” Justine huffed out some air. “Best not get used to it, because it won’t happen again.”
It drove Sienna crazy when Justine spoke in absolutes like that, when she went all brazen and arrogant and was very likely to overplay her hand. Because surely Justine hadn’t expected to burst into tears when planning her visit to the set today, yet here she was. Sienna couldn’t get enough of it. She loved the soft Justine that she so expertly, so stubbornly, hid beneath her tough as nails exterior.
“Sure.” Careful not to mess up her hair too much, Sienna kissed the side of Justine’s neck. “Do you want to come over tonight?”
“I thought you didn’t have the emotional bandwidth for that at the beginning of a shoot.”
Justine was melting under Sienna’s touch already.
“Just the first couple of days and besides, now I’m thinking it might be helpful to spend time with you.” Sienna kissed her way up, until her lips reached Justine’s.
“Well then, if I can be of help.” Justine didn’t even pretend to be busy. “I don’t really want to be alone tonight.”
“I’m looking forward to it already.” Sienna was about to press her lips to Justine’s, when her phone rang. She checked the screen. “It’s my dad,” she said, wondering what he wanted. He’d probably forgotten she was shooting.
“Please, don’t keep the best donor the Rainbow Shelter has had in a long time waiting,” Justine said, sounding deadly serious.
Sienna took the call.
“Hey, Doll. Surprise. I’m here. At the studio. Which soundstage are you on?”
“What do you mean you’re here?”
“Surprise set visit from your old man. I figured you wouldn’t let me if I told you in advance.” Typical Bobby. “Also, I’ve been looking into the Rainbow Shelter after I talked to Justine Blackburn, and I find myself fascinated.” Wow. Bobby Bright fascinated by something else other than his own navel. Still, to hear her father say that about Justine made Sienna’s stomach flutter. “Is it okay if I visit? I’m here now, so I might as well.”
In theory, Sienna could say no, yet she didn’t—for many reasons. She told her dad where he could find her and hung up.
“Surprise. Daddy’s here.”
“Really?” Justine’s face lit up. “I’d love to meet Bobby. He and I had a wonderful conversation when I called to thank him for his generous donation.”
“I bet you did.” Her father was nothing if not extremely charming—and Justine was clearly under the influence of the money he’d given to the shelter. “He doesn’t know about…” Sienna waved her hand about aimlessly. “This. About us.”
“Of course.” Justine pulled Sienna back toward her. “I will most certainly not be the one to tell Bobby Bright about that,” she said before exiting Sienna’s trailer without having properly kissed her.
Sienna had long ago accepted that her father was not cut out for parenting. While her mother excelled at presence, patience, and unconditional love, her father had tried to be the fun dad. Both Sienna and Taissa had seen through that act soon enough and they’d learned that, for Bobby Bright, no other person—not even his kids—could ever be more important than himself.
Whenever Sienna was with her dad, he was generous with his affection—as generous as with his money—but the thing about affection was that, if it wasn’t backed up by time willingly spent together, by shared memories that came naturally when someone raised you, it felt a little off. And with Bobby, also quite performative at times.
So Sienna accepted his hug and she had no problem smiling through the unnecessary introductions she made—everyone knew who Bobby Bright was—and the inevitable fawning from people in the presence of her dad, as if being a movie star automatically made you the best person in the world.
Even Mimi, who had never struck Sienna as someone easily impressed by the phony allure of fame, seemed pulled in by her father’s magnetism.
Both Rochelle and Justine were all over him, tripping over themselves to thank him for his generous donation to the shelter. Sienna’s father had a way with ladies of all persuasions and he had Rochelle and Justine snickering at his lame dad jokes in no time.
Sienna had become used to sharing her father with everyone everywhere they went. He was the kind of man with such a giant hole in his soul, he could never get enough attention. He was the life and soul of the party. The center of gravity in every room he walked into. And that afternoon on the Gimme Shelter set, he was the person everything suddenly revolved around.
“You can take away all his money,” Sienna’s mother had once said about her father, “but don’t ever take away his fame. He’s addicted to it. He feeds off it. He’s nothing without it.”
Sienna could understand how constantly being treated better than anyone else was easy to get used to, but she didn’t want to become like her dad. To her, fame was the least appealing side-effect of being an actor, although it hadn’t stopped her from becoming one.
“I had to come see my girl,” Bobby exclaimed to the group of people in a circle around him as though he was some sort of guru. Everyone on this set worked in movies, and you’d think they’d be immune to an old movie star’s impromptu visit, but it was the star power of Bobby Bright that clearly no one was. Not even Justine.
“Come here, Doll.” Her dad beckoned her toward him.
Sienna dutifully obliged, out of habit and also because she knew he wouldn’t stay very long, and there was no use making a scene, either way.
Bobby threw his arm around Sienna’s shoulders. “I’m so proud of you for doing this movie.” He pointed at Rochelle. “You have big shoes to fill.” Then he turned to Justine. “I’m in awe of both of you. You’re such powerhouses.”
On surface level, it all sounded wonderful. After her dad left, everyone would be talking about how friendly and accessible and ‘normal’ he was. About what an utterly good guy Bobby Bright was. It wasn’t even a facade, because this was what her dad was genuinely like. Warm-for-now but his attention always fleeting. He’d keep you simmering in the flame of his awareness just long enough to make you feel good, and then withdraw. Or just disappear for a few months. It was all Sienna had ever known. As though, throughout her life, she’d only ever caught glimpses of him. And sure, she could call him and ask him to donate money to a queer homeless shelter and he would do it without thinking about it—and to some, that must be a lot—but that was, in reality, about the extent of their father-daughter relationship.
Bobby turning up like this on set out of the blue wasn’t for Sienna’s benefit—to be honest, to her it was just a distraction—but for his own. For his ego. For the power he felt when he walked into any movie studio. For the gazes he drew, the whispers, and the endless admiration. Bobby Bright lapped it up like a puppy whose thirst could never be quenched—and it couldn’t.
Sienna went through the motions, indulging her dad as everyone else did—she’d long given up on calling him out on his behavior. As her therapist had said back when she was trying to come to terms with the kind of person her father was, “Use your precious energy on other people. On people who make you genuinely happy.” That’s exactly what Sienna did.
After the whirlwind of Bobby Bright stopping by had passed, Sienna took a moment to herself in her trailer. Her next call time was fifteen minutes away. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. She’d call her sister later to vent. Taissa always understood.
There was a knock at the door. Instantly, Sienna hoped it would be Justine, because Justine made her feel better about everything. She might as well admit to herself that she had a crush on Justine Blackburn, despite Justine’s ridiculous fawning over her dad.
“Come in,” Sienna said.
“Hey.” Rochelle appeared in the doorframe. “Just checking in with you and, well, letting you know that Justine left.”
Sienna’s eyes widened. “She left?”
“Something with Ashleigh at the shelter.” Rochelle smiled apologetically. “Can I come in?”
“Of course.” Sienna had met Ashleigh last week and she’d seemed to be doing quite well at the time, but of course, just like when they met her dad, people put up a front when they met Sienna—she knew that much. Nevertheless, Justine could have taken the time to say goodbye to her. Sienna motioned for Rochelle to sit.
“Between us,” Rochelle said, “it’s not easy for Justine to be here. To be confronted with her past in such a vivid manner. It’s doing a bit of a number on her.”
“She still could have said goodbye before leaving,” Sienna said.
“Absolutely, but…”
“That’s Justine,” Sienna said, even though she was starting to get sick of that phrase already—that catch-all non-excuse for Justine’s occasional rude behavior.
“I know that, um, you and she are still hooking up,” Rochelle said. “Justine doesn’t talk about it, but it’s written all over her face.”
“Yeah.” Sienna studied Rochelle. “I find it quite hard to stay away from her.” Her lips tilted into a silly grin.
“You do you, but… don’t let her walk all over you. That’s all I’m saying.”
“It’s not like that.” Sienna didn’t get the impression that Justine was walking all over her. On the contrary.
“Good.” Rochelle looked Sienna in the eye. “Call her out on her bullshit, then. She needs it sometimes and she can take it.” She held up her hands. “That’s all I’m going to say about it.”
Rochelle was not someone whose advice Sienna should ignore. Rochelle knew Justine better than anyone.
Just as the call came for the next scene, Sienna received a text from Justine:
Sorry I had to leave. I hope we’re still on for tonight. Can’t wait. xo